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InTASC Standard 2: Learning Differences

Argumentative Introduction Paragraph 03.05.2019

“The teacher uses understanding of individual differences and divcerse cultures and communities to ensure inclusive learning environments that enable each learner to meet high standards.”

Include CC Standard here. 

Explain how artifact does what the standard says. 

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InTASC Standard 1: Learner Development

Halloween Writing Ideas

“The teacher understands how learners grow and develop, recognizing that patterns of learning and development vary individually within and across the cognitive, linguistic, social, emotional, and physical areas, and designs and implements developmentally appropriate and challenging learning experiences.”

W.7.3: Write narratives to develop real or imagined experiences or events using effective technique, relevant descriptive details, and well-structured event sequences. 

L.7.5: Demonstrate understanding of figurative language, word relationships and nuances in word meanings. 

This artifact comes from Practicum 2. Giving students a range of choices, for both Regular Ed. and Accelerated, these three projects were available to students in honor of Halloween last semester. Students could choose from three and do one. Giving options in the realm of creative writing, keeps students writing but ultimately they have the choice of which to do rather than being told which one. 

The Zombie Survival Guide offered students the opportunity to design, write and compose their own guide of information they thought useful. They answered questions in a brainstorm amongst each other in small groups and put together their guide complete with written portions and visuals. 

The spooky writing prompts offered students the opportunity to write their own creative stories. Practice writing over extended periods of time, and given that it was around descriptive writing, practice using figurative language to make their writing leap off the page.

Halloween proverbs asked students to research three chosen proverbs and then craft their own, along with providing visuals. Adding in research elements to a creative writing challenge, while also encouraging students to use figurative language to bring life to words and writing.

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InTASC Standard 5: Application of Content

Blackout Poetry 2.14.2019

“The teacher understands how to connect concepts and use differing perspectives to engage learners in critical thinking, creativity, and collaborative problem solving related to authentic local and global issues.”

L.7.3: Use knowledge of language and its conventions when writing, speaking, reading or listening. 

These are student examples of Blackout Poetry. The task was to take a page of something already done and create something new from it. In order for students to be successful in this activity, they had to recognize and understand word meanings in order for their poems to make sense. Careful instruction had been given as a reminder for students that when they are choosing which words to keep from being blacked out, they have to know what it means. If they did not, they could read the sentence on the page to find understanding of the meaning through context clues or even look the word up when all else failed. Understanding what specific words mean allowed for students to then create new sentences or phrases to make their poetry out of. 

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What Would I Tell This Student?

What Would I Tell This Student? 

Before I start, I want to preface this with knowing I was not in class this past Tuesday. Therefore, I did not get a sample that was given out in class. My mistake. However, I have been grading writing assignments all week and it works out for the purpose of this assignment. I have selected one of the papers for what I would tell this student so they can improve. The writing assignment I assigned students was a descriptive writing paragraph where they got to choose their own topic and write about that using three of the five senses, one simile and a metaphor. 

This student chose to write about their time at an amusement park, talking about different rides. They started off so strong too, coming out with so many potential descriptive elements. However, they did not fully achieve those elements. They started to use the sense ‘smell’ to talk about the fear that was in the air, but they did not elaborate in describing what the fear smelled like. The same is said for the attempt to describe the lights of the rides and attractions but never giving more detail about them, just mentioning them. That is their major weakness because they are so close to nailing those descriptive elements but they do not see it all the way through. I have seen this as a recurring mishap in a lot of other papers, not just this student’s. The rest of the writing is flat because it is missing these descriptive elements that make it so interesting to read. 

In grading these papers, I realize in hindsight that allowing them to choose their own topic has backfired. It has shown me how to go about teaching writing skills differently than I already had been doing, particularly what key things to address. I assumed that because they could identify any of the five senses that meant they could write it. I was wrong and that taught me how to approach things next time, to do more examples because they do need that extra help. For this student, like with many others, I would work with him/her to properly construct sentences that tailor to the senses without having to say ‘It smells like…’ or ‘I see…’ or even ‘I hear…’ This student in particular did a kind of variation of that in which one sentence at the beginning was, “Once I walked through the gate at Six Flags, I could smell the fear.” It is a great segway to explain what that fear smells like but they did not do that and there is where they missed the mark. I would work with them on how to describe that fear using adjectives, or even with a simile or metaphor. When it is open like that and builds up to the description, it is the perfect opportunity to put in one of those figures of speech if not a bunch of adjectives because it paints the picture clearer with their words. There are other things that need work too like their sentence structure, spelling, grammar and punctuation but how to use the senses is the first thing I would tackle with this student--and with several others--because it is an ongoing exercise in improving their writing. 

I would tell this student that their effort is not going unnoticed but that they are capable of doing more with some extra assistance. I will help them to revise their sentences, picking out different sentences from their paper that needs extra work. I would ask this student how they can make it better and give suggestions but I want them to try and figure that one out. And if they cannot, they that is when we will do some practice together and come up with descriptive sentences so they can see how. I have noticed a lot with students when I go around during their independent work that they know it. But a lot of them want to just be given the answer. The way I do is I return the question they are asking back on them. I would use that same practice even in helping this student improve on their writing skills. It forces them to think for themselves rather than take the easy way out.

