womens-anonymous - Tumblr blog

womens-anonymous · 7 years ago

Text

what's your net-net-net worth?

I think I need to start all of my dates in honor of Drake’s “In my feelings” track- What’s your net worth? From there I can determine if I should continue relations not solely based on the value provided, but more importantly, if that value matches up with his market value. What I’ve come to learn about men is that they severely lack the internal reflection of what they can and are willing to contribute to a partnership. This lack of internal reflection causes them to over-estimate their market value. Over-estimating mens are likes of 50 Cent, Future, Ryan Lotche, and Bow Wow whereas the contrary are the likes of Lance Gross, Denzel Washington, and Ryan Gosling. Over-estimation of one’s market value can cause them to think they “God’s ONLY gift to the world”, more than worthy to have access to any woman they desire, also find women and their contributions to be easily disposable or taken for granted. Typically women under-estimate their market value because they don’t want to intimate or “scare a man away”. Women would rather play small, into the comfort of a man’s ego because it’s safe and non confrontational. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with women that play small or men that think they are God’s gift, but if these mannerism are done at the expense of yourself, or to degrade your significant other or at the approval of your significant other, that is not okayyy.

I attribute this observation to familial and societal conditioning of women being givers and men as being takers. Women will cook, clean, go to work, wrangle children, and lay it down in the bedroom all for the man that gets the big piece of chicken for dinner. While men lay in the position of expectancy- for the big piece of chicken, adoration from his lover, praise of for his professional accomplishments and wealth attainment, your forgiveness without resentment, for you to never leave or forsake him, and for you to make yourself cum! Women typically position themselves to give and prove that they are worthy of what I call the immaculate transaction. Now the immaculate transaction is not a wedding ring, no. Its the day a man decides to give of themselves. And when I say give, nothing of material like flowers, dinner or stuff. The act of giving is to relinquish the power of knowing why something is needed, yet drowns, sacrifices, or fulfills that need knowing it meets the expectation of someone. The gift of love is to drown to something bigger than yourself. To give without the expectancy for something in return. Giving requires one to choose, want and desire to be something better than. This act of giving should feel like an out of body experience. This doesn’t have to be something big like commitment or love, it can simply be unrequited support or consistent genuine care, hell, even an orgasm! Doing such a thing requires a man to be vulnerable, willing, and fearless. I don’t see this in the men I’ve been dating as of lately. I’ve encountered an array of men at different phases of their life, and what they all have in common is this arrogant pursuit to uncover my net worth and assets for their gain only. And It’s actually a violating experience. I’ve been on dates that could have been mistaken for job interviews. The interview question assess my skillset, student loan debt, and my contributions to his prestige. When I turn around and ask, “what do you bring to the table?”, I get a lot of uh’s, aggressive retorts, “what you means” or if I’m lucky “you got me fucked up’s”. This one guy’s investigative journalism skills was so tough, I wasn’t sure if he was inquiring the essence of me or the presence of me. I think there is nothing more beautiful than for a man to allow me to reveal myself to him, as he should do to me. It’s truly frustrating and disheartening because I don't think men are aware of vitriol they inflict when they run through you- your emotional headspace, your intellectual bedroom, your beautiful heart to then depart your home with nasty parting words- “ I ain’t like the way yo shit was set up in here anyway.”

Men take and take, and women break and break. I was that woman that gave so much and neglected myself and sanity. But I gave up this form of self destruction after the last one came through and ran a muck. Like a fool in love, I would let him back in countless times. And he shitted on my shit countless times. But that last time, I had enough. I didn't let him back in because I recognized that we weren’t building a partnered space. All of that shit in that “partnered” house was my shit- and I had enough of him shitting on MY SHIT. Its so crucial for women to claim ownership of the home they built within themselves and recognize the possessions they lended to the partnered home. Ownership allows us to defend, by any means necessary, or share because we know where it comes from and has the ability for rebirth. Women are constantly dying to themselves, to be rebirth again. Thats the essence of a woman; fiercely protective yet willing and able to give light/life. That man who acted a fool in MY house was simultaneously building his own house, however, it wasn’t ready for my presence, hence why I never got an invitation nor could he contribute to our “partnered” space. He wasn’t ready to give of himself; He wasn’t ready to share his space, bedroom, heart with me at full access. His ego guarded his front door until I stopped knocking (I was actually banging on that door). Not until I walked away, accepted that the immaculate transaction was not to come, He began to give, but by that time it was too late for me.

