wonderandpurpose

[wonderandpurpose]

Start your New Year with these wise words from Mr. Neil Gaiman

“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.

Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re Doing Something.

So that’s my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody’s ever made before. Don’t freeze, don’t stop, don’t worry that it isn’t good enough, or it isn’t perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you’re scared of doing, Do it.

Make your mistakes, next year and forever.”

~ Neil Gaiman

[wonderandpurpose]

Some words on Christ

Lifted from Let The Great World Spin by Colum McCann

Corrigan told me once that Christ was quite easy to understand. He went where He was supposed to go. He stayed where He was needed. He took nothing or little along, a pair of sandals, a bit of a shirt, a few odds and ends to stave off the loneliness. He never rejected the world. If He had rejected it, He would have been rejecting mystery. And if He rejected mystery, He would have been rejecting faith. 

[wonderandpurpose]

Some Wise Words from Mr. George Saunders

This excerpt is lifted from The New Mecca which appeared in GQ and also lives in a book titled, 'Brain Dead Megaphone.'

In all things, we are the victims of Misconception From Afar. There is the idea of a city, and the city itself, too great to be held to the mind. And it is in this gap (between the conceptual and the real) that aggression begins. No place works any different than any other place, really, beyond mere details. The universal human laws - need, love for the beloved, fear, hunger, periodic exaltation, the kindness that rises up naturally in the absence of hunger/fear/pain - are constant, predictable, reliable, universal, and are merely ornamented with the details of local culture. What a powerful thing to know: that one's own desires are mappable onto strangers; that what one finds in oneself will most certainly be found in The Other - perhaps muted, exaggerated, or distorted, yes, but there nonetheless, and thus a source of comfort.

Just before I doze off, I counsel myself grandiosely: Fuck concepts. Don't be afraid to be confused. Try to remain permanently confused. Anything is possible. Stay open, forever, so open it hurts, and then open up some more, until the day you die, world without end, amen. 

[wonderandpurpose]

I want to

I want to be a writer.

I want to be a filmmaker.

I want to be invincible.

I want to see it all.

I want to look into your eyes and see something completely unexpected.

I want to dig my fingers through the dirt and discover some ancient secret.

I want to be famous.

I want to be completely unknown.

I want to be seen by you. Really seen.

I want to run through every hill and valley.

I want to learn to live with the pain and in-turn live with unfathomable grace.

I want to forgive.

I want to be forgiven.

I want to move forward with confidence and faith in all the uncertainty.

I want to look into the mirror and be at peace with what I see looking back at me.

I want to learn to live in the present.

I want to…

I want to take these wants and forget them. I want to grab them and crush them with my bare hands. I want to watch them ooze between my fingers and drip into a puddle on the cracked sidewalk. Watch them evaporate in the blazingly bright morning sun. Watch the frail ribbons of steam rise until they become undefined and indistinguishable from the puffs of white moving across the everything.

[wonderandpurpose]

Fuck you, I'm a quitter.

I'm a quitter. There I said it. I'm a fucking quitter. 

I've quit:

- A whole lotta Jobs

- Love

- Almost-Love

- Sports

- Games 

- Friendships

- Sex

- Sandwiches

- Competitions 

- Training

- Stories

- Projects

- Blogs

Not only am I quitter, but I run. I leave. I go far far away. Sometimes states away and other times deep inside myself where people barely recognize me and can only help but wonder where the fuck I went. 

I leave because I have to, because staying in one place feels like slow death. I leave because I can't be all the things you want me to be. I don't want your expectations. I leave because you bore me. I leave because I am afraid. I leave because I'm a fucking pussy. 

But I also leave because that is when I feel the most alive, when I am moving and experiencing new things. I also leave, because I thirst for the magic that is birthed in completely new experiences. I leave because I let some invisible force pull and push me around. I leave because I love getting lost in the waves. 

Some things I haven't quit:

- Believing in the power of my dreams

- Embracing the absurdity of being alive

- searching for the magic

- Laughing 

- Making people laugh

- Learning

- listening to music

- watching movies

- reading 

- creating

- loving

- getting out into the world and meeting new and fascinsating people

I haven't quit letting people into my life and into my heart.

I'm still open.

I am still evolving.

I am still FUCKING alive. Sure, I've been known to quit on a whole lotta shit in my life. But maybe, just maybe, that is going to lead me to somewhere beautiful and contented. 

Maybe one day I'll quit this whole quitting thing and finally stick to something. Take it all the way.... perhaps... perhaps... perhaps...

