writeritd

[writeritd]

Silver spoon

Pairing: Lottie Matthews x fem!reader

Summary: Can a relationship work out, when both of you have a different definition of growing up with privilege?

You sit at your desk carefully stitching up your shirt, it had ripped at the back while you pulled it over your shoulders after practice. You cut through the thread observing your stitch work. It was noticeable, you knew that, but you didn’t want to throw it out. It was one of your more expensive ones. There’s a knock at your room door, your mum peaking her head inside “I’m home from work love” she looked tired, supporting her nurse scrubs with a yawn waiting to escape her mouth. You give her a smile trying to hide the shirt from her “hey, do I have to ask?” she lets out a laugh “you know you don’t” she enters laying her hand on your head giving your forehead a kiss “what happened here?” you sigh letting the shirt drop, she stares at it “honey you don’t have to stich that up, we’ll get you a new shirt” forcing a smile you both knowing your savings wouldn’t support that idea. You brush her offer off holding it up proudly “I like it. Makes it look more grungy don’t you think?” she moves her hand through your hair “it does” she’s giving you that look of guilt you despise. It breaks your heart. Searching a reason to switch the topic you let out “I made spaghetti, dad should be home any minute” your mum nods looking down at her scrubs “I’ll get changed” “and I’ll set the table” you make your little deal and separate out of your bedroom. Your parents insist you should have the bedroom, them sharing the pull out couch you have in your living room.

You set down the last pieces of cutlery just as the main door opens your dad steps inside. He spots you right away “wow” he dramatically lets out “your old man comes home and no hug?” You roll your eyes, a smile forming on your face while walking over to him and he embraces you in a tight hug lifting you up “you’re breaking my bones dad” you wheeze out wiggling in his grip, he sets you down “oh come on my future nationals star can handle a proper hug” he gives you a goofy grin ruffling your hair, which you fix right away. He inhales the scent of the food you had just sat down “you cooked” he leans in to whisper “thank god” your mother comes up behind him slapping him on the back of his head “I heard that” he embraces her in a hug as well giving her a quick kiss “I didn’t mean it like that!” she pushes him off with a laugh “whatever you say mister”.

You all go to your unofficial assigned seats, your dad putting the food on each plate. He directs his gaze to you “so how was your day honey?” you shrug your shoulders the day not seeming all that special “school, practice, the usual” he raises his brow at you “nothing special? No one special to see?” heat rises to your cheeks knowing who he’s hinting at. Lottie Matthews. Your fellow Yellowjacket teammate, that you’ve been dating for about three months now. Your parents didn’t have much to offer you when it came to material things, but god knows that they spoiled you in love and acceptance. You play with your spaghetti “I might have seen Lottie at school yes, because we go to the same school” you can’t help but be sarcastic at the end of your statement. Your parents share a knowing look between each other, nothing makes them happier than your happiness.

You look to both of them “speaking of.. so there’s this trip coach Martinez and coach Ben organised, it’s to some museum about the history of soccer” you continue mindlessly turning your food around “the trip is fifty dollars” your dad whistles out a breath “that’s gotta be some museum” you lay your fork down now “travel costs included” they try to hide it, but you notice that look. They share it every time. You pick your fork up “but I don’t even want to go, Nat and I already said we’ll just go to the mall instead” taking some of the food into your mouth. Your mum lays her hand over your free one “baby we’d love for you to go, but-“ you swallow your food, the lump in your throat that’s filled with a guilty feeling of hurt making it harder than you’d like to admit. You stand up from the table “I’m not that hungry at the moment” your parents nod, excusing you from diner.

When you enter your room you can’t help but let a tear slide down your cheek, quickly wiping it away. You knew you shouldn’t have brought it up.

The next day you exit your small house Nat already having made her way from her house which was so close you were basically neighbours. She moves closer to you “so? what did they say?” you shake your head “still up for those mall plans?” she gives you a small smile “of course, I didn’t even dare to ask” she lets out a small laugh, trying to hide the fact she was pissed. Nat and you grew up together, even though both your parents hated each other, for completely different reasons. You don’t know how often Nat has sneaked out of her home to just have a quiet night at yours. Your parents accepting her with open arms.

On your way to school Nat is trying to finish her cigarette before the first bell goes off. And not all to long after you see her. Your girlfriend, who’s sporting a new outfit you don’t recognise, her line of direction aiming towards you. She throws her arms around your neck giving you a short but powerful kiss making Nat let out a gagging sound. Lottie turns to her with a smirk “jealous that all your lips are touching are a cigarette?” you blow out some air “oh Nat, there’s no recovering from that” Nat waves her hands around “hey ehm, how about you go ehm fuck yourself Lottie” Lottie laughs while Nat throws the cigarette on the ground crushing it with her boot. Lottie has her attention back on you “did you ask your parents about the trip?” you’d hoped she wouldn’t bring it up, but of course she did. She’s Lottie. You shake your head “didn’t get the chance” she pouts at you “it’s this friday babe” you sigh out not wanting to reveal the truth. It was shameful having to admit to your girlfriend that your parents couldn’t afford a fifty dollar trip when she can easily get anything at the snap of her fingers.

