winterjoy211 - Tumblr blog

[winterjoy211]

im firmly of the belief that batmans cape is just a hotspot for batkids, in the same way as if you touched a spider and a load of mini spiders just erupt from nowhere and you go WTF?? thats batman.

he goes somewhere on a regular justice league mission and then by the end hes just like "alright time to go to the batcave" and suddenly 6 fully grown adults and a child pop out and are like "can we get batburger on the way" and every jl member loses their shit

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My fave habit to headcanon is Dick pulling on the ears of the Batman suit. Like, it's something he started as a kid, when he often landed on Bruce's shoulders, so he could get the man's attention and he just kept doing it. And then I imagine newly recruited Justice League member Nightwing tugging on Batman's cowl ears to get his attention for something and everyone just staring bug eyed at why Batman isn't exploding at the disrespect (bar the few that knew Dick when he was still an excitable kid, those are suddenly hit by the fact that that kid is all grown up now) (not B, though, whenever Dick does it, he just gets hit by a wave of fondness and nostalgia, bc it doesn't matter how much time passes, Dick is still his kid, his baby).

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“people in the JL hate Batman because he’s so strict” nah. people in the JL hate Batman because all of their sidekicks wanna hang out and train with the batfamily and come home asking questions like “so when are you going to get a plane?” and “why don’t you know how to do [complex judo move]?”

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You know what I need more of? The Batkids completely fucking with the Justice League and their rogues and coming up with stories for their existence.

Like I am talking about the creation of demigods sort of stories, like Loki sort of stories.

Duke has convinced all of Gotham that he's the Bat Signal brought to life and that's why he's never seen at night and why the signal literally doesn't work during the day. He's waiting giddily for the story to spread outside of the city.

The batkids have convinced half the League that Nightwing is quite literally Batman's lovechild with Justice. Hey, Constantine had a one night stand with the manifestation of a city and they've dealt with gods before, so surely it's not that surprising? Right???

I need more of the Batkids being little shits, of Alfred the-greatest-enabler Pennyworth backing them up and Bat(the-biggest-troll)man to never confirm the stories, but he doesn't deny them either.

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Love when the Justice League thinks Batman is a cryptid. This believe is only further enhanced by the face his sidekick, Robin, is clearly a shapeshifter, what with changing their height, hair style, skin tone, and even gender.

Batman clearly thinks that by having Robin look different every couple of years, it will show that they aren't cryptids like it would if Robin didn't age.

But the Justice League is too smart for that. They figured it out! But they are good friends (colleagues) and won't spill Batman's secret, but they will drop hints to him that they know, to show that they are smarter than he gives them credit for (they aren't.)

-

When the batkids learn that the league thinks this, they start periodically going to the Watchtower with Bruce, taking turns dressed up as Robin.

The League is surprised as Robin seems to prefer taking the form of a child, perhaps to have villains underestimate them? But they just assume Robin is trying out something new.

The batkids definitely tell eachother about what was said/happened as to further sell the act of Robin being a shapeshifter, because clearly it has to be the same person, Robin knows what happened, so it couldn't of been someone else dressed as Robin.

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Ok but the Justice League kidnapping Duke, bc he seems like a good kid and they don't want him to get banished by Batman for being a meta, so they can train him and set him loose in another city. Meanwhile, Duke is unsure if he should tell them that Batman is cool with him being in the city and also his foster dad, but also not wanting to be rude or make the League feel bad (bc they're the League and he's a fanboy), so he just lets them. Until an angry Batman comes to collect his kid and the Justice League gets whiplash bc what do you mean this guy is allowed to be meta in your city? And B is just like: my child priviledges f u.

(Duke totally gets the number one spot on the coolest kidnapping leaderboard).

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I have such a soft spot for the JL forming while the Batfam is alredy big and out there, like I mean Bruce being like 39 and Dick already 27 kind of vibes. Especially if the JL has no clue abt them, it's just so funny to me. Bc they know Batman has been doing it for a long time already and they've heard rumors of more heroes in Gotham, but theyve never been confirmed and Batman keeps them away and they respect him enough to listen. Then the JL enlist Nightwing, who is closer to the average age of the JL, who has already been protecting his city for nearing a decade. And he's professional competent and they don't think any of it when he and Batman work well together, because humans stick together they guess.