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Think Piece #3

Think Piece #3 

It is actually really hard to think back to a lesson that I thought was amazing and the best I had ever seen. Of all that I have seen or learned from, the best ones I can think of are from last semester in Stephen Hayden’s class. The course was called “Learning to Teach.” Every lesson he came up with was thought out well. Sometimes it seemed like he was thinking on the fly but that is the stroke of genius of any teacher who has to think on the fly sometimes when something does not go right or when extra things need to be added in. Everything he did was like a demonstration to us so we could see how smoothly things could go. And like any teacher or professor, he had his brain fart days as well, maybe once or twice but I already knew that was to be expected. 

When I think about what makes a lesson successful, I think about what would get me engaged and interested. I have the attention span of a goldfish so if it does not interest me, it makes it that much harder to want to pay attention at all. In all of Hayden’s lessons, he made sure to include some kind of group work. Since this was a class directly related to our practicum, for about fifteen to twenty minutes, he would always let us meet with whatever group we were in--where we sat determined our groups--and discuss something that worked and something that did not work in our observations of our mentor teachers that day. That was not the only kind of ‘group work’ we would do but he was adamant about making sure we did more engaging things rather than spending most of the two hours and forty-five minutes with only him talking. It made me more of a believer in cooperative learning than I initially was and now when I write my lessons for my current practicum, I try to find ways to make it more engaging for students, encouraging student participation and cooperation. It is a lot harder than it seems, definitely a lot harder than Hayden made it seem because even I understand that cooperative learning is not the only strategy to use, neither does it work all the time nor is always necessary depending on the lesson topic. 

I appreciated how he conducted his classes because I hated my first practicum experience, namely because of my mentor teacher. Going into Hayden’s class, I always looked forward to it because it brought up the crushing feeling of despair after going to the high school that I was placed at. There was always something to look forward to, something interesting and something excited. I know that all sounds vague but that is because I cannot actually pinpoint one of his lessons as my favorite. From day one, the entire mood and ambiance of the course was so great and he set that tone. Maybe I am speaking largely on the entire class as a whole but it was really the one course since my grammar class, Young Adult Literature class, and my American Literature Part I class where I really enjoyed it as a whole; from every lesson, to every meeting, to every assignment, to the entire course itself, that was really amazing. I can actually say that I was not bored once.

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Think Piece #2

Think Piece #2 Curriculum planning sounds like a dream, half exciting with the other half including growing potential for nightmarish proportions. For example, our recent assignment with the unit planning, essential questions and summative assignment had me thinking a lot. To be honest, I did not give unit planning or even curriculum planning that much in depth planning. I did not know what went into it. I thought it was just planning for what texts to use, which final assignments to create for those texts, assessments and making sure I hit the standards for the specific grade to prepare students readily for the next grade. There is a lot more that goes into it and I knew that there was but I guess I did not know the extent of it. This is the first class that is actually touching on how to prepare for the entire school year to teach students and it is both daunting and exciting all at once.

As far as learning and understanding curriculum development, I am learning as I go, day to day when I go for my practicum. My mentor teacher knows what she has in store for the students but she also modifies it as she goes along, based on what has been done that day or what more needs to be done for a particular lesson or activity. Usually the day before or the week prior she will tell me what they will be doing or I ask. So when I go into the classroom, I have an idea of what will be happening that day so when she gives me room to jump in, I am not a fish out of water. When I need to do one of my assigned lessons for my practicum course or even the lessons just for practice, a lot of planning goes into it. I think of what I want students to take away from it and base it around that, looking up different resources and ideas to implement into the lesson. That is what I have been doing when learning how to write lesson plans since my educations classes as CSN before coming to UNLV, only now it is more exciting to actually apply them and see how they work, not just in my mind or on paper.

After last week’s class, I got to thinking about my practicum last semester. I was at Valley High School and the curriculum they utilize is Spring Board. My only real gripe with it was the selection of texts; they were not a diverse variety of texts but I can see how modifications can be made as long as the text chosen targets and meets the requirements of the unit necessary for student learning and understanding. If there is that correlation, planning the units adhering to Spring Board but using different or incorporating additional texts would be possible. My mentor teacher last semester did that and got permission for it because it still fell right in line to the standards and essential questions of that Spring Board unit. I understand the use of Spring Board but I just think it can limit student creativity and the one thing I would always keep for my classroom is to give students assignments that do not dim their creativity. That does not make for interactive learning, neither does it make it fun or exciting. And with the methods and strategies we are learning, they are designed to make learning more engaging, fun and exciting. It is very important and something I always want to include in my planning.

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Today’s Word Porn...Whatever I Wrote on the Plane

“So what’s the latest scoop between you and Michael?”

“We’re trying to mend things. It’s going well actually. He’s been a lot more open about things and I learned that before we broke up, I didn’t really know a lot about him actually. So I’m learning all these things about him.”

“And…?”

“Just makes me love him even more.” Eska smiled at him.

Phillip snorted. “Girl please, like anything could ever make you not love him.”