Nat sees you uncomfortably shift and makes up an excuse “actually, I was thinking, I’m not gonna be able to afford that shit, maybe you take me to the mall? The museum will be boring anyways” her excuse earns a disapproving look from Lottie “what? That doesn’t feel right” she puts a hand on your shoulder simultaneously putting the other on Nats “you both have to be there” the bell interrupts your conversation, Lottie is quick to turn in the direction of the main entrance, Nat shrugs her shoulders at you out of ideas herself. You have to hold yourself back from letting out a verbal groan.

After school it’s no surprise that Lottie turns up at your locker not without pressing a kiss to your cheek “what are you doing now?” you put away some books a sarcastic reply yearning to come out “putting away my books” she rolls her eyes a smile evident on her lips “now after school” you turn to her mirroring her smile “Nat and I were just gonna hang out at the 7/11” she lets her hand move over your arm making goosebumps appear by the tingling sensation taking your hand in hers “that’s to bad, I was thinking maybe you would want to come over to my place” the look she has in her eyes makes your breath hitch in your throat “I actually hate the 7/11” her smile becomes even brighter than the one she was supporting before. You close up your locker throwing your bag over your shoulder “let’s go!” she laughs softly “don’t you want to let Nat know first?” “she’ll know” you tell her grabbing her hand to pull her with you. Nat and you just have a sixed sense when it comes to these things, she’s ditched on you for Kevyn Tan more than once, and you couldn’t care less.

While in Lotties car you fumble with her big collection on cds, because of course her new car that she got for her birthday had a cd player “you don’t even listen to half of this stuff Lott” her eyes shift to you for just a second “but you do” as if it was the most obvious thing for her to buy multiple new cds just because you like them. You’re planing on burning one for her with songs you two have in common and have let fade into the background when you and her first started feeling something more than a friendship happening between you, shy glances and blushing cheeks when the other caught on.

Lottie and you always had this sort of tension. Whether it was on the field, at school or outside of school. There was always something.

The day the two of you had met your feelings towards her confused the shit out of you. She was the most beautiful girl you had ever seen. Then the way she played at the tryouts, you were captivated. She moved so effortlessly and never missed. Your heart raced and your hands were trembling when the two of you got teamed up to prove your strength in the 7-meters kick. Nat patted your back “good luck with the princess” laughing at her own joke. Lottie had turned to you taking a big step to be closer “I’m Lottie” she introduced herself with a confident smile it faltering a tiny bit when she met your gaze. You were so nervous about that. What was her first impression of you? You had smiled back, it wasn’t filled with half the confidence she was radiating “Y/n” you simply told her. Her smile softened a bit “Y/n, that’s a pretty name” she let her eyes travel over you “so what’s your favourite position?” shock paralysed your body, your eyes squinted in confusion, cheeks probably red, when you didn’t reply she shrugged “I’m going for centre back or sweeper” a coldness ran over your back when you realised the direction of her question “something in midfield” you breath out. Lottie puts her hand on your arm “I’m gonna get us a ball” running off. She was gone so fast. Nat came up behind you throwing her arm over your shoulder laughing “you are so hopeless” “it’s charming” you argue back, you both start bickering at each other, so neither one of you noticed the way Lottie had thrown a look over her shoulder towards you. A small smile at the corner of her lips, a feeling of curiosity about who you were.

And from then on Lottie and you were inseparable. If there was a one on one training no one would dare ask one of you to team up with them. At the yellowjackets table in the cafeteria you two would automatically sit next to one another, one time Lottie had to stay behind in class so when she got there she saw you squeezed between Nat and Mari. When she walked over she stood there for a second till Mari caught her directed gaze moving to the side so Lottie could go sit by you, not without mumbling something about you two being gay under her breath. Neither of you caught that already falling into a private conversation, Nat giving your teammates a knowing look.

