wishingonstcrs

[wishingonstcrs]

Amelia chuckled slightly. "Cooper was a mess when it happened to you. He kissed me because he was drowning in his own feelings," she pointed out. "I just feel helpless, Charlotte. And seeing her like that, I just.. I don't know. She was there through finding out I was on drugs, and I need to be there for her now but I don't want to let her down. Seeing her at the firestation, I couldn't even leave the doorway. I was horrified to see her like that, I just froze."

Charlotte kept driving toward the church holding the meeting, making a right turn off of Amelia's street. "You saw how Cooper was with what happened to me. No one knows what to do. Just be there for her, support her, and help her see that she's not broken." Charlotte remembered the stumbling Cooper had done, the mothering, the night they laid in bed as close as they could without touching.

[wishingonstcrs]

Maeve was completely in the moment, and she never wanted it to end. Every movement from Arizona's hands, the movement of her lips against hers, it was almost too good to be true. Part of her was afraid this was some erotic dream she'd wake up from soon, only to realize it wasn't happening. Her lips moved away from the other blonde's, and she leaned up and forward to press kisses to her neck, nipping and sucking the pale flesh there until there was a trail of purple marks going down it.

Arizona followed her back, putting most of the weight on her right leg, her hand coming down from its spot in Maeve’s hair to her throat, trailing her fingers down ever so gently. This had been the first time in a while that she felt heat in her blood, pumping so loud she could hear it pounding in her ears. Her mouth moved in sync with Maeve, her other hand settling on the woman’s waist.

[wishingonstcrs]

"Do you think I'm an idiot?" she asked. "Because I'm not. So if you think I don't see what's going on here, it's you who's an idiot," she added. She sighed, nodding her head. "Obviously," Maeve scoffed. "I wouldn't be here if I wasn't, Dr. Karev."

"I don't think about you, Dr. James." He set the tablet down, moving around the desk and sitting down at the computer, typing in his credentials and tapping through the chart. "We must just be not running into each other." He wouldn't give in, not to this one. "Are you prepped on this case?" He relaxed a little more, focusing on the patient. He'd been working with this kid for a while, and he felt for him.

[wishingonstcrs]

Two days prior, the ultrasound had gone well. There were no words to describe the feeling Amelia had in her stomach before hearing that their baby was healthy and measuring exactly how it should be. She hadn't ruined their baby's life, she hadn't caused anything bad to happen, and that was music to her ears. When she left work that afternoon, she picked up Scout from the daycare before stopping off at the local bakery, where she'd had them prepare four gender reveal cupcakes. Of course, she knew gender was a social construct, but that wasn't the point. She was excited to find out the sex of the baby, and this seemed like a cute way for them to do it. She had to get four though, because there was no way they could have cupcakes in the house without Scout having one too. With her son on her hip, she entered through her front door with the cupcake box in hand. Andy and Andrew were already there, and she was always happy to come home to them. "Ready to find out whether this guy is getting a brother or a sister?" she asked, setting him down. Scout ran over and wiggled himself between her partners on the couch. "Just let me get changed first," she said, glancing down at the scrubs she still wore before setting the box on the counter.

@northernattude @onismstrikes

[wishingonstcrs]

"I know you're tougher than you look," she said, looking Andy up and down. Where she was now, that told her that she was tough, not that she needed telling. Carina numbed her friend, and begun the slow and steady process of stitching up the various wounds, starting with her lip. Thankfully that one wasn't too big, so it was over with fast and she could begin the others.

"On the down low, that's what I meant," she said with a nod. "No driving. You can either get an uber to the hospital, or get Amelia or my brother to drive you," she instructed. "We don't need you behind the wheel until we know for sure what's going on up there," she added.

"You don't need to thank me. You're not broken. I don't need to treat you like you are because there's no reason. You are injured, but that is it. Emotionally you're hurting, but that's human. You're just human," she said, continuing the row of stitches she was on.

Andy let out a shaky breath as Carina spoke, closing her eyes for a moment, trying to absorb the words — You survived. You're strong. It didn’t feel like strength, not right now. It felt like barely holding on.

But she nodded, because she trusted Carina more than she trusted herself right now.

"Okay," she rasped when Carina explained the swabs. She tensed a little under the touch, but didn’t pull away, gritting her teeth and letting her friend do what needed to be done. "Whatever you need to do. Just... just tell me if you need me to move or anything."

When Carina told her she wasn’t lucky just because it wasn’t worse, Andy blinked fast, swallowing back the tightness in her throat. "Yeah," she said quietly, even if she didn’t fully believe it yet. "I hear you."

