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RPC self-care

We all get worn down by life and often we turn to RP for rejuvenation. But more than once I've seen people on here that find themselves burnt out on the RP community itself. With nearly 20 years of role playing under my belt, I thought I'd share some of my favourite self-care tricks.

Block people. You don't have to explain yourself and 'weird vibes' is a legitimate reason. You deserve to feel safe and unbothered in your hobby space, and RP is based on consent. Just like with any recreational activity, you can withdraw your consent at any time and no is a complete sentence.

Turn off anon. This prevents anonymous harassment and gives you great insight into who to block or report if you get non-anonymous harassment.

Drop threads. I know RP etiquette suggests you need to tell your RP partner when and why, and sure, if they ask politely you can give it a go - just know that a pre-written variant of 'not feeling it' is good enough. In my humble opinion, I think dropping boring or vexing threads is everyone's prerogative and doesn't require explanation. Again, no is a complete sentence.

Talk it out. If you like the thread but things took a turn you didn't like, it's time to bring the RP into the workshop. Something like 'Hey I really like our RP so far but I'm losing my spark, can we talk about course correcting where the plot is going?'

Make clear rules and revise them frequently. I'd also advise against spending said rules excusing or explaining why you don't like or want a certain thing - I cannot stress enough how your preferences are not up for debate.

Get comfy chasing. A lot of RP is about inviting others to play over and over and over. Rejection is a part of it. See if you can't find some element of self-care in it - taking rejection well is a great skill to practice in such a low stake environment.

Notice and celebrate the good stuff, instead of digging holes about the bad. Tell your co-players how great they are. Marvel at all the hard work you put into your muses and graphics. Admire your own blog.

Stop. Take a break. Check in with yourself. Do you actually need to face something in IRL? Do you need to rest? A snickers? A walk? Don't bother with posts á la 'offline for the day' - leave your options open to reduce guilt or shame if you want to poke your head back in.

Happy writing. 🌿

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PROMPTS FOR ORDINARY THINGS THAT FEEL INTIMATE *  inspired by this post. these don't have to be romantic - you can specify romantic or not when you send them. in essence, these are simply intimate, affectionate moments to share with someone you love and care about. adjust as necessary, send 'reverse' for the reversal of the prompt

[ lean ] sender rests their head on receiver's shoulder

[ shop ] sender and receiver go to the grocery store together

[ brush ] sender brushes receiver's hair

[ tie ] sender helps receiver with their tie, either by putting it on or adjusting it

[ necklace ] sender helps receiver with the clasp of their necklace from behind

[ zip up ] sender assists receiver with zipping up a piece of clothing

[ unzip ] sender assists receiver with unzipping a piece of clothing

[ shoelaces ] sender bends down to tie receiver's shoelaces

[ swipe ] sender notices a smudge of something on receiver's face and gently wipes it off

[ braid ] sender braids receiver's hair

[ jacket ] sender takes their jacket off and hangs it on receiver's shoulders

[ puddle ] sender hurries to stop receiver from stepping into a puddle

[ drinks ] sender brings receiver a drink from a bar/their kitchen

[ feed ] sender feeds receiver's pet/s for them

[ cook ] sender and receiver cook a meal together

[ feed ] sender allows receiver to try a bite of their dish, holding their fork out for receiver to taste

[ teach ] sender, an expert at something, takes time to teach receiver how it works and how they can get better at it, too

[ readjust ] sender comes up behind receiver and readjusts their stance (maybe holding a gun, holding a golf club, aiming for something, etc.) to help them

[ makeup ] sender fixes receiver's makeup for them

[ bathroom ] sender and receiver go to a public restroom together and have a normal conversation in between the stalls

[ aloud ] sender reads aloud to receiver

[ refill ] sender refills receiver's glass without asking

[ massage ] sender notices receiver looks tense, steps up behind them, and massages their shoulders

[ listen ] sender listens to receiver explain something they're passionate about

[ silence ] sender and receiver comfortably exist in silence together, both of them working or reading or focusing on something different

[ food ] sender brings food over to receiver's house

[ hum ] sender hums along to a song receiver is singing

[ see ] sender sees something that reminds them of receiver and texts them a picture of it

[ admire ] sender stares at receiver across a room, silently admiring and appreciating them from afar

[ win ] sender lets receiver beat them in a game

[ puzzle ] sender helps receiver solve/put together a puzzle

[ carry ] after receiver falls asleep in an inconvenient place, sender carries them to a bed and tucks them in

[ kneel ] sender finds receiver sick in the bathroom ("tossing their cookies"), and kneels beside them, holding their hair back and cleaning their face

[ clean ] sender helps bathe receiver

[ wash ] sender helps receiver wash their hair

[ patch ] sender carefully patches one of receiver's wounds

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My DEEPEST apologies for being very abesent and not tending to this blog often. I should be better about queueing items up for others. I suppose its a little overwhelming for me sometimes. I hope to do so hopefully soon! But i digress. I hope everybody is doing well! Hug a friend today, pet a dog, say hello to a kitty. You are very loved.

