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Shout out to the USA for pissing Canadians off so bad it flipped an entire election that was supposed to be a landslide for the center-right, forever in your debt o7

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Tango day! I actually wrote a Tango bit yesterday, but decided it was too much about Evil X and Zedaph, so... let's see what I can cook. Might release that later, as it's got fun lore in it, and there's a lot of room for character development between cycles 2 and 10...

This one is set at the end of the second cycle, so waaay before the Grian fic. They haven't even quite worked out that there are cycles just yet.

Mostly based just on the stuff going on in the background as you sort the final paperwork at the end of each school in campaign mode, heavily dramatised as that's just little guys screaming and running to the edge of your screen while being chased.

Warnings for fire, fear of death, and implied minor unnamed non-canon character death

The hallways smell of burning.

Not the good burning, not a nice campfire or lava pool, the sort of burning that comes from dyed fabric and human-adjacent flesh.

Tango ducks his head out of the door, hears screaming, and then ducks back in.

The terrified faces of three first year students look back at him.

"Right," he tells them. "Okay. How to do this."

If anyone had told him that, less than a week into his new job as at a fancy university he would be having to work out how to safely get an elf, a deep one, and a vampire out of a burning building during a fight, he would have laughed in their face. Sure, Hermiton University had been attacked by the Lord of Evil a while back, but everyone had assumed it was a one off thing.

It might not be the Lord of Evil, of course, it could be anything attacking them right now.

Tango knows better than to think that anything else could stand against the hoard of friendly zombies helping them guard their gates.

"You," he points at the elf, having not even learnt any names yet - he hadn't even taken the register for his first class before all this began! "Do you know where the necromancy classroom is?"

"Um..." she looks at the others, and shakes her head.

"I do," the vampire pipes up, clinging tight to both their hands.

Tango slaps his forehead - of course the vampire, not the elf, knows where the necromancy classroom is.

"There should be a secret exit under the third coffin," a logic puzzle, Tango knows all the pieces; he starts grabbing things from his drawers. "I just need to... Push it aside - someone else might have done it already - and head down there. It should cut you through the mountain, and get you around the invaders."

He's missing a few pieces; no matter. A little fire from his hair heats his claw, and then he uses the sharp point to scratch the missing runes into cold steel.

It's not a perfect solution, but like this...

Three wards against smoke.

There's not the materials in the enchantment lab to make a fourth.

Still, he reaches out, and hands them to the three students.

"Get out," he tells them, ruining the villainous vibes of his classroom and attempts at a strict reputation.

"You're not coming?" the deep one asks.

"I'll follow," he lies. "I've just got to find the rest of my department first."

He doesn't even know who the rest of his department is - there's Mumbo, who he met a while ago, and Xisuma, the headmaster, and... Well, the fact the whole university is on fire and being attacked by the forces of evil does probably explain why the other teachers had been too antsy to talk to him.

The vampire nods, and grabs the other two's hands.

Tango rifles through his half-unpacked boxes of stuff. There should be, if he can find it...

The door slams shut as the three students leave.

There!

Tango isn't really sure what he is supposed to do in this situation, but with a natural fire resistance, enchanted boots, and a belt full of potions, he's probably supposed to do /something/.

---

Doing something, it turns out, is a terrible idea. He's not good at this, especially not without the sort of backup he's used to. Tango has stolen a bow from the weapons rack in the assassination classroom, and that's his only weapon right now. His technique is entirely about buying time, still hearing screams below and panicked footsteps above; he avoids the forces of darkness where he can and, when he can't, a single shot.

If it hurts them, great!

If it doesn't hurt them, he's got speed enchanted boots, seven bottles of gotta-go-fast-juice, and a rabbit warren of a wizard's castle that he doesn't know how to navigate, but the evil minions know even less well. Having a classroom on the top floor Tango has at least seen most of it, unlike the rest.

It was going... not fine, this is not fine, nothing about this is fine - he's trapped on the upper floors, and at some point the necromancy lab collapsed, sealing the only fire escape he knows - but he was keeping ahead of the minions! Tango had been keeping ahead of the minions, but then he turned a corner and-

More minions.

He looks ahead of him, and behind him, and takes a calculated - stupid - risk.

Bottle of explodificate.

He throws it at the minions ahead of him, and doesn't stop running towards them.

The potion rips the floor open, shaking the whole tower.

Tango stumbles, but manages to throw himself over the gap.

The minions... They aren't so lucky.

Tango sticks his tongue out at them, and keeps running.

---

Nobody cannot run forever, is the thing.

