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[withlovecb]

Marriage Talk Pt. II - What The Men Are Saying

Hey guys!

Seems like Wednesdays come around faster than ever, lol.

Any who, let’s get down to blog business. Usually, after I write all my posts, I have a phone conversation with my mom. Anyone who knows us, knows that she is really my best friend, but also another great writer. Her opinion really matters to me. I ask her over and over again, “So, mom. You liked it? Did you really like it or are you just saying that?” I really harass her when it comes to the pieces that I write. But as I’m having this discussion with her about my previous blog post, I couldn’t help but hear my dad’s voice in the background. Couldn’t really make out everything that he was saying, but it sounded pretty extensive. So, I asked my mom, “What’s Dad saying?” He’s usually always talking junk. I was praying though, that the ‘junk’ that he usually spews had nothing to do with my previous blog post. Whenever my dad forms an opinion about something that I’ve created and it’s a negative critique, I really get into my feelings lol. No, I mean like crying and all y’all lol. I don’t know what it is. However, the ‘junk’ talk was actually no junk at all, but rather an opinion. My dad actually loved my ‘Marriage Talk’ piece and thought that it’d be an even BETTER idea to get the men’s side of the issue. I honestly couldn’t have agreed more. So, here it is. Marriage Talk Part II – What The Men Had to Say!

As I’m riding in the car with my boyfriend, driving back to our home town, I’m telling him how opinionated my father was on this topic. He told me that I should include men and not assume that all my readers are women. I agreed. So, I raised this question to the men, lol, even my very young men. I wanted to really see the generational difference in responses between the younger and the older. Alright guys, here goes nothing. So men, tell me... Do you think the engagement ring is necessary in order to seal the deal in a marriage proposal? Why or why not?

Dyshell P., 25 – “Necessary? Negatory. I feel like the ring is more so for others to see. In my opinion, what’s the difference between me kneeling down asking for your hand in marriage with a ring vs. giving my word? It’s between the two people in the actual situation, technically speaking. The engagement ring does not solidify anything.” (He requested this picture be alongside his response).

My face after his request:

Lol, but let’s continue. My father has been patiently waiting for his time to shine so ... here you go dad. 

Preme B., 52 – “No, the engagement ring does not seal the deal for the proposal. However, if both persons’ finances are in order, credit is good and all your ducks are in a row, by all means, buy the ring. But if your finances and priorities aren’t situated then in the end, all you’ll have is that ring. What would be the sense to buy a ring if you can’t afford it? You’re portraying an image that’s not reality. Look at it this way, you use your credit to buy a ring because your money not right, all this does is become another bill. For what? I’d rather build on something of more value than an engagement ring. Focus on the bigger picture and the bigger goal like buying a house. For example, if I went outside and made you a wooden ring and asked you would you marry me and you look at me like I got two f—kin’ heads, then you’ve missed the total concept. A ring, in my opinion, doesn’t prove real love. It’s just a materialistic, adopted culture that many women have become so desperate to be a part of. Back in the day, you created your own ceremonies where people laughed and had good times. These days, what’s that show? Bridezilla? You see how all the women are usually angry and everyone is so stressed out? It’s because everything has become so materialistic. A ring means absolutely nothing. It’s just something for the perception of someone else and a good business deal for the stores. To be honest, what good is a ring if your priorities are f—ked up? Bottom line, if you can afford the ring and you’re in good financial standings, by all means, do you. But is it necessary? No. Build your future first. Let’s get sh-t in order so we can have sh-t.” 

Jerome R., 32 – “In a way, I PERSONALLY don’t think its quote on quote necessary but the way in which we were ALL taught or should I say brainwashed to believe from society is that YES in order to propose to someone you MUST have a ring. But I say this, if I DON’T have a ring, does that mean the love we have for one another and your thoughts of possibly wanting to get married goes away if I don’t propose to you with a ring? See that’s important to think about because we get so caught up in the materialistic ‘stuff’ that we forget what’s really important . What’s important isn’t the ring, that sh-t is just for show for her to brag to her girlfriends and family. The important thing is the love that we have for one another that ultimately got us to the point that we even had a thought of wanting to get married in the FIRST place. So I say, no, it’s not necessary but many will probably disagree because like I said before, everyone is so programmed to believe that in order to propose one MUST have a ring that they can’t think outside of that.”

Kwame B., 19 - “Nah. The engagement ring isn’t necessary. If I got down on one knee and asked my girl to marry me, the emotion is still going to be the same. With or without the ring. The message is still the same.”

