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"my bf, my gf, my friends, blah blah blah" like omg even being on here makes me feel alienated and Other lol kill me

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i will be alone for the rest of my life i will never be enough

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i am not someone worth loving as i am right now and even if i was no one could ever love me like i love them. this is why i will hang myself in grace once i can't take it anymore

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need to fall asleep before i begin thinking about how i'll be alone forever and do something radical out of desperation

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having a rain before the storm kinda moment right now... might have a breakdown and hurt myself we'll see ^_^

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love it when u know how insane you're being over something insignificant but can't stop the flood of emotions anyway

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funny how my mother told me not to act "abnormal" around her. yea let me be a good doll that just sits and smiles so YOU don't have to worry about how i feel. even if i did tell her what's on my mind, it would end in her screaming and crying like usual because how dare i feel that way and have those thoughts.

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venting about emotions and fp stuff again, went on to write more than i thought i would.

the last time i cried to a movie or video game was when i had an fp, i guess i'm just numb and lifeless unless i have someone to obsess over, someone who makes me feel. it's like i'm a sedated zombie when i have to be all alone, but having an fp made the emotional ups and downs unbearably intense and i was going between the lowest i have ever been and euphoric highs way too frequently to keep any form of sanity, even my personality changed. the point is that there really is no winning and i don't see anything but pain in my future.

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just being awake feels suffocating

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even when i cry by myself in the shower it feels like im just acting

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what's the fucking point when all i do is feel like shit and lose my mind OVER AND OVERAGAIN OH MY GOD MAKE IT STOOOP

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the saddest part is how much i ache for love and connection and intimacy but in the end im just not good enough so im cursed to live life as a ghost while everyone around me finds what they're looking for

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if jealousy could kill i would be super dead

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time to take charge of my own life! *gets exhausted from just the thought*

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living a life devoid of passion for so long makes me sick like i have had no reason to get out of bed for years but still i persevere because what choice do i have but to live this one life no matter how rotten or lonely

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looks like operation: lose weight until im miraculously not alone anymore is my last hope (i should be put down)

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