wonderfullymadechild33

[wonderfullymadechild33]

Money Makes the World go Round! (Sigh)

If money were not a factor in my life, everything would be going exactly as I had hoped. There would be no doubt in my mind that I couldn't get through what I'm trying to get through right now-- but this just isn't the case because of money. And trying to solve your money problems somehow makes things worse. The added stress of finally having the thing you need to survive yet not knowing how to manage it. The older you get, the more the cliche sayings you've grown up hearing make sense. I try not to stress because I don't want to be that kind of person; the kind that lets money rule their every move. Life is much greater than that, despite what capitalism may want you to believe. So, during this time of chaos in my life, I'd like to turn the root of my issue into less of a villain, and hopefully that way feel a little more secure. I'll be doing that by listing a few good things that money has brought us, more specifically me.

Lady Bird (2018, Greta Gerwig)

There is no such thing as a perfect movie-- with the one exception of course: Lady Bird. Every shot, actor, line, angle, design-- everything about that movie lands exactly in the nooks of my brain where there are missing pieces. I never knew the impact of film until watching this movie. It is the perfect adaptation of being a selfish, ambitious, and (ashamedly) admittedly resentful daughter of a deeply loving parent with just as strong as a personality as your own. This makes the list because no movie can be made without a budget, but more specifically, the budget for this film made it what it was. Director Greta Gerwig was working with a 10-million-dollar budget (the things I would do for 10 million Washingtons), and while that is enough of a reason to make the list, one of the greatest things to happen to the film was the camera used for filming. Due to budget constraints, Gerwig had to film on a different camera than she had intended to use and add filters and effects in post-production. Of course, we'll never know what the movie would have looked like if filmed on a different camera, but I can confidently say I don't care to. I meant it when I wrote it the first time: this movie is perfect for every aspect of its production. Thus, money (or lack thereof) led this film to be the amazing work of art that it is.

2. Personalized checkbook designs

I have oddly specific memories from when I was younger of looking at the mail that my mom brought inside. Among those flyers, envelopes and bills was almost always a catalog containing a variety of personable checkbook designs to help your checks stand out from the crowd! I was never old enough to pick one out for a checkbook of my own, and by the time I was, checkbooks had checked out. But I think it's cute that the need to quickly share money led to a business surrounding the personalization of sed slips. I loved the kitten designs and always thought I would have my own someday. Personalization in this world is really important, yet frequently overlooked. Therefore, I think this is perfect for the list. Let's not forget who we are, even when we're losing our heads over money.

3. Thrift stores

If it weren't for the stressor or money and the inability for everyone to access it equally, thrift stores wouldn't have a use. I see thrift shopping as treasure hunting. I've found a plethora of unique items in thrift stores that would otherwise have been thrown away. Its a really interesting way to pass the time as well-- you could spend hours in one thrift store picking up different items of clothing wondering what stories and lives had been lived in them before they ended up in your hands. On top of thrift stores housing these items for a little longer than their life expectancy, they're cheap! And that's the point of this entry, right? The world would be a much lovelier place is things were cheaper-- or even affordable would do.

4. All you can eat pancakes at IHOP

It was only for a limited time, but it was fun while it lasted. I can't remember the last time something so amazing only cost $5. It was so short-lived I didn't even have a chance to try my hand at a never-ending pancake stack. But If I had to guess, I could have probably eaten 8 pancakes, putting me at about 63 cents per pancake--that's a deal. That's a beautiful thing that only a little bit of money (at one point) could buy you.

5. $5 movie Tuesdays

Cinema has got the be one of the greatest things to happen to artists. Film deserves to be displayed on big screens, but the modern-day movie ticket is kind of ridiculously priced-- unless you want to hit the theater on a TUESDAY! I honestly don't know why this discount came to be, but it came back around in 2022 after being dismissed just after the COVID pandemic began. This took a serious toll on AMC, and the company almost went to Bankruptcy that year. Alas, the conglomerate stands as top dog in the movie realm, and I don't mind (especially on Tuesdays).