Keith T., 52 – “No. A ring is not necessary. A ring is to let everyone outside the couple know that they are in a relationship. The biggest/ highest compliment a man can give a woman is to ask her to marry him. No paper or ring can change that. When you’re committed to someone, it’s in your heart not on your finger.”

Johnathan B., 25 – “Hey Tay, lmao, wah gwan? But nah, I don’t think the ring HAS to be the necessary item. It could be a house or a sentimental gift… something like that and then you get the actual ring on wedding day.”

Devon A., 26 – “Hmmm, that’s iffy! Well according to society, the ring is what really seals the deal. I wouldn’t care to be honest but if you’re going to announce it on Instagram, etc. etc. every one’s going to be like, “Where’s the ring?” with their big ass eyes.” 

Michael C., 26 – “I don’t think it’s necessarily needed to seal a marriage proposal because as a man, your word is supposed to be your bond and you shouldn’t need a ring as reassurance that your spouse isn’t bullshitting. But the whole proposing with a ring thing has been done for so many years that it would look abnormal to someone to propose without it."

Aaron T., 48 – “Unless you can’t afford the ring, yes, I do think the ring is necessary. To me, it shows the seriousness in wanting a commitment.” 

Vincent S., 27 – “No, I don’t think so. The engagement ring is just something of symbolic meaning. I honestly think it’s a mean of spending more money for the economy. The fact that people equate a diamond to love is nearly stupid. Love is love, you shouldn’t need a materialistic thing to prove whether or not the deal is sealed for marriage.”

Amir S., 19 – “I think the engagement ring is an important piece to let your lady know it’s real.”

Anthony W., 26 – “No, I do not think an engagement ring is important. Depending on the financial status of the gentleman, he may not be able to afford a ring at the moment and love is something you can’t put a price on. As a woman, if you have no doubts in your mind that you and your significant other are in love, then there shouldn’t be any question. But if the brotha just being cheap, let him goooooo sis!!! Lol. (Sidebar: Please note readers that Anthony was joking with his last statement. He wanted me to make sure that I added the ‘lol’, haha! I’m telling you, interviewing the guys was hilarious!)

Tysean T., 22 – “I think, not just because I’m not a material kind of person and we both know that the ring you want will cost damn near what the wedding cost, if you and I both know we love each other and we know we want to marry each other, you will eventually get the ring. The proposal doesn’t become less official because the ring isn’t present.”

Keith T., 27 – “Nah because marriage is a covenant under God and Christ! Material shouldn’t matter! It’s really to let others know like “Yo, this one right here is mine, she spoken for” but between the two people in the relationship, no.”

Isiah B., 25 – “Yes. Because it puts a title on your property as a man. It’s almost like a dog pissing on a tree to label it as their spot. So we put rings on our lady finger to make it known that she belongs to one. Sometimes, material objects are the best way to get a point across. It’s so deep and so traditional that there’s no turning back.”

Leonard C., 26 – “I do not believe the ring is a necessity. It is customary, but not mandatory. In some cultures it is almost non-existent and unheard of. One of my previous employees got engaged to a wealthy man and did not receive a ring because it was not customary in their culture. In our culture, the proposal represents a promise between two people to commit to each other and then wed, making a covenant with God. The engagement ring is a sign to the masses/public that the woman has accepted the man’s proposal to make a lifelong covenant. Therefore, she is almost permanently, unavailable. It is also, a symbol to the man and woman of their love and commitment to each other. 

Eventually, they will both receive wedding rings which are to be worn on the only finger that has a vein that connects directly to the heart. This simply symbolizes how deep their love runs for each other. 

I’ve recently met men (in different scenarios) who were clearly committed to their wives but didn’t necessarily wear a wedding ring. The ring isn’t the commitment. It is not the element of love itself. It is simply a symbol. 

Suppose the woman does not have a hand? Is she automatically disqualified from engagement eligibility? Of course not! Nick Vujicic is a powerful motivational speaker and leader who is happily married with two children. However, he is totally unable to wear or present a wedding ring. He is quadriplegic. 

As I said, the engagement ring is not mandatory, only customary. I intend to follow the custom.”

Well. You heard the men. They have spoken. 

I always love the variance in responses and again, I am just as shocked with these responses as I was for the women. Honestly, after careful observation of all the answers I’ve received from doing this Q&A, lol, I have to agree with the fact that no, the engagement ring is not necessary to seal the deal. My boyfriend and I are both still young with goals that we’d like to achieve. Saving our money, clearing our debt, buying a home. So, how could I say “No” to a man who craves the idea of me being his wife, but would rather put his money into a better future for us? I feel like the commitment is already in the mere act of the man’s proposal, not the engagement ring. 

