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[girl who would like to take a break from being a person voice] yeah no I'm just a little tired today

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I'll give this much to Americans: we really are impossible to satirize.

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today I used the phrase "breasting boobily" in casual real life conversation and everyone was shocked asking how I came up with that and I had to explain it. ive been at the devil's sacrament so long that I forgot he wasn't god

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There’s a quote from Bert where he says he‘s “known big bird since he was a little bird” and the thought of it makes my heart cry so here’s that

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I am a huge fan of retiring to my quarters

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Maid cleaning a massive chateau surely belonging to the richest people you’ve ever seen, and as she’s walking from room to room you notice that every single portrait is of her

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STOP no more live-action remakes. We're going the other way now. Animated Casablanca. Animated The Godfather. Animated Oppenheimer. Animated Fight Club.

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i only have one shower how many shower heads can i possibly buy

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[flicks invert filter on and off on picture of a rural town in maine] normal world! evil world! normal world! evil world! normal world! evil world!

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genuinely wild to me when I go to someone's house and we watch TV or listen to music or something and there are ads. I haven't seen an ad in my home since 2005. what do you mean you haven't set up multiple layers of digital infrastructure to banish corporate messaging to oblivion before it manifests? listen, this is important. this is the 21st century version of carving sigils on the wall to deny entry to demons or wearing bells to ward off the Unseelie. come on give me your router admin password and I'll show you how to cast a protective spell of Get Thee Tae Fuck, Capital

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playing fuck marry kill with my fellow monks and we’re just taking turns going “well. i wouldn’t do any of that.”

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