Half an hour later, and the building is still burning. It is a testament to Xisuma's insistence on fireproof structural supports that it hasn't collapsed just yet - Tango doesn't fancy his chances if he does.

He's still stuck, of course, with the forces of evil below, and nothing but the sky above. The smoke is thicker, too, but he's lavaborn, he's fine with /that/.

It's just... everything else.

It's not the smoke that has him heaving for breath - of all species, he's the one it actually helps - but the exhaustion from running for so long. Right now he's hiding in a cupboard built against one of those structural supports, maximising his meager chances if the building does collapse.

There are no potions, artifacts, or tricks that will get him through an entire evil hoard. He knows his chances, he knows-

Something pulls open the cupboard doors.

With a last gasp of energy, he ducks under their arm, and darts towards-

A much stronger hand grips his arm. Tango fights, bites, and struggles, and in the end-

"Tango!" the voice cuts through. "Come on, we need to leave!"

Tango freezes, and sees the familiar form of their helmetted headmaster at the other end of the arm.

"X?"

"Um, yes?" Xisuma shakes his head. "There's a way out this way; I'm so sorry, I should have made sure you knew-"

"Running?" Tango suggests. "Apologies later, flee now."

"Right, yes, of course."

Xisuma does not let go of Tango's wrist as he drags him across the hallway, down some stairs, through a classroom, over a balcony, up some stairs, around a bend, twice around a statue, through a portal, and-

The portal seals shut behind them.

Xisuma lets go of his arm, and Tango collapses into the grass behind him.

It's finally quiet, here, with just the quiet talking of a small number of people. Tango spots a few people in student robes, and more in faculty ones, before he allows gravity to take him and closes his eyes.

"Tango?" Xisuma's voice again. "Are you hurt?"

Stupid question, of course he's hurt.

In the scheme of things, however...

"Tired," he groans. "Been fleeing. Fleeing with extra flee. Took some of Zed's potions, they always leave a headache."

Zed.

Impulse.

He suddenly forces himself up, scrambling for any sort of communicator, any way to let them know he's alright. If they hear about this before they hear from him...

Nope, no communicitifactor, and he doesn't see a postbox...

He sees... There's a field, and Xisuma is crouched next to him, looking somewhere between concerned and tense. Tango can recognise Cleo - in a giant hat, likely so they don't burn - and the man holding a giant parasol over them both must be Joe. Or is he Jevin, and the other one is Joe? Either way, they're both there, and Tango will straighten them out if he meets these people ever again. False is pretty recognisable, armed to the teeth as their assassination teacher is, and Mumbo is fluttering between people with an anxious look, and the rest... Tango hasn't really met most of the faculty, but it looks about the right number for at least most of them to have escaped.

"Tango?" Xisuma calls his attention back. "Do you have anywhere to go?"

Tango nods, and Xisuma relaxes.

"You should probably head there. When I've got a new place set up, and resources in place, I'll be in contact. If you don't want to return, though, I understand."

Return?

Tango doesn't even know what he's doing now, let alone later! But at least he can just say no to the letter, if he's decided not to by then, he should say something, what is he supposed to-

Someone else calls Xisuma's attention away, leaving Tango lying in the grass.

He'll... Find a town, and send Impulse a message in a bit. If the three of them don't just magic him back before then. That would be easier.

He just... Would like to become one with the soil now.

Hmmmmm, dirt...

Dirt sounds good.

Maybe he gets why Zedaph likes pretending to be a worm, now?

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I missed day one, and I'll miss a lot more most likely, but... A stupid little scribble set in an even sillier au for @hermitadaymay .

Hermitcraft, mixed with extremely silly base building game Spellcaster University.

Xisuma, Joe, and Cleo interview Grian for a job teaching portal magic at Hermiton University.

(It also serves as a semi-decent into to the verse, I suppose.)

Xisuma is late of the interview. It's never a good thing when the headmaster is late to the interview, but, well, one student had let the pegasus out of the stables, and another had set fire to the House Dinnerbone stairwell, and then-

Needless to say he is a little flustered when he arrives.

Joe and Cleo, already present, glance at him.

"Why Xisuma," Joe greets him. "You look terrible."

"Here, let me-" Cleo doesn't finish the sentence, just tugging on his clothes until they meet her specifications.

"Thank you," Xisuma straightens his helmet. "We're interviewing for a portals teacher. The gentleman is a friend of Mumbo's, so please be gentle with him."

Not that Xisuma has met many people for whom "friend of Mumbo's" would be the first words that sping to mind, but he cannot well imagine Mumbo befriending anyone less anxious than he himself.