She watched with wary, tired eyes as Carina pulled out the numbing agent. A grim smile ghosted across her lips for half a second. "God bless modern medicine," she muttered under her breath. She shifted slightly to give Carina better access. "Do your worst. I’m tougher than I look."

At the mention of the CT scan, Andy hesitated, the stubborn part of her rearing up on instinct. She hated hospitals, hated looking vulnerable there. But she knew Carina was right — and frankly, she didn’t trust herself to know if something worse was going on inside her skull. "Low profile," Andy corrected softly, almost a whisper of a smile touching her battered features. "You mean low profile. Or on the down low."

Her voice wavered a little, the exhaustion catching up to her, but there was a thread of gratitude underneath. "I’ll meet you there. Whatever you think is best." She paused, voice softer, almost raw. "Thank you, Carina. For all of this. For... for not treating me like I'm broken." Andy’s eyes burned, but she blinked the tears away again, forcing herself to stay steady just a little longer.

[wishingonstcrs]

"She's tough," Amelia confirmed. "She kept apologizing, and she felt like she was letting us down, and I just.." she trailed off, just shaking her head. "She's tough, but she's fractured emotionally right now. And I know the cracks will heal, but I don't know when and I don't know how to be what she needs, so I feel guilty," the neurosurgeon admitted. "

Charlotte could remember the stitches. How Amelia had sat there and listened to her scream, how she had felt every stitch. She only hoped that Andy didn't have to experience that on top of the trauma she already had. And then she said it. 'It made me think of you.' Charlotte thought she would bite her tongue off, that blood would pour from her mouth any moment. "Never lost me, Shepherd. And from what you've told me, this woman of yours is pretty tough."

[wishingonstcrs]

Amelia was at such a loss. Part of her knew that she could tell Andy that it wasn't her fault until she was blue in the face, but there was a high chance that she wouldn't believe her.

"You didn't let anyone down," she stated. "And you might feel it, but you're not weak. You've never been weak. You know that. Don't let some asshole take that power away from you," she added with a slight shrug of her shoulders.

When Andrew began to sing, Amelia just stayed quiet. Him rubbing her hip, it was comforting, at least a little, but part of her wished this would go faster. Her skin was crawling, but she couldn't tell them that. She just kept her mouth shut, using it only to place a gentle kiss to her girlfriend's shoulder.

When Grandpa jumped onto the bed, Andy couldn’t help but let out a weak laugh through her tears, reaching out to scratch behind his ears. The little cat always had a way of grounding her, no matter how broken she felt. His purring vibrated through her, and for a moment, it was like she could breathe again.

The weight of the world still sat on her chest, but with Andrew and Amelia here, wrapped around her, it didn’t feel quite so crushing. They were a fortress. She could feel the tenderness in the way they cared for her, how Amelia settled beside her, creating that wall of protection between the two of them. A safe space that was just for her.

"I just feel so weak," Andy whispered, her voice thick with the emotions she was fighting to control. "I hate this… hate feeling like I can’t do anything, like I’ve let you both down."

Amelia’s words landed softly, like a balm to her raw emotions. "I didn’t do this. It’s not my fault," she repeated, her voice almost a mantra. She needed to believe it. They needed her to believe it.

[wishingonstcrs]

"She's hurting. Some stitches, lots of bruising," she said. "She's sleeping. I told Andrew that once she was settled I was going to slip out so he's with her." She wrung her hands together, looking out the front window, unable to look at Charlotte. "It made me think about you. It made me remember years ago when a patient attacked Meredith and left her hospital ridden. It made me think about losing another person I love."

for charlotte @northernattude

"Thank you for coming," Amelia said, her voice low as she got into Charlotte's car. "I can't be in there anymore," she added, sinking into the seat. She'd managed to slip out without Andy waking, and she felt like she could breathe again. "Someone attacked Andy and I know I should be in there, but she's sleeping and I can't.. I can't do it, it's too much right now. All I can think about it how much I want to drink, and I can't because of the baby, and I just feel like I'm going to crawl out of my skin."

[wishingonstcrs]

"Okay," Carina replied. "So no penetration," she replied. "I'm still going to swap parts of your skin to see if there's any DNA that the lab can find. If you decide to press charges, it's important to have that."

Carina shook her head. "Don't say that," she told her. "Just because he didn't rape you, that doesn't mean you're lucky. An assault is an assault. Do not diminish what happened just because there are cases out there that have been worse. It's still a trauma, still an attack," she said.

"But you are not a victim. You survived. You're strong."

Nodding her head, she swabbed Andy's skin and sealed the DNA samples away in sterile bags to send off, setting them aside. "You'll care, but I have this to make it a little easier," she said, reaching through her kit to ultimately pull out a numbing agent that had to be injected into the skin.