So, as this topic comes to an end, I will close this post with a sincere THANK YOU to everyone who participated in my Q&A. Literally, answering my mass texts at 9 o’clock in the morning, lol. Gotta thank my boyfriend too for all of his help. Staying up late night helping me with editing and getting responses as well. You were great babe, Netflix and chill? *winks* ... No, but seriously, I thank all of you who really support my writing and my craziness on Wednesday nights or whenever you have the time to read my posts. It’s really motivation to keep this here going. Thank you all for bringing me back to my passion. I love each and every one of you!

Until next time.

Always, always love,

-CB.

[withlovecb]

Fully into supporting those who are really great at what they do & I appreciate anyone who supports my move to LA I want us all to make it ! & we will I believe 💫

Check out her page @withlovecb

[withlovecb]

Marriage Talk: Proposing Without The Ring

Right now, I’m sitting at my desk, drinking a light roast cup of coffee and the inspiration to write is here. #WithLoveWednesday in full effect, lol.

Okay, so the other day, my boyfriend and I had a conversation. He raised the question of, “What if I wanted to marry you, but my proposal came without a ring? How would you feel about that?” First of all, whenever he brings up the topic of marriage, my stomach always drops. I don’t know why. I always feel in that moment, like I want to throw up lol. Honestly, I didn’t know how to answer that question, so I sat there, quietly for about one minute, which honestly felt like the longest minute of silence in my entire life. So he decided to fill in the silence. He explained to me that he doesn’t want to rush the ring. He wants the ring to be a perfect symbolism of the value he has placed on not only this relationship but myself as well.

He broke it down to me like this. “It’s not that I don’t want to get you a ring. It’s just that, given the fact that this ring placed on your finger, is to symbolize “us,” I feel it’d be inappropriate of me to put just anything in place of that just for the sake of having a ring. The unity of us isn’t just anything. It’s special, and highly valued, to us, if no one else. So anything that symbolizes us should be an equal. The ring that symbolizes that, I’m not looking for it to be gaudy and have an extensive shine, not necessarily. I need it to have an elegant cut, minimal imperfections and the perfect color, embedded in a prestige setting to get it to be valued to nearly as much as I value us. So, back to the original question, if i wanted to marry you, but my proposal came without a ring, what would you say?”

To answer his question, because I know he is reading this, especially because I included him in this post (rolls eyes in back of head, lol): Yes, I would definitely, no questions asked, marry you if you proposed to me without a ring. At the end of the day, that ring doesn’t solidify much of anything, in my opinion. It’s just someone else’s tradition to live by. In the long haul, it’s just you & I; making our own traditions and our own rules, lol. You love me enough to propose to me, I’m down with you. Ring or no ring. So, does this mean I’m engaged orrrr? Lol.

But I couldn’t help but wonder what the responses of other women would be. I pondered on how many women would be open to the idea of a marriage proposal without a ring. So, I posed this question to a few of the women in my life of various ages. If your boyfriend asked you to marry him but the proposal came without a ring, what would your answer be and why?

Here’s what they had to say:

Arianna F., 20 – “My answer would be yes because it’s about love and not about a ring. I’d rather go get a tattoo though.”

Shaquarah H., 28 – “Yes, because a ring doesn’t matter. Been with the man for 10 years. He nor I are going anywhere. I would ask my man what the hell took him so long and just go buy my own damn ring lol.”

Lauren L., 27 – “I would still say yes. Marriage is about the commitment, not the ring. The ring of course is a symbol of love to infinity and beyond, but if for some reason the ring wasn’t physically present at the time he feels he’s ready to make that commitment, I wouldn’t chastise him for that.”

Tanyria T. 25 – “It depends on how the proposal was done. If it was just him lying in bed like “Will you marry me?” He knows I’d be like ‘Do better!’ lmao. But if it was thought out, I’d say yes and we could go ring shopping together.”

Jasmine T., 28 – “Yes. Because the ring is just the material part. The paper is the material part. The fact that he wants to make you his own and not drag you years down the line playing house is more important. There are people that have beautiful rings and are the UNHAPPIEST people you would ever want to know. I know of people who have gone to the Justice of Peace and are in love. Follow your heart. Pray on the fact that this man asked your hand and your heart.”

Shanel ‘Nellz’ T., 30 – “No question. It’s a no. The reason I say no is because seeing is believing, actions speak louder than words. The next thing you would have to ask, even if you considered it, would be how long would I have to wait? Are you financially stable? And I hate to say it but type of ring describes the quality of woman you are to him. Your ring should be at least three months’ salary of your man’s paycheck.”

