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[x688plsloveme]

Companions react to someone saying something Insanely insulting to them and a usually calm Sole loses their shit, as in whoops their ass?

In their pre-war profession, Sole learned to take a lot of shit. They even had a retail job when they were a teenager, so most of what the average wastelander could spit out was usually nothing in comparison.

They'd just pretend the person in front of them was a usual customer and tune them out until they were done. Most regarded them as having the patience of a saint. They just thought it was due to not growing up in an overly impatient wasteland.

Either way, Sole had never even come close to the volume that they used on this idiot.

No one talked bad about their friends, no one. So when they heard the insults thrown at one of their best friends? They went off. Hurling anything and everything that came to mind at the dumb wastelander that thought it was a good idea to mess with them and theirs.

ADA: Although she wasn't hurt by the random human she didn't even care to know, she was touched by Sole's anger on her behalf. She was a tad surprised that her usually mellow was acting in such a way, but quickly adapted to the situation. She allowed Sole to continue their loud ranting for a few moments longer until gently stopping them. "Before he urinated on himself." Was her excuse. Sole snorted and told her it'd be funny, but ultimately let him go because Ada was probably right.

CAIT: The only thing that could've stopped her from punching the waster's lights out herself was the shock she saw from her well mannered friend. It literally stopped her mid-punch. All she could do was look slack mouthed as Sole ripped into the man in front of them verbally. They were usually the one who told her to ease up on her aggression, so seeing this was a treat indeed.

CODSWORTH: The only other time he saw his sir/mum blow up so.... Loudly. Was when they thought their spouse was cheating on them. To see them so upset over someone calling a mere Mr Handy names...it was truly moving. He was sure to clean up around their settlement extra meticulously as thanks.

CURIE: Sole was a sweet person, particularly to her who didn't know the ways of the wasteland quite yet. They were always calm and collected and Curie always admired them for it. Especially in a proverbial hell hole such as this. So the loud, started gasp she let out at Sole's outburst was very much granted. She had a million questions running through her mind that she had to ask as soon as possible. And she did, right after Sole drove away the rude man that sparked their wrath.

DANSE: He was very grateful to his friend for sticking up for him so readily. He didn't have the best mental state, and it seemed Sole picked up on how the insults were affecting him. He guessed that someone that would save his life would care enough to stand up for him, but seeing it - especially from such a nice person - was something else. He gave them a very long hug afterwards.

DEACON: He feels like he should be most surprised of all, seeing as he had been following them up until they discovered the railroad. Not once has Sole ever raised their voice that high, let alone rudely and directed towards another person. He was frozen in place, completely shell shocked. It was only later that he realized they blew a fuse because of what that nobody waster was saying about him. He felt tears as he thought about how much Sole has to care about him even though they don't really know him. He vowed to tell them the real, genuine truth next time he saw them.

DOGMEAT: He was a smart dog, but not even he could keep up with all the strange words Sole used. He had no idea what a "mutfruit humper" was, but he did recognize the angry tone his owner was using. He decided to help by growling alongside Sole to back them up. He kept rapt attention to the now distressed waster that was the object of their wrath in case they tried anything funny. After the whole ordeal was over, Sole spoiled him a little harder than usual, much to his immense pleasure. Extra snacks are always a good thing in his book.

HANCOCK: "I always knew you had in in ya Sole!" He proceeds to laugh until his stomach hurts. Seeing someone as calm as Sole losing it? Comedy gold in his eyes. He does give his best friend a hug when they're done though. He appreciates them so, so much for caring about a worthless ghoul like him. Doesn't mean he's not gonna retell this story to each and everyone of Sole's friends though.

GAGE: When he heard the yelling, he just thought it was more raiders causing a ruckus as usual. But when he identified the voice as his one and only calm overboss, he did a double take. Even as the boss of raiders, he had never seen Sole blow up at anybody, let alone raise their voice. He knew they were loyal sort, but he didn't know it was to this extent. It made his otherwise cold heart warm a bit at the thought that he was one of the people his boss was fiercely loyal to.

