wokepanda - Tumblr blog

[wokepanda]

MC: I love you guys, you’re the best thing that’s happened to me.

Sebastian: (touched) We’re the best thing that’s ever happened to you?

MC: Yes.

Ominis: I’m starting to feel a little sorry for you.

[wokepanda]

Remember that one time Merlin called Arthur a toad then said magic was outlawed so he’d never turn into a handsome prince?

What if he kept doing that casually, as his way of showing Arthur magic can be useful.

For example:

Arthur: do you ever wish there was a way to start fires without needing to gather firewood?

Merlin: there is. Your father outlawed it.

Arthur: there must’ve been a reason. Fire can be dangerous if it gets out of control.

—

And he tries to defend it, but it doesn’t hold up and over time Arthur starts just making sarcastic comments instead of actual defenses

—

Arthur: torches are so inconvenient. We need a better way to make light that can keep hands free for swords or other weapons.

Merlin: Magic, but it’s illegal so you’re stuck with carrying a torch.

Arthur: last time I needed light because you were dying it wasn’t evil.

Merlin: well, it’s unfortunate that you don’t know how to use magic then, sire.

—

Until he just can’t defend it

—

Arthur: six weeks?! I can’t miss six weeks of training for a broken foot! Is there some way to speed it up? Or just… fix it now?

Gaius: I don’t think-

Merlin: yes.

Gaius, who knows Merlin’s plan: *sigh*

Arthur: Thank god. Do it then.

Merlin: No. It’ll land us all on the pyre and I’m quite fond of, y’know, breathing, so suck it up.

Arthur: why is that kind of magic illegal? Surely healing isn’t evil.

Gaius: what you ask is treason, sire. Please be cautious.

Arthur: …

—

Merlin: who knows? Maybe all the bandits will decide to magically take a day off so you can go hunting without being hunted.

A few hours later, being chased through the woods by bandits:

Arthur: non magic sucks!

Merlin: yep. You can always repeal the ban once you’re king!

Arthur: huh… you know, I think I will.

Merlin: great, pardon my treason then. *magically knocks out the bandits and summons their horses and Arthur’s weapons back*

Arthur: THIS WHOLE TIME?!

Merlin: yep.

Arthur: …

Arthur: I can’t believe that worked.

Merlin: me neither, to be honest, sire.

—

Then they both laugh about it and Arthur repeals the ban, magic is free, Morgana is never evil, Agravaine doesn’t exist, and Mordred comes back to Camelot and gets therapy.

[wokepanda]

*merlins magic gets exposed in front of the knights*

merlin, magic user: oh fuck

arthur, finally taking this opportunity to pretend as if he just found out merlin has magic after agonizing for the past month on how to bring it up: you have magic?

lancelot, merlin defender, already knew of merlin’s magic: no! i have magic

gwaine, merlin defender, already knew of merlin’s magic, lover of chaos, ride or die: no, i have magic!

mordred, desperate for his hero’s approval bc no matter what he’s done emrys just stares at him with distrust and the poor boy is tired and so close to tears: no…i have magic.

percival, raised by druids and bonded strongly with mordred over that and does Not agree with the persecution of magic in camelot, had an inkling that merlin had magic but no proof: no. i have magic.

*leon and elyan exchange a look, elyan, amused and leon, exhausted, elyan shrugs*

elyan, knows how much gwen adores merlin and completely understands her stance bc merlin…is merlin, down to clown and put on a show, really playing up the dramatics: no! i have magic.

leon, exhausted, has known of merlin’s magic since he stepped foot in camelot, knows of his feelings for arthur and arthur’s feelings for him, knows arthur knows of merlin’s magic and wouldn’t harm him, thinks everyone is being absolutely ridiculous:

*the knights stare hard at leon and even merlin looks slightly offended at leon not jumping to his defense with the rest of the knights, arthur hasn’t said anything and is staring at leon expectantly*

leon, sighing: …no. i have magic.

[wokepanda]

[wokepanda]

I feel like that there would be a lot more Power Shenanigans with the Dominants as well as Bearers if it weren't for the stigmas surrounding them, the fucking plot and political climates, and the fact that using said powers carried a very real risk of exacting literal pounds of flesh from the person in question.

Things like Cid joy-buzzering everyone he meets. Benedikta just casually float-lounging, or floating herself to the fucking ceiling when she's mad. Hugo tunneling and popping up out of the ground randomly as a form of travel. Everyone crowding Jill/the Rosfield brothers during the hot/cold months. Someone cracks Dion's back and he lights up like a damn glowstick. Barnabas messing with shadows like they're molding clay and making the best shadow puppet shows anyone's ever seen.

[wokepanda]

I want to shake the hand of everybody who was involved in the executive decision to make his waist so perfect, especially in comparison to the rest of his body

[wokepanda]

Nah 'cause every time I see the ship name dancae for Dan Heng and Caelus I hear Shrek loudly yelling in my head: DONKAE

[wokepanda]

I'm always a slut for Eldritch Nightmare Merlin, official cryptid of Camelot and infant demigod, and @fluffypotatey and I agree Hunith would be entirely chill with that, but I also propose Arthur is the only other person who sees nothing out of the ordinary about Merlin. Like, all the other OG Round Table knights are pretty worldly guys (except Leon, but that man has Seen Some Shit) so they've probably met enough other sorcerers or seen enough magic used to know Merlin's magic is a bit....out of the box. But Arthur has known Merlin the longest, has seen him at his best and worst, so his entire attitude towards the whole "greatest sorcerer ever to live" thing is just, "Okay, and??? Good for him???"