Monique B., 49 & Fabulous – “If I loved this man with all my heart, and he’s treated me all along with the love and respect I deserve, then my answer is unequivocally yes! I’m not big on the materialistic side of things and I’m not really a diamond girl anyway. He could be working on what he feels is a representation of his love for me, which could be an opal or even a jade ring, for all that it matters. A diamond or ring of any magnitude doesn’t equate to stable or respectful marriage. We can clearly see the astronomical rate of infidelity and divorce in this society. If he’s a good man, he’s a good man even without ring in hand.”

Melissa A., 27 – “YES! Lol, in my opinion marriage is a big deal and is much bigger than a ring and ceremony, it’s a commitment. A lot of people are infatuated with the idea of marriage but don’t really think about what comes with it. The ring is cool but I’ll take the commitment.”

Tawanda ‘Mom’ B., 50 – “Yes, because it’s not about the ring when real love is involved. The ring can always come later. Just focus on the love and the reasons why he proposed.”

Megan N., 27 – “I would still say yes, because if I am in a relationship with him, it’s because of more than material, and if I know there is no ring, it’s because it’s something he can’t do at the moment. Also, he would’ve known I wanted a ring because of the communication.”

Jonae L., 27 – “To me, that’s just a conversation. Knowing that’s what we’re working towards. A mutual agreement. I would say yes but I wouldn’t consider us officially engaged.”

Akqra S., 23 – “Depends on the relationship. If you’re a man of your word, I would say yes because it’s not about the ring, it’s about the commitment and how loved and secured I feel in this union. But, I need that ring at the altar. I want people to know I’m taken and I don’t have to say it lol.”

Courtney S., 27 – “YES! F*CK THAT, I LOVE THAT MAN. We can work on the ring.”

Yanique F., 26 – “Yea I still would. Love makes marriages work, not rings. It better be coming a little later though, lmao.”

Toni F., Fabulously 50 – “Well!!! As for me, I’m gonna need that ring, I’m just saying. Yes, if I love that man like no other, that’s great, however he WILL get on my nerve sooner or later and I will need that ring to look at. Besides, diamonds are a girl’s best friend *sips wine* … (Her real response) Baby, I have loved a man like no other and at the time, I would have worn his sock on my ring finger to show I was his and he was mine. Shoooooooot. Oh, I’m fabulously 50.”

Danielle F., 27 – “If Sean asked me to marry him tomorrow I know for a fact I would say yes. If there was no ring with the proposal, the answer would be the same. That being said, what actually changes? If your with someone and you know you are both in it for the long haul, I feel marriage is already implied. I don’t think I would start planning a wedding until I had a ring.”

Nia P., 27 - “No, because if you really know me you would know my values and what I want, which is a ring. Like I said before, I’m not being materialistic, but I’m an investment and you need to invest in a ring and really show me you are ready to be committed for life. Plus, I’m into romantic love stories and a ring with you getting on one knee confessing your love to me is a dream of mine and any man that wants to be my husband will know that. Like if you ready to ask me to be your wife, we would have had the whole ring talk etc., so you’re going to know what I want and what I expect.”

Gwen R., 54 - “If this man has shown me unconditional love, honesty, respect and commitment and is working hard, great provider, he can put a ring pop on my finger because, I don’t give a daaaaaamn. I know we both gon’ shine like a diamond.” 

Diamond M., 26 - “Marriage has never really been a goal for me. But if I know for real it’s a forever thing I would probably say yea. But ain’t no wedding without no ring. And just know that I won’t be tellin’ people he’s my fiancé lol.”

To be honest. I’m shocked at the responses. I didn’t think that so many women would respond ‘Yes’ to the question at hand. And I was intrigued by the responses to those who answered ‘No.’ I want my female readers to think about this and share this question with your friends or family members like I did. My family had me over here in tears. Listen to the responses you get. Share your opinions / comments with me on my Instagram @withlovecb. I want to hear what some of you have to say on this topic.

I will end this with the great words of Helen Keller, “The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.”

Love y’all, -CB.

[withlovecb]

Reasonable Looks With CB ♥ Teaming up with “The Reasonable Style’s,” Melissa A.