“Hey, if he cheated on me, had orgies or just went on a sex-brigade with a bunch of women that were not me, that would be more than enough reason to leave him!”

“Well it’s good to know you’re not complete in a daze. I just needed to make sure.”

“Hey give me some credit here. I left him in the first place didn’t I?”

“Yes, you did. But now you two are talking. And after how you were the first time--” “It’s going to be different. And there won’t be a second time.” She said softly. “He’s already showing a difference Phillip.”

“And is it a real difference or just what you think you’re seeing?”

“It’s a real difference.

Phillip gave her a skeptical look, but it was also lenient for the sake of his friend. He packed the bowl efficiently before passing it to her along with a lighter. “First hit is yours, my love.” He grinned.

Eska looked at the bowl and then at him. “I don’t know...I’m a teacher now. It hasn’t happened yet but I am sure they drug test us at some point. Randomly even.” “Esk, after the weeks you’ve had you could this. It’ll take the edge off a little bit. If anything, it will allow you to sleep without too much...thinking.” He said it gently and she knew what he meant. It was hard to quiet the chattering monkeys in her mind. The thoughts went rampage just as she would lie down for bed. And just when thought they stopped, the image of her mom came to mind. It tended to always warp to the last three months leading up to her hospitalization and then her death. The thoughts tempted her into playing the “what-if” game. It was hard not to give into it and by the time she realized she had been, she was in pain. The kind of pain of longing for the one person she will miss more than anyone and anything for the rest of her life. Having her mother for only twenty-four years, the first four not really counting since she had been a baby, just wasn’t fair.

“Eska?” Phillip’s voice brought her back out of her reverie and she sat up, reaching her hand out and took the bowl. “That’s my girl.” He grinned.

She smiled and held the bowl up to her lips. One finger was on the carb, the other was wrapped around the actual bowl as the pipe end touched her lips. With her other hand,s he flicked the lighter on and lowered the flame onto the potent TLC (THC, oops!) waiting in the bowl, immediately inhaling. When it began to burn, she lifted her finger off the carb and inhaled whatever smoke remained. As Phillip’s motto was, “CLEAR IT!” and Eska certainly cleared it.

Exhaling, she made a face of pain before coughing, putting her hand to her chest. “Oh…”

Phillip watched her with heavy amusement as he took the lighter and bowl back. When she calmed down, she patted her chest and looked at him, smiling a little. “That stuff has not gotten better in taste or smell.”

And to that, Phillip outright laughed; he tilted his head back and closed his eyes, letting out this loud guffaw of sound. The laughter was contagious and Eska started to giggle a little with him. “What?” She asked.

“Of all the things to say...And I should have seen that one coming too because you always say the same thing when you do this after years.” “You should see me drinking alcohol these days. It’s very rare and sparse. I’ll nurse a cocktail for three hours at family dinners.”

“I can believe it. I know you certainly did your partying back in the day. Miss I Go to Sleep at my Own Party Before Everyone Else.” He grinned

“Yeah, remind me to put you on the ban list so you never come to my class and tell these horrific stories to my students.” She laughed.

“Oh come on! They would love you even more.” “It’s true, they would. But I would also be so fired if it ever got back to my boss.” She laughed.

“So they don’t want ex-party girls to be teaching the new youth of America?”

“I know, right? I’m astonished too. I mean the things kids are doing these days...would have put us to shame back in our days.”

It was funny to talk like their teen years had been so far behind them. It really wasn’t. Ten years wasn’t a long time. Not even five years ago when she was nineteen, technically a teenager almost close to her years as an official ‘adult.’ And while five or ten years was really no time at all in some perspectives, the amount of growing up achieved and everything that changed was a testament to that small amount of time. For Eska, it was hard to believe she was one of those depressed teenagers who hated school and thought being random with outbursts was a cool thing. Whenever she thought back to her teenage self, she cringed, covered her face and wished she cold burn the memories from her memory, it was that horrible. She was such a bratty, whiny and pathetic teenager. Now...well the only good thing about ten five or ten years ago was that her mom was still alive. Hell, even a year ago her mom was still alive.

“Hey,” Phillip prompted, passing the bowl and lighter to her.

“Oh, thanks.” “Where’s your mind at?” “Take one guess. I can’t help it.” She looked down, bringing the bowl up and flicking the lighter on, repeating this process for some serious TLC.

After exhaling, she passed it back to him and tilted her head. It was already starting to take effect. “These days, it doesn’t take much of anything to think about her.” “It’s okay to think about her.” “I know...but I wish I would stop.” “Why?”

“Because right now all I can think of about her is how she died, the months leading up and how it all happened. I can’t think of anything before that. I can’t remember her smile, her voice, her laugh or that hilarious face she’d make when she was being cheeky.” She said softly. “When I think of her, it’s all sad. None of it is happy. I feel like I can’t remember the happy. Just the sad.”

“It gets easier.”

“When?”

“With time. It’s just a matter of how you cope with it. Weed helps.” He grinned

She smiled, laughed actually. “I love you.”

“I lurv you too babygirl.”