LONGFELLOW: He didn't have many people close in his life, so Sole was like a ray of sunshine in an otherwise foggy world. They were very pleasant to get along with and actually seemed to enjoy his stories, which was rare with people that young. They would often sit next to each other in complete silence and just relax without any awkwardness whatsoever. He didn't believe what the others told him about them going ape-shit on people who've insulted their friends until he saw it himself. Now... He enjoyed the calm and quiet, but he would be a liar if this wasn't the funniest shit he'd ever seen. When they were done scaring away the waster that had the bad luck of running into them, he pat an out of breath Sole with a smile on his face.

MACCREADY: He always thought himself as a pretty laid-back guy, but not even he could hold a candle to have chill Sole was. He never ever ever thought he'd EVER see them yell at somebody over a couple insults. Sure, they were directed at a close friend, but it was still jarring. Heck, seeing them flip reminded him of his younger years when the Lone Wanderer would scold him for being rude. He almost let out a few involuntary sorrys himself.

PIPER: As someone who liked getting Intel on everyone and everything, Piper was curious to what Sole looked like when they got truly mad. She heard everything from amusing to scary and just about everything in between, but all she wanted to do was see it for herself. It took a while of her tagging along whenever Sole went, but it was well worth it when some rando finally picked on her bad enough that it send Sole over the edge. Seeing it for herself, she could attest that all of their comments were correct ones.

PRESTON: He didn't like yelling at all, which is part of the reason he enjoyed Sole's company so much. He had never seen anyone so composed while face danger or the rare rude retort. They always took care of it gracefully. No one glanced twice at a mere minuteman soldier like himself, so he had never been witness to one of Sole's rare "blow ups" that he had heard from some of their other friends. But the day it happened.... Well let's just say he was very humbled for not only being cared about so much, but also the sheer force of their yelling was scary enough to remind him of him mother whenever his siblings got into trouble.

STRONG: Needless to say, he is very happy with these turn of events even if he doesn't quite grasp why Sole is doing this. As it stands, it hypes him up to the point that he joins in the yelling and the two of them make whoever was foolish enough to insult him in front of Sole scared out of their minds.

VALENTINE: He always appreciated how calm and collected his friend was. They were always on the same page in that sense. Never letting anything bother them for too long, even if it was truly personal. Just looking ahead and forgetting about things that could sway them from their goals. Nothing could have surprised him more than Sole suddenly started screaming at a particularly rude waster that would not leave him alone. He didn't even know his friend was there until they started screaming. It made him happy to know that the one time they lose their cool, it was for him.

X6-88: No one admires Sole like he does. There's no one else that could earn his respect, let alone friendship. His friend was always on his wavelength - serene and collected in even the most stressful situations. Sure, no one had insulted him quite like the random waster, but he was ready to scoff and brush him off like any other. He refused to admit that he was hurt even slightly, but it seemed like Sole was as sharp as ever and picked up on it. He never in a million years would've guessed that they could carefully and precisely cut into a person with mere words. But he also never guessed that Sole would ever raise their voice so he supposes surprises are a given. As he watched his one and only friend defend him, he let a small, rare smile show on his face.

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Companions plus faction leaders see get Sole get gravely injured and while trying to help them, they try to walk it off and continue the fight

Cait: One moment, both Cait and Sole were having the time of their lives, decimating supermutants. The next, Sole was screaming while a mutant dog tore up their arm. Cait bashed the dog's head in without a moment's hesitation. She was about to go back into the fight when she saw Sole trying to get up and grab their weapon. "Oh, no you don't! Sit back down Sole!" Sole said that they were perfectly capable of fighting, but Cait wasn't having it. She forced Sole to stay seated, then threatened them to stay or else. Sole begrudgingly allowed Cait to fix them up. After she was done, she pointed a finger at Sole and told them that if they worried her like that again, she'd kill them herself.

Codsworth: Codsworth honestly thought that Sole was invincible before he saw them get torn up by a feral ghoul. He told Sole that they should heal themselves while he takes care of the remaining ghouls, but Sole wasn't hearing it. They told him that they were fine and limped back into the fray. Codsworth couldn't really argue with Sole, so he made sure to take care of the toughest enemies. Ensuring that Sole would have it easier.

