winniethepooh11062003 - Tumblr blog

[winniethepooh11062003]

day 0

my mind has been riveted over our rather delightful experience today; it's been making me wonder and feel good about us. i have hope for us, slut. there's a passion that pulls us close, and it's presence just cant be denied. its too obvious. im in an extremely depressive state right now, slut. its so hard. how will i be able to not text and communicate? its gunna take a huge toll on me. but look at the bright side, the things we'd get to do. we can reflect on how far we've come and what we mean to each other, which is quite wholesome in my honest opinion. and when we're unable to communicate, our brain reminds us of the value and the need to stick together. im positively convinced that we'll be able to crave each other's presence, think about all our good times and reminisce. of course, its gunna be very hard slut. i will breakdown, curse these circumstances and lash out. but in my heart, you'll be of great value, and i treasure you. i dont think of you as a regular person, who just needs attention; youre much more. i want to spend my time getting to know you, understanding how your awesome mind works. slut, theres something very special about you, and i think its because i see myself in you. talented, but you find it hard to express it. for example, your singing. i can say, right off the bat that your voice is perfect for singing and performance. i've been to so many recitals, ive been associated with music for over 5 years now, and i know when there's talent or hard work involved. youre skilled, and just tuning a few aspects will get you places. see, i knew you were smart from our first conversation. you had self-respect. and i think thats very admirable. you were a tough nut to crack; i mean, i had to work to earn your favour. and i enjoyed every bit. i do not regret it, and im positive ill never regret it. enough of praising you now, ill get back to what i was trying to convey.

so slut, as we can see, we matter to each other. we're a healthy match. we fight, we make up, we sleep in peace. and i think thats one gift we've been blessed with. our energies match slut.

[winniethepooh11062003]

6 april khat advice

my dear khat is quite mad at me today. i made her feel bad yesterday, and i really shouldn't have. i hope my dear slut forgives me. im sorry for overwhelming him. i know i shouldve been supporting him, but i panicked. and i regret being so harsh. khat has gone to eat breakfast. i think dosa. and i kept thinking about him from 3:30. woke up in a pool of cold sweat, the guilt and the remorse i felt choked me. i couldn't even move. i was caught in a web of my own bones, suffocating. i really wish i didnt project my anger on him. now he's hurt. i tried doing some research for his situation test. apparently you get three options, limited materials, and around 2.5 hours to complete it. ive read answers on quora and they all say to do the write up in the last 40 minutes. and they suggest to process the options and pick the best one, and think about it for 5 minutes. i know my slut will ace it. i hope she practices properly and gets into nift. god, i wish i could turn back time. and since you feel so bad, here's a little secret; no one is perfect. there are people who mess things up even more than you can even imagine. im not disregarding your sadness and state of worry, but khat, idhellam nadakradhu dhaan. you'll get used to it. trust me. nee idha manasula vechitae irundha your ability to do other things will diminish. leave it in the past. treat it as a mistake, learn from it, vow to never repeat it again. it takes time. nothing is perfect. do not think its easy. but it isn't unattainable. forgive yourself, and tell me how you feel about it. you will feel great.

[winniethepooh11062003]

SUPPP

heyyyyy sluuuutttt, how are you??

lets memorialise this day in history, cause it was fucking beautiful

[winniethepooh11062003]

Hey, sorry, switched devices. Yeah, so, slut, question: were you preparing to leave before that day itself? I’m confused because I thought it would take a lot to piss you off?

Even then, that’s a valid reason for you to leave; if someone’s being a child, it’s best to let them grow the fuck up. So that isn’t your fault. Yeah, I feel like a loser. Every time I fight with you, I feel like a loser. And yeah, I’ve also lost something. So that makes me a rightful loser. I just feel like there’s a very slim chance that you’d even let me next to you. All I ask is for five minutes of spirited conversation and then, I’ll let you be. I just want to explain and apologize, but I don’t think you’ll let me.

Slut, all those good memories. Hey you know, I feel like one of those demons they talk about, one that isn’t good for you, and keeps pestering to take you back.

But that isn’t the case with everyone. Heck, if someone else went, i wouldn’t give a damn. But this time it’s too major. Slut, I see you smiling in school a lot. And that makes me happy. But I don’t think you’ll let me say things to you. You’re done with me, aren’t you? You’re never coming back? I probably won’t recover from this, but maybe it’s good for you. Yeah, so I’ll try leaving you alone. Not because I don’t care, but because I suck.

I’ve been begging for a conversation, but you never look me in the face, and you just walk away. That hurts. Everything hurts. Sorry, bye.

[winniethepooh11062003]

7:34 am

Hey, good morning. I woke up at 7:18 and I got ready. What are you doing?

I think you'll wash your hair today, cause you strike me as someone who washes their hair on Wednesday. Also, I like your curls, they look very nice.