That day you also had to walk home your mum had to take a shift up and your dad was working overtime. They always took any chance of work hoping it would increase some differences in their bank account. When it started to rain you took your umbrella out, when opening it, it had broken at the first gust of wind. Fucking cheap shit. You threw it into the nearest bin. Your heart started racing once you noticed a car slowing down next to you, you were about to speed up when the window rolls down “need a ride?” Lottie had looked at you, like she had never looked at anyone before. Usually Lottie would rather be caught dead than let someone get in her car soaking wet. But this was you. You hesitated a bit, but looking at the clouds above you knew the weather was just going to get worse. When you entered you shuttered, the warmth of the car heating up the cold of your body. Lottie moved to the back seat and grabbed a jean jacket for you “want this?” you had read the label 'Calvin Klein' quickly you had denied it “thank you but I’ll just get it wet, it looks expensive” Lottie laughed at that “not at all, my dad got it for me” handing it to you “please, I don’t want you catching a cold” reluctantly you pulled it over your back, and you couldn’t deny it did help with warming up. Especially since you already felt warmer when you noticed the jacket smelling of Lotties perfume. Suddenly Lottie allowed herself to lean over your body to get the seatbelt “here let me, warm up a bit” your eyes followed her movements as the click of the seatbelt brought you back from your trance. When she’s back in her seat she grabs her steering wheel “where to?” that was the moment you had realised you would have to give her your address. The two of you had never shared a ride home together. It was too late to step out of the car, you would have looked crazy. No reason to make the situation worse than it was going to be you give your address. The car ride was filled with Lottie complaining about some assignment she had to finish, you listened contently with a soft smile as if she wasn’t cursing out your teacher. Her rambling cutting off when she neared the entry way of the trailer park home. She had looked around, her face being unreadable. When her eyebrows furrowed you were ready to defend yourself and your neighbourhood when she asked “how do I get to your house number?” you were baffled you expected a snarky comment or a rude joke, yet that never came from her. She was genuinely just confused by the structure, nothing more. When you explained it to her she smiled shortly after pulling up to your home “sorry, I didn’t want to come off stupid” you let out a laugh “never in my eyes” you were about to take her jacket off when she stops you “keep it” you didn’t want her to give you her jacket just because she thought you couldn’t afford it yourself. You took it off, a flash of hurt crossed her eyes “don’t worry, I’ve got a jacket myself” she held the jacket playing with the button on it “can I give it to you after our date tomorrow?” she had asked you with that confident tone which was mixed with a short nervous quiver “yeah sure, whatever Lotts” you had snapped back actually hearing the sentence she had said before “wait, date tomorrow?” she met your eyes “if you’ll let me” you had nodded so fast your head could have ripped off “hell yeah!” was all you had replied earning that beautiful laugh of hers.

So sometimes, a lot of times, you wonder how you had gotten so lucky. You felt like you were in one of those cheesy coming of age books that Shauna sometimes reads in secret, not wanting to break her mysterious Emily Brontë aesthetic. The girl from nothing and the girl from everything. Lottie never cared about your financial status, sometimes she would even come over. She loved going to your house, there was such a familiar feeling, your parents would come home, and she was shocked the first time they called you both to diner and it was just the four of you at the diner table eating together, talking. She always wanted that. Someone who truly cares and tries to understand. Your parents never questioned anything, just welcomed her with loving arms. She loved your parents hugs.

You finally arrive infront of her home, she parks her car in the underground garage. She’s so fast with her movements, she’s out of the car faster than you can even unbuckle yourself, the door to your side being pulled open a hand extended to you. Gladly you take it and she helps you out. She points to her lips “payment for my services please” you shake your head with a playful smile, but don’t hesitate to pull her into a meaningful kiss your hand resting at the back of her neck. She closes the door with her foot, deepening the kiss and for a moment you two lose yourself in each other. The sound of someone’s car locking makes you pull away shy giggles escaping both your lips. Lottie grabs you by the wrist “let’s go up, my parents won’t be home anyways” you don’t catch the secret disappointment in her tone. Just happy to finally be somewhere else than school. Plus point for it being with your girlfriend.

When you enter her room you catch the familiar scent of her perfume mixed with fresh washing. You wonder how often her Maid does the bedding for it to always smell fresh. You discard your bag to the side questioning “so what do you want to do?” Lottie doesn’t give you a verbal answer, she grabs your face moving her thumbs over your cheeks in a gesture to pull you closer, her soft lips influencing yours in them. She slowly moves you to her bed guiding you down to the mattress letting herself straddle your lap. Her lips move with yours in a passionate motion, the only sound being soft breaths each of you let out once you pull away to catch a second of air. Your hands move under her shirt your fingers enjoying the feeling of her warm skin on them, you let your nails crawl down her back in a lazy manor enjoying the feeling of goosebumps build up just as she had done to you at your locker. You guide her down with you so you’re laying next to each other your lips never breaking apart. Her bed dips down her mattress feeling like a cloud on heaven and you’re ready to be taken. Lottie moves her hand over your back suddenly leaving your lips cold “what’s that?” you take a second to even register her question still in a haze from your little make out session. You try to reach behind your back “what’s what?” she goes over the little bump on the back of your shirt where you had stitched across yesterday “did your shirt rip?” you move closer to her trying to distract her “yeah, sucks. back to kissing” she pushes your upper body back a little “If you want we can go get you a new shirt” part of you knows she doesn’t mean anything negative by her suggestion, she just wants to get you a new shirt. Lotties first instinct was always to go buy you something as soon as she felt you wanted or needed it. You sit up “I don’t need a new shirt” she moves her arms around your waist “there’s a noticeable bump on the back of your shirt babe, you should get a new one” irritation rises in your chest as you shake your head “I don’t mind that, there’s not always a need for new clothes” Lottie sits up next to you “I guess, but wouldn’t you feel better with a new shirt?” there’s no thought behind her question, and you understand it comes from a view of privilege, being able to afford new clothes even if they aren’t even necessary. There’s a short silence till you break it “can we drop it?” Lottie looks at you with big eyes fighting a pout on her lips “yeah” silence fills the big room, a silence that hasn’t lingered between the two of you before. Usually silence goes hand in hand with comfort when you two are together. Late night embraces, day time embraces. You two hanging out together you doodling away in your notebook and Lottie painting her nails. Now it feels tight. Not one of you knowing how to continue.