Hey guys! It’s Wednesday! So you guys know what that means. Another post from your girl lol. If you guys follow my Instagram account, you will see a variety of different looks styled by a good friend of mine, Mel, also known as ‘the reasonable style.’ The point of that shoot was just to show people, well preferably women, that you don’t always have to be dressed in an expensive label to look good. My style is usually pretty simple. I’m definitely a distressed jeans and t-shirt kind of ‘gal. But sometimes, I like to see style from someone else’s perspective or point of view. I like to be able to understand fashion through the vision of someone else. Which is why I teamed up with Mel. I reached out to her letting her know that I wanted to shoot but I wanted her to dress me, lol. I figured what better way to get dressed than not having to think about it at all. To be honest, I hate getting dressed. I wish that my closet would just automatically put outfits together for me because usually, I just sit in my closet and stare at my clothes for hours. This takes me forever to get ready. My boyfriend legitimately hates me when this happens. If he’s planned for us to go to dinner or a movie, he will usually text me like “Start picking out what you’re going to wear from now” because he knows the process, lol.

 But anyway, what she did was, send me pictures of herself dressed in different looks and I dug in my closet to see what matched the looks that she wanted to achieve. Whatever I couldn’t find in my closet, she found in hers. Or whatever we couldn’t find in each other’s closet, I went out and brought lol. Each look was styled by Mel and every photograph was taken by her as well.

For the first look, she paired a Zara crop top with a denim jumpsuit. Believe it or not, those ‘pants’ that I’m wearing was actually a bunched up jumpsuit that Mel tied the sleeves around. Cool, huh? Honestly, I was weary about the crop top because I’ve put on some weight in the past couple months lol and I haven’t been comfortable wearing my little gut out in public. But, once I got dressed, I felt good. I didn’t even care about my little tummy. Mel also paired this look with a Calvin Klein fur and the “So Kate” Christian Louboutins. Now, I know we said “Reasonable Looks,” so to achieve this look, Louboutins aren’t technically necessary, unless you already have some in your closet then by all means. However, there are plenty of affordable shoe stores out there to find a nice nude stiletto. This look is definitely a look I would wear, especially because of the jumpsuit turned pants, lol. Here’s the look:

For the next look, which was my absolute FAVORITE, she wanted a comfortable yet ‘tomboy chic’ type of look. She paired a Zara Faux-shearling jacket ($70 bucks) with a Diamond Supply Co. hoodie underneath (which I actually picked up from Pac Sun in the men’s section. This specific location was an ‘everything must go,’ I was so hype! I love a good sale. That hoodie went from $90 to $40). She paired this with fishnet stockings, H&M Faux leather pants and the Metallic Gold AirMax ‘97s. This look was my favorite because this is exactly how I like to dress on a day to day basis when the weather starts to get colder. Honestly, I would have never thought to pair the fishnet stockings with this look, but I actually loved it. I’m self-conscious about how skinny my legs look in tights. So when Mel rolled the pants leg up, I was a little nervous about how I would look behind the lens. I was thinking to myself like “What?! My little legggggssssss have to showwwwww!”  But when she showed me how the pictures came out, I was stunned! My tiny little chicken ankles looked good. For this look, I also took my boyfriend’s Fendi glasses. Like right off of his face that day, lol. This was honestly just a cute little addition to the look, but totally not necessary, lol. Remember guys, these are “Reasonable Looks” which means you’re not killing your pockets, it’s affordable fashion, lol. Here’s the look:

Lastly, for the final look, Mel paired a Zara Patch Varsity Jacket (Wool Bowling jacket with Faux Leather Sleeves) with a Ralph Lauren’s Denim and Supply paint splattered Hoodie with Aldo’s thigh high suede boots. I added my NY Yankees baseball cap just because I thought it would be a cute little addition as well. I brought it from ASOS for like $20 bucks, if that. I liked this look because it mixed girly with comfort. It’s a look you can wear even in the colder months because the boots cover most of your leg and you should honestly be able to stay pretty warm with the hoodie and jacket. I wouldn’t suggest you wear this to walk around Manhattan, but a quick walk to a nice restaurant from the car, you should be fine lol. To be honest, I would definitely wear this look for a night on the town. It didn’t make me uncomfortable and it wasn’t too revealing. Oh, that’s another fun fact about me. I’m a conservative when it comes to getting dressed. I don’t like anything that’s too short or too tight or too revealing. I felt like Mel stayed within my boundaries for every look and allowed me to still feel sexy without taking me too far out of my element. Here’s the look:

I hope you guys enjoyed my little fashion post. I could never be a fashion blogger. I just wanted to give you a guys a little briefing behind the photoshoot, talk about the pictures, etc., etc. I suck at talking about looks and giving prices and all that fashion stuff, I’ll leave that to the professionals, lol. Half of the items that were presented in the looks were either something I brought decades ago or came from Mel’s closet, lol, except the Diamond Supply Co. hoodie. I scooped that up the day before the shoot. I tried though, lol.