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Please un-learn guilt-tripping, not only in the RPC, but in online spaces as a whole.

This is a passive behavior that people may not even realize that they're even engaging with. I understand wanting asks, starters, replies, or any engagement with this collaborative hobby. However, a lot of people say things such as;

'I wish more people would interact with me...' 'My (canon muse) isn't as good as other (canon muses) in the rpc...' 'I should just delete... Nobody's writing with me...' '(reblogs open starter again) #some replies would be nice...'

I hate to be blunt, but ask yourself. When was the last time you sent your mutuals some asks, anonymous or not? When was the last time you replied to someone else's open starter? I understand being in a bad funk, but there are better ways to deal with those negative emotions that don't involve guilting your follower-base for not engaging with you constantly. You can't be possessive of your following and expect them to be happy to engage with you. Your writing partners are people, too.

Please stop guilting people, and recognize when you may be doing it when phrasing things in specific ways. Un-learn passive aggressive engagement with your following and partners as a whole. Put yourself out there if you think other people aren't. Be the writing partner that uplifts people, not make them feel 'obligated' to engage with you. Please.

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people with adhd, psychosis, brain fog, schizophrenia or anything that affects memory, recall and perception of reality are so at risk of gaslighting. even when you’re pretty sure you did/didn’t do a thing, if someone suggests that it didn’t actually happen that way or you’re skewing the facts or you’re just misremembering of whatever, you start to question yourself and your own memories and that is very easy to take advantage of. and it’s so incredibly difficult to get anyone to believe you or take you seriously because not even you are 100% sure you’re recalling things correctly. it sucks so bad not being able to rely on your own memory and to have to worry about people using it against you (because they can and will)

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handwritten notes are the sweetest thing ever

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long have i seen folks in the writing community write and create DNIs on their rules for folks to abide from. which, in itself, is okay! however, people often mistake a DNI as being a boundary when the reality is that they are not.

DNIs are not boundaries, they are requests.

Please understand that what i am referring to here are DNIs that are more PERSONAL to an individual. 

General DNIs that most people have the same or similar names for extremely valid and warranted reasons due to their obviously hostile, toxic, and harmful behaviors are NOT what i am talking about here.

While the reasons for personal DNIs are indeed VALID for individuals, what is discomforting for me about many that i have seen are the 'make or break' attitudes that often come with them.

i do truly believe that people should normalize making boundaries for themselves without forcing it upon others and creating ultimatums or asking for requests.

People are allowed to block folks who they do not vibe with. people are allowed to set up said boundaries. But, please DO NOT gatekeep people. i simply do not believe anybody is within their right to force people's hands without being toxic.

Remember, making a boundary is allowed but there is a difference between healthy boundaries and controlling behavior. By definition, a boundary is about YOUR own actions, not somebody else's. There is also a difference between setting a boundary, asking a request, and creating an ultimatum.

setting boundaries is fine. asking for a request is okay, sometimes. creating an ultimatum is not healthy.

A request is: i do not like this person, do not follow them. A boundary is: i do not like this person, if you follow them, then I will not follow you.

a DNI, which stands for 'Do Not Interact' is an explicit request for folks to NOT INTERACT with them if they write X or follow Y. DNIs are not always bad by themselves as they do often come with boundaries:

'dni if xyz because i will not engage in those subjects or want to be close to this person' (notice how the boundary given here is in bold.)

Please remember that DNIs alone are not boundaries though, they are requests. which, i cannot stress this enough, are not always bad. you are allowed to do whatever it is to create a safe place for yourself and curate your dashboard to your own liking.

you are allowed to have a personal DNI. it’s always okay to have them, and i am not saying that anybody shouldn't have them. ultimately, it is how you want to curate your space for yourself. folks are allowed to have their own social circles where they feel safe and comfortable and welcomed.