The shirt starts feeling warm on you, it feels like it’s a sign of your status, so you slip it off your body laying it to the side. Lottie watches you a slight tilt of her head in confusion. She doesn’t get why you reacted so strongly towards her wanting to help out. She knows your parents don’t have the option of spending money as they please. Her mind leads her to her next question, maybe she shouldn’t ask, but she can’t help herself “are you going on the trip?” you know that she connected the dots, that you lied to her earlier “no Lott, my parents won’t be able to afford it this month” now her lips turn into that little frown you find cute, but hurts you in your guts “why didn’t you say anything? I can pay for the trip” your eyebrows furrow deeply at her offer, the usage of her naming the money of her parents as her money, the way she can just so nonchalantly decide to throw away fifty dollars “Lottie can you even imagine how shitty that would be for my parents if my girlfriend payed for a filedtrip?” her eyes meet yours as if that was the first time she ever let her mind open up to that fact, you sigh your hands moving over your face “no you probably can’t” “what does that mean?” she asks offended, crossing her arms “it means if you need money your parents don’t even question what for, you need a new shirt? You go and you get a new shirt, if you spent a hundred dollars on a fifty dollar field trip they wouldn’t even question it” she shifts trying to control her emotions, her mind playing tricks on her “you’re selfish” she lets out towards you, catching you off guard “selfish? Are you for real?” “You think having everything handed to me no questions asked is a privledge, I would love for my parents for once to take an interest in why I want something, why I need something” you want to interrupt, but she continues on “you know why they never question those things? because that would mean actually having to talk to me, to take interest, to parent. You come home and you spend time with your parents. I don’t even feel a difference of coming home to them or to an empty house. The last time they asked me, the last time I was asked how my day was-“ she stops actually having to recall the last time that question has been asked towards her “-was when I’ve been to your house” she stops, she knows ever since she started hearing things, imagining things as they liked to put it, she’s been nothing but a burden to them. That was all she was. A burden. She wanted to continue on, but if she would, she thinks her body would cave in on itself.

You stand up, your body feels hot. You don’t think you’ve ever been so mad towards people you’ve never met. And hearing Lottie say these things to you for the first time. Opening up to such an extent, you realise that maybe the reason you’ve never met the Matthews wasn’t because Lottie didn’t want them to know, it was just that they weren’t bothered to know such intimate details of their daughters life. You both were so used to your lifestyles, your family situations that you both craved some of the things the other had taken for granted or weren’t even aware of because it’s all either of you had ever known. You turn away your body facing her door not wanting Lottie to notice how angry you had actually gotten. “Are you gonna leave me now?” Lottie murmurs into the quiet room, her eyes now not being able to hide the tears that were building up. Her broken tone makes you turn back quickly “what? Lottie of course not” she looks up “It feels that way” you calm yourself down, right now comforting her becoming your priority, you go near her with caution. She’s deep in thought as you sit down next to her. She’s fidgeting with her hands, so slowly you place yours over hers “I’m not leaving Lott” she looks up her eyes unsure, you move some hair out of her way wiping away an escaped tear “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to escalate like that, I guess I just felt.. like a charity case” Lottie shakes her head still letting your hand rest on her cheek, her eyes wide “you’re not a charity case in my eyes, I don’t care about money you do or don’t have” you believe her when she tells you this, her eyes never leaving yours “I just enjoy spoiling you, you deserve that and more, it’s just the main way I’ve been shown love” that last sentence takes you by surprise and by the look on her face she seems to be surprised as well. Your hands falls from her cheek landing on her hand which was resting by her side “you?” she lets her fingers intertwine with yours “of course I love you” the beating of your heart is overwhelming, you actually have to go through the symptoms of a heart attack to make sure that wasn’t what was happening right now.