With lo.., Oh wait, I almost forgot the quote.

In the words of my ABSOLUTE favorite, Carrie Bradshaw, “I like my money right where I can see it: Hanging in my closet.”

With love,

-CB.

[withlovecb]

Fun fact: I love Starbucks Frappes!

[withlovecb]

PSA.

Just an apology in advance. Don’t invite me out. I will not be attending any birthday dinners, brunches, nothing. Honestly, I love all of my friends and family but have you ever reached a point where you really just have to focus on self? Right now, I’m not comfortable, at all. I’m really ready to tunnel vision this life shit out, excuse my language. Get my pockets to a point where I never have to look at the price, of anything. Get myself to a point where I’m just all around, GOOD. I’m not there yet. I’m going to be honest with you guys. You all know I have all the love in the world for the people around me, but right now, I have to be selfish. My dad always tells me, “You might have to miss out on a few events, a few pairs of shoes, a few trips and a few outings, to get your shit right. Never mind all that other stuff.” I’ve reached a point in my adult life where I’m finally realizing that now. So, this is me, sending an early apology to every event I am about to turn down. Forgive me. This is just me, being real, getting my shit together.

 Always love,

-CB.

**Disclaimer. Nana, if you’re reading this post, excuse my language. Just makes the message that much realer, I love you. Don’t be mad at me, lol.

[withlovecb]

With Love, Wednesdays.

*Does a little happy dance and whispered scream because I’m at work* - My first Wednesday post. Feels good to have a little something to call my own. My blog has become my new baby. Every day, while I sit at my desk in the office, I’m focusing on my blog. When work gets slow, its blog time lol. It feels good to know that I have actual readers and people that wait to see what I’m going to post next. It’s hard to put a day on blogging though to be honest. I felt like in order to keep my work genuine, I didn’t want to force my writing but in the same breath, I realized that without some type of consistency, I wouldn’t have people who actually cared to read anything I posted. I didn’t want to be the “boring, sporadic, post maybe once a month” writer. So, I decided to create a day for myself.

You guys may be wondering why I decided to create #withlovewednesdays. And if you aren’t asking yourself this question then like, why are you even here? (Mean Girl voice). No, but, seriously, I started this because I’m actually the absolute worst with being consistent, I honestly didn’t want to admit that, but, hey. I don’t know if you guys can relate but, I have a hard time sticking to an assignment or something that has to be done unless there is a deadline attached. In college, I majored in English, so I used to be slammed with 15-21 page papers almost every two weeks, just about. I literally waited until the night before EVERY paper was due to actually have it completed. So, clearly I work better under pressure, lol.

But aside from me being horrible with my time management, I thought the hashtag #withlove was such a cute little idea. I’m all about being a lover, of all things. I feel like with every post that I bring forth, not only has my tone but it comes with a little piece of my heart attached. It makes me feel good when someone says to me, “I could hear your voice in this post,” or “I could totally relate to what you said!” because it makes me feel like I’m genuinely connected to each person that reads my posts. I mean, I could sit here and give you a research paper about life and love but where’s the fun in that? I want you to hear the humor in my writing, feel the hurt or happiness in each post and gain a sense of me in everything that you read. So when I say, #withlove, I mean it in a literal sense. Everything that is posted here has been posted with love, with a specific feeling, with specific emotions, etc. You aren’t just reading my blog posts, you are reading little pieces of me with each word. Remember this when you’re reading my writing. Remember this with each “lol” that I post because behind them is an actual laugh or smile on my face.

So, here’s a challenge to my readers. If you are reading this post and have another social media account, preferably Instagram, I would like you to post a picture of something or someone that makes you smile or makes you happy, something or someone you love or even love to do. Tag me, (@withlovecb) and hashtag #withlovewednesday! I’ve decided to make this a challenge because there’s so much negativity and hate in the world, why not create a challenge to continue the spread of love & happiness. Have fun with it guys and don’t forget, if you must do anything, do it #withlove.

In the words of Lao Tzu, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step,” never forget that.

 Love & light,

-CB.

