wonderhello

[wonderhello]

how to explain to mutuals that while yes you can have my discord, and i wanna hang out! my response time is anywhere between 3-7 business days

[wonderhello]

I miss when I would get Tumblr asks that actually said things and weren't just digital panhandling scams.

[wonderhello]

*showing visible symptoms* oh my god i need help desperately

*symptoms go away for one day* what if im just faking it

[wonderhello]

slowly restarting my collection of pizza tables (the place near me doesn't always use them so it's been slow i only have four so far)

[wonderhello]

almost forgot it was 4/20 and had to whip this up at the last minute. happy funny number day and remember to use stupid sauce responsibly

[wonderhello]

turning off asks temporarily :/

nothing bad just a little overwhelmed

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was gonna add more but i ran out of steam 😔👎 anyway here’s an infographic on how people with complex dissociative disorders are not that different from you lol

[wonderhello]

I usually don't do this kind of thing but this reblog bugs to hell out of me (as someone who's known I have OCD for about 6 years just to be spared that argument lol) because it is the worst possible faith you could've taken this.

First of all, that reblog wasn't even talking about OCD anymore, it was talking about people who put perfect moral purity above actually doing the right thing. So that's a moot point and we can move onto OP now.

OP is ABSOLUTELY correct that all of these behaviors can come from a place of OCD. They are not ALWAYS OCD for sure, and some can sometimes be normal or even good, but there are circumstances where they're worth looking into. And even if it's not OCD, it's still good to talk to someone about it.

I think the best example of one is having political debates in your head. That can be normal—in fact, it can even be good! It's true! It ensures that you understand where you're at in terms of your knowledge and opinions. However, if you're doing it constantly to the point where it's taking up a lot of your thinking space constantly but you Have to do it or else you're going to Hell or people are going to die every time you don't do it so you have to do it Now or you're Bad and you're tainted with Bad forever...that's 100% for sure something to look into.

Being able to explain yourself when necessary—also a good thing! Again, it's good to ensure that you're solid in your opinions and you have a fully understanding of them. But feeling the need to justify yourself all the time because if you don't then everyone will think you're Bad and Evil and you will Never be clean and you need to explain until you are "pure" again...is also something to look into.

Making sure you're being a good enough ally for marginalized people—doing research, talking to us, donating if possible, etc.? Good! Doing that to the point that you can and still needing to constantly seek reassurance because if you don't you're SURE you're a bigot you're being a bigot right now by existing you're not doing the work you're evil right you're evil for sure you need to do more to ease this feeling of being evil? Something to look into.

The way some people talk about these things isn't just "I'm doing what I can to make sure that I don't get wrapped up in a hivemind and can draw my own conclusions"; it's "If I don't do this, I'm Evil and I'm Bad REGARDLESS of what my true beliefs are and REGARDLESS of if I'm solid in them and have been shown to be in the past". I'm not trying to armchair diagnose anyone, and neither is OP! It's a suggestion because these are common patterns seen in moral scrupulosity OCD and they don't look like what's traditionally thought of when OCD is discussed.

But honestly, like I said above, even if it isn't OCD and it's "just" overthinking—which is for sure a possibility—it's still worth seeking someone to talk to about it to me. Because living like that is exhausting, and you're not even going to be able to do what little you can do if you're constantly bombarded with the things you feel you're not doing enough but literally can't do. It's a horrible, terrifying world out there and there capital w Will be a lot of pain in trying to do what we can, but all we can do is what we can. It's about balancing the awareness of what's going on with not feeling morally reprehensible for not being able to singlehandedly fix it or do every single possible thing to fix it. Just do what you can. Even if it's something as little as doing your one click or a reblog.

Anyway, sorry for the long ramble. 👍🏾 I dunno if I explained myself well here. It's just my opinion + ngl the whole "omg EVERYTHING is OCD" thing bothers me because it's pretty much the opposite from my experience. If anything OCD is minimized to the point where things like this are beyond its scope to most people, lol.