Thank you for taking the time to read my short list of nice things that money has been able to give me. My frustrations remain, but I feel a little happier to remember that I'm lucky enough to have the money to participate in the things that I enjoy. I hope you can find a few dollars in your pocket and spend it on something you like-- you deserve it. And remember, don't let money drive you crazy. You're smarter than that.

WMC

[wonderfullymadechild33]

Mind Me, Don't Mind Me.

08/10/2024

everything is changing and I'm scared I'll forget. forget what it was like before, forget all the ways i wished i would have been before it changed. forget who i certainly am not, forget my mom and dad. I'm not really forgetful, but i don't make amends very well. once i have to move, i hesitate to accept that anything from where i once was can come with me. everything seems very black and white, very categorized in my mind. I hope by the time i die, this changes. i like how i am, but this one way about me does burn. i feel abandoned by a life that i wanted, but for a million different reasons couldn't want me back. i think im angry, and that's why im scared of forgetting it all. i am angry-- full of regret and full of destain. angry that i couldn't make things work where i wanted them to, thus angry that i have to bank on my happiness and comfort being elsewhere. where in hell else will i find comfort if not in home? it is an unfair question, perfect for the unfair world.

unfortunately, i see things differently now that the change is here, waiting outside for me to put my bags in the trunk so we can go. i could have saved myself much sooner-- but it's too late. it almost always is, isn't it? i could have done a million things differently, and i have yet to forgive myself for doing things the way I did. maybe i could have made home feel okay. maybe, change wouldn't be knocking on my front door because I've locked the door and announced that I'm not leaving. maybe i wouldn't be looking desperately for my mom throughout the house, begging her not to let them take me. but the hard truth is that she's not in this house anymore. no one is in this house anymore-- just me. i stand alone in a kitchen where mom used to hold me and dad used to laugh with me. i promise they used to be here, i promise they used to live here. and i promise you i loved them-- i promise you i love them. i wish i would have acted that way-- i wish i would have talked to them more. because now that im leaving, every ounce of the daughter i could have been disappears into the air vents and out of this house, following wherever my parents went, wherever im not anymore.

i am angry that i did not give this place as much of a chance as i swore i did. i am regretful of my own vices, my unwillingness to make beauty happen. is it fully on me? no, i don't think so. but at such a young age, i already know how differently i would do things if i were given a do over. i am scared that i will forget that i tried, scared that i will forget that i didn't ask the bear to swallow me whole and remove my heart from my chest. I am scared that i will never forgive myself for moving on, that i will forget how excited i was to have a new opportunity. I am scared that i will come back to this house someday, and see the life i could have had, had i just been a little less picky, a little more flexible. but are dreams flexible? or is that the point? that they don't bend, don't morph, and don't sway to life's circumstances?

im sitting in the car now, waiting for them to back out of this driveway, taking me with them. the porch light isn't on, because no one is coming back home. im just looking at a house now. i didnt know it could ever just be that. im scared i won't remember what it was before it was just a house. im scared that i will blame this house, and im scared that i will blame myself for it turning its back on me.

when i was little, i used to know we were home when the car hit the gravel driveway. I sat with my eyes closed in the backseat waiting for dad to carry me inside. I'm sitting in the backseat again and my eyes are closed. i feel the car roll over the gravel driveway. but this time I'm not coming home and dad isn't here. my bed isn't inside waiting for me and my mom isn't in the passenger's seat. and man do i want to cry. i miss my mom and i miss my dad. the gravel driveway used to mean we got home. but i guess it can mean we are going home from now on.

will you forget how i was, mom and dad? will you regret that i wasn't better to you? will you come visit me when i get home?

everything is changing and I'm scared ill forget what life was really like before I turned it into something it wasn't in my head--again.