About an hour and two bowls later, Eska was feeling mighty stoned, to put it bluntly. She and Phillip migrated into his room and she sat back against the pillow, her head resting on the wall and her eyes closed. Phillip lay beside her, watching an episode of Babylon 5. She could hear the Centauri in the background but soon even his voice faded out as she faded into the darkness of sleep.

“No, please. Please, don’t do this. I beg of you, don’t do this!”

“You leave me no choice. You know too much. And anyways, I just want to.”

“There’s another way. You have to believe there can be another way!” He now held her on the edge of the bridge, a menacing smile appearing but overall his face was distorted.

“I thought there could be but the truth is...with you gone, no one will know of my disgrace.” “Think of the baby.” “Oh I am. The bastard is exactly the reason I am doing this.”

“I’ll disappear! I’ll take our baby and leave and no one will know!”

“But I will.”

He made sure the cement around her ankles, wrists and thighs were stable. They were exactly the things that would make this easy.

“But you’re going to kill me.” “And then I can forget about you.” “Please…” Her eyes were wet with unshed tears, though her cheeks were already stained with earlier tears. “Please…”

He sighed almost dramatically and then pulled her to him but her feet didn’t leave the edge. He kissed her cheek and then whispered into her ear. “You’re only good for one thing.” He pushed her over the edge.

“No!” She screamed, her hand extended out like she could still catch onto him, even as she fell further and further.

Eska came awake all of a sudden, shivering like she had just been dropped in ice cold water, and yet she was covered with sweat.

Sitting up, she pressed a hand to her head and looked over. Phillip was now asleep.

She got out of his bed and walked out of the bedroom to the bathroom. She splashed cold water into her face, slid her hands around her neck around the back of it before coming back to her face again.

Looking into the mirror, she gasped and stepped back, seeing the image and reflection of a drowned woman.

“Help me.” Her speech was garbled, water dribbling out of her mouth.

“No...please…” Eska stepped back again, holding her hands out.

The woman peeled herself out of the mirror and floated toward Eska, sucking her way into her. The impact was gentle but the force shot her back against the door and she slid down, her eyes shooting open.

“You can’t be rid of me. Not until you finish what we started.”  She hissed.

“I don’t want to help. I nearly died last time.” “That’s the point. You have to die to understand. And you already did. So now you know…” “Know what?”

“The understanding. What it feels like. And now you know how it felt for me.” “Who are you?”

“The girl who died on that bridge...Or well...beneath it, if you would.”

“What do you want from me?”

“Your help. I want peace.”

“So find it.” “I can’t! Distress…”

“Eska? You alright in there?”

Shaking her head of the cloudiness and the voice, Eska stood up and opened the door. She placed her fingers to her temple and looked to Phillip.

“Hey...you okay?”

She could only hear the screeching. And then it finally stopped, but there was an eerie something in the background of her mind.

“Do you hear that?”

He listened, but heard nothing. “What?”

Looking up at him, she dropped her fingers from her temple to her side and shook her head. “Nothing. I’m fine.” She nodded her head. “Can you take me home?”

“Yeah, of course. Come on.”

Eska took a look back at the mirror and she slowly smiled, slightly waving her fingers at her new reflection. At her new friend.

[writemesomewordlove]

Tuesday’s Word Porn...Meri Pyari Nani

The moment Eska stepped into the house she looked around, unable to will herself to go in further.

“Esk, you okay?”

“Yeah.” She let out a shaky sigh before finally moving her feet, walking into the house. She stopped and stared down at the carpet, seeing the blood stains that still looked so fresh from three weeks ago. A glance down at her bandage-covered wrists and she was taken back momentarily before Phillip ushered her away and into the kitchen. That was when she finally noticed the scents of fresh Indian food cooking. Garlic, onions and tomatoes--that’s what it smelled like.

“Nani?”

The older woman turned around and both she and Eska just stared at each other for a moment. Then her nani’s gaze lowered to the bandages around Eska’s  wrists and she hobbled quickly, sweeping her into her arms. Eska could feel her crying and held onto her tightly.

“I’m sorry Nani.” She stroked the back of her head. “I swear I didn’t mean to…”

Trying to recover, her nani pulled back and took her glasses off, cleaning them while Eska wiped her tears away. “You’re not leaving me too, are you?”

“No. Never. I would never do that.”

“Are you sure?” “I promise. Aap meri ma.”

“Aur aap meri beti.”

She smiled and nodded her head. “I know.” Eska kissed her cheek and hugged her again.

Pulling back, her nani looked to Phillip and smiled adoringly. “Thank you beta, for bringing her home.”

“Anytime, Nani.”

“You’re staying for lunch.” She said it rather than asked it.

“Yes I am.” He smiled. He too Eska to her room to put her bags in it. She walked out of the bedroom with him, seeing Nani’s bags in the second bedroom. She shook her head and brought them into the master bedroom.

“You’re okay with her staying here?”

“Of course. It’s her house too.”

“Do you want to freshen up?” He asked.

“I think so. I want to get that hospital antiseptic out of my hair and nostrils,” she laughed a little.

“Okay. Do you need any help?”

“Nah, I’ll be fine. If I am not back in five minutes then you can come looking for me.”

“Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny. Good to see your humor is back.”

“It comes in spurts.” She shrugged.

Phillip snorted. “That’s what he said.”

“Or she!” She called as she disappeared into the bathroom.

Just like she said, five minutes she was out of the shower and dressed. Her bandages were soaked now but she took them off and looked at the gashes that now scarred. They still looked so angry and deep.

She applied the medicine for them before wrapping them up again and walked out to the dining room and kitchen that were right next to each other, no wall separating them.

Nani and Phillip were already sitting at the table, just talking. Well actually it was more of Nani speaking and Phillip nodding his head and smiling. She could do that, she could talk for hours as long as someone was patient enough to listen. Eska was guilty of never being that patient. She loved her nani so much but there was only so much of one person talking she could handle. And then there was Phillip; he was patient and really liked listening to Nani talk. At the same time, Eska knew that Phillip could talk as much as Nani could. These two were perfect talking partners.

Nani looked up when Eska came into view and she smiled. “Come, sit. We’ll eat now.”

Eska sat down while Nani stood, bringing the pot of kali masoor to the table. Eska got up and brought over plates, bowls and utensils, setting them on the placemats occupied. Nani brought over the fresh rhotis that were smeared with butter, as well as the bottle of ghee for the daal.

All three helped themselves; Eska put a huge dollop of ghee into her daal, watching it melted in the puddle of hot lentil soup, spiced with Nani’s best masalas--hing, jeera, garlic, haldi and tomatoes in hot oil. She took a loud sip and swallowed the hot liquid, sighing with satisfaction. After three weeks of hospital food--ew--this was the best thing ever. To come home to Nani’s loving home-cooking.

“Acha hai?”

“Bahut. Thank you Nani.”

Phillip tasted and he made yummy noises before really taking the rhotis to the daal and devouring. Nani and Eska both smiled and ate. There was minimal conversation as all three of them lost themselves in food. Nani had one more rhoti and Eska and Phillip helped themselves to more, unable to get enough.

Eska was thinking of asking Nani to stay long here. The house came alive when she was here. And it felt less painful. She wouldn’t be here alone. Maybe it would feel a little like it used to, before her mom died. Both Eska and her nani realize that they were the closest each other could get to her; to Nani’s daughter, to Eska’s mother.

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Thursday’s Word Porn...You get nothing

Thursdays are my long days. You will likely never get anything from me on Thursdays as a result of being so tired. Thursdays are like my Fridays. End of the school week and the weekend days can start. Tune in tomorrow for something. Expect there to never be another Thursday word porn post after this :D 

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Wednesday’s Word Porn...Meet Phillip

He walked into the hospital room and came to a halting stop as his gaze fell upon his best friend and her ex, looking like they were about to kiss. They didn’t notice him yet and as much as he would love for the two of them to reunite, he wasn’t about to let his interrupting streak come to an end.

“Ahem.” He held flowers in his hand and wore a big shit-eating grin on his face. Naturally, of course. “Phillip!” Eska pulled back and she blushed, the redness coloring her cheeks, making it visible even with her naturally tan complexion. “Hi.”

“Hello to you both. Michael.” He nodded, trying not to be curt. “Phillip, always a pleasure.” “You stopped coming around.” “I did. Seemed unfair to hang out with you when I broke her heart.” “At least you can acknowledge it, so that’s fine with me,” Phillip murmured.

Michael made no inclination to move and Phillip didn’t budge.

“Okay, both of you, down.” Eska ordered, using her hands to further punctuate that demand when she pushed them down into the air.

Phillip only grinned and Michael rolled his eyes a little. “I’ll come back in a while.” He told her. He leaned in and kissed her temple before backing away, giving the two friends some privacy.

With a heavy sigh, Eska looked at Phillip and smiled. “Please tell me you didn’t call Nani.” “You know I had to Eska. Since your dad is in India and your brother doesn’t live here, Nani was the only one here and you know she would be so hurt and angry if she didn’t know.”

“Did she call my dad?”

“I made sure she didn’t. I convinced her not to. He has enough on his plate. And don’t worry, I made sure she didn’t call your brother. I know how much you would love that.”

Her eyes widened a little, silently nodding. “Yeah…”

Walking over, he sat down in front of her at the foot of the bed and placed the flowers beside her.

“Orange tulips.” “Your favorite.” He smiled. And then he pulled her into a hug, a tight, breath-sucking, bear hug. “Bitch, you scared me. Finding you like that…” “You found me?” “Yeah. You can thank Beau.” “Beau?”

“That’s right...you two haven’t met yet.” They talked like this, hugging each other, neither of them pulling back. “What the hell happened Esk?” “I don’t really know…” “Was this because of your mom?”

When Eska stayed quiet, Phillip finally pulled back and he looked at her, his gaze serious as it bore into hers. “Esk?”

“I saw her Phillip.” Her voice wavered. “I saw her. I talked to her. She held me. She felt so real. She smelled the way I remember her to smell. She felt the same. Her voice was the same. Everything--” “Eska…” “I know. I know, it’s horrible of me to do that.” A couple of tears trickled down her cheeks. “I didn’t do it to die. I did it to get rid of the voices.”

