wonyoungandrich

[wonyoungandrich]

i forgot to do a love letter to myself during my birthday last week.

as of may 13, 2025, i am now a 22-year-old third year college student. i am currently studying at ustp (university of science and technology of southern philippines)

3rd year college. wow! what a journey. you've gone through ups and downs, you've learn so much, you lost and gain something.

22 years in existence. i feel old but yet young at the same time. i don't feel old. i still feel like i am a 17-year-old high school student in medina, misamis oriental.

you still have your parents. they're not that loving with each other anymore but they have not yet broken up which is good for us because we are still financially dependent with my OFW father. your brother is currently a senior high student, in fact, i think he will in his last term in senior high next semester. it feels weird because i remember during 2020, he was still a 7th grade student. time flies so fast. your father is still an OFW, striving hard, and sacrificing so much. your relationship with him is ok. he's still denying you're gay btw.

speaking of gay, you're still gay. it hadn't changed. i am careful though of showing myself, my true self, to my father. i don't want any conflict. i accepted the fact, his mindset will never change. i accepted the fact i think i will never find love. i'm afraid.

you still haven't had a boyfriend. nbsb nga, ika nga nila. you felt like you're missing out so much. but at the same time, i think it's for the best.

you're trying to love yourself, but somehow you just can't love yourself fully. you're insecure. very much insecure. of your physical appearance, your background, your personality, your life. i don't think i'm good with anyone.

you're still an introvert. and i think u have an adhd. you're having trouble focusing. there's a lot of things going on around your head. people are scared of you. people don't gravitate towards you. maybe because of your default resting face, your aura, your personality. i don't know what to do anymore.

on the other hand, people will not mess around with you. but on other hand, you barely interact with anyone. it sucks because, yeah you're an introvert but also you like to social and talk to other people.

speaking of friends, you do have friends. in college, you met tons of people, some of them turns out to be your friends and some are not exactly. acquaintance, probably.

your life is a mess, sometimes it feels like a dream, but most of the time, it sucks.

future me, i do hope i have shit together. i've accomplished. maybe not a lot but i do hope in the future, THIS all work out.

bye.

[wonyoungandrich]

May 13, 2025

you had no idea what i have been through yesterday.

i actually hate this country! fuck this country!

yesterday, i woke up very early kay mag botar ko for the senatorial election 2025. mga 4 am tali to.

mga exactly 7 am, niabot nako sa elementary school sa minlagas. it was hell!

i waited for approximately 2 hours tindoga. there was a waiting room right next sa 'voting room'. nadugay ang process kay naguba ang machine. how ghetto was that! like first morning, first day, naguba ang machine.

but i manage through, kept my mouth shut, breathing in and out, trying not to lose my patience quickly (i'd like to think this is a little sacrifice from my end as a contributor here in this goddamn country).

the process was easy and next thing i knew, i was done and mouli nako after ani.

nani-udto sa ko ayha dayon ko niadto sa gingoog musakay og bus padung cdo.

little did i know, dili ra ako ang mouli pud.

puno ang terminal og tao. my god! mura crowd sa isa ka concert. inana ka daghan. the first hour, grabe and tindoga, hinulata. naay ning abot na mga lipunan og pabama pero ni isa wala ko kasakay. hangtod sa ni hapon nalang, nigabie, buses come and go, puno puno jud. grabe nga experience!

bulok ang transportation system diri sa pilipinas, my god!

ni abot ang taga-lto, hapon napud. naay gamay na organization, authority, og system (gipalinya), pero pangit japun.

grabe akong pagtimpi, akong paghilom, akong antos. nanakit akong tiil, akong tiyan (kagutom), akong ulo (migraine); wala nako kasabot sa akong gibati. GRABE!

mga 1 pm ko naka-abot sa terminal, my god! naka sakay rako mga 6 pm. grabe najud!

unsa man pud ning mga bus, sa terminal walay dispatcher, ilog ilog, tinuklura ang mga tao makasakay lang. kabalo sila na election, holiday, walay trabaho, klase, expected nana unta daghan manguli. daghan mu-travel. wala naka prepare ang gobyerno. makasapot!

maka-trauma! i never want to travel again.

