woobieiscool2 - Tumblr blog

[woobieiscool2]

I picked up a lucky penny last week.

I don't know if this is all luck, or fate, or some other kind of destiny, but I'll make sure to always keep this one.

I'm so happy, I'm so in love, I'm so ready for forever

[woobieiscool2]

I love you so much I love you so much I love you so much I love you so much I love you so much I love you so much

You said people would be annoyed reading our messages right now, but I think we've always texted like this anyway :)

You are everything :)

[woobieiscool2]

Talking to you this morning felt like we were back in time. It was so easy. I wanted to tell you everything. I couldn't sleep last night and I woke up checking to see if I ever had anything new from you. When I finally did, I wished the moment would last forever.

My heart belongs to you, and only you. I want to tell everyone how much I love you. I still yearn for you. It was such a painful word to use before, I could feel it in my chest when I used it, but now I feel as if I can almost grasp it and hold on to you.

The sight of your name doesn't hurt anymore. It fills my heart with joy, I smile so much that it hurts and it's impossible for it to come off my face. But knowing that you're in pain hurts me even more. As long is the pain is never doubt, then I'll be okay.

I know you feel judgement and some guilt, but trust me when I say I know how you feel. I'm here to help you. It feels like we have the same strong feelings for each other, even though I think I probably love you a lot more :)

All I want and all I need is your love

[woobieiscool2]

One night you'll be with me every night. I love you. Goodnight :)

[woobieiscool2]

I don't think I care about anything else in the world right now. I just want you to know how much I love you and I want you to be safe. I was a little nervous earlier when you sent the "I love yous". I kept making typos and didn't get to write 50 billion back like I wanted to, so I kept it simple so I could just send it fast. I'm glad you saw it right away. I tried to keep myself really distracted today so I wouldn't just be on here writing all day or through anywhere else. I wish I could just go get you and the dogs and keep you safe. I kept imagining Monty in my garden today. One of my best friends has a pug and he had beer coozies with his face on them at his wedding. I posted a story hoping you'd decide to see mine that day. But now I'll just wait until I can show you :)

I'm so excited for what's coming for us. I'm so happy already, I can't even comprehend that it's going to get even better later.

I love you so much :) the love of my life

[woobieiscool2]

I just washed my car and then I saw that you gave all of your puppies a bath just now. So alime :)

I wrote your name in the concrete with my washer too

I love you :)

[woobieiscool2]

I just googled "are pugs hypoallergenic". The answer was no, but it's okay, I've been putting off going to an allergist anyway.

My brother's family left a few hours ago. I've been cleaning my house ever since then. It's always a bit bittersweet when they stay here. I do love them very very much, but they are a little tornado sometimes. I do still enjoy cleaning though, and the only other person I've ever known that feels the same way about cleaning is you. I always try to have my place really sparkly.

I would be lying if I said that some parts of your recent messages don't concern me. I want to help you as much as I possibly can, but I feel like I can't do much right now. And I'm listening to you asking me not to message you back until you let me know it's okay. Once I get my billion "I love yous" out of the way. I've just been wanting to talk to you all day today. I'm so excited to just listen to you or answer any questions you have. I want to ask you to call me "woobie" again, it'll melt my heart that's already been put back together by you. But I'll let you decide if you still like that nickname or when to if you do :)

Like I told you earlier, I live alone again. I became really really depressed for a while when I realized that I wasn't satisfied just sitting and living anymore. I don't think I had ever been bored by myself. I tried to get going again with hobbies, both new and old, but I had no motivation or strength to do anything. I'm alone again right now, but it doesn't feel like it anymore. I feel like my old self. I feel happy just because. I want to tell the whole world about it. I know you said it's a bit scary, the thought of being alone for the first time, but you won't be. You won't ever be alone again. I'll be wherever you want me and need me to be. I'm going to love you with all I've got forever, and it'll always be effortless. No matter what you ask me to do, I'll be strong enough and know how to do it. I want to be a part of your life that is filled with nothing but happiness and love. I want to be one of those sources. We'll always find new things to do, music to listen to, dishes to eat, and clothes to wear, and all that stuff will always make us happy. But I'm going to be one of the other things that makes you happy, just like you are for me. I'll never run out of anything for you.