An article titled “Black Men aren’t providers because allow them to be contributors” was circling my newsfeed this past week and caused me to reflect on my contribution to the enabling of men’s subpar, unequivocally matched engagement with me. The article caused me to reflect on a recent discussion I had with a guy, who decided to stop dating me this past January.... We agreed to meet for dinner and discuss a business challenge I’m encountering and could use his help on. As we are walking to the restaurant, small talk quickly leads to a “proposal” he’d like to give me over dinner. Over dinner, he proposes that we have a child, “send it off to the soccer academy in London, and recoup our invest by the age 16 when he joins the league. Tax shelter you know” The tone and facial expression this man had during the proposal was serious and calculated in every way. Because I’m ignorant, I laughed in his face and said “you have got to be kidding me, yo, you cant be serious.” And he wasn’t playing- he proceeded to sell the idea to me “I can take care of us, you are young enough to get your body back, we’d have a tax credit for the kid, you have good hair, your family would like me...” Not once did this man ever inquire my aspirations of a family, partnership, willingness, fears, and vulnerabilities- even when we did date. All he knew and care to know was my “financial portfolio” because he already performed a risk analysis on it. Results came back that I was a low risk case because I got goals and shit to lose, just like him. Therefore the balanced risk would be shared. Once I got the shocking giggles out of me, I told him, “We would and could never work because we don’t share the same views and goals for our life projections.”

Don’t get me wrong, he’s a sweetheart. His gentle, light hearted demeanor reminds me of Sterling K Brown’s character on This is Us Television Show. On paper, he checks out- Master’s Degree, good work ethic, generous, and socially aware. But emotionally bankrupt, spiritually deprived, and hopelessly securing any love with the least effort. These traits are the archetype of takers. All they bring to the table is the “ability to provide.” “Provide” in his case, is money, but some of these other dudes say that word and mean bullshit, drama, confusion. Check it, there is nothing wrong with bringing home the bacon fellas, and ladies if that works for you, please do you boo! But for me, that’s not all I require and deserve. As a high earning, academically excelling Black woman in America, I recognize that I am apart of a demographic that is now surpassing the economic and educational threshold black men have yet to surpass. I don't say this braggadociously- I say it with great pride as I know that I am a descent of slave women, that transitioned into housemaids, then eventually entered industry’s that never wanted us like Science, Technology, Mathematics and Engineering, all while taking care of some muhfuggin kids! It is my duty to widen the door of opportunity for my Black brothers that have been stripped and undergirded of their contribution to society because of the manifestation of slavery, voters rights, mass incarceration, and systems of oppression. I get it, the shits hard and fucked up. Instead of having a chip on your shoulder because you “pulled yourself up by the bootstraps”, “aren’t a statistic”, “ have a master’s Degree and earring six figures”, “ not ready to give it all up for the wrong chick”, try sharing, giving, and being more than what you and world expects of you. It doesn’t hurt to give life/love, die by your own sword, knowing that you will be reborn again to see another day, give another day. Simply saying you want to be a financial provider in a family household may not cut it with a millennial Black women. Leaving the laborious emotional development for the mother to accomplish with y'all offspring aint enough no more. Picking up the kids when Mom can’t, aint cool no more. Your preference to go dutch on a date isn’t going to save you from rejection. You earning more than me doesn’t substitute for your lack of emotional responsibility in the building of a relationship or family. Me earning more than you doesn't subject you to domestic duties either.