Curie: Curie lets out a rather loud gasp when she sees the blood blossoming on Sole's thigh while they were fighting gunners. Curie tries to treat it right away, even with Sole telling her to stop over and over again. Sole just keeps on firing their gun while Curie patches their leg up as best she can with them standing. When the last of their enemies were down, Curie properly fixes Sole's leg, not noticing their piercing stare until she glanced up. "What's the matter madam/monsieur​..?" She looks quite shocked. "You got in my way during the fight!" Curie winces and tiltes her head down. "I-I'm sorry, but you seemed to b-be in pain..." She looked up. "I just wanted to help, really!" Sole put their hand on their kind hearted companion's shoulder. "I know Curie, but next time help me when everything wanting to kill us is dead."

Danse: Sole got knocked out for a few seconds when a synth hit them with a shock baton. Danse quickly destroyed it, before turning to Sole with his brow furrowed in worry. "You okay soldier?" Sole blinked out the remaining spots in their vision. "Yeah, I'm fine." They tried to stand, but ended up falling right back down. They tried twice more before Danse commanded them to stay. Sole tried to protest, but to no avail. They couldn't disobey a direct command from someone with a higher rank than them. By the time Danse returned, Sole was able to walk, but Danse still had them lean on him. After a few minutes of silence, Sole looked up at Danse and quietly asked him, "Please don't tell Elder Maxson about my screw up today." Danse kept looking forward, but there was a small smile on his face. "Of course soldier. I know you'd do the same for me."

Deacon: Sole and Deacon were doing fairly well against a group of raiders up until Sole slipped and got shot multiple times in the stomach. Deacon turned around when he heard Sole's scream. His eyes went wide, panicking for a second before pulling himself together. He shot the raiders around them before running up to inspect Sole's injuries. They tried telling him that they're fine, but coughed up blood while doing so. "Uh-huh. I've heard some pretty bad lies in my time, but I think that one just took the cake. Sorry, but you're staying where you are." All Sole could do was groan and lean their head back while Deacon finished up. He already had stimpacks ready when he came back to Sole's spot. They ended up camping there for the night, giving Sole plenty if time to think about how lucky they are to have Deacon as a companion.

Dogmeat: Sole gets grazed by a feral's bony hands while in downtown Boston. Dogmeat thinks that Sole is seriously hurt, so he goes absolutely berserk on the rest of the ferals. 'Must protect human!' Sole ends up not being able to shoot anything because Dogmeat's in the way. He gets rewarded with a brahmin steak later on for being such a good boy.

Hancock: Hancock damn near went feral when Sole got seriously hurt by a raider. He only increased the violence when he saw that Sole was trying to help him, scared that they'd get in an even worse condition. He was not going to lose the one good thing he had left on this world. When he saw Sole's dumbfounded look after he was done, he burst out laughing. "Chalk that up to 'reasons why I'm awesome." That snapped Sole out of it. "Yeah, yeah. Just fix me up already." He did it without hesitation and helped Sole to their feet. While they were walking away, Hancock ruffled Sole's hair affectionately, and told them not to worry him so much. Sole just smirked and said that they couldn't promise anything.

MacCready: While fighting a bunch of gunners, Sole was flung across the street by a man in power armour. "Holy fu-frick!" MacCready's eyes went wide when he saw his friend sprawled across the pavement. Thankfully, Mac shot the guy between the eyes before he could deliver the final blow. MacCready was relieved when he saw Sole get up, but that was quickly replaced by fear when they suddenly clenched their abdomen. "Boss! Are you okay?" Sole grimaced more than they smiled, but they assured him that they were alright. In reality, Sole just didn't want to worry him. A few broken bones is nothing. MacCready was a bit skeptical, but trusted Sole to know what they were doing. The poor guy never learned that Sole was actually very hurt.

Nick: Nick thought he was going to overheat with how hard he was working to keep Sole safe. Sole had just gotten a nasty gash from a mirelurk a few minutes prior, and Nick didn't want them to over exert themselves with more fighting. When the last mutated crab was down, Nick went to heal Sole straight away. They tried pushing him away, insisting that they were fine. Nick stared them down and said, "Sole." That one word was enough to make Sole give in. They couldn't compete with Nick's stern voice. He had a smug smile the entire time he was fixing them up.