WMC

[wonderfullymadechild33]

Grease: What Life Could Have Been

I forgot how much I loved the movie Grease, something that I was reminded of last night as I threw it on to do laundry. There was something so poised about life in the late 50's for highschoolers (or how it was depicted, anyway) that I yearn to have experienced. Of course, I have to remind myself that movies these days have a hard time depicting current high school culture, so it's unlikely that Mrs. Sandra Dee and her posey of pink ladies were the most accurate portrayal of mid-20th century youth. Nonetheless, I wish I could have experienced her days. Those girls were the teens I aspired to be; free within themselves. Smoking cigarettes to pass the time, making out in cars because they could, dancing through the night because their bodies were able to. Their lives seemed so present-- so intentional. They had time to be separate from the world, time to be, unbothered and uninterrupted. What exactly do I mean by that? They didn't think twice about other people's lives, not strangers around the globe on the internet at least. It seemed simple. Girls with rollers in their hair. Boys with dedication to get the girl they really wanted. Girls with long skirts flaunted with pride. Boys with old cars but strong wills to have fun. You didn't have time for petty text fights with boyfriends or your girlfriends. No time to see what you were missing out on. No time nor space to reprimand yourself for not being the loveliest out of millions that don't even physically exist in front of you. You had space, you had life to live in between the mandatory. I'm in no way anti-technology, but social media and phones definitely bridged that gap, the gap between life, and your life. It's as though we don't acknowledge our own lives anymore. All that "in between" has become filled with our investment in other people, our relationships, our appearance, our online identity. It's like were living between two realities. We can't escape all of it as easily as people may once have been able to. Afterall, it's hard enough to escape one reality, let alone two. Like I said before, I'm not anti-technology. I have several social media accounts (I'm here, aren't I?), and I certainly acknowledge my position in all of this-- I'm right in the middle of my own problem, or at least the problem I believe to exist. I prefer to see technology as an incredibly useful additive to our lives, but at the worst, and even most neutral of times, it feels anti-people. It's become so easy to find comfort in strangers online more than it is to find comfort in your neighbors, the people commuting on your bus ride every morning, the cashier that frequently checks you out at the grocery store. To think that all of this came to me from watching a 1970's film full of Showtunes is truly incredible. Nonetheless, I took some less serious notes from the film, too. Seeing Men sport cuffed jeans, black high-top converse, and slick back hair reminds me that I men can really look as good as I wish they did. Of course, the women in the film flaunting those kitten heels, pin up hairdos, and winged black liner reminded me that sometimes less is more. What lovely people. What a lovely time; one that was pro-person (probably not pro-people though, the 50s were not the most politically stable era, despite all the cheery, "La La Land" style outfits-- I know). I still can't help but wonder what those lives looked like, lives that were able to fully experience the "in between". Sure, maybe I'm insane and maybe I turned a musical/comedy into something that it never was. But it's always good to entertain the tiny investigative reporter within all of us asking senseless questions about the little things that sure, I'll admit, maybe don't matter. -WMC.

[wonderfullymadechild33]

Blog five: The Trap

For me personally, and for a lot of people my age and younger, social media is the most relevant piece of media. I don't watch the news of the TV every day, and I don't read the paper each morning, however I can count on always checking my social media at some point in the day. I like to keep track of certain news outlets on there, but there is so much content on these social media platforms that I don't even recognize as news, yet it still makes its way to me. For example, some of my favorite celebrities post on current events or issues relevant to the current social conversation, and them being people I look up to, I listen. While I'm grateful to have a platform that can provide information to me in a way that I best understand it and a way that I enjoy consuming it, sometimes, this can be dangerous. Social media algorithms accommodate to your personal interests by tracking the content you subscribe to, the videos you watch and even the photos you like. They are even able to track how much time you spend looking at a post and inject your feed with more like posts. This can become dangerous because it can surround me with nothing but the same outlets or same voices. In order to thrive in our society, we must be able to hear and understand all sides of the conversation, something that becomes limited when all the information being presented to you is adjusted to your liking and opinions. In addition to this fatal trait that social media holds, it also allows anyone, from anywhere, at any time, to relay information to the masses. On one hand, this is wonderful, something that can really drive important issues to the surface of the media conversation. On the other hand, it leaves so much room for false information, and inaccurate presentations of certain topics. That being said, its always important to be cautious of what you consume, no matter how trustworthy the source may seem. Even big corporations can manipulate audiences with their advertising. A skincare advertisement may portray a frowning woman before using the product, and the after photo might show her smiling. This subtle change, which has nothing to do with the product might trick you into believing that it works, all because of our culturally shared beliefs about smiling. That being said, the media can also make you believe certain ideas about groups of people that are not true. These advertisers, and media corporations in general are able to create an impactful image of someone or a group of people, one that sticks with the viewer long after seeing it. At its best, it creates unity within communities, like this ad portraying how no matter your style, women of varying identities can partake in makeup/beauty. But at its worst, it keeps stereotypes alive, like the alcohol ad below denouncing men for portraying femininity. But at the end of the day, we are in control of what we believe, and we are gifted with the freedom of the internet to be our own journalists, and own seekers of truth.