I’ve come to understand that equality in genders and their roles may never be, but the dynamic equitable balance is something I’m willing to negotiate. Therefore ladies, know your true market value and demand an equitable contract with these mens. Don’t get caught up with the car sales pitch; ask the hard questions, seek the absolute truth. Hopefully this will force men to reconcile their shitty marketing scheme, humble thy self, and commits to a transaction that is cashless yet doesn’t bounce.

Be safe out here

-Issa Molly xo

0 notes

womens-anonymous · 8 years ago

Text

Practiced holding my tongue so long I forgot to speak

Here I am, up at 3am, can’t sleep... again. Can’t even recall how many nights it’s been this way. All I can think is... what’s wrong with me? Why has anxiety taken a liking to me these days? When I wake, nauseousness, faster heart rate, higher body temperature, racing thoughts all seem to hit me at once. So here I am, 3am, trying to do something about it...saying what I’ve been holding in and acknowledging what’s been holding me back.

I never stood up for myself. This whole time, my focus has been on you and your well being. I blamed your behavior and all the things you’ve said and done to me that hurt on “he’s got something going on that maybe he’s just unaware of. I see it. When he sees it, he’ll be and do better”. In reality your bad behavior is nothing more than a reflection of who you are. I’m not sure if you just got this way or if you were always this way and I choose not to see it. Either way, your behavior proves you are not well and you don’t want to change.