"Once you heal, you'll look good as new," she assured her. "But you have to give yourself time to heal emotionally and physically. I'm going to set you up with Diane. Tomorrow, I also want you to meet me at the hospital. I can patch you up here, but I want to get you a head CT," she told her. "I can have someone do it... low down? Is that the phrase?" she asked.

Andy squeezed her eyes shut when Carina spoke, like hearing the words — You’re not fine — made it impossible to keep pretending.

She sat there stiffly for a moment, every muscle locked up like she could somehow hold herself together by force. But Carina’s hands were gentle, and that gentleness undid her faster than anger ever could have.

When she finally spoke, it was barely above a whisper. “He tried.” Her fingers curled tighter in her jeans, nails digging into the fabric. “He grabbed me and he didn’t care what I said. I fought. I... I fought as hard as I could.” She shook her head slightly, like she was still trying to shake off his touch. “He didn’t... I stopped him before he could.”

Andy looked up then, and there was a rawness in her eyes that she didn’t bother to hide anymore. “I guess that makes me lucky, right?” she said bitterly, the corner of her mouth twitching like she didn’t know if she was going to laugh or cry.

She sat there, letting Carina examine her, flinching now and then but never pulling away. When Carina mentioned stitches, Andy shrugged stiffly. “I don’t care if it hurts. Just do what you have to do.” Her voice cracked around the edges even as she tried to sound steady. “Make it heal. Make it look like... like nothing happened.” But the lie felt heavy on her tongue because they both knew it wasn’t that simple.

Andy swallowed thickly, blinking rapidly against the sting in her eyes. Her voice dropped even lower, nearly breaking. “I just want to feel normal again.”

[wishingonstcrs]

for charlotte @northernattude

"Thank you for coming," Amelia said, her voice low as she got into Charlotte's car. "I can't be in there anymore," she added, sinking into the seat. She'd managed to slip out without Andy waking, and she felt like she could breathe again. "Someone attacked Andy and I know I should be in there, but she's sleeping and I can't.. I can't do it, it's too much right now. All I can think about it how much I want to drink, and I can't because of the baby, and I just feel like I'm going to crawl out of my skin."

[wishingonstcrs]

The minute they were in the bedroom and Andy was placed down, Grandpa hopped up and walked over to her, settling himself on her stomach as he let out deep purrs. She took an extra moment for herself, getting changed out of her scrubs and into a fresh set of clothes - just a tank top and some jeans.

Finally she joined them on the bed, laying on the opposite side of Andy. She reached across and rested her arm across Andrew's, making a barrier of them around Andy. She knew that's what she needed, and if she was going to slip out once she was sleeping, this was what she had to do for her.

"Baby, do not apologize. Please," she said. "You didn't do this. It isn't your fault. No part of it was because of you, so you don't apologize for that."

She smiled softly at the thought of the baby knowing she was there. "Hi, pequeño."

Andy barely registered the movement as Andrew carried her inside. She just clung to him, her fingers curled loosely in the fabric of his sweatshirt, her face hidden against his chest. Every breath she took in was filled with the steady, comforting scent of him, of home. The slow, low rhythm of his voice against her hair was the only thing that kept her from falling apart all over again.

When he asked if she wanted the bed or the couch, Andy stirred faintly, trying to find her voice. Her body ached all over, inside and out, but the warmth of Amelia’s hand in the car—the sound of her voice, the soft way she'd spoken about the baby—was still wrapped around her like a second skin.

"Bed," Andy whispered. "With you. Both of you." She needed them close. She needed to feel them breathing beside her, needed to know that they weren’t going anywhere. That she wasn’t going anywhere either.

As Andrew carried her toward the bedroom, Andy cracked her eyes open, catching sight of Grandpa swirling around their ankles like a worried little guardian. A ghost of a smile flickered at her lips before it disappeared again under the weight of exhaustion.

Hearing Amelia's voice again made her heart ache in a different way. The mention of the comfy blankets, the familiarity of it—it made her realize just how much they had already built together. How much she had to fight for. How much love she had wrapped around her, even when everything else had been stripped away tonight.

She nestled closer to Andrew’s chest as Amelia whispered into his ear, her heart squeezing tight. She didn’t know what they were planning, but she trusted them. She trusted them with everything she had left.

"I’m sorry," Andy breathed out again without meaning to, her voice breaking in the middle of the words. "I’m trying." She didn't even fully know what she was apologizing for. For scaring them. For being hurt. For needing so much right now. She hated feeling like this.