TL;DR, "There is no version of trying to improve yourself or being a moral human being that is OCD" is…not correct. This isn't like some Tumblr woo-woo shit lol morality can ABSOLUTELY become OCD and that's becoming more known even within the medical community.

I DESPERATELY needed someone to tell me this as I grew up in leftist online spaces. So now I am going to tell YOU:

If you

Check what you sent over and over to make sure you didn’t say a slur instead of “hello how are you”

Fear that someone will find you thinking not-leftist-enough thoughts and will call you out and ruin you

Feel you have to make your intentions clear and over-explain your actions

Find yourself consistently resisting the urge to engage in reassurance-seeking WRT being a good enough ally to marginalized people

Stay up late endlessly debating political ethics in your head

Have a set of actions that you take after discovering you made a morally wrong decision so that you can atone, which you rely on for reassurance that you are not a bad person

Would rather not make a decision at all than make a decision that is the lesser of two evils, but is not morally pure

then I am gently, but firmly, requesting that you look into moral scrupulosity OCD.

[wonderhello]

Im gonna be so real can yall actually talk about ways we can support trans women in the UK instead of giving all the attention to fucking JKR. I already know that Harry Poter sucks, I wanna know how to actually HELP people. Something something you have to love the oppressed more than you hate the oppressor

[wonderhello]

I DESPERATELY needed someone to tell me this as I grew up in leftist online spaces. So now I am going to tell YOU:

If you

Check what you sent over and over to make sure you didn’t say a slur instead of “hello how are you”

Fear that someone will find you thinking not-leftist-enough thoughts and will call you out and ruin you

Feel you have to make your intentions clear and over-explain your actions

Find yourself consistently resisting the urge to engage in reassurance-seeking WRT being a good enough ally to marginalized people

Stay up late endlessly debating political ethics in your head

Have a set of actions that you take after discovering you made a morally wrong decision so that you can atone, which you rely on for reassurance that you are not a bad person

Would rather not make a decision at all than make a decision that is the lesser of two evils, but is not morally pure

then I am gently, but firmly, requesting that you look into moral scrupulosity OCD.

[wonderhello]

I just want you all to know, that if and when this site does experience a real exodus and/or get sunsetted for good, even if we don't keep in touch I'll remember you so fondly. You're the online equivalent of the other kid on the beach where we built sandcastles together; the girl at the campsite where we explored the trees. You're the drunk person who shared kind words in the bathroom at the club, you're the talented artists at the life drawing class or the poetry night in a city where I don't live anymore. It makes me sad that maybe in the future our paths won't cross so easily, but even when we leave this little shared piece of cyberspace, carried away on our briefly intersecting trajectories, just know I still love you

[wonderhello]

Sometimes i feel like younger queer kids are getting a bit to bold with openly talking to people they don’t know In The Context Of:

More than once i have had a younger/same age queer person come up to me in public settings and say something about “finding other gays” or clearly clocking me as nonbinary and I’m like :)))))))) hey buddy I’m here with my conservative parents can you fucking not out me :))))))))

Just say you like my outfit or hair and move on, fuck even tell me you like my shoelaces. Don’t call me gay and limp your wrist at me when you don’t even know me? Especially when there’s a bunch of ppl around?

[wonderhello]

why are cyberpunk tabletop things so obsessed with decency and personhood being tied to how many surgeries you haven’t had

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its not funny but i do think about it a lot

[wonderhello]

Trans, but in an alterhuman way.

Transitioning, but in a "eh good enough if I have to be a human" way.

E HRT letting me grow boobs is pretty awesome. T HRT helps regulate my energy when I'm on it.

But if I really had the option? I wouldn't take E or T; I'd take dog HRT. (HRT that turns you into a dog, obviously)

At the risk of sounding "cringe", my dysphoria won't ever be quite alleviated, because I don't have floppy dog ears and a tail to wag. And that's something that's pretty difficult to explain to people. Yeah I'm trans but more importantly I'm puppy.