witzmaennchen

[witzmaennchen]

[witzmaennchen]

stuff like this is awesome! it’s a great way to help a charity and let people know your tattoo shop is trans friendly! and a fuck you to jk rowling of course.

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[witzmaennchen]

I know that some British people take umbrage at Americans calling the Great British Bake Off relaxing, but it's just because GBBO is such a different kind of stressful from American baking shows.

American baking shows will be called something like "Cupcake Knife Fight", there's horror movie lighting everywhere and dramatic stings every 5 seconds. All of the contestants are shit talking each other and fist fighting over the one single deep fryer provided by production. It will show the judges all whispering to each other at their super villain table overlooking the whole kitchen, and one will be like, "Oh my god. Everyone look at Brenda right now. She's straight tanking it." And it will cut to Brenda, who is running around covered in flour and crying and also bleeding for some reason. Then you get a clip from an interview with one of the contestants, and they're like, "I really need to win this. Without this award money, I'm gonna need to close my restaurant, sell my dad, and live out of my car. AGAIN." Then the giant digital doomsday clock overhead lets out a horrid klaxon, the judges tell half of them that their cupcakes taste disgusting, and one of them gets eliminated and sent to walk down the dramatically-lit shame hallway never to be seen again.

Meanwhile GBBO is in a lovely, brightly colored tent, there are delightful and friendly hosts/jesters there to keep everyone entertained, and all of the B Roll is of like... a bumblebee going into a flower, or a lamb running in a field. And yes, there will be moments where someone will mess up their timing or something, and they'll be looking at their bake through the oven door like, "oh gosh I don't think this will rise in time!" Then they stand up to find Paul Hollywood directly behind them ominously. His creepy whitewalker eyes will glow white, and he'll say something like "the 12th of June. 2035. Drowning." And his eyes will go back to normal and he'll walk away. Then the baker gives a playful grimace to the camera and says "that didnt sound great, did it?". Cut to a sweet looking older woman sipping tea on a stool and she says "oo I do hope that Prue enjoys the taste of my sugary, sticky baps!". Then, at the end, someone gets a gold star for doing good, and the loser of the episode gets in the middle of a giant group hug. You see all of them at the end of the series at a giant carnival with their families and the post credits informs you that all of the contestants have become a Partridge Family-style traveling band and stayed friends forever.

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[witzmaennchen]

something incredibly American about an Allied trooper yelling brand names at Soviets until they recognize him as an ally.

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*cools ur dashboard down*

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Gosh.

Must be rough for them.

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fun facts!

in UK law, it didn’t count as bestiality because it wasn’t alive, and it didn’t count as necrophilia because it wasn’t human

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Chocolate-coated marshmallow treat: *exists*

Literally every country:

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DNI if your favourite element on the periodic table is mercury.

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observation: among a certain subset of tumblr users, the term “blorbo” has become unchic, but the concept it describes is still important; and so it has been replaced with “The Character”

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One of the things which I think should be most shocking to people who have no experience with Homeless shelters is how often they have policies which *actively make it harder for their residents to find or keep a job*.

What happens if you have a strict curfew but the bus back from your new job only comes once every hour? Better hope you don't leave work even five minutes late, otherwise you ain't getting to sleep indoors tonight! Hope that doesn't impair you at work tomorrow!

Also, better not try to get any swing or night shift work!

This is so obviously stupid and counterproductive that I think those of us who have never had first-hand knowledge of being homeless can't imagine that this kind of stuff is *normal* in American shelters.

Like legitimately they seem designed to keep people homeless.

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