The argument from before fades away. The silence comforting again, you don’t waste a second when pulling her into a soft kiss before pulling away letting another one rest on her cheek, and with your face so close to her ear you let her know “I love you too” her head tilts, her eyes shining now with a whole other emotion than the saddened tears from just a moment ago “you love me?” You nod a smile creeping up on your lips, a gentle gaze on your face “how could I not?” without a warning you’re embraced by a forceful hug, Lottie has a lot of force, so of course she knocks you down on the bed, now you’re tangled together. You whisper to her “you don’t have to be alone anymore Lott, you have me.”

You both have differences in your experiences of growing up. But both of you were ready to build your own experiences growing together.

[writeritd]

Untold Stories

Pairing: Van Palmer x fem!reader

Summary: Van and you have been dating for almost a year. Things are going good, so good that shes already meet your young daughter. Just sometimes the past throws her back.

Van loves you. So much she can’t help but close the register up, quickly grabbing her bag and closing the door a bit to hard, turning the sign from open to close with excitement.

Pulling her car up in your driveway she can already see little eyes peaking out of the front window. She can’t help a smile creeping up on her face. When stepping out the car the front door is pushed open a little version of the woman she’s more than fond off running up to her “Van!” her sweet voice rings through the yard running into her arms. With no hesitation she picks her up “hey sweetheart, where’s your mama?” You quickly hurry out the door as well your arms playfully crossed “you know I never get this treatment from her” Van laughs out resting your daughter on her hip “well I’m just more than amazing, and she knows my value” you wrap your arms around her neck “I value you as much as I can” giving her a playful grin kissing her cheek. Your daughter was about to protest when you’re fast to give her a kiss on her cheek.

Van hands you the little girl over and you smile at her thankfully “let’s get you inside” you lead her inside setting down your daughter. She goes off somewhere to play so finally you have a moment alone with your girlfriend. You wrap your arms around her waist pulling her into a deep kiss, Van making a cheeky comment “that’s the stuff baby” you laugh pushing her away “come on I made food” she whispers into your ear “is desert included?” “Van!” You hit her shoulder as she passes you to sit down at the table.

Your daughter runs in and you softly warn her “no running in the house sweetie” she stops in her tracks throwing her head back “sorry mama” Van carefully watches your daughter as she starts climbing into her chair playing with a doll. It always amazed her how… non reactive your daughter was to you telling her off. She sometimes wonders what that would have felt like as a child herself.

She remembers the first times she meet your daughter; she didn’t remember the last time she was truly that nervous and deeply terrified. She didn’t know shit about kids. She never was able to be a kid herself. You constantly reassured her saying just to act herself and your daughter will love her. So when she stood infront of your door it took her a minute to knock. Flattening the shirt she had put on. It was the cleanest one she owned.

All the nervousness and terror left her body once she saw you. Her eyes moved down to a little girl who looked exactly like you hiding behind your leg. She bent down to meet her eyes not without throwing a quick look up to you smiling with confidence after you gave her an approving nod. She stuck out her hand to your daughter who turned curious. Your daughter put her hand to Vans who shook it softly “you must be the famous young lady your Mums always talking about” she giggles “mamas talks a lot about you” you laugh still feeling a rush of embarrassment “very true baby” you still confirm, Van stood back up “so what’s on the agenda?” your daughter took both your hands into her little ones “we’re baking cake!” Van felt very surprised while being pulled by a strong force, you laughed out “I guess we’re baking a cake.”

So while the three of you were baking, there was music playing that Van would never even consider turning on, but seeing you and your daughter messily singing along she didn’t care. Then suddenly there was a splatter. And the carton that was carrying six eggs was scattered across the floor, each egg broken. Van looked up, that familiar feeling of anxiety filling her body. She looked to you who was looking at the floor. Your daughter covered her eyes to avoid seeing the mess. Only the music filling the air. You turned to your daughter exaggerating a look of shook “oh oh” you let out, your daughter lifted her little hands up mirroring your movement “oh oh” she repeated your words, you put your hands on your hips “what do we do now?” your daughter didn’t even hesitate and ripped off some paper towels “we have to clean the mess up!” you clapped your hands together “that is an amazing idea sweetie, do you need help?” your daughter shook her head “I’ve got it mama” Van watched as you lifted the little girl down from her high chair, softly setting her down. Your daughter wiped up the mess in a well- more messy way. And Van caught you watching her fondly. When your eyes meet hers they turned from fondness to worry, moving closer to her “you okay Van?” she had to shake herself back to reality “uhm yeah, just wow” your face turned confused, she moved her hand through her hair shaking her head with a smile “you two have a beautiful relationship” you noticed a sadness behind her tone and definitely knew there was more to her reaction than she had lead on, but you wouldn’t push her. She'd open up about it at her own time.

You set down plates for both of them, yourself included. Van snapped back to the present, pushing the memory back for now. Your daughter perks up “since we have a guest, does that mean I can drink a sweet drink today?” you squint your eyes at her, hers shining back at you with hope “fine.” She cheers out loud making Van flinch slightly, which goes unnoticed by you since you’re already grabbing a bottle of soda out of the fridge. You fill your daughter’s cup up, and while you’re at it you also fill up Van's glas “don’t worry I’ve got wine for later” you let her know quietly.

