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I am a huge fan of retiring to my quarters

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In 2018 I made an edit of the Krusty Krab, where the the maritime flags were replaced with pride flags. And not a single person has been normal about it ever since. Here’s a 2022 remaster, happy pride.

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nothing better than the wrong capitalization of Sie

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there are so many words to use in place of “penis” in regards to smut. there’s dick. or shaft. we got cock. member. organ. length. hell, even manhood! all are acceptable replacements.

but what do we have for the testicles? nuts? no thank you. ballsac or, lord forbid, just sac? i’d literally rather be tarred and feathered. using their government name and just calling them testicles? take me out back and gimme the ol’ yeller treatment.

how has the english language evolved so much yet we have no acceptable word for testicles in a sexy context? how can we claim we’ve advanced as a society when the best word for describing when two characters are fucking nasty and the noble and mighty testes are swaying about is balls?

BALLS

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Creationism: Isn't it impossibly convenient that the physical properties of the Earth just happen to be so perfectly suited to the existence of human life?

The Anthropic Principle:

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"Secret Window, Secret Garden 2: The Revenge, by John Shooter" by Natalie Ironside

One morning Natalie H. Ironside awoke in her bed to discover she'd been transformed into a young Johnny Depp. "Dang," she said, shaking her head in consternation, "what a raw deal. This ain't what I need right now."

She'd only just begun to process this new development when there came a knock at the door. She opened it to discover an angry man who otherwise looked normal and unremarkable, holding a rolled-up typescript. He'd arrived in a car with Mississippi plates, which struck her as out of the ordinary because, as everyone knows, the state of Mississippi does not require front license plates. Being transformed into a young Johnny Depp overnight had not struck her as odd because, like a vagrant in a C.S. Lewis book, this was hardly her first rum do.

"You stole my story," the angry man said.

"Well, damn," Natalie replied, "that sucks if it's true. What makes you say that?"

They talked for a while, and it was clear the stranger meant well but had a fundamental misunderstanding of US copyright law. "I see what the problem is," Natalie said. "Come inside and we can have some like coffee or whatever and talk it out."

Disarmed, the stranger agreed. He handed her his typescript and said, "My manuscript--"

"Typescript," Natalie corrected. Then, contritely, she added, "Sorry. It just kinda bugs me when people refer to typescripts as manuscripts."

The stranger didn't know how to reply to that. "Just . . . just read it," he said.

After a cursory glance at the first page, she looked up in bemusement and said, "Well, I didn't write this at all. Stephen King did."

The man took back the typescript, muttering something about bringing the wrong paperwork and how he was gonna get in big trouble with the Weez for this one. Seeming at a loss for words without his intended prop, he said, "Listen, I, uh . . . I'm you. I'm like a manifestation of all the rage and resentment you keep bottled up."

"I, like, don't, though," she insisted. "I mean, I do, but not like that guy in the story did. Being open about the darker parts of our personalities is kind of a whole thing with me."

"Yeah, and that's why I'm here talking to you like this instead of going through all that rigamarole. What did you think of the story, anyways?"

"It's one of King's weaker works, if I'm being honest. It woulda made a great short story, but stretching it out into 5 hours just feels like a half-asseded sequel to The Dark Half. Plus DID and schizophrenia don't work anything like that--or, well, this--and that's always been a bit of a bent beam with the guy."

"Yeah," said the man. "Listen, can you just, like, write a story and put my name on it? I know you don't have to, but it would really mean a lot to me, and it'll get me out of your hair."

"Sure thing, man," she replied.

The end.

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IRIDESCENCE

One last big wonderful commission for @estellisa's big beautiful lady with all of her rich celestial scales all on display...

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this is a picture of a stack of bricks. it’s located at a construction site in new jersey.

if you do a reverse image search, you will find this image currently being posted on multiple social media networks along with the claim that violent protests in LA were planned by some nefarious conspiracy and that these pallets of bricks were dropped off at strategic locations near protests in order to fuel said violence.

often, when a picture like this is posted, the conversation is immediately flooded with commentators who readily accept the image as hard proof of what is “really happening” even though it is simply a photo of some bricks with no stated location or context (as for how i know the bricks are in NJ, see the link ill drop in the comments below)

there’s no AI trickery here, these are real bricks, and the people sharing the image don’t have to do any work to “prove” that these bricks have anything to do with the protest, because a pre-existing crowd of accounts is already there to support the narrative and shout down contradictions.

this is of course just a drop in the bucket. the misinformation war is huge, and pales in comparison to the physical violence that victims of ICE and other state forces are going through today, but all of these elements work together.

i am hearing from people in other parts of the country that LA is “on fire” (it isn’t), that local authorities have told law enforcement to stand down and join the protests (they haven’t), that there is widespread looting and rioting (there isn’t). there is zero justification for the national guard or marines being sent here, that is entirely a political stunt; albeit a disgusting and dangerous one. i have also seen people sharing videos of soccer fans and claiming they are protestors, sharing pics from other protests in 2020 or even in other countries, and claiming that its current footage of LA

you are being lied to. that’s not new, but the speed and scale of it is. as usual, the reality is that the majority of violence is coming from the authorities, and the widespread use of deceptive media is being used to turn the people against a justified protest. don’t fall for it.

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With a good battery, the device can easily last for 5 or 10 years, although the walls probably won't.

Alert Sound [Explained]

Transcript

[A loud sound appears out of nowhere in the upper left part of the panel, around the word are many small lines going away from it and before the word there is a warning emoji. In the lower right corner Cueball is sitting in an office chair at his desk in front of his computer. He is holding his hands to his head and begins by shouting and then talking.] ⚠ Boop! Cueball: Aaaaa! Cueball: I heard it again! Cueball: Where is that coming from!?

[Caption below the panel:] It turns out living well is only the second best revenge. The best revenge is making a tiny hole in someone's wall and dropping in a battery-powered capsule that, every 6-12 hours, plays the alert sound of a USB device connecting.

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There should be a public service option where if you’re a very friendly and kind elderly person who visits the same store so often everyone knows your name and chats with you then when you pass away it gets put on the radio or something so I can go to your funeral instead of just realizing after a week that you’ve vanished forever

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i think too many people operate under the assumption that emotions are some frivilous fantasy of the mind and have no impact on the physical world, which is a cute thought when Humans are an animal that can die from being kinda stressed out

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ilove people who work at front desks of things. i can walk into a building and go to the desk and i ask how do i do this thing. and then they just fucking tell me !!!!

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what annoys me about explaining evolution to people who don’t think it’s real is that everyone’s idea of how it works seems to be from this

Whereas the reality is far more like

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can all fiction forever please stop pretending like glasses take away from someone's attractiveness level. it's just false

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real vs fake gym bros, the real ones want you to get better