I love you so much

[woobieiscool2]

Everything will be better someday, and someday will come soon. I can feel it. I love you with all of my heart.

I feel true happiness for the first time in such a long time. I don't have to lie to myself and pretend to say anything because I love you so much. It's so easy to say all of this because it comes out so naturally. I'd try to write things like this before, but when it wasn't about you, or to you I would just twirl my thumbs one over the other over the keyboard the entire time. I guess I never really realized it till now.

I can't wait until we hug either, but what I'm most excited for is telling you how much I love you in person. It's going to be real, and I'm so excited for it. I want to remember how my lips tingle when I say it to you. I'll never ever forget how I felt the first time we said it. We were on the way home from hanging out at the place where it all started. He actually invited me out last night to celebrate his birthday, but I was too tired to go out. I'm really excited to tell him about us, even though I have no idea how I'll react. One day, when you visit me here, we'll hang out with him. I want to have a big bbq with all of our friends that we used to hang out with and us. I want to see the pugs running around in my backyard. I've been thinking about that so much. I have a lot of plants, I'm not sure if I've told you or if you know how much I like my plants. I need to make sure that none of them will hurt them or make them sick. There's a ton of cilantro, a lemon tree, a lime tree, my big plum tree, a twiddle olive tree, lemongrass, oregano, red Dallas lantanas (but they froze and I'm so sad, I hope they come back and flower again [like you and me 😩😩😩ilysm]), and I recently got a small flowering magnolia tree. That one is gonna be so pretty. I can't wait for you to see it all. It's all yours already. I'm crying saying that :)

A couple of months ago, I went to a show with one of my best friends in Dallas. We went to see The Mars Volta. I don't get as excited as I would've before for them, but I was still excited. I was actually really sad that week too. I remember I wasn't looking forward to the drive because I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts or my sad music. My friends had been criticizing me telling me I was listening to "too much sad boy music". I had a nice time when I got there, as soon as I saw him there. He lives here in the same city, but I had to pick him up in Dallas cause he flew in from a business trip (we're so old 😭). He's really funny and a bit older than me, so way older than you, jk. I met him in college, he said he always liked how cool all of my T shirts were. You told me the same thing once too. But one day on the first day of class, I recognized him, but I sat one seat away from him because I remembered he'd always sit with his girlfriend, so I left her a spot. After the class, he came up to me and told me he liked my shirt, and I actually liked his too, it was of one of the two back to back shows we saw in Dallas. We talked about music for a little bit and then I somehow brought up that I had left and empty seat and he told me she had transfered to another school in town and that we'll sit together next time. That ended up being my favorite class, I was so good at it too. Our prof once handed my test to me upside down and shook her head, and I had only gotten an 89, which was my worst grade ever in that class. I almost got a 100 and so many people flunked out or quit. It was a higher level programming class. But anyway, we stayed really good friends and I ended up being the groomsman for his wedding for that same girl that I had left an empty spot for. What a nice love story :) But back to the whole reason I mentioned this, he had asked me how I was doing during the show. The first opening band was really bad and we were kind of sick of it. I spent most of the time looking around and he told me jokingly that I probably knew half of the crowd. The person I was actually looking out for was your sister. I remember she moved to Dallas, or around it, after she left my college. I had played out a million situations in my head on how I'd ask about you. I think later I found out that her and the bf don't even live there anymore. I told my friend and I ended up spilling the beans about how much I still love you. He gave me all of the typical stuff about more people out there and all of that, but the way he reacted and made me feel like it was normal for still loving you made me feel so much better. I ended up having a nice time when the music started, and at the other show we had booked the following day too. I can't wait for you to meet him either, you've never met him, but he's practically met you hahaha.

I want to write your name a billion times. I love you with all of my heart.

[woobieiscool2]

My love :)

I'm glad no one follows me on this cause I'm sure it'd be annoying today. This morning made me feel so nice. I was so giddy like one of your students :) but I actually don't know if you're a teacher or counselor or something similar. That's one of the millions of things I've been wanting to ask you. I know it's little kids, but idk how little and what exactly.

We're moving mountains, and I know it'll take a toll on us emotionally, but I want you to know that I'm here for absolutely anything you need. I don't care what it is, when, or where, if it means I'm helping you I will do it. You truly are the love of my life. Anything you need from me is yours, you can have it all. We can do it together, whatever you need.