After diner you wash up the plates, denying any offer of help from Van. She sits at the counter watching you closely. You look over your shoulder smiling at her “take a picture it’ll last longer” Van pulls out her phone not a second to late “don’t mind if I do” snapping a picture of you, at that you throw some water her direction. Making her jump from her spot of the counter, hastily moving over to you and influencing you in a hug from behind kissing your neck with little pecks that tickle through your body making you laugh out loud “stop I’ve got soap hands” “I love that” “I love you” you reply making her stop her antics looking longingly at you “and I love you” for a moment you just look at each other, the moment being interrupted by your daughter “mama its bed time” you look at the clock at the wall and back down to her “you’re not wrong, but-“ your daughter shows off her teeth to you both “brushed” turning to head to her room, you call after her “who has been raising you?” You turn to Van “my boss is calling” you kiss her cheek “wines in the fridge, make yourself comfortable on the couch.” Van prepares the wine glasses and sets them on the table infront of the couch.

Not being able to help herself when it takes a while for you to get back. She sneaks towards the sound of your voice, it leads her to the slightly leaned open door to your daughters room you softly reading to her “and the big bad wolf swallows the grandma whole in one big bite” Van stumbles back a little hitting the edge of a bookcase making some books fall over. The sound doesn’t go unnoticed by you and after quickly making sure your daughter was sound asleep you tuck her in, then quietly leaving the room.

Van is sitting on the couch taking a big sip of the wine you'd gotten for the two of you. Her hands slightly shaking. You move over in caution “Van, honey are you okay?” She looks up shaking her head, wanting it to be in reassurance that she was fine, but she wasn’t. And who was she to convince you she was. You sit down laying a hand on her knee “what happened?” images of the wolves, those fucking wolves, flash in her mind. She sets the glass down moving her hand in an attempt of finding a way to explain without completely scaring you off. You grab her hand squeezing it in yours “is it too much?” now it’s her turn to be confused “what?” you squeeze her hand again “is this, her, me having a daughter to much for you? Was it too fast?” Van snaps out of her mind, shaking her head “no not at all” your face doesn’t seem convinced, she notices that.

After a long exhale she starts “my scars” you’ve never mentioned them, they seemed like a story that’s meant for her to bring up some day “I told you about the plane crash I was in as a teenager?” you nod your head not daring to interrupt her “we were so naive” letting out a shaky breath “we thought we could hike our way to safety, just walk through the wilderness” she exhales a laugh out of her nose clasping her hands together “I could tell you all the gory details” she looks at you “it all happened fast, not fast enough- I was attacked by wolves one night” a little gasp escapes your mouth. You knew about the crash. You knew it couldn’t have been easy. They were lost for so long too. But your mind never took you to a place where you imagined that her scars could be from something so horrible. Van goes through her hair “so yeah.”

There’s silence. Until you think back to before.

Your hand moves to your mouth “the story” Van looks to you, trying to study your reaction. You want to move your hands to her retreating before your touch could reach her “I’m so sorry” Van shakes her head moving her hands to you “no, please, don’t be” she waits “unless you like trained wilderness wolves to attack me around 1996” your face scrunches up, she laughs awkwardly “sorry coping mechanism” you allow yourself to smile “you’re weird you know that?” “You love it” you move your hands to her face tracing her scars “I do, so much” Van's eyes soften and she closes them allowing herself to feel your touch across the scars that have caused her to have a permanent reminder of those times in the wilderness. You let your hand cup her cheek “are you going to be okay?” “Yeah, sometimes things just- come flashing back” you nod, never being able to understand just the extent of what flashes she was referring to.

She leans back on the couch “did I ruin the night?” you lean forward grabbing her glass of wine “do you want it to be ruined?” she lets a smile spread across her face “anything but that” with that you hand over her glass, and prepare one for yourself leaning back into her. She lets her head rest in the crook of your neck actually letting herself feel comfortable. Comforted.

You never asked about her time in the wilderness. You were okay with the small details she would open up to you about. Even when it came to her life before the crash. You can feel the guilt she carries, the traumas she must have faced and still carries with her. You take it conversation for conversation with her. And of course you’re curious, it’s the life of the woman you love, but you’re never worried about what kind of things she could tell you. It couldn’t be worse than her near death experiences, right?.

[writeritd]

Inhale/Exhale

Pairing: Nat Scatorccio x fem!reader

Summary: While it’s obvious to you and obvious to your teammates that you like Nat, it seems she’s the only one who doesn’t know. But maybe it just seems that way.