I also do believe that folks should be allowed to make decisions for themselves as well when it comes to personal relationships outside of social groups.

while you may not get along with a certain individual, that does not necessarily mean that it is the same for others.  forcing another to 'pick' between you or another person is a very harmful mentality to have.

yes, you are allowed and you are so valid in whatever feelings you may have towards/about somebody, but that is YOUR relationship/opinion about that person alone, not anybody else's.

Folks really need to normalize that it is okay if their friends talk to somebody that they don't like on a personal level. its okay if your friend wants to remain a neutral party because they would rather not get involved. its something that shouldn't be and isn't going to be a subject of discussion for the two of you, and it should be respected by both parties.

you can have healthy relationships with boundaries without making ultimatums or requests from others that may put them in an awkward position, especially since personal DNIs are often just personal for yourself. at the end of the day, it is still up to you on what YOU want to do to curate your internet safe space, but please don't do it in a matter where it forces folks into a 'its me or them' decision. that is not fair and it can be controlling and uncomfortable.

i do believe people are allowed to feel safe, but they should not do it with a forced decision of another or make them feel like they have to make a choice between you or another.

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no bc i'm still hung up on this post and how oc's are expected to deliver more background information than anyone else and i'm here to once again emphasize how crucial interaction and engagement is to their own development both for the character and the writer behind them.

canon characters have the luxury of appearing "more fleshed out" / "self-explanatory" simply because we've witnessed them interact with other characters on screen. oc's don't get to have that when they are first created.

oc's start from scratch. and they can only build themselves based on the way they relate to others. it's literally how humans work.

so, you want to know more about oc's? engage. how? lemme give you some tips based on practices i've applied myself (feel free to reblog and add more):

read their headcanons: most oc's will provide important info there

ask the writer about their headcanons: found a headcanon intriguing? ask for details (e.g. if they mention they have a special item in them at all times, ask what it looks like, what for, its significance). this helps motivate writers to uncover new information about their own character.

ask the character about their headcanons: let the muse explain themselves and see how they behave about something personal, for example.

read their stats: pets? scars? tattoos? anything visible that can be commented on? point it out to the muse and comment on it.

send memes/questions: your best chance is when you see them reblog them so you don't have to come up with anything yourself.

relate them to your muse: does your muse like rock music? ask the character or the writer if they like rock music too.

note: this list isn't exhaustive. it's simply a couple examples from first-hand experience. it also applies to all muses (canon or oc), but needless to say, this post is specifically about oc's, hence the focus on them.

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Declutter Tumblr

The new layout it a whole mess. Thankfully Xkit can already help with a bunch of this! I'm sure it'll give more options soon.

Vanilla Tumblr:

(I have marked in red what can be removed. The tabs can be set not to stick, so you will really only see them at the top of your dash. Empty box on the left for hidden notifications and shop sparkle, i just didn't have any. I'm EU so no Live for me).

Xkit Rewritten Tumblr:

The settings I use:

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↪     𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐎𝐍𝐄 , 𝑰'𝑴 𝑨 𝑭𝑬𝑾 - ᶰᵒ ᶠᵃᵐᶤˡʸ ˒ ᵗᵒᵒ . 𝑤ℎ𝑜 𝑎𝑚 𝑖 ?    (  a  series  of  sentence  starters  from  season  1  of  “ orphan black ” .   adjust  phrasing  as  necessary . will be updated !  )

i wanna see [ name ] .

well , that's not fair , is it ?!

oh my god , you look like crap .

i didn't miss your birthday , did i ?

something really weird just happened at the train station .

what the hell is wrong with you ?

listen to me , [ name ] , i'm only gonna ask you this once .

oh , i'm fine by the way , thank you .

get in the car .

when you don't give a damn , i get pissed .

you'd better be ready . are you ready ?

you're sure as hell overdressed . what , were you out all night or something ?

this shit is as hard as it gets . but you've gotta stop making it worse .

i panicked , what do you want me to say ?

i'm kidding . where's your wit gone ?

you don't have to babysit me , dipshit .

i know this thing's got you all twisted up , but try to forgive yourself .

[ name ] , open the goddamn door !

yeah , the last thing i am is special .