Things Arthur has seen Merlin do:

Create a rainstorm over a town that was suffering from drought

Conjure food out of nothing when their rations got ruined

Speak to elemental spirits

Summon lightning from a clear sky

Heal an entire forest destroyed by wildfire

Transformed a volley of arrows into a cloud of butterflies

Turn a would-be assassin into a mouse

Turn himself into various animals including a raven, a fox, a cat, a stag, a wolf, a serpent, and a stoat

Create a 30-foot wall of fire to cut off their enemy's escape route

Address the Seelie Court

Things Arthur has also seen Merlin do:

Trip on the same set of stairs at least once a week for 10 years

Get his cloak shut in a door because he forgot he was wearing it

Peel apples to give to his horse

Cry over a litter of fox kits they found on a hunting trip (they were very small and fuzzy)

Get giggling-drunk after one (1) cup of strong wine

Play hide-and-seek with small children

Help the younger pages and squires practice their letters

Attend a council meeting barefoot because he forgot to put his boots on that morning

Carry around that scaly wingéd demon dragon hatchling in a sling like an infant because "she missed him"

Merlin: *does some Literally Impossible feat of magic*

Arthur: Same bae, different day, what y'all fussing about?

[wokepanda]

Fake Dating! Star Wars Prompt

ok so it’s like 2am here, have a prompt that’s been hovering in my mind over the past few days before I hit the sack.

Everyone from the Senate to the Jedi Council to The GAR to the Hutts knows there is something between Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker and Naboo Senator Padme Amidala. The pining looks, the ‘secret rendezvous’, the rumours of hidden kisses and how to put one in danger is to guarantee the other coming after you! There are at least 10 bets in Torrent Division alone on when they will make the official announcement (odds favour just post-war)! 

Everyone knows that they are at the very least in a relationship with each other (whether friends with benefits or something more is being bet on).

There is only one problem with this knowledge. 

Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala are not actually married, dating or even romantically into each other. They’re just fucking with everyone.

Keep reading

[wokepanda]

This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. No one talk to me

[wokepanda]

Every Social Link I do with Naoki the urge to adopt him and also kick the shit out of every single one of his neighbors only increases

[wokepanda]

Ahem,

Girl help I'm hallucinating.

[wokepanda]

another one (no thank you)

[Image description: Eight screencaps of the Genshin Impact characters from the Perilous Trail quest. Each character is paired with a screencap from the "All found families have" Tumblr post.

Xiao: Asshole with a heart of gold and self esteem issues

Aether: Really sweet character who’s capable of murder and also has self esteem issues

Yanfei: Incredibly cool character who is the only one with a brain cell

Paimon: Sassy and hiding pain

Yelan: Milf

Kuki Shinobu: Furious bisexual

Ushi: Only one capable of keeping a plant alive

and finally

Arataki Itto: Emotional support himbo /End image description.]

[wokepanda]

Xichen seeing Lan Zhan dragging Mo Xuanyu into cloud reccess like

Xichen-wow I'm so happy that Wangji can finally move on and live a happ-This is Wei Wuxian again isn't it

[wokepanda]

ILLEGAL

[wokepanda]

it's so funny to me that back when mc suggested "we should have a team dinner together!" back in the blissful fete anniversary event story, all the boys were like "uuhhhh dont think thats a good idea" cuz theyre allergic to hanging out with each other without the pretense of nxx cases (because of course, the only thing more dangerous than life threatening cases is.......hanging out with your colleagues JVJHSDVF)

BUT NOW in the dreams of childhood event, the usual date-crashing running gag happened with luke's hoyoland investigation date with mc getting date-crashed by the others, and i adore this running gag cuz it's always hilarious to me and also cuz what ends up happening is that the team---spurred on by genre-typical romantic date-crashing---completely forgets about the original aversion of hanging out with the others and eNDS UP AT AN AMUSEMENT PARK TOGETHER TALKING ABT BEAUTIFUL MOMENTS AND UNINTENTIONALLY BONDING

mc: let's go on a team outing :D

the nxx boys, emotionally repressed-ly: nuh uh

mc, recalibrating: .....wow let me announce here in the nxx meeting room where everybody can hear that LUKE HAS INVITED ME to an AMUSEMENT PARK and we will be together ALONE DOING WORK

the nxx boys: GET HIS ASS!! WE'RE ALL COMING NOW!!!

luke: :/

mc, internally: hehe, team outing achieved. checkmate >:)

task failed successfully. found fam friendship funtimes commencing

[wokepanda]

All these years later and I still can't get over how Byakuya was like "I don't get paid enough to deal with this" when the 15-year-old orange-haired peasant boy that he was about to kill suddenly become a violent and crazy hollow

He literally just shook it off, didn't ask Ichigo questions, and got right back to trying to kill him

Byakuya: I'm a brave boy

*Hollow Ichigo appears*

Byakuya: not a brave enough boy for this