[wishingonstcrs]

Amelia: yeah, i'll be waiting outside

Charlotte: on my way.

Charlotte: are you home?

[wishingonstcrs]

Amelia: i need a meeting. now. Amelia: can you come get me?

Charlotte: nope, just laying on the couch.

Charlotte: you alright?

[wishingonstcrs]

All Amelia could do is nod at Andrew's words as his eyes looked into hers. It wasn't about her right now. So she kept nodding. She would play pretend as long as she could. She had to keep it together now.

She followed closely behind them on the stairs, choosing to follow in case, god forbid, Andrew slipped. She didn't want to risk being at the bottom of that crash. Once they were safely at the car, she slid into the back seat, buckling herself in. Once Andy was inside too, she pulled her close, gently, letting her lay in the back with her head in her lap.

It was amazing how stiff she was with her girlfriend there, but she was trying to relax. She was afraid to hurt her. She just stroked her hair gently with one hand, the other arm keeping her close. "I can feel the baby moving in there. It must know you're close," she whispered to her softly as they drove.

Once they were at her place, she walked ahead and opened the door, letting her partners inside. Grandpa was circling them all like a shark, desperate to see what was going on. "I've got the comfy blankets you love in the bedroom, Andy," she told the other woman, before standing on her tiptoes next to her boyfriend. "Once she's settled I need a meeting," Amelia whispered into Andrew's ear.

Andy closed her eyes as Andrew's fingers combed so gently through her hair, his voice a soft murmur against the shell of her ear. Amore mio. God, she didn't deserve him. Didn't deserve either of them. But she needed them more than she could say, more than she'd ever needed anything before.

When he asked if she wanted him to carry her, her chest seized, a fresh wave of emotion crashing over her. Part of her wanted to say she could do it, wanted to keep pretending she was strong enough. But the truth was, the thought of standing, of taking even one step, made her feel like she might crumble into nothing.

And then Amelia’s voice came—steady, sure, even if it shook underneath—and Andy turned her head weakly to look at her. He's safe. We're safe. You are safe with him, with me, with us.

Andy let out a shaky breath she hadn't realized she was holding, her body sagging even further against Andrew as the words sunk in. Safe. She didn't feel it yet, but if they kept saying it, if they kept holding her, maybe—maybe she could believe it again.

"Okay," she whispered hoarsely, barely a breath of sound. Her hand clutched tighter at Andrew's sweatshirt. "Take me home."

She didn’t fight when he shifted, didn’t argue or insist she could do it herself. She just pressed her forehead into his chest, letting him bear her weight, her pride, her exhaustion. Trusting him completely.

Her eyes flickered to Amelia again, silently pleading, needing her to know she wasn't pushing her away. She wanted her close too. Andy would lay in the backseat, she would let Amelia hold her, anchor her between them, because right now she didn’t know how to exist without feeling them both.

"I love you," she rasped, her gaze locking onto Amelia's even as tears spilled freely down her cheeks. "Both of you."

Her voice was broken, but her heart was whole—because they were here. Because no matter how shattered she felt, they were still reaching for her. And she wasn't alone.

[wishingonstcrs]

text: junkie bffs

Amelia: are you busy?

[wishingonstcrs]

Carina furiously wipes at her eyes and her cheeks, trying to get the tears away. "It's okay," she said. Was it? Obviously it wasn't Teddy's fault, she didn't have to be apologizing. But it would never be okay, as she had put it. How could rape ever be okay? "I'm sorry. I'm not supposed to be like this, I just need to put my big girl panties on. I'll be fine."

She held the woman close, rocking them softly as she continued to smooth her hand over her hair, forcing her emotions down, doing everything to keep her emotions at bay so that she could focus on Carina. "You are valid in whatever you feel, Carina. I am so so sorry for what has happened to you." She wished desperately that she could take her pain away, take Andy's pain, turn back time and change everything. "Is there anything I can do to..." Her voice trailed off, rubbing her hand gently over her knee.

[wishingonstcrs]

“I never told Andrea,” she said. She felt like now she shouldn’t ever tell him. He had enough going on with Andy��s attack, she couldn’t tell him about her rape. “Being with Andy.. I was there all over again,” she told Teddy. Carina needed her, she needed her to hold her like she was. “I’ve worked with sexual assault patients before and I can disconnect from it and be fine but…” she trailed off. This was different because it was her friend.

Carina tried to answer Teddy. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out but a sob and a nod. She curled into herself more, completely cutting off herself physically. Her knees supported her head that now rested on them. She didn’t talk about her own situation. She didn’t like being perceived as weak. “Before I came to Seattle, I..” she tried, lifting her head to lock eyes with Teddy.