Warning: smoking, mentioned injury, cursing

You’ve always admired her. The way she acted so chill about everything, but stuttered over her own words as soon as she got slightly flustered or frustrated. The way her temper could snap so easily, but the frightened look in her eyes gave away the hint of hurt in her voice while she seemed angry to the people around her, you’ve always wondered why she reacted so strongly when people (especially your teammates or coach Ben) got loud with her.

Her style, her taste in music, the way she leaned against the bleachers while secretly having a quick cigarette before practice. It was always obvious, because anytime you passed her by you couldn't help but notice the smell of smoke mixed with the perfume she douched herself in so no one could suspect her, of course maybe just you would notice that. Because more than admiration there’s no denying the way your breath hitched in your throat when she looked at you and god forbid she'd send you a smile, because you swear it made your head spin for a few seconds.

This had not gone unnoticed by your teammates, much less by your best friends Tai and Van. Tai and Van who were already so deep inlove they can’t even remember what it means to have a hopeless crush. And you were sure it was hopeless. Nat refused to take a hint even though you'd try your best attempts at flirting, though clumsy, it was solid. And your teammates had tried to push you together, be it Jackie teaming you up in group warm ups, Misty making (forcing) you both into the small storage room to help her carry equipment back or even Van saying quote "you two remind me of us". Nat didn’t seem to notice, or she had, and was uncomfortable and just didn’t know how to say it.

That’s the worst thought that lingered in your head.

Then sometimes her hand lingered on yours while you put away the agility ladder. And sometimes you would catch her staring at you, then before you could meet her eyes she’d already be looking away again, but you didn’t and you knew she was aware of it. She shared classes with Tai and Van, so you knew where her classes were, yet sometimes she took the longer way that passed your locker and each time she let out a casual "Hey Y/n“ like it was not the most important part of your day. You wondered if she did it on purpose.

You’ve confessed once. Well almost. Kinda. It was at a party in the woods before nationals. Nat was standing with Lottie smoking a cigarette. So when you stepped over to them, both looked at you confused "you smoke?" Nats question caught you by surprise, you'd stupidly reply "obviously, yeah" Lottie let out a small laugh, knowing you were totally bullshitting, she stuck out her pack "take one of mine" you gave her a pointed look, smiling sharply "thanks Lott" she threw hers on the ground making up some excuse about having to fill up her cup which was already filled to the brink. Nat patted her pockets sighing "hope you have a lighter, I think Lottie stole mine" silently thankful you took the cigarette out of your mouth "I don’t, damn" Nat seemed hesitant, just for a moment, before she reached for your arm pulling you towards her, your eyes wide as ever. She moved your hand which was still clutching the cigarette between your fingers to your mouth, automatically you wrapped your lips back around it. Leaning forward she lit up your cigarette using the tip of her already lit one.

Your heart was beating hard! And you weren’t sure if it was the situation or the sudden rush of nicotine hitting your head. Not as bad as you thought. Just as that thought went by a sudden pressure rose in your lungs and you couldn’t help but cough. Nat instantly turned worried "you good?" her brown eyes looking over you. You cough into your hand "y-yeah, not used to Lotties stuff" Nat laughed at that, you made her laugh. She took another long drag of her cigarette, a suspicious look across her features "you sure you’re a smoker?" "am I a smoker? What a funny question, now why would I be standing here, smoking, if I weren’t a smoker?“ to prove your point you took the cigarette to your lips again, taking a drag, that time preparing for the hit on your lungs. That time not expecting the smoke to hit your eye though. It started tearing up and burning "shit“ you mumbled out covering your eye with the palm of your hand. Nat couldn’t help herself laughing, moving over to remove your hand "you’ll be fine. It happens, but you shouldn’t start smoking, it’s not good for you" her statement seemed so genuine, like she actually wanted you to take her advice. She wiped away one of the tears that escaped your eye "but I get curiosity can- well, quite literally kill the cat“ she chuckled at her little joke, seemingly proud of herself for that one. A pure look in her eyes that you could miss in the blink of an moment. She threw the cigarette on the floor for you putting light pressure on it with her shoe "enough of that one, it might end you and I wouldn’t want that“ your eyes meet, different emotions across both your face "would suck to lose one of our best defenses“ Nat noticed the look of hurt flash across your face, she always did "why did you come out here?" she questioned obviously wondering why you’d react that way. That was the moment, put all the cards on the table moment. With a deep breath you finally felt confident "the truth is, I like you" the loud sound of a very drunk Taissa calling out "Yo Y/N! we gotta get going or my moms gonna lock us out“ You were gonna slap her. You were gonna make Van make her sleep on the couch that night. You looked to Nat who was looking back at you "what did you say was the reason?" she didn’t hear you "I like trying new things, that’s what I said“ she shrugged her shoulders at that "that’s cool.“ Lighting another one "you should head back to Tai“ "I should" you agreed, feeling more than bummed out. You didn’t see Nat leaning against the tree, watching you walk away. Her heart pounding, did you say you like her?.