[wonderfullymadechild33]

Blog four: Social Media Use in a Day

Tik Tok is one of my favorite social media platforms. I've used it since it was first released as Musical.ly. Tik Tok is certainly a daily indulgence for me, either at the beginning of the day or at the very end, right before I go to bed. I also tend to find myself scrolling in between homework assignments, or in my free time. I documented my use on the app on Friday. Since I don't have classes on Fridays, I typically let myself sleep in, which is what I did on this day. But as soon as I was up, I went straight to the app. I scrolled for about an hour before I had to convince myself to get out of bed. After brushing my teeth and eating breakfast I went back to my bed and scrolled for another 2 hours. I stop every now and again while consuming social media and ask myself if there's anything I would rather be doing or something that would be a better use of my time. On this day I didn't have much going on and didn't feel up to doing much. So, after a total of 3 hours, I got out of bed to do other things. Since I have been going through a rather difficult time in my personal life, I was feeling pretty down on that day. When I feel badly about myself or even when I am stressed out, I often turn to social media and self-destructive behaviors to feel like I have control over something. So on this day, I felt pretty bad about the content I was consuming, but I couldn't stop. Even if I could, I didn't want to. It truly is something of an addiction. Since Tik Tok provides users with a "for you page", I am bombarded with all kinds of videos. From dog videos, dance videos, and everything in between. But every now and again I would stumble upon a couple videos. They would either be dancing to a song, or it would be an appreciation video for their significant other. When I come across these videos while in a bad personal state, I tend to tear myself apart. I ask myself what's so wrong with me that I can't be loved in that way, and I wonder what it will take for me to ever live up to being loved. Long story short, I was feeling awful as I was on the app that day, and some way or another, each video only seemed to lead me to more questions about my self worth. "Why can't you dance like that?" "Why aren't you as thin as her?" "Why don't you eat as healthy as they do?" I can always catch myself asking these questions, and even though I know it isn't good for me, I would rather stay scrolling through the videos until I am almost numb to it. It seems easier to get lost in the media than to face my reality once it's presented to me. Later that night before I went to bed, I spent another hour and a half scrolling. My day was over, so I scrolled to unwind and distract myself from the many things running rampant in my mind from the day. It feels nicer going to bed with a brain full of useless content than having to replay all the scary, and very real problems surrounding you each day. So, I allowed myself to consume content until I could hardly keep my eyes open. By the end of my day, I had spent a total of about 5 hours on the app, including all the times I opened the app between homework and eating. I felt pretty bad about how much time I had spent on it that day since I typically am able to find something to fill my time, like doing my makeup or going roller skating. But on that day, I just felt down. When I am not feeling so down on myself, I tend to use Tik Tok to simply escape my reality, anyway. When I'm bored or feeling alone, I turn to Tik Tok to fulfill the white noise in my mind. Sometimes I use it to find art inspiration, or even lifestyle inspiration. Moral of the story, no matter the mood I'm in when I use it, it always takes me to a space where I don't have to worry about what's physically surrounding me. It's just my brain, and strangers on the internet. Though it's kind of weird, I prefer to sulk in the presence of these strangers rather than by myself; it feels better- less lonely. Even though I don't like the way I feel while I'm doing it, I prefer it over feeling empty, and having nothing to occupy that empty space.