[wonyoungandrich]

April 22, 2025

i had so much fun yesterday.

na-clutch nako akong plate sa interior design and it was so fulfilling. i was so proud of my drafting skills, my perspective skills, and shockingly, my rendering skills. i kinda improved.

yesterday ang deadline sa plate so i went to school para mag submit. after submission, munaog na unta mi sa building, ni-una akong friend pa-ground flr but wala nay space sa elevator so nabilin mi sa 6th and it was so funny because sa iyang reaction.

grabe among kagikgik, sige mig katawa. nagsakit akong mga kilid sa sigeg katawa.

after that, naa koy klase unta sa structural theory sa 6pm pero i decided to ditch kay nanghanggat sila manglakaw/maglaag.

i kinda regret but also not kay naa pud koy buhaton karon.

maybe lesson learned: if last minute manglaag unya walay concrete destination, maybe it's best not to go nalang.

because walay tunong among lakaw gahapon. naglaag rami sa sm downtown, nagwindow shopping sa miniso, sigeg baklay hangtod sa nagsakit akong tiil. nagwindow shopping pud mi sa ayala.

i kinda regret it.

maypag nag-attend nalang ko sa klase. sayang!

anyway, mao ratong nahitabo. bye.

[wonyoungandrich]

February 11, 2025

I'm currently watching Smosh Games' Resident Evil playthrough video with Amanda, Angela, and Spencer.

I've been watching Smosh content since last year. I knew them before but now, I'm obsessed. They're so funny!

Probably my favorite cast member is Spencer, Amanda, Angela, Courtney, and Shayne.

Anyway, today I'm going to redo my Architecture Design research paper and redo my proposed plan.

Yesterday, I stayed up all night doing my Interior Design plates. Thank God, I finished it on time. But I wasn't satisfied with my perspective plate though. They're super rush and messy.

We also had our first quiz on Structural Theory 1. I had a time to study 4 hours before the quiz, so I was able to answer the quiz. I wasn't sure if my answers were right though. But that's okay.

[wonyoungandrich]

February 7, 2025

Hi!

It's been such a long time to be back here. I kinda miss journaling.

This is my only journal. My digital journal. I haven't committed to have an actual journal. I still need to find a good notebook to write journals in.

Yesterday, I stayed up all night drafting my very first major plate in our architecture design course since last year.

For context, I failed my last ad course, so I had to wait for a year and comply the needed requirements in order for me to get a decent and passing score.

Luckily, I did it.

Our very first major plate was about a community center; and it also involves vernacular architecture.

So, i did a lot of research. We each have our own tribe and luckily, I found a perfect one. It's Isneg. Architecturally speaking, it's pleasant.

So yesterday, I had my first consultation. I was so nervous about it. I have a trauma regarding to this that I don't think it's necessary to discuss right now.

But I get my shit together and thought, "You know what, I'm gonna go get a consultation and if I failed, I failed; And If everyone's watching, then I just have to deal with it."

Who cares? Like what's the big deal?

I constantly have this fear that everyone's judging me all the time. And they're laughing and mocking me behind my back.

It turns out, I'm right. I do have a lot of lapses. A LOT.

I'm gonna list everything my instructor says about my plan: 1. No wheelchair lift. Unless the tribe had a wheelchair lift then there's no point in having one.

2. No second floor. As much as possible, make it everything in one floor. You can have a second floor, but the problem is the access (ramps, stairs, etc.)

3. Rearrange the spaces. Admin and meeting rooms should be adjacent. Not close.

4. Research more on the tribe of choice. Their daily activities, what do they do in their recreation time, their building materials, their building shapes, etc. As much as possible try to incorporate their vernacular architecture to your project. As he said, "We're trying to uplift their culture".

There's probably more but those are the only thing that stuck to me.

He said that my plan is too modern. With the wheelchair lift, the angled shapes, etc.

After that, I said, 'thank you' and left.

You know what, I'm actually grateful for the feedback. That's where I can grow and learn. Feedback is good. Feedback is great. A great way to learn from your mistake.

[wonyoungandrich]

August 22, 2024

It bothers me so much how three of my friends from my circle are super close.

Not that there's anything wrong with it, but it got to a point they have their own group chat.

Idk. I felt hurt. Betrayed? I don't know.

Sometimes, I question myself why am I feeling this way. And I counter myself with thoughts like "I shouldn't be thinking this way. It's not fair".

Idk, you tell me.

Three of them are close. And sometimes I find myself alone while they are having the time of their lives.

I actually hate this feeling.

I don't know where I should be. I'm not close with the rest of the circle.

Basically, we're friends of 7.

3 of them are close. The other 2 are roommates. The other 1 is random.

And me...

Should I be feeling this way?

Maybe I'm just being dramatic.

[wonyoungandrich]

August 6, 2024

When someone says "ingon ni Dondie" or "I did this because si Dondie" is making me bothered. For example, when Fiona and I went home and later she said she didn't want to go home yet but because of me, who's eager to go home na, she went along and go home.