I cried for you. I prayed for you. I wanted for you so badly to be the man I always knew you could be. But you’re not that man. Maybe you never were. You’re selfish. You only care about you. You can try to pretend that you love and adored me or that you love and adore her, but you don’t. Your actions say you don’t. I poured into you. Gave all that I had the capability of giving. I fell short along the way because I had things that I was stuck behind, that I couldn’t get around, that were keeping me from the capacity at which I have now to love. As the woman that fell madly and deeply in love with you, the woman you planned a future with, the woman that offered you forgiveness and compassion at every wrongdoing and disappointment.... I wanted for you to be your best self. You never wanted that for yourself though. I see that now. While I was working on me, shining a light on and owning my flaws, breaking down insecurities and anxieties and obsessions, rebuilding and redefining who am I am and what I want, and re-igniting that fire that I have to be able to love someone again like I loved you/renewing my faith in love.... you were boo’d up. While I was doing all of that work on my end, I was still concerned about you. Even through the pain and anger and confusion... I still was genuinely concerned for you. I hoped that you were doing the work too. I hoped that you were somewhere thinking about me like I was thinking about you. Coming to the realization that you weren’t thinking about me, that you didn’t care, that you never communicated your true thoughts/desires/feelings and that you lied and betrayed me... that hurt. I never stood up for myself. I let you dictate when we were gonna break up, how, etc. I gave you the power to straight make me feel like a weak ass b-word. When all along it was you. Once I realized, once you showed me exactly who you are, I never said anything... I didn’t want to believe it. Now, I’m speaking it. You are a liar. You are a cheater. You are selfish. You are inconsiderate. You’re confused. You’re immature. You try so badly to be this good guy.... and for a long time I believed it. You are not a good guy. The moment you face that, face the fact that everyone has these high expectations of you- this good guy black man hero complex everyone places on you- and that you’ve fallen short of that and it’s okay is the day maybe you’ll realize just how really ain’t shit you actually are. I showed you so much mercy and grace, forgiveness and compassion, and LOVE. I didn’t afford myself that. I beat myself up. I haven’t done anything wrong though. I tried and said and did everything I could think to do. I gave you more than you deserved. I gave you more than you have ever given me. I have the capability (even more so now) to give you even more... you can’t handle it. You’re absolutely correct when you said “I deserve better” because I do. I need someone who is going to pour into me like I pour into them, believe in me like I believe in them, care about me as much as I care about them, someone who is going to fight for me as hard as I’ll fight for them. You don’t do that... you take take take and as soon as you got your fill, as soon as life got rough and things got tough, you got up and you walked away, straight into the arms of another woman. You never tried. You never gave it any effort. Those words still burn in the back of my brain, “you deserve better”... an excuse men use on women when they’re choosing not to be better. It’s an excuse used when they’re choosing not to level up, to be comfortable in where they are. I pity you. To recognize there’s an issue and to completely ignore it speaks wonders. I realized that you and this situation are a trigger for me. When I think about heartbreak, the only other time a man has ever broken my spirit, walked out of my life, and left me behind to sift through the rubble and put myself back together (aside from you of course) was my dad. He was sick. He needed help but wouldn’t take it. My mom, gave and gave and gave. She loved him more and harder than she ever loved any man before or after him. I loved him so much, it’s indescribable. He killed himself. It was selfish. His reason for suicide was that “we’d be better off without him, we deserved better”. Instead of just being better, making the effort to get right, making an effort to be the man and the lover and the father he thought we deserved he took his own life. He left us all behind to pick up the pieces, no responsibility for his actions or how they’ve affected all of us in different ways. I’ve forgiven my dad for being so selfish because I understand that mental health, emotional stability, and lack of confidence in oneself in the present and in the future all played a huge role in how things turned out. Having someone you love so deeply make the decision to take themselves out of the equation permanently without ever having tried to change, without ever having tried to unpack their issues, without giving you any say in the matter, without ever having fought for you or the relationship.... that’s heartbreak. My dad was my first best friend. I was his little partner in crime. You saw him... you saw me. I saw all of his flaws... all of them. He was a liar, he was a cheater, he was a charmer... he was imperfect. But I loved him anyway. No one could tarnish the way I felt about him... even the way I still feel about him. He was a great dad but lacked as a partner for my mom and as a man. He could have been so much better than what he was. He was stuck. The sad realization is that he’d rather give up than change. As a kid, and even still as an adult I find myself still questioning “were we not worth living for?” I understand that change, growth, reflection and taking ownership of your flaws is not an easy thing to do. It’s not