[wonderandpurpose]

“The woods are lovely, dark, and deep, But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.”

Robert Frost 

[wonderandpurpose]

Some words about a Monday

I was really in a funk today. Was everywhere but in the present. Self-centered-loathing-obsessed. A little heartbroken. Hungover to boot. Not a good mix.

I really had trouble shaking the feeling of sadness, the feeling that perhaps I'm not where I'm supposed to be. Usually exercise or drinking helps, but today the weather matched my mood and I've made a commitment to drink less.

What I needed was a little laughter. A little laughter and a break from my mind.  So I decided to go see 'Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa', mostly a brilliant decision on my part. Not a great flick, but solid entertainment and full of the dumb mindless laughs I needed.

Laughter helped.

Laughter always fucking helps.

Leaving the theater though it all started to creep back in. The feeling is tough to properly describe, if it were a recipe (and perhaps it is) it would look something like this:

1/2 Cup - Thinking as if you're the center of the universe

3/4 Cup - General uneasiness for what the future holds

A pinch  - Feeling like parts of the past are still gapping wounds

2 Cups  - Self doubt

Dash of undefined anger

Recognizing I was headed down a dark hole I decided it was time to get my shit together. I needed to get back to the present. I brought attention to my breath and felt myself calm a bit.

I decided I would go home and write and listen to music and get myself back on track.

I committed to making this Monday count.

The last major obstacle in my day, and I mean major considering where my head was at, was going to Target. Walking into this particular Target, in this particular mood, is a dangerous move. It is always packed. Always. Filled with 1000s of separate centers to 1000s of different, inaccessible universes. 

I moved quick. With focus. Got what I needed. Most important item - Ben & Jerry's Half Baked - which I have found to be another tried and true way to make any shitty day a little bit better. 

I choose a line that looked like it was going to move fast. While my mood was improving I still needed to get out of there. The fluorescent lights were starting to fuck with my brain waves.

The line I got in was slow. Super slow. I was stuck behind 2 college girls and their massive, individually pieced together, Target loads. Also, the cashier was disabled and having trouble moving things off the belt and into bags. I cursed under my breath and started to move out of the line. With my first step I was reminded of this incredible commencement speech from David Foster Wallace  and the recent, also excellent, video based off said speech. I shifted back into line. I whispered to myself, "This is water, this is water." I said it again and realized I'd barely been conscious all day.

So I stayed in the line and I used the time to make some decisions about how was going to think moving forward. I used to the time to notice how I had manifested this mood I was in. I made a decision that before I left the line I was going to change my reality. 

The cashier really helped push this along. He was physically disabled and as a result moving more slowly than some of his counterparts. I looked around at the other lines and noticed it wasn't his disability that was most noticeable. It was the fact that he was clearly happy. That of all the cashiers I could see, this kid was the only one doing his work with any level of Joy. He was funny and was making the two 20-year old girls in front of him laugh pretty hard. He made a comment about fitting everything into 1 bag and that for him that was a sign today was going to be a good day.

When it was my turn to checkout his register ran out of receipt paper so we had some time to talk. We talked mostly about bagging strategy and the joys of fitting things into one bag, but he also told me that he loved his job. In fact he said he loved it SO much. That he was really lucky to have it and get the chance to talk to people all day long. His manager came and replaced the paper. The cashier thanked me for being patient. 

When it came time to print my receipt the machine seemed to be stalled. He started to do what he called the receipt printing dance... still nothing... so I joined. I started mimicking his dance moves. Suddenly the person next in line started as well and pretty soon just about everyone in our line, by far the longest and slowest in the store, was laughing and smiling. The dance worked. The receipt was birthed into the world. We high-fived and I walked out into the cold and rainy afternoon. 

As I walked through the parking lot I laughed thinking about how just ten minutes ago, walking into that place, my reality was completely different. I was choosing all the wrong things to focus on. I was being so self centered and it was poisoning my day. I was reminded then and there how easy it is to live unconsciously. I was reminded we really do have the power to shape our realities. We truly can build a better world just by choosing to focus on the things that matter. That we, that I, can choose to be happy. That, in fact, I HAVE to make the choice to be happy.

This is water.

This is water.  

[wonderandpurpose]

Some Words About A Hike

I went for a hike today. I've been doing that a lot lately. Alone. Always alone. Pushing myself, mostly. Racing unknowing bystanders along the trail. Needing to sweat. Needing to feel my heartbeat vibrate through my entire body. 

