wrexie

[wrexie]

how busy are you guys that you can't spend a few days sorting beetles?

[wrexie]

once you remember that you are not in fact catholic and do not actually have to confess your sins all the time things will get better for you. kill the part of you that wants to go into some strangers inbox and tell them why you don’t listen to rap.

[wrexie]

[wrexie]

if you're writing and find yourself thinking 'this is too weird/gross/offputting/esoteric/ambitious/catered to my specific interests + sure to push away a broader audience' that is the devil speaking and it is a lie. you are already firmly on the right path and you need to double down

[wrexie]

[wrexie]

Quick vampire tip:

"Look into my eyes": nobody says that. If they're a hunter they immediately know you're a vampire and that you're trying to hypnotize them.

"My eyes are up here": excellent. Actually gets people, frequently even hunters, to look into your eyes long enough for you to enthrall them. Powered by shame.

[wrexie]

Star Wars is Greek; Star Trek is Roman. 

[wrexie]

racists when you say racism is bad even when you cum to it

[wrexie]

[wrexie]

[wrexie]

People really love making so many excuses as to why they refuse to use the correct pronouns of a canonical enby it seems

[wrexie]

If you cannot kill your politicians and soldiers, the least you can do is to stop sharing any direct and indirect propaganda. Start humanising America's victims.

[wrexie]

Unfortunately for Nader and his family, these futures have been taken from Gaza. Bullets fly all around them, and the occupation uses aid as a weapon while children starve. My friend Nader @abdalsalam2000 needs our support now to save his family and survive. His campaign is #4 on the gazavetters list, and the need is urgent! If you cannot donate, PLEASE share! https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-nader-alanqar-and-his-family-overcome-this-war-in-gaza

[wrexie]

[wrexie]

[wrexie]

absolutely. there's no harm in ass stretching for back pain!! it helps whether you do it just when it's achy or you do it regularly!! any amount helps!!

(UNLESS YOUR DOCTOR HAS GIVEN YOU EXPLICIT INSTRUCTION NOT TO OR YOU ARE HYPER FLEXIBLE. DO **NOT** BEAN SOUP THIS POST--)

the first thing to recognize about back pain is the thing that most people in the middle of an anatomy art course also recognize:

the back is an intricately woven mess of muscle groups and it is ALL. CONNECTED. together.

the reason ass stretching works for back pain is because the ass is connected to your lower back which is connected to your upper back which is connected to your neck and shoulders... so don't be surprised if stretching your ass also reveals other things that ache and ask you to stretch them!!

I'm gonna explain a bunch of stretches and exercises that do essentially the same thing at different needs levels. try them out and see which one fits you best!

DIFFICULTY ONE

you will need: A chair that is tall enough to keep your legs at a right angle but not so tall your legs dangle like shrimps, a towel (optional)

start by keeping your spine straight up and your shoulders relaxed.

either by your own willpower or by using a towel, lift one foot onto your other knee. keep your toes pointed out!

DIFFICULTY SUBTYPE 1: If your knee isn't flat/at the same level as your foot and is instead pointing up like a chicken wing, push it down until it does so, or until you feel your muscle stretch. If you feel the stretch here then this is your stretch! If not, then continue to step 4.

DIFFICULTY SUBTYPE 2: Keeping your back straight and your leggy flat, lean forward until you feel.... something in your leg/ass stretch. (it's called your illiotibial band and it's a part of your ass.) (also back pain can be leg pain.) (I KNOW. I'M SORRY. IT'S ALL ASS.)

repeat for the other leg!

DIFFICULTY TWO

you will need: A wall or something to help you stand upright on one foot

start by finding said wall, brace yourself, then lift up one leg until your leg sticks straight out, like you can fit a square box upright under your leg perfectly.

Keeping your foot flat, swing your foot side to side. You should feel a gentle stretch in your hips. (your hips are also a part of your ass.)

keep swinging for a minute or so, continuing to increase how far your foot swings and increasing your range of motion.

repeat for the other leg!

DIFFICULTY THREE

you will need: enough space on the ground for you to lay down on. you can use your bed too but the floor is therapeutic

lay down with your back flat on the ground. imagine your back is GLUED there, it should not move off the ground

drag one knee up. without moving your shoulders off the ground, tilt your hips to the side to bring the bent knee over your other leg until you feel a stretch in your back/ass/leg/hip

AAAHHGGHHGHHHH

repeat for the other leg!

DIFFICULTY FOUR

you will need: some kind of rail or countertop/sink that is hand-height. ish.

hold onto the rail/countertop/sink.

hook your ankle over your other knee.

keeping your arms and back straight, lower your body back/out/down.

"that's confusing!" I'm sorry I don't know how to explain this one. essentially do it in the way that stretches the whole shebang. this one does EVERYTHING. legs. hips. ass. back. upper back. shoulders. arms.

if you tilt your head down it'll even stretch a bit of your neck. after you start appreciating stretching this feels fucking orgasmic dude trust me

repeat for the other leg!

one thing you may notice about these stretches is that I have not included a time.

that's because the appropriate amount of time to do a stretch is "until your muscle stops freaking out that it's being stretched and chills the fuck out". while you're stretching, notice the way your muscle feels. you should feel a slight tensing, then relaxing sensation. much like popcorn popping in a microwave, there will be a lot of it first, and then the tensing will slow to a stop. that's good!! when the muscle is fully stretched, you're done!

another thing I like to do to keep myself stretching is to make stretching feel like a treat, not a chore. put on a nice candle, start some relaxing music, whatever you want. whatever gets you to pavlov yourself into liking taking care of yourself.

if you're having difficulty with any of these stretches, try doing them after a hot shower. the heat will help loosen your muscles and prevent you from injuring yourself while stretching.

happy stretching time!!

(this post will eventually be updated with diagrams for visual learners but ohh m ygod give me a minute I gotta.... I just worked ten days in a row dude I gotta pass out)

single-handedly saving the lives of my retail coworkers by teaching them all how to stretch their fucking ass. "ohh my back hurts woe to getting old!!" no babe it's your ass. your ass is tight as hell. not in a good way. yeah do these exercises with me. YEAH FEELS BETTER DOESN'T IT. not good. but better. yeah it turns out it was your ass.