Slut, it feels like someone has just sort of brandished your face in my mind. You're always on there. I keep apologising a million times under my breath. It's like a trance of some sort.

Slut, I just wanted to ask, is one bad memory enough to make you stop talking to me? I think we've had many good ones, and I just hope this doesn't go on forever. Slut, you and I agreed that it was a forever thing. You left. I'm following. I feel defeated. I feel angry that I've been such an ass. I feel like this had been a long time coming.

Slut, I don't know/understand the state of mind you were in when you decided to give up, but I just hope you forgive me. Like for real.

[winniethepooh11062003]

03:30 am

Woke up, and the first thing that I think about is you. There’s a lot of things I’m going to write here, and I think I want you to read them all. One by one.

It’s 3:30 in the morning, Wednesday. I don’t want to come to school today. You made coming to school such a joy. For real. I used to look forward to our conversations and laughs. Wow slut, I really really miss those days.

And I’ve been listening to music you like, and right now, I’m listening to those songs I showed you during Impact. That was the first time we’ve ever had actual contact, and I remember every detail in clear detail.

I cried myself to sleep last night. As a matter of fact, I cried a lot yesterday. Tried studying, working out, eating, everything possible, couldn’t take my mind off you. I know an apology was long overdue. But I’m sorry. I really am.

Slut, there’s a lot I’ve been thinking these few days. And they’ve all got you in it.

Suffocated, lost; these are words that only partially describe how I feel when my best friend doesn’t talk to me and doesn’t even look me in the eye anymore. You know that feeling when you realise something major is missing from your life? I’ve that feeling right now, and a lot of it.

Slut, seriously, think about this, when I tell you that you’re my best friend and the best one I’ve ever had, and I’d hold on to you for dear life, I’m not lying. I don’t think I’d lie about those things. I just feel the same.

Slut, I don’t remember if I called you a bad influence, but it’s stupid. If anyone is a bad influence, it’s me. I taught you cuss words, deep throat nonsense and whatnot, and I’ve been so abusive and difficult. I wish someone would just punch me in the face something, break all my 28 teeth.

Slut, what are you doing now? Sleeping? Okay slut, I can see you in my head now. Eyes welling up. Been up like a maniac since 3. First thing on my mind is you.

Also, slut, when I said I might switch on you in college, that’s bullshit. I said that cause of a fucked up ego, that I’ve consciously worked to change out. I think I’ve got a little more mature now, I’m not lying; I really see change.

Slut, come here with your cycle. I wanna talk to you in the dark. And watch the sun come up. I’m sad we don’t do that anymore. Also, I saw your mouth today. So cute. You look younger. Like the pictures you sent me.

You’ve lost a lot of weight, and your jawline is so good. I’ve done the opposite.

Also, slut, if you recall, I said I wanted to make a million memories with you. I still want to. So badly. Slut I’m convinced that you’re the best. There’s enough evidence and more than that. It hurtssssss. Slut I can’t stand that you won’t see my face.

I don’t know slut, how hard was it? Because I would fail if I took on this mission to ignore you. Slut, I know I’ve hurt you really bad this time, because you’re still mad at me.

I’ve bought you a book, and I want to give it to you sometime. It’s a Jhumpa Lahiri book. I just wanted to introduce you to a new type of person.

I’m shivering now. I’m terrified. What if you never talk to me ever again? What if we can never have the chance to make memories again? When you told me you’d pick me over K, I was devastated. I really didn’t think you liked me that much. But I can say without a doubt, that I’d choose you over anyone else for sure. No hesitation. That’s what you mean to me.

Slutttt, I miss you so much. Remember that drive? Slut, thinking about it makes me so nostalgic. Slut, can we go back in time? Like is it actually possible? Because I’d go back to that first day. Sliding that desk across the room. You looking at me and thinking I’m a clown. I’d give anything for you to just look at me again. And I’d relive those moments, make sure we’re fine.

Slutt, it’s really my fault. I’m not being sarcastic. And you’re not a bad influence, what can I say sluttttttt? What can I do to make things right? I suck. I don’t deserve you. God, I thank all these circumstances that got me closer to you. Every single factor. Slut, even before I’ve seen you, I’ve felt something for you. It’s that feeling when you know you’ve got to know someone so badly. Slut, I’m not letting my ego get between us ever again. So I just want you to talk to me. Please.

Boards are in a few months. After that, we won’t be in school again. Slut, what if you forget me after school? Slut, I don’t want you to go. I’m scared. I don’t want that to happen. Slut, we’re running out of time. I thought of talking to my mother and asking her to call your mother. But I didn’t want to force you to talk to me.

Slut I was the only person between us who was so possessive and jealous. I’ve noticed that quite often. But my ego never let me see it. Such a child slut.