[withlovecb]

Lesson III: Trust

The thing with trust is that you have to be extremely careful with who you give it to. Trust isn’t something that can be given, freely. Trust is one of those things that have to be earned. I didn’t do too well with trust in my relationship to be completely honest. There were many times that I sought, looking for incriminating information, only to find, absolutely nothing. I told you guys, I would lay it all out on the table. In order to have a successful relationship with readers, I need to be relatable. And, I’m here to tell you that trust was honestly the most difficult concept for me to understand in my relationship. From prior involvement with men who lied about everything from sun up to sun down, I didn’t know how to trust anyone. I became completely guarded. I mean, full blown metal gates. I felt bad for my boyfriend most times. What had he shown me that gave me a legit reason not to trust him? My answer was nothing. Womanly instincts gone wrong, arguments for lack of trust, relationship taking a turn for the worst. And all because of this stupid thing called, “trust.” Why was it so hard for me to show the man that I loved that I could trust him? Why was it so easy for me to love him and be in love with him but extremely difficult for me to take his word? Why did I go digging for information that led me to the path of nowhere? I realized my behavior started pushing him away, making him more distant than ever before. I couldn’t get close to him. No matter how close I was to him physically, emotionally we were roads apart. I had to get a grip.

 I had to learn that my present relationship as well as my present partner was not my old partner, or whoever it was that broke my trust in the past. I’ve been hurt before. But I had to really grasp the fact that applying my past hurt to my present situation would get me absolutely nowhere. Trust is a choice, and within a relationship, building on that trust takes time and to be honest, I felt like if I wasn’t willing to forget my past hurt and focus on my current relationship after 3 years then maybe I shouldn’t be in a relationship. It wasn’t fair to him. Trust can’t be built if only one partner is willing. Building trust requires a mutual commitment.

Be honest with your partner. Even if it’s a situation where you tell your partner all the time about leaving the lights on in the closet and one day, you slip up and leave the lights on. Lol, be honest about it. Being honest about the small things opens the doors for your partner to be able to trust you on bigger things. Whatever that may be.

All in all, I say all that to say, I was a total work in progress when I got into my relationship. I struggled with every key component that I’ve discussed here on my blog. I’m blessed to have had a partner with such patience and willingness to learn things about me and work with me on them. A lot of men these days don’t have the willingness to understand where their partner lacks and work with them where they may fall short.

 I’m a lucky one, lol.

 You guys that know me by now, know that I don’t ever know how to sign off on my blog posts.

So, I’ll just end with Einstein,

 “Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.”

 with love ♡,

- CB.

[withlovecb]

Lesson II: Communication

The art of communication seems to be fairly important in more than just relationships. It always seems to stand out in almost all job qualifications and without it, how does one effectively get their point across in any situation? Communication in a relationship is like online shopping for women - much needed to thrive, lol. [ps. I dont care who feels like I shouldn’t ‘LOL’ in my posts, I like it.] 

Anyway, I often wonder, why is communication a key factor to a successful relationship. I struggled with talking in my relationship. The simple question of “Talk to me, what’s going on?” would cause me to go mute and completely shut down. To be honest with you guys, I’m not a big talker when it comes to expressing my feelings. I can talk for hours about clothes, hair and shoes but when it comes down to how I feel ; complete and utter mute. My boyfriend was very frustrated with me during this time period. He felt like he’d have to almost sell his soul to get words out of me. Even if how I was feeling had absolutely nothing to do with him or our relationship and all to do with me and my personal self infliction, I couldn’t talk. I honestly thought I had a problem. All it took were the words, “whats bothering you, tell me what’s wrong” and the walls would just close in on me, lol. I’d have all the answers on the tip of my tongue but didn’t have the ability to utter one word.

These days, I’m much better with it. Definitely a learning experience for me, but I still wondered. If there are women out there whose lips are taped shut like mine were, are their relationships leading down a path to …. nowhere?

I decided to phone a friend on this one. I knew there was only one person that could give me an answer to this question. I call her, Mom. My mother and father have been together for over 30 years so I knew she had to be doing something right, lol. [Hi mumzy, if you’re reading this!]

“It’s all about relatability,” she said, “Like, you guys have to know when to communicate, which should really be all the time. Often times, couples go through their relationships not truly knowing what the other person is feeling and many relationships fail due to the lack of. In all actuality, two people in a relationship who actually do communicate after long years of no communication find that they are in two completely different spaces going in two totally different directions. Some people stray away from communication, usually men because they think it’s going to bring drama but in reality, it can fix and prevent problems going forward. Early communication can rectify the issues / problems in any relationship. Communication is what keeps two people together and without it, there is no relationship; point, blank, PERIOD. You will find NO relationship successful without a healthy communicative balance.”

I understood. In this moment, I realized how frustrating of a person I must’ve been holding all my feelings and emotions inside. I realized that in a relationship, a genuine relationship, we must go bare and allow ourselves to be vulnerable, laying all of our cards on the table face up. How can we truly call someone our “partner” when we’re leaving them in the dark from our next move?

“In a relationship, when communication starts to fade, everything else follows.”

With love,

-CB.

[withlovecb]

No sleep til’.. 4 am?

