wizardduckgay - Tumblr blog

wizardduckgay · 4 months

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internet

this fake, meaningless, screen world makes you hate, and hate, and hate, and hate, so much and so often and with such passion and about so many things, that you confuse yourself into thinking that's all you know, that's what you love, that's what you are, that's all you can do. you see slivers of lives cascade around you, everybody's problems, their dreams, their every thought. but we've engineered a culture around human behavior where the primary form of interaction, the major form of communication motivation / goals, rewards, benefits, encourages, and sometimes requires, negativity.

sincerity gets confused for sarcasm, genuinity gets perverted into otherness, intent ignored or misconstrued and ever questioned. is it bait? or do they just have an opinion; do you profit from my hate? or am i hurting you just for speaking. a superposition between being completely hidden from public eye and being viewed by millions, who each now have a direct line into your veins to say anything at all. you are punished for interaction

a sea of broken glass that we choose to swim in, for the promise of seashells made of the exact sand we chose to abandon. the people you meet may be financially motivated to push you down, they may be your friend, they could be a paragon or a "paragon", they may not even be real. millions of different islands all made of quicksand, themselves too being being broken into glass. the ocean floor a concrete jungle whose lines get blurred day by day. they house both the pistons that smash the glass and the gears that churn it all into profit.

we're left with corpses.

i guess i just want to, like... im sick of seeing takes, all the time everyday about everything, im tired of being forced to have a take about anything and everything. im tired feeling like everything i see is just an attempt to steal my attention or time or energy (and always money), im tired of feeling like i have to be invested in everything that crosses my feed, or that i need to be carefully examining the underlying morals and ethics of every word of every sentence someone posts all the time everytime. im tired of the constant stream of constantly different-yet-algorithmically-similar information, tired of feeling like every minute gesture i make and every behavior i exhibit (and dont exhibit) is being fed into a money generator (whether for the company or for the individual). im tired of anticipating scrutiny over every letter i type, im tired of hating what i make more than others realistically would just so i can motivate myself through fear to try and change and improve it.

i kinda remembered today, and have been remembering recently, that none of what i see here matters. or, well, not that it doesnt matter, god i mean there's genocide and rights abuses and corruption and a world of misinformation, and its just monday. of course it all matters. but, trying to Do It All All The Time, isn't healthy nor is it feasible. you just get hit over and over and over and over again upside the head with hammers, constantly reminding you of just how fucking little you can do for the things that matter. even the information is glass in its own right

no, what matters, is that im going to wake up tomorrow and my mom's still gonna be there. she'll still be a bit sick, and in pain, but she won't have spontaneously died in her sleep; she's gonna be there. what matters is that my dad is gonna come home from work, safe from the drive home and safe in his head and happiness. what matters is that my brother is doing fine, even if he's not in the house all that often. what matters is that my dog still has a few years left in her, and still loves to play with her toys and go outside

my friends, family, and self, are all safe. i cannot speak for their happiness, nor security, nor if they are necessarily doing well, but they are safe.

i have the time, energy, resources, and motivation, to make change. but, and this is especially true at this point in my life, this is all wasted if it is spent on what the magic box in my hand is showing me. it could never be enough, it will never be enough. I do not have enough in me to meaningfully impact most of what i see on there, not yet. so, i divert it to what is within reach. with what i have left, i can try to help others i am close with online, and the communities i am active in.

i saw a tweet thread today about the Red Dead Redemption 1 Remaster mod project, and how an individual online pestered the creators for weeks, took credit for the entire project, and hid the evidence. of course, this sucks. mod devs are super fucking rad and that individual is in the wrong (and their community is apparently now against the actual mod devs in some fashion?). but like, at the end of the day, the situation just boils down to internet drama. I have no stake in the RDR1 modding community, nor the individual's community. it sucks, my Take is that the person did bad, but man,

i kinda just laughed at the two thudes on the internet getting pissed at each other. it was funny.

this isnt about any specific platform, or medium of communication within the internet. but at the same time, like do the math folks lmao...

#2024LampExpo

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