Thin air. Fresh and crisp. A sun that gets closer as you move.

Today, on the way up, I let my mind wander. I didn't attempt to direct or control my thoughts. My thoughts drifted, bounced and charged. They went to some strange, dangerous and unpredictable places. Two words were most present today, they were everywhere really, and they were: Thank you and then Thank you for letting me be alive right now. Thank you for this moment. Thank you, mountains, for everything you teach and give. 

I stood at the summit. Standing straight. Face warming in bright light. Eyes closed. Deep breaths. I felt my feet on the rock, the breeze against my soaked body, I let the rays touch me deep. I imagined energy flowing from the soles of feet through the ancient ground and connecting with the roots of the tree. The energy ran up the trunk and burst through the branches, coming back through my arms and again out my mouth, eyes, and heart. Now, firmly connected to the tree, the energy flowed into the mountain and through wet cave drips into the air and back through me again. I felt connected and whole and as if I was exactly where I was supposed to be. With that I opened my eyes and I ran.

I ran down the mountain faster than I ever have. I ran with wild abandon. Out of control for most. It was exhilarating and terrifying. I was hooting and hollering and smiling and laughing the whole way down. I must of looked like a crazy person. But it felt pure and wonderful and generally just fucking incredible. 

I got to the bottom, caught my breath and thanked it all one more time. I picked up a handful of yelloworangered leaves, smelled them deeply and threw them up into the air... all the while remembering what it was like to be a kid during Fall and in love with everything around you. 

[wonderandpurpose]

Testimony

by Rebecca Baggett

I want to tell you that the world is still beautiful. I tell you that despite children raped on city streets, shot down in school rooms, despite the slow poisons seeping from old and hidden sins into our air, soil, water, despite the thinning film that encloses our aching world. Despite my own terror and despair.

I want you to know that spring is no small thing, that the tender grasses curling like a baby’s fine hairs around your fingers are a recurring miracle. I want to tell you that the river rocks shine like God, that the crisp voices of the orange and gold October leaves are laughing at death,

I want to remind you to look beneath the grass, to note the fragile hieroglyphs of ant, snail, beetle. I want you to understand that you are no more and no less necessary than the brown recluse, the ruby- throated hummingbird, the humpback whale, the profligate mimosa. I want to say, like Neruda, that I am waiting for “a great and common tenderness”, that I still believe we are capable of attention, that anyone who notices the world must want to save it.

[wonderandpurpose]

This really is an incredible video. It's been out for a few years, but is something I go back to often.

Perspective. Its all about perspective. And the perspective this video, this information, offers makes my tiny brain hurt and my eyes go crossed. The universe is a massive, beautiful, terrifying thing.  This video gives me something different every time I watch it, depending on where I am in my life or how I'm feeling, but I've started to boil it down my feelings on it to:

Take Risks. Take them often. Sometimes they may seem crazy or fool-hearted, but don't let that stop you. Take the risk anyways. Sometimes just for curiosities sake. Explore everything. Believe. Have faith. Don't be afraid of the void. Point your telescope into the darkness and keep looking until the light rushes in. 

To the wonder, 

Joe

[wonderandpurpose]

"ONE MILE PER HOUR FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF LIGHT (OR SUCK IT, EINSTEIN)

By Mindy Nettifee

They want us to believe it can’t be done.  Just imagining it makes their fuzzy, sciency heads hurt,  makes the formulas shudder like shotgun shacks.  But I could imagine it all day —      what happens      after your mass has crushed in on itself,      when your soul snuffs out.       Beyond the reach of all light.       Past all the wisdom and isms      and faces like compasses      calling you home.       What’s left of you —      the most impossible parts of you.       Just air vibrating around the thin waist of a string,       Just the small gathering changes that tell a cloud to form.       Your whole being concentrated on existing,       on remembering existing,       on inventing new words to tell yourself stories with:      new words for dark and now and yes.

Sitting here

blinking in the sun

sweating it’s light out with my soft chemistry, 

I am doing the hot molasses work of dreaming. 

I discover life so slowly

the time lapse photographs would show only stillness,

and if you watch long enough, 

the steady formation of an arrogant smile.

I don’t really care what the geniuses say. 

I know about chance. 

I believe there must be one ambitious photon who made it. 

One particle of light that remembered the secrets to charming barriers. 

One rogue spark, who, in the opposite of a flash, 

found the other side and became the first to break free, 

to prove everyone wrong about everything, 

to take a leap against the tide of what we know is true, 

the price of which is always

never coming back.”