[wonderfullymadechild33]

Blog three: All Consumed

Digital entertainment media is all around us. When I'm driving to school, I always turn my radio on even if for just a minute. When I clean my room, I always have a show or podcast on. And when I'm bored on a Saturday night, I go looking for the newest indie or horror film (my favorite genres) to watch. Film, radio, and television play huge roles in the world of media. They can inform us, entertain us, and even connect us to the current cultural forum and make us a part of the conversation. On the morning of September 8th, I made my daily drive to campus. For whatever reason, the Bluetooth pairing to my phone which plays my music cuts out as soon as I turn onto Spring Street. So as my music faded to static, I turned on 97.9, my favorite radio station to listen to when I don't have access to an aux cord. To my bad luck, they were not playing music- they were on a commercial/news break. But to my favor, I was met with some of the earliest reports of the ill queen. Radio hosts Dave and Jimmy were communicating via phone call with someone in England and were getting live updates and information. I was shocked to hear how serious it was, and I went online to further investigate. Only a few publications had been made by this point, but I had been exposed to a very important broadcast. Only a few minutes later while waiting in line for Starbucks inside Union Cafe, I noticed the TV's inside showing coverage of the queen. With just a quick glance, I knew exactly what they were reporting on. Since I couldn't hear the coverage on the TV, I wouldn't have known what they were reporting on without having listened to the radio, and without having heard the radio, I would have never known about the story at all. So, despite me not using the radio often, its significance is still one that still impacts my life. It keeps us connected on the go, like on our drive to school or work, or even on our lunch breaks. Film has a different impact on me; they provide a sense of escapism and the stick hooks into me with their "advertising". When I feel stressed or I just want to be entertained, a movie is my go-to solution. As mentioned earlier, horror and indie films are my favorites. Horror films keep me entertained by fueling adrenaline rushes. Indie films almost always put me in the movie with the characters, something I have always admired about them and something that keeps me coming back when I feel alone. But despite them being different, they both influence me through their "advertising". I use quotes because half of the time, I don't think its intentional. For example, in the film Buffalo 66', lead actor Vincent Gallo wears bright red boots, a contrast to the musty off-gray filter washing over the entire movie. After watching the film, I knew I had to get a pair or bright red shoes. The way his character carried himself printed this idea in my mind that I tied to the red shoes that stuck out beautifully throughout the film, and I suddenly became a product to the movie, sold to the need for red boots similar to his. Television is guilty of doing the same thing, but because I don't watch it as much, I don't run into it as often. Still, film, radio, and television have been able to keep media running for decades, and as an aspiring broadcast journalist, I hope it never stops.

[wonderfullymadechild33]

Blog two: (print) Media and Subconscious Conditioning!

The media has done a pretty good job at convincing the general public that its control lies solely in the digital scene. Though modern-day media is most popularly digested digitally, books, magazines, and newspapers have always had their place in story telling through the media. As seen in the Ted talk we watched in class, newspapers continue to have their impact on communities. Newspapers are actually vital to local communities, because they cover things that larger scope companies simply don't care about.  To some degree, I experienced this in middle school. In eighth grade, I won $100 in an art contest through my school. The 4 runner ups and I were invited to a celebratory dinner in town, and an article through the local newspaper was published covering the achievement. I remember thinking "it's not that big of a deal, it's the Sunbury paper of all things". Only a few days later, a close family friend who only lived a city away messaged my mom congratulating me. Attached to the message was a photo of the paper, the same one that I thought had no real impact on the world around me. The point is, I truly have no idea who all read that edition of the Sunbury paper. I couldn't know just how many people read about my accomplishment, or any other article featured in that paper. But what I did know was this: the community, and even neighboring ones cared about what the local newspaper had to say. Newspapers continue to have function in the world, majorly for this reason. Communities care about local news because it affects them. Without newspapers, local news would be much harder to come by. Books and magazines offer a slightly different influence, but an influence, nonetheless. The real kicker for magazines, I think, is their specialization. While books could be argued to have a similar advantage, magazines are able to capture (and for the most part keep) an audience because of how niche its content is. If I pick up a copy of Cosmopolitan and I like what I read, chances are I will go back for their next release. I can trust that I know the kind of content it will hold because specialized magazines were designed to do just that- cater to the specific taste of its targeted group. Despite engagement with print media having decreased over the years, I believe that these specific magazines will always be around. Society thrives off of the differences in individual lifestyles. And as long as they have someone to write to, these magazines will live (even if in the shadows of digital media) in the world of media. Books also have their way of capturing audiences, but even greater, they have a way of enacting social and cultural change. In high school, my English teacher spent a whole unit covering censorship. Until then, my reaction to censorship had always been pretty straight forward: if you don't like something, don't participate in it, and if you do, then partake as you please. However, it was during this unit that I realized censorship does not even give an audience the ability to decide whether or not they would like to partake in sed content. Any book with enough "controversy" to get it banned from classrooms and bookshelves likely has pretty important points to make. More often than not, these censored books challenge what modern day society deems as "comfortable". As a human myself, I understand not wanting to be faced with ideas, thoughts, or memories of the past that make us uncomfortable. But if a book has enough power to get an entire group of people to reject its content, then one has to wonder how much power a book can hold when it reaches the right minds. Because I'm not much of a reader, it's strange to think that something I don't regularly seek out has sparked my way of thinking so much of the course of my life, but I guess that's just how the media works; it finds those who aren't looking and captivates those that are.