I understand it'll probably take some time to get settled. It'll be something fresh and new, and probably a bit scary and have a few uncertainties, but my heart is with you. It's been with you ever since I first held hands. When you sat on my lap that one night.

I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you

I haven't felt this way in so long, maybe not ever. It's the only thing I know right now and I don't need to know anything else.

[woobieiscool2]

She got me smiling at random people at HEB and asking them if they need help.

I know there's a lot to be done, I'm trying to keep myself grounded, but I'm so happy. When I read your message in the morning I started sobbing like a baby. I've been giggling/crying of happiness all day.

I love you so much :)

But also, I think I'm getting sick :( haha it was so hard to sleep this whole week and I think it's really catching up to me now.

[woobieiscool2]

You make me so happy. I love you so much :)

[woobieiscool2]

I keep wanting to go back and read our messages today, but the dumb IG chat keeps messing up and making everything disappear. It's so annoying, I just want to go back and read again. I felt so many crazy emotions today. I know there's a long way to go, a lot to do, and a lot to think about. But I feel nice. Mostly because I know I'll have a chance to talk to you again soon. Well, at least I hope I do.

I'm so sleepy, but I'm going to take a melatonin anyway. 9/10 times when I take one, I end up dreaming of you. I want to see you so badly, and this is the closest I can get.

I remember when I was in Seattle, I walked into a bookstore and asked if they had books on astral projection or lucid dreaming. It was a really hippie bookstore. They helped me look for a good while, and I finally got a book on lucid dreaming. I haven't read it yet, because I'm scared of how it might affect my reality. If that makes sense. But I want to now. I want to dream of moments we've had and maybe could have and be able to tell you over and over how much I love you. So that one day I can wake up and really be able to explain exactly how it feels.

I'm so crazy about you. Not in a bad way, but in the best way possible.

[woobieiscool2]

I heard this song while I was running, I had never heard it or of the band, and I usually don't even listen to stuff like this when I run, but sometimes shuffle hits you a bit too spot on. Also, the music video has one of my top 5 favorite cars ever.

Te quiero mucho :)

[woobieiscool2]

For a little while, I wanted the message you sent me to be the last thing I ever wrote in this blog. I felt it was appropriate, and poetic. You said no to me in the nicest most caring way possible, and I could've found that message in a bottle years from now, and I'd know it was from you. The way you write and speak is something that has always resonated with me.

My heart just can't let go. I was torn to shreds reading it. My emotions went crazy before I even finished reading the first sentence. I started to cry almost immediately. I read it over and over and over just like I told you, hoping I misunderstood. But it is clear.

I've been listening to a lot of love songs, and so many mention years of chasing, fighting for you, or falling into it again. I can't help but make all of those about you and us. I really don't want to give up. I can still see us together when I close my eyes.

I want "us" and "we". And I want you to want me back. I want to feel your love again. I want this anxiety to go away. And I just want to be happy, with you.

[woobieiscool2]

No importa si es mañana, ni meses, ni años

hasta mi cuerpo se vuelva cenizas

te tendrá en el corazón.

El amor que siento para ti es uno que jamás debilitará

aún que no quieras nada que ser con mi alma,

la mía será unida a ti.

Te amé ayer, te amó hoy, y te amará por siempre

[woobieiscool2]

"I do read your messages. I’m glad you’re doing well. I don’t think it’s good for you or me to talk to each other but I do care about you and I hope you are happy. You deserve it :-)"

[woobieiscool2]

There's so much more I wanted to ask you about, so many other things I want to tell you about, but I know now that I wasn't ever ignored.

I'd be lying if I said I'm not shattered in a million pieces right now. I've struggled to find my composure. It took me so long to write back after you said something finally, I could hardly even see my screen. I keep going back, wishing there was more, hoping I missed something, but even though I don't understand why, I do see it clearly.

Something in me still hopes you'll someday change your mind, that you'll feel what I've felt, even in a small way, but I know that's nothing more than a dream. At night I'll lay with you, and in the morning you'll be gone. Until I run out of memories and can't dream anymore.

I'll always care about you, I'll always wish the best for you, I'll always miss you, and I'll always always love you.