And now Phillip wasn’t sure if he should look serious, confused or amused. “Voices?”

“Don’t look at me like that. You of all people should not look at me like that.” “Like what? What have you been smoking and where can I get some?” He chuckled, pulling her back into his arms. It put her at ease. He wasn’t dismissing what she said. He took her mind off of it all and made her laugh. He always did that. He always knew how and when. He was her favorite politically incorrect person and he knew it.

“Do you believe me?” “About the voices?” She nodded her head.  “If I did, I’d be even more worried about you.”

“I didn’t want to die Phillip. Sure, it was the most amazing thing--seeing my mom--but I didn’t want to die. I wouldn’t do that to you, Dad, Nani or even Bhaiya. I wouldn’t do that to Michael.” “Good. I do believe you. Whatever it is, I believe you.” “Good to know all the weed hasn’t completely cured you.” She teased.

“Bitch.” “Skank.” “Hoe.” “Asshole.” She giggled. “C--”

“Ahem.” This time it was Michael who interrupted.

“Yes?” Phillip asked, as if Michael was completely bothering them. Which he wasn’t. He just liked to be an asshole. Enough to earn a small slap to his shoulder from Eska.

MIchael’s lips twitched in a suppressed smile. He could definitely appreciate what an asshole Phillip was. Like two peas in a pod. “Just checking in.”

Phillip sighed as if so put out. “Fine, I can take a hint.” He kissed Eska’s forehead and got up, moving toward the door. “Oh and when you get out of here, Nani and me will be staying with you.” “Hey!” He dashed out of the door before Eska could go into a full rebuttal, the sounds of his laughter enough to keep her mood light. Then her gaze landed on Michael and he walked toward her.

“Where were we?” “Do you think this is a good idea?” She asked. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“It’s been three months Michael. How far could you have pulled yourself out of your own darkness?” “Enough to know that I need you as much as you need me. And there’s still darkness but you’re the light that makes it better.” “I don’t know.” She looked away.

He cupped her chin gently, turning her gaze back to him. “Take me back Esk. Please?” “And if nothing has changed? I need you to talk to me. I need you to tell me if something is really wrong. And actually talk to me, open up to me. Let me in.” “I will. I’ll try harder to let you in. No more excuses. No more bargains. No more shutting you out. I’ll earn your trust back. I’ll show you and prove it to you.” She put her hand over his mouth. “You had me at ‘no more excuses.”

“Just kiss already!” Phillip drawled, poking his head back in.

Eska and Michael laughed. They didn’t need any other cue. He cupped her cheeks and lifted her face up, bending to meet her lips, kissing her softly. His thumb stroked along her cheek and Eska melted, the way she always did when he kissed her like this. Tender, gentle, sweet and loving.

She was home again.

[writemesomewordlove]

Tuesday’s Word Porn...A Chapter From My Own Personal Therapy

Blackness surrounded her, but even in the middle of it, there was one bulb of light. It was enough to let her know that she was not alone. That bulb of light formed into a figure, a female, walking toward her slowly.

Looking up, she saw the figure’s face come into view and her eyes went wide, her heart raced and she reached her hand up to try and touch her so she could verify the figure was real.

“Mom?”

“Hi baby.” She smiled, a truly beautiful smile and one she missed seeing on a daily basis, just as much as she missed her laugh. Or the way her entire face lit up when she did laugh.

Her mom reached her hand down and she took it, feeling just how real she was. “Am I dead?” “You could be. For that, I am disappointed.”

She looked down but never let her mom’s hand go. In fact, she squeezed it for good measure. Yeah, this was as real as real was going to get. “I didn’t do it on purpose.” “No?” “If I told you, you’d think I was crazy.” “I know you’re crazy. You’re my daughter.” “That’s usually my line, Mom.” She laughed.

“Yeah, well I believe it now too.” She sat down next to her daughter, putting her arm around her. That made her lean in and press her forehead to her mother’s arm, inhaling deep. She smelled the same, like when she’d step into her closet after she died, or when she would pick up one of her shirts and just smell deeply to feel that sense of familiarity, as if her mom was standing right next to her.

“What happened?” She whispered.

“I heard voices.” She looked up at her, unsure. “I wanted to make them stop. So I felt it was the only way.”

“Do you want to go back?”

She shook her head. “I want to stay here with you.”

“What about Papa? Bhaiya? Nani?” She was silent. That was her dilemma. “What about your puppy?” She smiled a little bit. “She means everything to me. Are you mad we got a puppy?”

“No. I can see how happy she has made you.” “You watched?”

“Baby, I’m always watching. Just because I’m gone, doesn’t mean I’ve left. Do you think I’d do that to you?”

“Can you tell Papa and Bhaiya that and make them back off?” She laughed. “I’ll try.”

Another light shone through on the other side away from them through the darkness.

“I have to go back, huh?” “I think you do. But I’ll be there to greet you when it’s really time.” “Promise?” “Promise.”

She hugged her mom, a feeling that felt so real and so right like all the other times she hugged her before she died. “I love you.” “I love you too, baby.”