comfortable. But were we not worth the fight? Did he think about the lasting impact his decisions would leave on us? If so, did he care? Did he feel like he didn’t deserve to be happy, loved, and adored? Was he punishing himself for falling short? Did he know that his baby girl would carry that heartbreak with her for 15 years, alone, before realizing that it was weighing her down... before realizing that it was not her burden to carry? I realized that my heart broke not because you broke up with me over the phone out of nowhere. It wasn’t because you cheated on me. It wasn’t because you said mean and hurtful things to push me away (probably so you could be with her) . It’s not because of your new relationship (although when you said you loved her... that was damaging, I’ll admit). I have forgiven you for everything, it wasn’t easy but I value my emotional freedom more than holding a grudge. My heart broke because I believed you were something more than what you are. My heart broke because I trusted you, I was vulnerable with you, I was intimate with you like I’d never been with another man before and you betrayed all of that. And you did it with such ease. None of that ever really mattered to you. If it did, we wouldn’t be in the situation that we’re in. I wouldn’t be heartbroken. You would be taking a real initiative to be a man. And it wouldn’t take for me to have to say and do all I’ve done for you to realize you should start to work on yourself. My heart broke because I thought I meant more to you. I thought we meant more to you. My heart broke because you, just like my dad, made the decision to take yourself out of the equation permanently without ever having tried to change, without ever having tried to unpack your issues, without giving me any say in the matter, without ever having fought for me or the relationship. My heart broke because I never expected (15 years ago and now) for a man who said he’d die for me, who said he loved me, and who I loved so ferociously to give up on me, on our relationship, on our future, and ultimately on himself. I left you untarnished. Even in heartbreak I oozed love and I genuinely cared for you. I stood tall, I wished nothing but good things for you. In return, you left me with insecurities, pain, confusion, frustration, and anxiety. I cried so many tears. Even now writing this, I have a lump in my throat. I take solace in knowing that this will pass for me. I take comfort in knowing that I provided you with every opportunity, gave you all the chances, gave you the tools. I provided you a permanent space in my heart. I tried my best to love you. I worked on me and I worked on ways to love you better. You never cared or if you did you never showed it. You never checked on me. You never tried your best to love me. You hid things from me for years. You hid your true thoughts and feelings and desires from me... yourself from me. You never took responsibility or ownership of the sheer amount of destruction you caused me. You came in like a tornado, tore my heart up, then walked away Scott free. Let me just re-iterate... I was not flawless, this I know for certain. I can own that. I know where I fell short. And I apologized. But I also know that I did not deserve to be treated like you treated me. I would never do you like you did me. Even now when I see the depths of your capability of hurting me, I still would never treat you how you’ve treated me. And that’s a part of the pain too. You are not the guy that I thought you were. I’m disappointed in you and how badly this all turned out. I was embarrassed, I felt dumb and insecure. Embarrassed that others would look at me and feel pity because of how hard I loved you and how much I believed in us, in you, and that it all just blew up in my face. Embarrassed to have proclaimed my love for you, proclaimed you were the one for me only to have you spit in my face. Embarrassed my heart broke and yours didn’t at all. Embarrassed that you moved on to someone new... maybe 2 weeks after the break up. Embarrassed that I gave myself to you sexually under the guise that she was not your girlfriend, more like a rebound, and didn’t mean much to you. Embarrassed that you’re with this other woman and a week after having being intimate and passionate with me, a week after she was just a thing, you love her. Embarrassed that it was so easy for you to fall in love with her just a few months after claiming to have loved me, after claiming you’d take a bullet for me. Embarrassed of myself because I was blind. Embarrassed that I let you back in to hurt me again. Embarrassed I let you hurt me at all, that I let you make me feel so small. I felt insecure about myself, constantly questioning myself. (What does she have that I don’t? What can she provide that I haven’t, that I can’t? Am I not enough? Did I mean anything to him, did we mean anything to him? How can someone cry on my shoulder, express feelings that they’ve never expressed before, and instead of taking time to really unpack everything and fix/take out the things weighing them down... they just pack up and move on to someone new? What did I do wrong? ) You’re a liar. You’re charming and you’re deceitful. You’re selfish. You’re a fuckboy, the worst kind. You have everyone fooled into thinking you’re a nice guy, even yourself. Nice guys don’t treat people how you’ve treated both me and her. I wish you’d understand that. But it’s none of my concern anymore. She’s the one who’s dealing with it now. I hope she realizes soon how really ain’t shit you are. I’m sure she’s lost in the magic, and the luster, and the charm like I was. I’m sure she has the same “good guy” impression of you like I had. It’s amazing that even after she found out you slept with me she still took you back. That makes me wonder, what have you told her about you? Does