Last night, I didn’t sleep well. And while my boyfriend laid next to me, sound asleep with his mouth open, one leg out the cover and one hand palming my right cheek, I was caught between literal creativity and the fact that I had just related my chronic headaches to a brain tumor thanks to Google. 

Once I realized how serious I wanted to take my writing again, it consumed my mental space. I thought about all the topics I wanted to discuss and the manner in which I wanted to bring my writing to the table. I wanted to be relatable. I always think that’s the best way to go when you’re using a blog platform. I kind of feel like I am the subject that I know best. Why not use my experiences and the things that I’ve been through as the foundation of my writing. 

I didn’t want to make this post too long because honestly after that last sentence I didn’t even know what to say, lol. Oh. For the record, before I close this post: Nothing on my blog has been scientifically proven nor tested. This means, I’m not a relationship guru or a life expert. I can only tell you MY experiences and maybe the experiences of other people if I decide to take my blog that far, but we’ll see. The thing I love about not having what’s called, ‘creative direction’ is that you can honestly write about whatever it is that you want. 

Ugh. I have the hardest time concluding my blogs. Like what am I supposed to say at the end that lets you guys know that I’m finished?

Okay, well. I’m finished.. lol.

Can I “LOL” here or is that like a “blog faux pas?” Let me know.

With love,

-CB.

[withlovecb]

Disclaimer: I am not a writer.

Honestly, I just needed a place to put my thoughts. Here, you will more than likely find grammatical errors, punctuation mishaps, not too many spelling errors though, I pride myself on spelling [accepts gold star]. But I say all that to say, I’m not here to be perfect. I can sometimes be a jumbled mess, jump from subject to subject, ramble, rarely stay on one task, etc. etc. ; But if you can appreciate a disorganized mental mess and you’re willing to ride out with me, stay tuned for more interesting reads. I promise not to let life get too hectic and forget about you. And if it seems like I do, you can find me on Instagram, @withlovecb to curse me out. Love & light y’all!

Don’t miss out on Lesson 2! I’m not staying on relationships for this entire blog btw, I have a whole hectic life for y’all to know about!

With love,

- CB.

[withlovecb]

The Intro.

Hi.

For those of you that know me and know me well, you’d know that I spent my entire four years of college with my fingers glued down to a keyboard. Writing has always been my thing. I’ve known it since I was a little girl. In high school, I was in AP English. Not that, that even matters but it feels good to say, haha. Writing has always been a passion of mine and I often wonder what scares me away from the keyboard? Is it that I’m afraid that people may actually enjoy my writing or am I afraid that people will hate my writing and criticize me? Hm. I think its the criticizing thing. If it’s one thing that angers me the most, it would definitely be criticism. I’m very, very sensitive about my work and I hate when someone has anything to say about it. 

So. I’ve decided to start you guys off with an intro. Just a little something to hold you just in case it takes me decades to come back to this here blog.

Here goes absolutely nothing …

Hey. I’m 27, I currently live in New Jersey with my boyfriend of almost four years now. I’m originally a New Yorker, Queens to be exact but all in all, we felt like we needed a change of pace. I like Jersey. Nothing like New York but I’ve definitely acquired a sense of peace with a few bumps down the road. And blah blah blah, let’s get to the good stuff. Relationships are work. Sometimes it can be like putting on your best outfit and hitting the town and on other occasions, it can be your worst dark liquor hangover. Pick your poison. Fortunately though, through the good, the bad and the ugly, in relationships, I think it’s one of the best learning experiences that school could have never taught.

Here are 3 little lessons that I believe every relationship has to learn. 

Lesson 1: Sacrifice & Compromise

Toughest lesson for me to understand. Took me almost my entire relationship to realize that I am no longer “I,” but I am “we.” I had to realize that I am not in this relationship alone. I had genuinely been single and selfish for so long that I didn’t know how to cater to the wants of another human being. If he were reading this right now, he’d probably be nodding his head to every word. Relationships are built on compromise. Sometimes you gotta give a little. I wish I could tell you how easy that was for me, but I can’t. It was one of the hardest concepts for me to learn while being in this relationship. I had to realize that my boyfriend and I were playing for the same team. He wasn’t against me. And all of the decisions that he made were for us. I know ladies, it’s hard to tell whose the real and whose the knockoff. But that’s the thing about this tricky game called “relationship,” you either dive in head first and risk it all or stand on the diving board and never jump at all. It’s a chance you just have to be willing to take.

Lesson 2: Communication (to be continued …)

With love,

- CB.

[withlovecb]

#FOREVERBLUE 💙