The purpose of this blog is to explore the issues of child abuse, domestic violence, rape, Domestic Violence by Proxy and false Allegations of Parental Alienation. I am also exploring mental health and other psycho-social issues which impact the human animal. I have a Master's Degree in Social Work and I have worked in child welfare with CPS and as a foster family social worker. I also have a disabling level of anxiety, panic attacks, post-traumatic stress disorder, bulimia, depression and borderline personality disorder. I have been raped by a schizophrenic, assaulted on my job as a group home counselor for teen age girls, was married to a man who physically abused. I was also married and had children with an emotionally abusive man who is deeply affected by Narcissistic Personality Disorder. My birth mother was schizophrenic and my birth father was bi-polar. I was given up for adoption by my birth mother when I was two weeks old. I went into foster care until I was adopted at nine months of age, however that adoption failed and I went back into foster care. I went to my forever family when I was eighteen months old. This blog is my way of trying to make sense out of life. I am constantly striving at turning surviving into thriving. "All strong souls first go to hell before they do the healing of the world they came here for. If we are lucky, we return to help those still trapped below." Clarissa Pinkola Estes WARNING: This blog has graphic images of domestic violence and child abuse.
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The Narcissist’s Inner Voice
Unfortunately, people with narcissistic personality disorder have internalized an overly harsh, perfectionistic, and devaluing internal voice. This voice rarely doles out praise. Nothing is ever quite good enough to win its approval for very long—and no mistake is too trivial to punish severely.
Self-Blame Leads to Shame
Because narcissists’ inner guiding voice is so critical and harsh, narcissists try to avoid all responsibility for anything that goes wrong. In order to avoid self-hatred, they project the blame onto someone else.
If they do not successfully shift the blame, then they may find themselves drowning in a pit of self-loathing and shame. This usually leads them to spiral down into a shame-based self-hating depression. In addition, they unconsciously fear that their mistakes will be used by you or other people to publicly humiliate them.
Once narcissists sink into a self-hating depression, they lose touch with anything good about themselves. They see themselves as all-bad—as worthless, defective, losers.
Naturally, with deep shame always lurking around the edges of their psyche and an inner critical voice that unfairly and severely punishes them, narcissists learn early in life to never take the blame for their mistakes.
Instead, when anything is amiss, they quickly blame someone else. If you are their lover or mate, you are the one that is likely to be blamed—no matter how farfetched this seems.
How should you handle the situation?
The unfortunate reality is that this situation cannot be solved by logic or by arguing about who is right or wrong. This type of blaming has nothing to do with external reality or fairness. It is about self-esteem maintenance. Your mate is unfairly blaming you for something in order to avoid self-blame.
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