"Didn't the teacher's union ban portal teaching? That's the entire reason portal rooms exist?" Cleo raises an eyebrow. "If he's wanting to teach it…?"

"I know, it's strange," Xisuma tries to rub his forehead, and hits his helmet instead. "But, looking at his qualifications he would be very useful, and he directly asked if portals was open."

Which means. The arcane department staff - Joe, Cleo, and technically Hypno, though he ia busy with classes and has already declined to have an opinion - get the final say.

Xisuma is still the headmaster, though; he walks in and sits first, then Joe takes his left, and Cleo his right.

On the other side of the desk sits a scrawny man with large wings tucked awkwardly behind him, fidgeting as he glances around the room. He wears a rather comfortable looking red jumper, and looks nothing like the archmaster his qualifications show him to be.

"Hello, Grian," Xisuma fiddles with the papers as he sits down, pretending that they matter. "Sorry for the delay; at any school this large some student will always cause trouble."

"Right, yeah!" Grian's attention snaps to him, then the other. "Archmaster Xisuma, right? And… I recognise Professor Cleo from her free lectures on necromantic ethics, but I don't know you, Professor…?"

"Joe Hills!" Joe replies, perfectly brightly. "Not a professor at all; I just teach temporal magic, and dabble in a bit of this and that."

"I'm glad you liked the lecture enough to remember it," Cleo replies to him. "Though I teach elementalism here."

Most mages have at least two or three specialisms; Cleo isn't a necromancer at all, really, she's just what happens when one goes rogue. Keralis sometimes finds time to teach it between his other, more theoretical lessons, and Joe can cover the basic classes - it's not regularly on the curriciulum, though. Only by special request, and only to certain people.

Demonology is one thing - demons themselves have standards - but necromancy…

"So you're the arcane department here?" Grian asks. "That's cool, I was wondering-"

"We're conducting the interview," Cleo cuts across with a reminder.

"Right, sorry," Grian grins a little nervously at them, cowering in his seat some.

"Spacial magic?" Xisuma asks. "You do realise that the teacher's union has banned the teaching of it, right?"

"But your students still need to learn it," Grian counters. "Properly taught it's no more dangerous than temporal magic - less, even, as you cannot unwrite the timeline with portals. I know you've been letting them experiment, but proper tuition would improve it."

He's right, but Doc is going to obliterate them all if Xisuma agrees to it.

"You would need to convince the school's union representative to allow it," Cleo suggests. "Otherwise, we do have a position as a careers councilor open…?"

That earns a laugh.

"I'll speak to the union rep and convince them," Grian grins.

"Well that's swell!" Joe chimes in. "But! While your magic is all impressive, what about children? Our students are mostly eighteen to twenty-five, but you wouldn't really know it to see them act."

"I did work experience in a preschool?" Grian offers. "I am, according to seven three year olds, an expert in fingerpainting."

Cleo cackles when he says that, managing to control herself back to a "oh, he'll fit right in."

Technically speaking, as a private university there are no formal requirements for teaching here. Xisuma likes to think most of his teachers are properly qualified, and he does make sure they know their magic, but… Well their Mumbo is very precious, and a fantastic teacher in the end, but he had ended up with a job after his student application paperwork ended up in the same pile, and…

Xisuma has instituted a better sorting system since then, thankfully.

Or, well, his hermits did it for him, but same difference.

"Prank wars?" Joe asks.

Grian clearly hesitates before answering that one, looking between them, "prank wars…?"

It's not the wars he's worried about, Xisuma quickly realises; it's their reactions.

"The staff have semi-regular prank wars, sometimes student-led, sometimes not," Joe tells him. "Keeps us on our toes. Nobody knows when the Lord of Evil will attack, so you always need waterballoons ready."

"I can do that," Grian perks up at the idea. "Not waterballoons, but something. Maybe? I thought you meant student ones."

"Oh the teachers gamble on those ones," Cleo gestures dismissively. "As long as they don't involve the handful of actual children, and clean up after, they can do what they want."

"Actual children?"

"We have a few," Xisuma's heart curls at the thought of them. "We have scholarships for anyone over 14 who is both orphaned and shows magical talent. Sometimes younger, though those are… unique circumstances, and require a guardian in attendance."

Grian nods along, either understanding or thinking he does. "That's fine. As I said, preschool - hormones are a different problem, but you have your own medical and counselling staff, right? So I just need to control the classroom, not all that."

"Exactly," Xisuma smiles at him. "Some of the teachers lead houses, but that wouldn't be expected for you for a few cycles. Now, I asked you to bring a sample lesson plan. Could I see it?"