That to me feels forced. Like okay, I guess I'll go home nalang because of you. Because of you, I can't do this, I can't do that, etc.

I know I shouldn't make that a big deal because it shouldn't be but, idk, it bothers me so much.

I haven't talked to anyone about this.

[wonyoungandrich]

June 13, 2024

So, today, I told my friends about my situation. My situation about me being awkward and out of place when their friends come along. Now, I kinda regret opening up to them. Like I should've not done that and instead kept it to myself.

Don't get me wrong, it's fine that they met people and became friends with them. Great even. It's mature to be open to other people and be open minded to a possibility of socializing and meeting people. It might be hypocrite to say this but it's another story if the person they became friends I don't want to be friends with. Maybe because I have a bad feeling about them, or I just don't get the vibe that we will get along PERIOD.

And that's okay. Not all the time I don't like the friends that my friends became with, it's a matter of feeling that I get from their friend. Ma-feel nako whenever they will come around, I feel like they don't like me. And with that, I'm fine with it. Not everyone will like you and that's a fact. And that's the fact, I will not try to force myself to make friends with them.

And for the longest time, I haven't told them. So, imagine the scenarios of them getting so loud and bonded and me over there, just sitting in the corner.

Also, I learned that the friend I was talking about (because I actually don't know her name), her name was Rosel. I don't know the exact spelling but yeah, that's her name. I actually find her annoying PERIOD. She's so loud but in a bad way.

So, I saw her again earlier, and I felt so down all of the sudden. And that's when I told them how I feel.

[wonyoungandrich]

May 17, 2024

I came to realize that I shouldn't spend so much on my birthday. Just a week ago, I celebrated my birthday and me and my friends went to this place I forgot the name but it was a café in Cugman. The view was nice, the food was great, the ambiance was amazing, the staff was polite, etc. But it was so pricey.

The food costs 300PHP max, and there are 7 of us in total. At that point on, I could've just offered them a drink and that's it but at that time, I felt like I had to spend something on food not a drink. I was hesitant to eat there and move to the next resto because their prices are reasonable there but I was shy at that time.

So, I had no choice but to order there nalang. I ordered a reasonably priced Pork Sisig. It costs 200PHP but I was shocked when some of them ordered 300PHP meals. I couldn't do anything so, I just let them be but in my mind, I was side-eyeing them. Really.

And the worst side is that some of us couldn't finish the plate since each of our orders were large. Literally 3 people can eat just one plate and they will be full.

I was so fucking dumb I could've just ordered 3 meals, drinks, and just call it a day. I spent 3,000PHP for everything. In my mind, I was scared. It's only the second week of the month and my money is 2/3 gone?! How could I ask my father for additional money when he told me to spend my money wisely for the whole month, including paying for bills, internet, food, rice, pangplete, school supplies, etc. And I spend my money just like that.

I regretted it so much. We could've had a simple dinner or hangout situation. I was so extra at that time and I couldn't blame my friends. I have no right to blame anyone but me.

[wonyoungandrich]

May 8, 2024

It's so hard having no financial stability. Like money just come and go. And I don't have any chance or opportunity to get it back.

My father is the provider of the house. Financially. The only financial provider. His income is not enough for the four of us especially I'm in college now and my brother is soon to be a senior high student and my mother has a lot of debt.

And now nangayo si Mama og 1,000PHP. Nangayo siya yesterday og 1,000PHP pud. Now, gamay nalang akong kwarta.

I'm so tired of being poor.

[wonyoungandrich]

May 6, 2024

The past week was productive, not gonna lie. I got so many things done because I've been trying this new method of preventing procrastination---talking to myself and be my own alert system. So far, so good.

I passed my Illustrated Homework on Wednesday. It was unexpected. I get to talk to a person I seriously never considered to talk to. It was nice. I get to meet my HOA instructor in person. Not gonna lie, I wasn't expecting to him be so mestizo.

I got drunk for the first time. Not really, but I drank 3 cups maximum of alcohol, specifically soju, and now I found out, I'm lightweight. Is that the term? Basically, I turned pink. Or my face turned pink. Either way, I felt this surge of confidence out of nowhere and I was laughing and was happy. But the next day, that was terrible. I think that was hangover. My head aches so bad, not really. It was mild but still, it hurts so bad. I drank my medicine and then, it got better. Yey!

I asked a question during my UTS class. Having the class face-to-face was surprisingly fun, not gonna lie. It was engaging and I felt like I was back in high school, y'know, before the pandemic happens. I miss those days.

Tomorrow is my birthday! I'm kinda nervous but excited since I'll be turning 21, officially! My heart is literally pumping right now. Ok, see you tomorrow. Bye for now!