[wonderfullymadechild33]

Blog one: To Trust... or Not to Trust?

We the people, are always in the presence of the media. If we aren't careful, we become the messages that we see, even if we don't realize it. Mass communication will forever be a part of my daily life, from the radio to social media, to even the clothes that I wear. It surrounds all of us in ways that we don't even recognize, and to me, that's one of the scariest parts of media- the fact that it doesn't need to scream with red exclamation points to grab our attention and convince us of its message. Its influence over us, our culture and our social systems is unavoidable. As much as we like to think we are in control of our belief systems, thought patterns and likewise, someone, somewhere, from some platform planted those ideas in us at some point in our lives. And the crazy thing is, it doesn't have to come from some huge platform like Fox news or GMA. The implementation of these beliefs or thought patterns can come from the people sitting next to you on the bus, or your own mother. It was incredibly overwhelming to understand just how big of a role the media plays in our lives. However, it's vital that we recognize this for a few reasons. Not to fight it, but to work with it. I don't believe that our goal should ever be to avoid or dodge the media because the simple truth is, we can't. And unfortunately, there are only so many outlets responsible for the media we see today. Only 6 major companies control 80 percent of today's media. Therefore, most of what we see is coming from the same few people. When so much is to be said, but only so many people are tasked with the responsibility of conveying the information, the truth becomes bent. additionally, it's the names of these big companies, and large titles in general that will make someone instantly trust information without even second guessing it. For example, I recently got into skincare. I did a lot of research online before purchasing any products in hopes of not damaging my face. In doing so I ran into a youtuber by the name of Hyram- a content creator geared towards helping guide people on their skincare journey. Considering the fact that he had over 4 million subscribers, and the fact that he was the first thing that popped up when searching "skin care basics" on YouTube, I trusted that the guy knew what he was talking about. It only took watching a few videos to find out that most of the products he promoted were products from companies in which he had brand deals with. So naturally, he is going to have LOTS of good things to say about them. I quickly abandoned ship, and sought out honest user reviewed products, and trusted the facts of science and health over the words of a well trusted skin-fluencer, or as one reddit user put it, "a glorified sales rep" in the beauty department. In situations like this, it's so easy to feel like a victim, betrayed by the very thing that I'm expected to trust in order to see the world a little more clearly. Unfortunately, the media as a whole is much too large to combat. So how do you get revenge on a system that seems to be against you when you can't overpower it? You don't. Instead, you get even. Cue media literacy, the cure for the disease of the media, if you will. We cannot make the media be more truthful with us, but we can control what we willingly take in, and how we interpret it. I can trust that the media will relay information to me, but I cannot and should not trust that what one man says is the golden truth. We have the freedom to search for answers and find our own personal truth within the facts. As daunting as the truth of the media can be, we play an active role in the spread of those messages. So, the next time something in the media catches my eye, whether good or bad, I'll consider questioning the way I digest the information a little more than normal.