Xisuma is one of the few people who was ever taught portal magic, rather than left to learn it from items and experimentation; it's not taboo, it's just accidents with portal magic are more traumatising - and bloody - than most.

Grian hands over a folder, and Xisuma starts flicking through. It is not how he would plan a lecture course on portals, but then there are good reasons he does not teach it himself. It seems perfectly competent, with foundations first…

There's not much for the advanced level students, but it would be best to test with just some first years first; new classes are always offered to continuing students, but their schedules are usually too full. Even then, they would have to start at the bottom.

So, for a first year on the job…

Xisuma finds them competent, but he hands them to Cleo to check over next.

"Well, this all seems to be going marvelously!" Joe claps his hands. "There are a few more staff memebers under the arcane banner - we should introduce you before any final decisions are made."

"I've got the job then?" Grian finally manages to sit still, looking at them with wide eyes.

"Cleo still needs to review your papers, but the interview is done," Xisuma offers him a small smile. "Welcome to Hermiton University, your acceptance and a provisional period pending. It's been a long while since we were based out of Hermiton itself, but we still wear the name with pride."

How many cycles since Hermiton burnt?

Xisuma does not want to know.

"Thank you!" Grian grins. "I knew Mumbo wouldn't lead me astray!"

Mumbo absolutely leads everyone astray. He doesn't mean to, poor boy, it just happened to the best of them all.

Still…

The university has burnt before, and it will again; it's not fair, to recruit someone who doesn't know exactly what they're facing.

Xisuma glances to Joe, then to Cleo, and then realising that, as headmaster, he must be the one to say it himself.

"Just to be clear," there is one thing that Xisuma needs to make sure anyone who ends up in his radius understands. "You are aware that this university serves to provide sanctuary to, and train, mages to fight the encroaching forces of evil? And that, in doing so, we tend to be burnt to the ground every ten to fifteen years? We do of course build escape routes in as we go, and former staff are contacted first to see if they with to return to their positions, but we cannot guarantee that you will not be injured in the process, nor at any time during your employment. Once you sing a contract, you will be bound to us, and you will be a target. You can back out now, but there will come a point when it is too late. So think carefully, okay?"

"Yup," the young man pops the p on the word, resting his chin on his hands with a mischevious grin. "I've been hosting Mumbo between cycles the last little while, I've heard all about it. But if it's forces of evil you want chasing down? It's me you want on your side."

Well /now/ he's curious. "How so?"

Grian grins, spreading his bright wings and ruffling his feathers, revealing a network of arcane eyes beneath them, "because, let's just say, I always have another card up my sleeve."

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hey guys have you ever heard of THE CHARACTER. i’m thinking about THE CHARACTER. honestly can’t even get shit done because i’m thinking about THE CHARACTER. i’m listening to a song and imagining THE CHARACTER. all i know and love is THE CHARACTER

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Back on my bs

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and again and again 🦋

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“I used to see Kier in her,

but he left her as she grew”

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Gem's lighthouse

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his best friend is back, he can live now

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Richarlyson: I will do not say why I learned minimum Spanish at all. Two possible reasons: I am wanted in 3 countries, I read fanfiction. You can choose.

Jaiden: [Laughs]

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oughh💔💔💔💔

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hsnds u a fareeha

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feliz aniversario richas <3

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Ordem Paranormal (Web Series) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Guilherme “Guizo” Santos & Xande Characters: Guilherme “Guizo” Santos, Xande (Ordem Paranormal) Additional Tags: Campaign 06: Sinais do Outro Lado, Pre-Canon, Roommates, guizo is in med school but he doesn’t want to be, Late at Night, Occult, Marijuana, Slice of Life, Minor Dara Venturini/Xande, (as in Dara comes up and so does Xande’s crush on her) 

Summary:

“Blow your smoke outside, dude,” Guizo reprimands, barely looking up. Xande gives an exaggerated sigh. “It was barely inside this time, man, chill.” “My flat,” Guizo insists, “my rules. You know we can’t afford me being thrown out of here.” Xande grumbles something under his breath; but he does shift the hand holding the joint to the edge of the open window.

Late at night, 1996. Two young men, and the one-room flat they share.

—-

hello! my time of writing SDOL fic has begun. so here’s some precanon silliness yay <3 will very likely be writing more fic in this setting so stay tuned

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favorite character from any media BUT it has to be a woman. in the tags now go (pls talk to me about your favorite fictional women pls pls pls pls)

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poor thing