she know your full truth? Or is she really that desperate for your half empty love that she’ll over look your behavior and believe your words. The foundation there, of this relationship, of this love you proclaim for her... well... that foundation is flawed. And like all small cracks under constant pressure, eventually, it’ll become a big deal and that foundation won’t hold out. I hope she gets out of your way before you feel like it’s time to destroy her, or at least try. I waited for you. Even though I said I wouldn’t. Even though I said I’d move on. I waited for you. You never showed up. Only this shell of a man... man may be too big of a word to describe you. Only this shell of a guy showed up. And I knew that, when we had dinner. I recognized that you weren’t well, you weren’t who I needed you to be still, you hadn’t changed at all... even though I worked on being more like what you needed me to be. I saw it. I saw you in all your flaws and dirt. I loved you anyway. I believed in you anyway, only for you to turn around and tell me you need to focus on someone else. It didn’t hurt that you didn’t want to focus on me or us. It hurt because that someone else you wanted to focus on was not yourself. I got burned, again. I was embarrassed that I let you hurt me again but I needed that last little kick in the ass to really make me see how ain’t shit you really are. So I guess, thank you? I sometimes wonder, do you not think you’re capable of being better? Do you not think you deserve to be better? Do you think you don’t deserve the love and compassion and grace I’ve given you? Do you even realize you can be better? Do you realize you’ve been stuck somewhere and it’s time to level up? And if you do... do you realize that you trying to be better and do better with her is at the expense of me? Can you grasp the full depth of my love for you? Do you feel embarrassed by your actions? Do you feel insecure in yourself like you’ve made me feel insecure? Are you embarrassed or ashamed of hurting me the way that you did? And if so, again, do you realize you trying to make it work with her is at the expense of me? Those were my tears, that was my anxiety, that was my mercy, that was my love, that was me pushing you to be better in love, those were my prayers. It was my heart that you broke over and over. Not hers. Do you even care at all? Does she know how you treated me, the full extent of our history and your behavior? In your relationship’s early stages if she knew all those things, would she still stick around? Is that what you need, someone who is going to let you sleep... let you be who you are now... not push you, not motivate you to change or grow? Are you comfortable with all that you are and all that you’ve done in the name of love? Do you know what Love is? Does she? Take responsibility for your actions. Acknowledge that you are hurting and have hurt multiple people in this thing. Own your shit. I pray you never get another woman in your sights, wrapped around your finger, for you to hurt again... for you to use again like you’ve used me. With all that said, there’s still no love lost here. I fear I will never stop loving you. I fear I will never stop caring. I fear I will never stop believing in you. Ultimately I fear because of this somehow, someway, it’ll bite me in the butt and I’ll be hurt and disappointed again. But still... I’m proud of myself for being able to still love and still give while aching and healing. I’m sorry you missed the God in me, you missed the light. Maybe you saw it and instead of standing tall, instead of recognizing the god in you, instead of feeding your light, you cowered away... I feel bad that you did, because I know how much of a gem I really am. I pity anyone who sleeps on me. Maybe I’m glad you did. Maybe this is good. Only time will tell. I know I’m worth more than what are willing to offer me (I say willing because I know you have the capability)... I’m worth the most. It hurts to know either you just don’t see that, or you don’t care enough to be better, or you don’t think you’re capable or deserve growth, goodness, genuine unconditional love. I can’t control any of that, I can’t make you see what I see or believe in yourself like I have. I can’t even make you understand the depth of the pain I’ve felt and am still feeling that you caused. I can only do what is best for me, what’s going to bring me back to health. That’s what this is. I never stood up for myself, I never gave myself the grace and mercy I’ve given you. I am not the problem. You are. I did what I could, everything I could think of. You didn’t. I loved unconditionally. You didn’t do the same for me. I’m becoming the woman I always wanted to be, I’m proud of who I am and who I’m becoming. I only want for you to be able to say the same for yourself. Keep being Lawrence if you want. Whatever makes you “happy”.... even if that’s Tasha. I won’t be wasting anymore energy thinking about it. Thinking about how ain’t shit you are and how dirty you did me. I won’t be losing anymore sleep. It’s not my burden to bare... it never was. You carry all the shame. You carry the disappointment and embarrassment. I’m not dumb, you are. I’m more than enough, you aren’t. This is not my bag to carry around, to weigh me down. It’s yours. You carry it with you. Have Tasha help you carry it if you need. It’s not my journey, it’s not my problem. This pain I’ve felt, these insecurities, are not a reflection of me, they’re a reflection of you. Be who you say you are, or own up to the fact that you’ve fallen incredibly short of the man everyone believes you to be, even yourself. Figure out where you are, who you are, and own it. Then figure out who it is you want to be exactly, not what everyone wants or expects you to be, and make it happen. Grow the hell up. Seriously.

