wiredweird-child

[wiredweird-child]

I don’t believe in burritos

[wiredweird-child]

I throw garlic at a vampire and he just stabs himself with an EpiPen and takes some Benadryl.

[wiredweird-child]

……..You know what. Yeah he’s super cool!

i’m not a marvel fan, but from what i’ve seen, mr. batman looks like a cool dad.

[wiredweird-child]

[wiredweird-child]

I’m only a little insane like mozzarella cheese

[wiredweird-child]

And skinny birds with very sharp claws

the world is so beautiful it is so full of fat birds with weird personalities

[wiredweird-child]

Incomprehensible

elvis is alive i saw him at traitor joes eating cookie butter out of the jar without buying it

[wiredweird-child]

Puffy is human and needs to scream

hey so last night i was looking for charming teddy bears, and what should have been a just and noble quest devolved into a horrible discovery:

for around 200 big ones, you can purchase a teddy bear with the body of a man and the eyes of a creature that knows it should not exist

[wiredweird-child]

did i tell u guys i got into an argument on twitter bc i said foxes are dogs and someone tried to bring up their actual fuckin. classification or whatever and i just said “foxes are dogs cause they are fluffye” and they kept arguing with me. the entire time i was like “you will not survive the immigration to tumblr you are lucky we are not there right now”

[wiredweird-child]

Tumblr I am not gay please stop sending me gay dating app ads. I also can’t use dating apps

[wiredweird-child]

[wiredweird-child]

Guy from Fromwhenceyoucame here. Please stop sending them

“From whence you came” is a classic place to send back a foul beast

[wiredweird-child]

finnneee

Fuck humanity, return to insect

[wiredweird-child]

School is draining. You go to a building sit for an hour and 30 minutes then rush to the next class then repeat 3 more times. Then go home and do work and cry a little

[wiredweird-child]

A door wrote this

[wiredweird-child]

I go to the grocery store, heading straight for the dairy section. Positioning myself in the middle of the milk shelf, I let out one single long, wailing, cheese-curdling scream. Every single carton of fresh dairy product within hearing distance has now been rendered undrinkable. The poor worker whose only task this shift was to keep me out of the store and most importantly away from the dairy at all costs is fired on the spot. I do not linger to bear witness to the grief and destruction I have caused. Knowing that I caused it is enough.

These petty, pointless acts of meaningless evil are the reason that I will not see the kingdom of heaven.

[wiredweird-child]

Do we have to

Fuck humanity, return to insect