Piper: "OH MY GOD! BLUE!" Needless to say, Piper was downright terrified. The last thing she wanted was for her best friend to die. She didn't even wipe out the rest of the enemies, she just picked up Sole and ran. She ran until she came across Diamond City. Piper took Sole to the clinic, demanding immediate medical attention. All the stress made Piper pass out on her friend's cot after the doc fixed them up. She was just glad that Sole would be alright.

Preston: There was only one stingwing left when it stung Sole. Preston made short work of it, but the poison was spreading quickly, making Preston tear up because he didn't know how to save his friend. He soon sobered, however, when he saw Sole start to walk away. "Where do you think you're going? We need to get you help!" Sole didn't even glance back, probably because they were wincing. "Eh. I'll be okay." Preston wasn't going to let them have their way. He ran up to them, and without warning, hefted Sole over his shoulder. He ran all the way to the nearest settlement, even with Sole demanding he put them down.

Strong: He let Sole get back up and continue to fight after they got hurt by some mutants. He would've thought them weak if they hadn't. Strong did go on ahead to take the brunt of the fire, so that Sole wouldn't die of course. Then who would help him find the milk of human kindness?

X6-88: X6 made a disapproving sound when he saw that Sole had been incapacitated by a stray bullet or four.vHe obliterated the remaining enemies before lifting Sole up bridal style. They asked him what in the world he was doing. One of his eyebrows lifting up in question was the only bit of emotion he showed. "I'm obviously taking you back to the institute to get treated." Sole started pushing against his chest, saying that they're not some damsel in distress. X6 sighed. "With all due respect sir/ma'am. Wouldn't it be better to get bullets dug out of you by sterile equipment?" Sole stopped and thought for a moment. "Holy crap, you're right. Well then, what are we waiting for?" X6 muttered a barely audible "We're waiting for you to accept the obvious answer," before calling in a teleport request.

Desdemona: She couldn't believe it. One of her best heavies knocked out on the ground. They fainted because they saw a molerat. Now Des has to make sure that none of the 'savage beats' could attack Sole. A few minutes after Desdemona was done, Sole woke up. Des wasted no time in chewing out Sole, putting emphasis on them needing to get over their molerat phobia.

Maxson: Maxson would be lying if he said that he wasn't scared shitless. What with Sole bleeding on the ground, and him being the only one who could fight against the rest of the gen-1 synths that infested a building near the airport. He long ago told Sole to not get up no matter what. Somehow, he destroyed all of the synths, and let the tension leave his body. Until it came back when he heard Sole's ragged breathing. He spun around and told them to hop on his back. He didn't know a thing about medicine, but people around the airport do. When he arrived, he was dead tired, but he managed a smile when the doctor that took Sole told him that that'd be alright.

Father: He was absolutely mesmerized by Sole's fighting ability. So much so, that he didn't hear Sole's warning. They had to tackle him out of the way, which made them take they blow he was about to receive. He was stunned for a moment, but when he saw that Sole was standing back up with blood running down their face he scrambled back to his feet. "Mother/Father! Let me-" Sole cut him off. "No Shuan. It's my duty as your parent to protect you. Let me." It tore him up to do so, but he obeyed. He never looked up more to his parent than at that very moment.

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@conquerorofthewarriorprincess

Hope you like it! It took me a while because Tumblr deleted my original somehow.

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Companions react to childrens' awe after they act heroic

The children of the settlement watched in awe as the companion took down 6 raiders at once. Sole wasn't there, and all of the turrets were down, so it was up to them to protect the settlement alone. A little girl around the age of six almost got bludgeoned when she came out of hiding to get her teddy bear. Before she got so much as a bruise, the companion swooped in and killed the nasty raider. They patted the girl's head before giving her back her teddy bear. They told her to get back into hiding, and the companion went back into the firefight. (The ones that can speak/pat heads anyways) When the very last raider was down, the companion collapsed on the ground, exhausted. They only got a second to breath though. As soon as they could, every child from the settlement tackled the companion. They called them awesome and cool while giving the companion hugs, or high fives.

Ada: "That is quite enough children. You are welcome, but I really need to get back to my duties." The kids keep pestering poor Ada until she relents and answers a few questions. She only stays long enough for the children to be satisfied with the answers they got. She leaves to go hide somewhere while she runs a diagnostics on herself.