--Pretty Bird

0 notes

womens-anonymous · 8 years ago

Text

Don’t give yo pearls to the swine

A girlfriend of mine is suffering from some heartbreak. This kinda heartbreak is one that many of my girlfriends have been experiencing lately. It’s a heartbreak that is in close ties with survivors guilt. Woman are walking away from situations where their significant other ain’t doing well, mentally. He or she might be suffering from troubling growing pains, depression, anxiety, self-doubt, and self-inflicted societal pressure. These symptoms in our partners show up in various ways: stagnation, abuse(emotional, physical, substance), hopelessness, emotional unavailability and self destruction. All the while, we are aiding, consoling, providing clarity and assurance to that one who is suffering. All while praying for patience and peace, giving time and bodies to them, in the expectancy of a breakthrough. Often times our loyalty comes at our own expense. We may suffer in neglect, obscene lash outs, or enabling their behavior.

This girlfriend in particular witnesses a man she loved spiral into the neighborhood aint got shit going for him nigga. He thinks working for family dollar is enough nigga. Uses the $200 dollars she gave him for a zip of weed, rather than GRE prep, which they agreed to do together, kinda nigga. There’s more to his story as to how he got here, but she wants him to see that this ain’t it, he’s so much more than what he thinks and feels.

Yes, I said GRE prep. Yes, he is a college graduate. There’s more to his story; but lets just say if his male peers/mentors knew what was really going on, I wouldn’t be writing this.

The beautiful curse of a black woman. Piecing our broken men together when they don’t feel worthy to ask for help. Then turn around for another black woman to replenish us. I swear we got a continuous reservoir of life, pouring out blessings like God. That’s how I know God is a Black Woman.

Anyways, back to this preaching moment.

She asked me “Do you think that a person has the power to pull another person out of a dark place... without becoming even more depleted or burnt out themselves...Like I really cant stand the feeling of leaving family behind but at this point, I’m not sure how to balance.”

We have all asked ourselves this question. Am I holding onto a relationship I am witnessing die, Am i holding onto an already dead relationship? How are you so sure that you aren’t who God deemed to save him/her? Am I even strong enough for this task?

I sent her word I got from the Lord. Hope it blesses you too.

Survivors guilt is the most horrifying, depressing, exhausting emotion almost every black woman has felt. Choosing life, freedom, peace seems like an obvious selection but the men we love become so entangled with doubt, distractions, surmounting expectation of themselves and ultimately the desire for control. This life and the circumstance we were brought into is something we cannot manipulate, control to our benefit. We are only expected by God to relinquish all stress, power struggle and gripe over our circumstances over to Her- allow Her to guide our aimless feet to glory. Glory is not the dreams we envisioned. It is divine evolution of our very existence and potential of our future. We must learn to be silent, patient and with eager expectation of what God has yet to unfold before us. All that She is and will pour into me will be enough to quench my thirst. She will brighten the light inside of me so that those around me will want to protect the God in me as I do for them. I don’t necessarily think God sends his weakened soldiers into battles. There are times for rebuilding and nourishment before the next battle, journey, trial and storm to come. She knows all that we are capable and willing to endure. She will never ask us to do the impossible, because She has vested us with the power to do all that is possible. We must believe that these impossible challenges have an unmatched defense to Gods offense. We must absolve ourselves from questioning Her power and will and ability to appease our plans. Her will will serve and perform a more greater purpose than a mortal mind.

(Say this prayer with me)

I pray that God intercedes on my thoughts, desires, dreams and addiction for control and mortal perfection. I relinquish all of my uncertainty, anxiety, and guilt for the trepidation I placed before me. The God in you knows all and best. I will let Her lead the way.

In summary, be the light in this niggas darkness. But let him decide how brightly he wants to see you.

-Issa Molly xoxo

0 notes