Only for Batman to randomly lick his thumb to get some food of Nightwing's face and Nightwing whining: "Daaaaad," all embarrassed, shocking the entire JL, which isn't at all help when Dick adds: "I'm too old for this, go clean Robin's face." And then they have another heartattack, because Batman sounds almost sad when he replies: "Soon you're all going to be too old for this." Which causes Nightwing to pat his back and say: "Don't worry, B. We're never going to be too old to get embarrassed by you." Which somehow cheers Batman (dark scary Batman) up. And that's how the JL learns that the two are related and B very much doesn't work alone.

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The first time the JL meets one of the batfam it’s when they walk into the tower for a meeting and find Batman passed out asleep in a chair and a young man in a black and blue suit drawing a mustache on him.

Their jaws drop. They know Batman doesn't kill but they're pretty sure they're going to witness a murder when he wakes up.

The man hears them come in and straightens up and tosses the marker behind him. "Hello."

The JL isn't really sure how to react as they shuffle in, but the noise wakes Batman up.

Everybody's staring at him and his mustache but he doesn't notice at first and everybody's wondering if they should say something. The young man winks and makes a shushing gesture.

"This is Nightwing. I brought him in because he's relevant to one of our cases. He will not be staying long."

Everybody hesitantly takes their seat. Batman tries to start the meeting, but they're still staring. "What? What are you all staring at?"

Nobody speaks but Superman pulls out his phone, turns the camera on selfie mode and silently hands it over.

Batman stares at his face for a few seconds, jaw grinding.

This is it. Everybody's sure shit's about to go down.

But Batman just takes in a long, deep breath. "Nightwing."

Nightwing just kicks back, putting his feet up on the table. "This is your fault, you know. You wouldn't've passed out like that if you hadn't stayed up for 3 days straight and made yourself vulnerable."

Batman is silent for a minute, clearly trying to contain his anger.

"This better not be sharpie."

Nightwing just shrugs his shoulders. "Guess you’ll just have to find out," he says cheerily.

The JL waits for more, for some kind of reaction but Batman just takes a few deep breaths, threatens that if anyone comments on the mustache they will not like the consequences, then carries on with the meeting.

The JL is baffled, sure that if one of them had tried that they'd be dead by now.

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idea: batman and the robins never acknowledge that there have been different robins. like they all act that there's only been one and that they're the same person basically.

Justice League who's used to teen dick not kid jason: who is this child?

Batman: what do you mean, it's robin.

-

Batman and Tim walking through the watchtower:

Justice League who remembers robin literally dying: ...*side eye*...

-

Flash: batman… who is this?

Batman: robin. you’ve met before. several times.

Flash: no, i met a black haired boy. this is a blonde girl!

Batman: her name is robin

-

Superman: it's time for you to explain. where are you getting all these children?

Batman: i have no idea what you're talking about.

Superman *pointing to damian*: who is this kid?!

Damian: i'm robin. i'm offended you would even ask that? don't you remember *proceeds to recite a story dick told him of his robin days*

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The batkids getting in trouble with the JL somehow when undercover or when using aliases and instead of... you know... the aliases... they give their siblings first names. Batman has gotten multiple calls from the JL where they'd be like

Green Lantern: Uh Bats we've got a 'Jason' in custody here he's asking for you.

Batman, panicking bc wtf did Jay do this time:

Tim: Hi!

Batman: You're not Jason.

Tim, dead serious: I don't know what you're talking about.

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AU Where the Justice League forms as usual except for one slight difference where Bruce just so happens to have been the one superheroing for the longest. (Excluding Diana, who got up to it in World War 1 and then mostly didn't while she learned about Man's World)

Bruce helps form the Justice League, ignoring all of the comments as they come to the sudden realization that Gotham's baby cryptid story is actually a man in a very intimidating armored suit who can and will break your arm if you cause problems for him. They are unaware that this is not the first team he's led, and actually he's used to teams full of mostly teenagers who also happen to be his children. This should be easier, this team is primarily adults.