Her eyes fluttered open. There was this dull ache all over her body but predominantly in her head and her arms. Brown eyes looked around, searching and trying to see. She was back. Where she really was. In a hospital bed, listening to her heart monitor beep, signaling she hadn’t flat-lined.

She also noticed that the voices were gone. How temporary that was, she didn’t know but she felt lighter.

“Oh, you’re awake. Look at that. Rise and shine and those beautiful eyes open.” Her nurse came in. He was male. And handsome. His name tag revealed his name to be Michael.

Wait a minute? Michael? Nurse?

She sat up slowly, wincing a little bit since the pressure brought pain to her wrists which were bandaged.

“Careful Esk, you can still split the stitches.” “What are you doing here?”

“I’m a nurse, remember?” “I mean why are you my nurse? Isn’t that like some freaky complication?” “I’d say kinky, but I don’t think you’re in the mood.” “I see you’re still an asshole.” “You love that about me.” “Loved.”

She looked up at him, wincing a little and this time not from the pain of her wrists, but rather her choice of explanation. His frown only made her feel more guilty.

“I’m sorry.” “I had that one coming.” He nodded his head. “Care to explain this?” He asked, lifting her hand by her pinky to point to her bandaged wrist.

“It’s...complicated.” “Is this about your mom?”

“You know about that?”

“Of course. I wanted to come. I just...I didn’t think you’d want me there.” She hoped he would have but he hadn’t. That made it hurt even more.

“I needed you.” She whispered, looking down and staring at her bandaged wrists. “And you weren’t there.” “I know. I was...I was in a bad place, Esk. I mean, not as bad as you but bad enough for me that I couldn’t be there for you.” “That doesn’t make it okay. You should have talked to me.” “I know.” “And now here we are. Three months later.”

His hand came and cupped her cheek, lifting her face up so he could meet her gaze. “Only one thing has changed.” “What?”

“I’m a better guy now. I can be a better guy for you.” “What makes you think I can be a better girl for you?”

“You always were.” “Don’t say that, Michael. I’m not a saint. I’m more fucked up now than I have been ever.”

“And somehow you are my patient right now. Coincidence?” “If you’re implying the universe did this--” “I’m not. But if they did, I’m glad. I miss you Esk. I love you.”

“I hate you.” Eska looked away and shook her head. Michael turned her face back to his and cupped her cheeks. “Do you really?”

She looked into his eyes, those beautiful blue eyes that she swore could change colors depending on the light. When she first saw those eyes, she had fallen for him. And then she fell for everything else about him. He had been perfect. And then...it all went downhill. Swallowing uncomfortably, her throat was quite a bit dry, she nodded her head.

“No.”

[writemesomewordlove]

Monday’s Word Porn...He Said; She said; The other Her said.

It was a lot of hearsay. The wonder of “who said what?” Did he say it? Did she say it? Did he lie? Did she misread? Manipulation, deception, and betrayal, their musk pervading the air and leaving a lingering bad taste in her mouth. And no matter how many times she washed her mouth with mouthwash, she couldn’t get that taste out of her mouth.

Everywhere she looked, there it was. Everywhere she felt and smelled, it was right there.

Betrayal: Rumor had it that he betrayed her. Not her. The other her. His her. Somehow she was in the middle of this. Actually, it wasn’t really a somehow. She knowingly got into this. She wanted to because someone had to be. Perhaps it wasn’t any of her business but she made it her business. She cared for him and her faith had shake in the other her. What was she to do? Abandon her friend? Nonsense. He didn’t betray anyone. The other her just couldn’t stand it and took it too personally than she should have.

Deception: The other her didn’t like what he said. She didn’t like that he was infringing upon her authority and her stance. Worse than that, because he didn’t defend himself--let’s be honest here, he didn’t need to defend herself--she believed he lied. The lies she believed that he lied about can be seen as the other her lying to herself. She chose her side and he stood his own side and ground. Who really deceived who here?

Manipulation: He did not manipulate. The other her said he manipulated others into his web of lies. She does not think this. She thinks the other her was being as spiteful as he was knowingly being. He pushed, she balked, he pushed harder and she couldn’t handle it. Perhaps the real question here is whether or not the other her could even handle him in the first place. She thinks not.

They say one needs facts and hard proof to back up claims. He thought he had facts and hard proof in other people to back up his claims. It turned out that support system was not as set in stone as he thought and when it all came crashing down, he stood alone. Where was she while he faced off with the other her? She was there but she didn’t say a word. She should have. She wanted to. She was prepared to. He said not to, he blatantly made sure she would not. This was a battle between him and the other her. And in the end, though he says he was not alone, she still felt he was. And in the end, the other her still reigns from her throne with impressive power and manipulating influence as she sees fit. The other cannot handle it. She made that clear. But who dare defy the queen, lest she order off with their head?

It’s a black hole, a dark abyss that never ends. He is standing there and then comes a light where a shadowy figure walks. It is she. Not the other her, but she. She is there. In the darkness, she will always be there. Whether he wants her to be or not, she will be. Does he need her? Probably not. But does he know she’s there? Always.