[wonyoungandrich]

May 6, 2024

It's late in the evening right now and I'm so happy I 'kinda' found out how I will visualize the space when designing. All I have to do is draw in one point perspective. That way I can add whatever I want, maybe I can start with a big statement piece and work around it. I do hope I can finally design spaces that makes sense.

[wonyoungandrich]

April 30, 2024

One thing I don't like with group work: Freeloader.

Yawa kaayo! For 3 hours namo na 'meeting' kunohay, walay nahitabo. Sige rag suggest unya dili kahimo.

Awa karon, ako permente ga huna huna unsay plano like kapoy napud.

Ga-agad ra sila. I thought nasumpayan natong akong nasugdan, wala man diay.

Piste kaayo!

[wonyoungandrich]

April 28, 2024

Months haves passed and I'm still breathing. Hello again!

My birthday is fast approaching and I'm kinda nervous but also excited.

Throughout my second-year journey, procrastination has always been my number one enemy. I tried different techniques, systems, rules, and methods, but every time, they flopped.

Recently lang nako gi implement ning Intrapersonal Conversation and somehow it worked. It keeps me going. I have a sense of awareness within myself, and I can control what I do and what I should avoid/shouldn't do.

It's been going great. I do hope I am consistent, and I will not lack self-motivation and hopefully I will not feel burnout.

It's Sunday today and I went to church in the afternoon. Kailangan nako mubawi since wala ko ka simba last Sunday. It was fulfilling. I get to say an apology to Him and also ask for guidance, strength, love, grace, and keep us safe and healthy. I also asked guidance for my studies and my college journey. I do hope I'm consistent in attending mass, now.

[wonyoungandrich]

Sept. 21, 2023

Ok, I'm not consistently writing and doing journal, but I have my reason. Yesterday was the deadline for the Supplementary Research Data paper and I was totally cramming it. There were things that I completely missed, and I was not good.

Anyway, I went to school because we had a schedule for BT. We waited there for like 3 hours max and I was ready to go. We had to say what our talents were, but I don't want to show it to class so I had to say my only talent was drawing and that's it. So that I wouldn't show it to the whole class impromptu.

My friend actually accompanied me through out the class which I'm guessing she did it on purpose I have no friends and I look like a loser in there. A part of me was happy but I felt like she only did it because I look bad which in turns made me like worse? I don't know I should be happy because I have friend but it only reminded me of how big of a loser I am.

Anyway, magpalit unta kog tracing paper but wala koy kwarta and I was going to use tracing paper kay mao ang requirement but I'm broke.

Anyway, back sa akong friend. Ga-tell siya sa iyang love story and her relationship with her international boyfriend who's Chinese-Malaysian. They met daw on V-Tube (?). It's supposed to be an online streaming platform where they have an avatar, an anime character I guess that's all I know. It was cute, it was nice, but she constantly talked about him ALL THE TIME. I felt like she wasn't giving me the chance to talk about myself too. It was kinda a bit narcissistic of her. KINDA.

But she was so nice so...

One time, ga-storya ko sa akong experience and she completely ignored, and by ignored I mean cut me off. I felt so bad.

Anyway, when we were outside sa NBS, she was talking to her friends and gusto nako muhawa. They were asking kung asa ko mouli and I said "Carmen" and mudungan nalang daw ko sa isa ka friend nila na taga-Carmen pud. AND I'M READY TO BACK OUT. So I have to find a way. I told my friend na I have to go to KetKai kay naa pay gipapalit ako mother and I was out. THANK GOD!

Also, wala koy nasabtan sa amo klase gahapon. Nakatulog jud kog ahat. Now, akong problemahon kay ang plate nako sa BT og sa Arch Des.

FUCK ME.

[wonyoungandrich]

Sept. 18, 2023

So, I totally screw up my submission for self introduction video in Plane Surveying course. I didn't pass it on time so I guess bagsak ko ato. Pero I think it's no biggie kay self-introduction video raman sad to. It's ok. I'm totally gaslighting myself right now.

Anyway, I'm continuing to do my supplementary research. I hope I can finish that one. ONE TIME.

[wonyoungandrich]

Sept. 17, 2023

Yesterday, magklase unta mi sa Arch Des namo na subject. My dumbass thought online class siya pero face-to-face man diay. Nag discuss ra daw si sir, and nag explain sa among first major plate, and also consultation. I'm really quite nervous about it.

It's Sunday today and I think I have to skip Sunday mass. Just this once.

I completely forgot to post my self-introduction video para sa Plane Surveying na subject. I already am done with the video, but I forgot to turn it in. Meh! Maybe it's for the best.