So maybe you were blind. And maybe she liked you back just as much. She would never admit it. And she’d been having a hard time deciding if you had actually confessed your feelings for her and if you did, did you mean it? Or was the alcohol just making you talk nonsense?

Days have passed since then. You’re getting ready for nationals. You promised Tai and Van you’d confess your feelings IF your team was to win. You knew you were going to win.

You entered the plane that day. And the seat next to Nat had been left open for you, of course. You sat down next to her, for once not noticing the lingering look she pointed your way.

And as the plane was crashing. You grabbed Nat's hand. What did you have to lose? You looked at her. Just as you’ve always done. She was looking back at you. And even with the oxygen mask on you weren’t able stop some of the smoke of the plane fumes getting in and hitting your lungs just slightly. You thought back to the moment where Nat lit that cigarette for you.

….

Now. You don’t even know how much time has really passed. So many people hurt… if not dead. You clutch your arm which was dislocated in the crash, the pain of Misty pulling it back into place still stinging in your memory. And the worst part is, even with all the pain, the cold nights and the chore filled days. You still sit around pining after Natalie. The way she handles that shotgun, you’d lie if you said it wasn’t hot.

Boiling some water you feel a soft tad on your thigh. Looking up you see Nat looking down at you with a small smile, an uneasy one “want to go hunting with me?” usually her and Travis would go together, which you can’t deny made you jealous. Which also may have lead to you becoming a bit distant. You just nod your head accepting her hand which she held out to help you up, the wince you let out not going unnoticed by her.

While walking you break the silence trying to lighten the mood “I won’t be lots of help you know” motioning to your arm which was held up by a make shift sling made out of one of Taissas hoodies. Her hands behind her back, clasped together she looks at everything but you. Usually she would let out some sarcastic remark. Usually you wouldn’t be stranded in the middle of some wilderness. You lay a supporting hand on her shoulder, making her jump a little, quickly pulling back you apologise “I’m sorry” “don’t be, I didn’t mean to” “it’s okay Nat, really” she sighs visibly getting frustrated at something, curiosity takes over you “Nat what’s wrong?” a scoff leaves her mouth at your question “what’s wrong? What’s wrong is that we fucking were in a plane crash. A plane crash where you decided to grab my hand. And now what? We survived and I’m being ignored by you? The hell Y/N?” taken aback by this whole situation becoming a confrontation there’s no reply that seems fit, so she just continues “is it the hunting? Like are you grossed out by me using a gun? Like- like what the hell? Or was back home just you wanting to hook up, play the long game and then pissing off? but here shit would be to complicated. I actually thought-“ not knowing what you are doing, just knowing this could become a big regret and awkward as heck if you misread the situation you pull her in moving you lips together with hers, her body slams against yours and you want to cry out because of the pain, but your body and mind feel numb from the way she kisses you back with a passion you can’t place. Air once again becoming a necessity you pull away, her eyes meeting yours instantly “-thought you liked me” she finishes her sentence in an almost whisper like tone. Moving her tussled hair out of her face and over her ear there’s just silence between us. Comfortable silence. The first time feeling comfortable since landing here. A tear slowly escapes her eye, you wipe it away letting your hand rest on her cheek “I thought we were going to die” her voice raspy from the tears she’s holding back “me too” you admit. There was no denying the fear you felt in that moment. You let you hand move down to her hand taking it with so much care, moving it to your lips and pressing it against them “I was scared I was going to die, and all I wanted to do in that moment was take your hand. Because I like you Nat, I like you a lot, I have liked you for a long time, and I hate myself for waiting so long to tell you, because I would have really hated dying without telling you” she actually lets out a little laugh at my last sentence “that would have sucked. Yeah” kicking the dirt “then why ignore me?” you avoid looking at her, but do admit “I just saw Travis and you and assumed maybe I was to late” she shakes her head giving you that dead pan look of hers “why because Tai thinks I’m some skank that sleeps with everyone?” “What? No no, what? Nat you have to know I don’t think that at all, and even if you were I wouldn’t care, I mean I would! Because I don’t want you sleeping with anyone but me.. not that I want to sleep with you!.. wait that sounds-" and there it is again, that laugh of hers which tells you she’s fucking messing with you “you’re evil, truly vile” you point at her to which she pulls you to her giving you a kiss “I know, but that was nice, what you said” “I mean it Nat, there’s no doubt about it” she’s now the one to move her hand to you cheek, giving you another small kiss. That small kiss leads to a series of small kisses until the two of you are sitting against some tree log sharing a conversation about what the hell you were going to say when you get back to the others…

[writeritd]

✨Masterlist✨

Yellowjackets 🐝

Open for requests!

Shauna Shipman

Jackie Taylor

Natalie Scatorccio

Inhale/Exhale

A life together ~coming soon~

Lottie Matthews

Silver spoon

Van Palmer

Untold stories

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