[ name ] , where have you been ?

where have i been ? uh .. long story .

oh , jesus , are you alright ?

you have a few words , [ name ] ? anything you want to express ?

plead your mercy & your pity .

love is imperfection itself .

say it . go ahead , say it's my fault .

who the hell are you ?

of course not . you think we'd let that happen ?

i'm at home , you've got it all wrong .

you know what ? don't . i'm going to ignore that .

i'm worried you're losing the plot again .

sorry , i've got ... i've got a lot of work to do .

i mean , what am i supposed to do ?

you don't have to take this on .

i can't keep waking up every night , checking your breathing , worried you're mixing your meds , booze ... god knows what else .

i knew it was too good to be true .

why would you help such a stupid plan ?

i'm not going to play [ name ] in the middle .

i'm not dirty , i just freaked out .

if there is another version of this story ...

walk me through it again . so i know you won't crack under questioning .

you're making me nervous .

finally ! where have you been ?

who am i speaking to ?

how did you find me ?

idiot . do you even know who you're talking to ?

i don't care who you are .

nope , that is not my responsibility .

go , & wait for a call .

what i'm trying to do is move on .

we have known each other for awhile now , [ name ] .

i nailed it , man . every detail .

come on , [ name ] , give me a little love here !

you know , my skin just breaks out every time i leave downtown .

whoa , hey , [ name ] - you always do this to me !

i don't do backup , i don't even know what backup is !

i got stuck , i was running from my own shit .

i'm not giving you shit 'til you give me some answers .

don't ! do not shoot me , please !

seriously , it's life or death .

am i going insane ?

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🐝  *  ―  send ✨ or ( ‘SPARKLE’ ) and i’ll tell you at least one thing i like most about you, your blog, your portrayal, or your muse.

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↪ 𝑫𝑶𝑵'𝑻 𝑺𝑴𝑰𝑳𝑬 𝑨𝑻 𝑴𝑬 . ( a collection of lyric starters from an assortment of billie eilish songs . adjust phrasing as necessary . )

you scared me to death .

there's nothing left to save now .

i don't think i caught your name .

i like it when you take control .

you're sacred and they're starved .

how dare you ? and how could you ?

one of us is gonna lose .

i don't even really know how it happened .

i'm out of sympathy for you .

just let me hold you .

don't talk about me like you might know how i feel .

try not to abuse your power .

i wish someone had told me i'd be doing this by myself .

it's not like me to be so mean .

you just want what you can't have .

would you like me to be quiet ?

i haven't slept since sunday .

i don't want to want you .

it hurts , but i know how to hide it .

i'm the only one who does it how you like .

you better keep your head down .

a lot can change in twenty seconds .

why aren't you scared of me ?

i thought that i was special .

you're looking at me like i'm see-through .

you were a hero , you played the part .

i never really know how to please you .

see what you wanna see .

gold's fake , and real love hurts .

no way , i'll call the cops .

maybe you should leave before i get too mean .

i just wanted to protect you .

you only listen to your fuckin' friends .

they're never gonna give you love like ours .

all you wanna do is kiss me .

don't you know too much already ?

it's weird that we care so much until we don't .

i didn't change my number , i changed who i reply to .

i don't know what feels true .

did you really think this is the right thing to do ?

i would hate to see you go .

i'd never treat me this shitty .

i'll only hurt you if you let me .

you made me feel like it was my fault .

now i know what you are .

i feel more and more like i was made for you .

you wanna kill me ? you wanna hurt me ?

don't try to make me feel bad .

wait , you know what ? maybe just forget it .

was i made from a broken mold ?

you want me to be yours , then you've gotta be mine .

tell me "nothing lasts" , like i don't know .

wait a minute , let me finish .

you know i'm not your friend without some greenery .

my demands aren't high to make .

stop , what the hell are you talking about ?

we both know i'm worth waiting for .

you ruined everything good .

you really know how to make me cry .

your love feels so fake .

i wanna be alone . alone with you , does that make sense ?

spit it out , what is it exactly ?

i'll never let you go .

if we were meant to be , we would've been by now .

you can pretend that you don't miss me .

just fucking leave me alone .

don't say i didn't warn you .

it's pretty cool , right ?

i think i might have fallen in love .

i tried not to upset you .

do you even feel anything ?

don't ask questions , you don't wanna know .

i've been walking through a world gone blind .

i just wanna make you feel okay .

i know you don't care , but can you listen ?

don't you know i'm no good for you ?

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little tip for anyone wanting to indent posts with the new editor : u can't indent without using a loophole as far as i've seen , & the best one i've found is using this : "ㅤ" character ( yes , there's a character to copy & paste there - it's just invisible ! ) to indent your lines . it counts as a character ! place as many as you want .

example :

ㅤㅤㅤthis is indented ! ㅤthis is indented !

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