He realizes rapidly that he doesn't understand these people.

His kids take bonding activities to mean learning a dozen different ways to break someones leg. That doesn't fly with these people. And that is most of Bruce's ideas, hell when he was a kid Alfred took every opportunity to get him out of his room and mostly that was with the agreement that Alfred would teach him how to defend himself. He's come by it honestly.

This team is not easier. They have more drama than when his house was actually full of kids. It's insane. He doesn't know what to do with it, usually he just sent the kids to their rooms or grounded them from patrol. That doesn't work here.

He comes to a strange crossroads. That falls apart when he forgets who he's working with and snaps at Hal with a full room of heroes that the next person to throw a punch or an insult without a reason too will be sparring with him.

A long standing rule in the batcave that worked two fold to prevent infighting between the kids and too ensure that they were well and truly trained.

It works wonders. No one says a word out of line for the rest of the debrief. Bruce becomes the unofficial mediator of the league over Clark because anytime he walked in on a fight it suddenly became 10 times more civil out of sheer terror of what he'd do to them in a sparring match.

Eventually they actually meet his kids. Well, one kid.

Half way through a mission (one of the rare ones in Gotham) the Bat comes to a complete stop at the edge of an alley. Every single league member on the team comes to a stop behind him. Slowly from the shadows of the alley a man in a red helmet stalks out to greet them.

"You don't call, you don't write"

"Red Hood."

"Don't Red Hood me! We've been worried sick!"

"I was at the cave last night."

"You didn't answer my texts B. You always answer my texts."

Somehow it ends with big and scary following them through the rest of the mission with a running commentary of how much Bats has let him down in his failure to respond in a timely manner to a text send less than an hour before he ran into them in the alley. It only ends when Red Robin shows up.

And even then it only ends because Hood can't keep himself from throwing a punch and Bruce has to snap at him that if he throws another one they're sparring when they get home.

And by god is Jason giving up the chance to punch his brothers.

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Love the slight AUs where Bruce as Batman has been a member of the league for ages, but he's somehow managed to keep his assortment of children under the radar.

Because it sets up the wildest misunderstandings within the league. He routinely talks about his babies, his children who are all so sweet and kind and occasionally assholes yes but only because they are young (and traumatized) hell I don't think the league would even be aware that they're adopted. So they're all thinking literal children

Barry: Bats really loves his kids.

Hal: I mean they're babies, wait till they hit the angsty teens and I'm sure we'll be hearing the opposite

Which means the day they finally meet Nightwing they don't know wtf to think. For one thing, how old would he have been when he had this kid???? Should they be worried about that???? And for the other, that is not a baby, that is not a precious little thing.

He could break someone in half. Like a twig.

He won't, but he could. And they can see that. (He's bat trained, they have seen what the bat can do they are not fools)

And they're like, okay. Okay maybe he isn't the baby (he is). He's got younger kids right? He's never said how many, they have 0 clues. They've been expecting 1 child, maybe 2 because he'd said kid in the plural exactly once when comforting an older woman while they were searching for her children in the aftermath of a rough battle.

And then a week later they run into Red Hood. In his leather, with his guns. And he drapes himself across Batmans back with all the self confidence in the world and starts whining about the "Brat" breaking into his safe house.

To steal his dog.

And yet again. He is not baby. He is bigger than Batman. He could probably break Batman in half given the bat didn't put up a fight. But Batman looks at him with probably the softest expression they've ever seen on that mans face and tells him very earnestly that the kid just wants to spend time with his older brother, next time they should try a walk. Maybe go to the zoo.

But probably not one of the babies. They're kind, and gentle, and at least one just loves reading and Bats has been trying to encourage that!!!

And then a day later he mentions his "babies" going for a walk in the park and they all instantaneously lose their minds at the confirmation.