I might need him more than he needs me, but nothing could sway my decision. After everything our friendship has been through, suffered, thrived upon and grown from, if someone can realize their mistakes, then so can I. And that is respect. I respect him. He respects me. I trust him because even in that moment of doubt, he proves me wrong without my asking. That is trust. And he trusts me.

Why would she ever let the other her influence that? How dare she? Queen or not, the other her will never come in between him and her. She is irrelevant in their world but relevant to everyone else. That is enough. Just as it is enough that she and him don’t care to find her relevant to them. That is enough. That one opposition will be satisfaction enough. More can grow. Sometimes a voice just needs to start the civil unrest. In the end, he will think one thing and know what he believes. The other her will think another thing and choose what she believes. While she, not the other her, knows him; that is enough for her, without a shadow of a doubt. 

Her, not the other her, mother always talked about karma. “What goes around comes around. One day, it will happen. You need worry not.”

She never forgot that and even if he does not believe in karma, she doesn’t let him forget either.

[writemesomewordlove]

Today’s Word Porn...Eyebrow Waggling

“I’d rather not. Mm...yes...maybe...no in fact I know without a shadow of a doubt that I’d rather not.”

“Oh come on, it’s not like he could see.”

“Yes, but I would. And that would be shameful enough.” “But he wouldn’t know.” She smiled then, poking her neck forward and leveling her gaze on her. “But I would.”

With a huff, her friend sat up and crossed her arms over her chest, a pout forming on her already strained features. “Oh come on! It’s just Britney Spears! Your boyfriend wouldn’t lose respect for you if you went.”

“No, he probably wouldn’t. Actually scratch that, I know he wouldn’t. But I would.”

“Why?” “After her Circus album, I learned how meaningless her songs are. Besides, she can never go back to the days of ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time,’ ‘Oops, I Did it Again,’ and ‘Toxic.’”

She could hear the cogs turning in her friend’s brain as she tried to salvage this argument. “What about ‘Stronger?’”

“Hm,” She contemplated this, tilting her head. “Okay, that was a good song. As was ‘Everytime.’”

“See! You do like Britney Spears!”

“No, present-tense-like would imply I still do like her. I liked Britney Spears, implying I am a fan of the songs she used to make, not the new ones.”

“You’re so stuffy.”

“Yeah, I am.” Agnes smiled proudly at her friend June, shrugging her shoulders.

“Great, now I’m stuck going to this concert with my boyfriend.”

“Is he excited about it?”

“Not as much as I am. But he’s going for me. It would just be more fun with you.” “June, I’m flattered, but I would not, could not, shall not want to go. It would ruin the very image I have made of myself.”

“And what image is that? A stuffy grammar nazi with a very selective taste in music?” She teased.

“You say it like it’s a bad thing.” Agnes laughed, June joining in with her jubilantly.

“You’re sure you don’t want to go?”

“Absolutely positive.”

June sighed and stood. “Alright. I tried. Well I have to go. I’ll tell you all about the concert.”

“Please don’t.” Agnes hugged her friend before seeing her off. Returning back to her room, she made sure she saw June drive away from the curb through the window looking down to the street. Confident, she went to her stereo, turned it on and smiled broadly as the first sudden quick beats of “Oops, I Did it Again” play over her stereo.

Jumping onto her bed after picking up a pen, she held it like a microphone and began to sing along with the song, in a very Britney kind of voice and style. It was her secret guilty pleasure, that not even June knew of. The moment Agnes King turned into a tribute of Britney Spears, all because she could do an almost-dead-on impression of the singer.

With the music turned up so loudly, Agnes didn’t hear the front door open and close. Neither did she hear the footsteps of two people following the sound of iconic pop music. Only when she turned on her bed, facing the door again did she freeze, staring at the smug and highly amused faces of her boyfriend, Malcolm, and June. Uh oh…

Gulping, Agnes jumped off the bed and turned the music down, ready to face the peanut gallery.

“What’s this about you turning down June’s invitation to a Britney Spears concert?”

“Uh…” “You sure you don’t want to go?” June grinned, waving the very special VIP tickets in front of her friend’s face. Agnes watched them, mesmerized, like a predator focusing on its prey.

“Uh…” “Babe?” Malcolm got Agnes’s attention and smiled at her, amusement still twinkling in his eyes and tugging at the corners of his smile. “Go.”

“You won’t think I’m a dork for going to a Britney Spears concert?”

“Oh I will. But when you come home, you can put on that green top she wore with the snake that one time and those really short-shorts and put on your own concert for me.” He waggled his eyebrows, grinning broadly now. “A private show.”

“Ugh, you two are gross. Just go at it right now, why don’t you before she makes you turn into K-Fed.” June turned, walking out of the room. “I’m picking you up at seven tomorrow Agnes! You better be wearing clothes!”

Once June left, Malcolm turned to Agnes and kicked the door closed. “And you know better for wearing clothes right now.”

Agnes laughed as he picked her up, taking her to bed. She learned that not only could she like Britney Spears and her boyfriend wouldn’t lose respect for her but role playing as Britney and K-Fed led to some pretty magical and downright naughty moments. Insert waggling eyebrows and shit-eating-grin here!