I call you Ruj in my head, and slut everywhere else. Slut, you’re a permanent memory. You’ll always be someone I’ve got great admiration for. I hope you make it big, and well. Like I hope you get your pilot license, become the best designer to ever exist, and what not. I really hope you get ahead in life and become the best in your fields of interest.

Slut, I don’t want to feel hopeless. I just feel like I want some guarantee that we’d forget this and get together.

Ruj, we’ve been friends for so long, and I thought we had an understanding, and many fights along the way, but you drew the line here. No warnings, straight up just cut me out. I know there’s a limit to being a dick, and just because I’ve told you I’m a bad person, doesn’t give me the liberty to be such a cunt.

Ruj, I want to show you that I can change. That I can treat you the right way. I’d be glad if you gave me just one more chance.

17 years of existence. The best wishes I’ve ever got was on my 17th birthday. And I was actually sad the previous night, I thought everyone forgot me. And I wanted Arya to wish me🤮. Your wishes were way more than sufficient. My day was great when I read your email. Slut, I want to make you a promise, that I’ll think and act rationally, rather than being an impulsive and irritable dumbass.

So precious. I’m so ever eternally grateful you’ve been a part of my life, and I really wish you’re a part of my life until the end. Even after that. Slut, I know you might think I’m lying right now, but that isn’t true. These are my thoughts that I’m writing down. They come and go, so I thought of writing them down.

First day the school reopened, I came with hopes that you’d forgive me. But you were already so pissed off. Slut, I’m so sorry. Like I know it’s been my fault this entire time. I’m embarrassed, ashamed.

Slut, I’d choose you over my ego. And I’m serious. Slut, just one chance to make things right. One. And I’ll change my ways.

Slut I keep reading your email and crying. I remember when you said I made you cry when I ghosted you. I’m so sorry. I’m so damn sorry. Slut, do you even miss me one bit?

I don’t want to rip bandages off you. I don’t want to fucking switch on you. I want you. Just you is fine. My life is so fucking empty. I’m sorry. Slut, it makes sense now, what you were talking about in the email happened. You knew this whole time? That I was a dick? And that you’d get away for the better?

Slut, that email wa so passive aggressive it hurt. I felt bad when I read it, but I think that you wishing me in the first place was insanely nice. It’s not fine. What’s fine? No, me turning on you would be a violation of everything I hold dear to me.

I will never change my decision. Slut, I’ve understood your true value now. I mean, I’ve always known, but I just got ignorant in the middle.

Slut, I’m worried about the future. What if we live far away? What if you go to college somewhere else? I won’t get a new best friend and all. That’s for sure. It’s you or no one else. I decided to never get a best friend ever again if it wasn’t you. Slut, I’m asking for nothing else but your forgiveness. I’d be more than happy if you gave it some thought and told me if you want to talk to me. I’m so sorry. I could apologize a million times. But I just want you to know how sorry I am. And what you mean to me. Slut, if you don’t take the book tomorrow or the day after, I’m going to be so hurt. But I deserve to be.

You gave me all your passwords. Wow. Still can’t get over that. I wish I’d shared all of mine too. Life is so empty. My words can’t even describe what’s in my head. Slut, sorry. Mannichiko, ennaku theriyum nee kovamma irruka. If you came back though, I promise, I’ll be an actual best friend to you. Not that I wasn’t this whole time, I’ll treat you like the gem that you are.

I’m glad that our parents know each other. Like there’s a lot in common between us. Slut. Epdi irruka? No really, how are you? I haven’t been able to get through for the longest time. I want to know how you’re doing. Please let me know.

Wow, it’s been an hour.

Slut. I’m sorry for being an abusive and a stupid friend. I swear I’ve changed now, and I want you to look at the new me. Sorry for stealing your peace and fun, and I hope I’m not some kind of parasite. I loved each and every thing we’ve ever done.

Slut, it’s quite true, I started fighting with you most of the time. And I think I’ll cut down, not stop. If you gave me a chance. I love calling you names. Vivek, Khat, Ruj, Slut, Rujithaw, and whatnot. I loved it all. I still love it.

Also, I thought of bringing this up a long long time ago. You see, I tell you to listen to music and watch things etc. but you rarely ever suggest things. Midnight Sky, What Are The Odds are just a few things, and why do you assume I won’t like them? Midnight Sky is really good, and I think I don’t even have to talk about WATO. I loved it. Slut, I know this feeling. This feeling of emptiness, and I think the dead morning vibe adds to it. Slut I miss you. And I pray and hope that you come back.

Stud really loves and misses you. And so does Dobby. Dobby doesn’t lie about that.

Good morning slut, I hope you have an awesome day today. And I miss you, love you, and wish I could make things right. Bye for now.