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[a video starts, obviously filmed on a phone camera and Dick Grayson, son of Famous multi-millionaire comes into frame grinning. He seems to be sitting in his bedroom in The Wayne Manor]

Dick: Hi guys! Today I’m going to be rating things my little baby brother Jason has done!

[a few pieces of card are sitting on his lap, and he holds up the first one]

Dick: number one! Stole the wheels off Bruce Wayne’s car- I’ll give it a 6/10, points for creativity and getting me a sibling

[he holds up the next card]

Dick, Grinning at the camera: number two! Dying. 0/10, what the fuck man?

[a bang can be heard in the background as Dick hurries to hold up the next card]

Dick, speaking quickly: Number three! My best friend Roy Harper. Maybe like a 2/10 because ew-

[the video abruptly cuts off to the sound of scratching laughter and yelling, the last frame frozen as a man with a white streak is shown mid-spear tackle, his and Dicks bodies in a blur]

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Jason not even stopping as he walks past Tim and/or Damian, and just grabbing them by the back of the shirt and lifting them so he can carry them by the scruff like kittens to make things easier for him.

Tim, halfway thru an argument: you're not listening! i really don't think-

(Jason just walking past and grabbing him and walking away)

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All healed up Jason who just decides to move back into Wayne manor, and he suddenly takes up his role similar to a 1950’s Housewife with a weapons arsenal. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jason in the morning dropping his brothers off to school: I made Lunch you better fucking eat it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ jason in a floral apron making cookies?? Bruce just thinks he’s hallucinating for the first week because that cannot be his murder son

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

he doesn’t even tell anyone he’s back. He just snuck in and took up residence in the kitchen at 1am, making pancakes until the morning

Tim, who only knew Jason through stories and rumours and snuck down the stairs for midnight coffee: who the fuck is that??

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i love the idea of the batfam wearing each other's merch cause like. i know they'd be petty about it. usually they'd wear their siblings merch in (kinda) equal rotations, but they'd change it up depending on sibling squabbles or sibling favours. Tim, walking into the kitchen in a Red Hood shirt: Dick: TIM!? Tim: what Dick: it's Tuesday. you always wear Nightwing merch on Tuesdays. Tim: oh. Tim: you stole my last granola bar, last week. Steph, looking for something in Jason's room: JASON WHY DO YOU HAVE EVERYONE'S MERCH BUT MINE?! Jason, peeking into the room: i have your merch. in the trash. Steph: WHY Jason: you hit me with a blue shell in mario kart last game night. i'm never forgiving you. Damian, sporting a full-on Red Robin hoodie: Tim: woah. what brought this on? you usually only exclusively wear Batman or Nightwing merch Damian: you helped me take that splinter out of Alfred's paw yesterday. Richard on the other hand has recently messed up my painting palette. Dick, from the other room: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! Damian: he'll get over it. Cass, wearing Nightwing merch for the 5th day in a row: Jason: goddamn. what did Dickie do to get in your good graces like this? Cass, smiling: he made me a flower crown Jason: ... that's it? Cass: it was a very nice flower crown. Dick, buying seven Signal shirts: One for everyone. Duke, behind him: Dick, you really don't-- Dick: shhhh, sunshine. everyone will love your new merch. (they all wore exclusively Signal merch for a week straight) Bruce isn't allowed to change up his rotation or not wear someone's merch because he immediately gets accused of playing favourites. He'd rather keep some of his sanity, thank you.

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Every couple years or so, the Bats are required to take a group photo to update the JL website (idk why, they are required to take a vigilante group picture), and Jason consistently refuses to show up. So this year, Tim just draws the lines of the Red Hood helmet on a bright red balloon and then floats it between him and Nightwing. They absolutely refuse to acknowledge that it isn't Jason. They put it up on a billboard instead.

Jason finds out about it when he drives back into Gotham and the highway going into the city has a 'Keeping Gotham Safe' billboard and it's a picture of the Bats looking extremely serious with the Red Hood Balloon floating behind them.