Cait: She felt pretty good about herself up until she thought the kids were getting to annoying. "Alright kids. That's enough. Bugger of now!" She almost felt bad about sending them away, but the kids didn't seem to mind as they were acting out what had just happened. That made Cait glad. She wouldn't even want to think about what Sole would do to her if she made a kid cry.

Codsworth: "By jove!" Codsworth was surprised when he got knocked down by the children. He just sat there slightly dumbfounded as to why the children were so awe-struck. He kindly answered any questions they had until the kids got bored and moved on to play at the playground. Though he could see the little girl he saved sporting a bowler hat identical to Codsworth' later that day. If he had a face, he would've smiled.

Curie: She was very pleased to have the kids think that she was cool. She answered honestly when she was asked how she felt while fighting. "Well... I was definitely scared. I probably couldn't have done it if I wasn't trying to protect you all." That made some of the kids tear up. Curie almost panicked, but managed to calm them down by giving them some candy she had found a while back.

Danse: Danse didn't get knocked down due to his power armour but the kids swarmed around his legs, making him lose his footing and fall. The force of it made some kids fall, and made two of the younger ones cry. Danse teared up himself. He hated seeing innocent kids cry. He quickly recovered, and scooped the crying children up and ran them over to Curie, so that she could cheer them up. The rest of the children hung on to his back. Curie cheered them up, and now the kids thought that Danse's strength was more impressive than anything. He gave them all piggyback rides the rest of the day as a way to make up for his screw up.

Deacon: Right away, Deacon told the crowd of kids extravagant lies about his more awesome adventures. "I once fought twice that many deathclaws barehanded!" He liked having someone believe his dumb lies for once. He kept it up until Sole came back to a Deacon with his own little group following him everywhere. They told him to quit it before the kids get any wild ideas.

Dogmeat: Dogmeat is absolutely ecstatic that he is getting all of this attention. He enjoys the belly rubs and 'good boys' that the children give him. He returns the favour by giving them thank you licks on their hands.

Gage: Gage is low-key terrified of children, so he doesn't even try to interact with them. He just runs. That leads to a chase where the kids think its a game. He eventually can't continue running, and neither can the kids, so he just collapses onto the ground. The children fall on and around him, and he can't find the strength to push them off, so he just falls asleep like that. Sole comes back to see that they're still asleep in that position, and finds it absolutely adorable. They don't hesitate to tease him about it later.

Hancock: When he gets tackled, he hits his head, making him black out for a second. The kids go silent, and one asks if he's dead. Hancock just sits up and starts laughing. "Don't worry about it, you little tykes. As you just saw, it takes more than that to off me!" The kids cheer, and start apologising a bunch. It takes Hancock a while before the kids will part from him. He enjoys having the kids follow him around like a miniature army. He finds it cute.

Longfellow: Instead of taking the praise the children offer him, he sits them all down to tell them really excited stories from when he was young. As the stories get more and more suspenseful, the children get more and more drawn in by them. When Longfellow is all done, the kids are even more awe-struck than before.

MacCready: He hugs and high-fives the kids right back. He's just happy he saved them, but he supposed it couldn't hurt to accept the children's thanks. If Duncan is in the crowd, then MacCready makes sure to act like killing all those raiders single-handedly is no big deal. He wants to show off for his son.

Nick Valentine: He ruffled a few of the kid's instead of a hug. They call him "the most awesomest person ever, " but he refuses the title. "Listen up kiddos. I'm not all that great. But you guys? You're the real cool ones. You didn't panic when the raiders came, and I bet that when you're older, you'll be able to kick twice as much butt as I did today." He smiles as the children's beaming faces. They all think of how cool it would be to actually do that.

Piper: Is so happy that the children thinks she's cool. She gets called a lot of things, but never cool. She doesn't hesitate to give all the kids hugs, telling them what a great job they did staying calm even when their home was being attacked. If Nat is there, she makes sure to drag a compliment out of her sister. She begrudgingly does, but in her mind, she's thinking of how awesome her sister is.

Preston: Preston is practically glowing with happiness. He's so glad that the children are looking up to him. Especially since he did something that's a good influence on the kids. He doesn't hesitate to tell them about the Minutemen and how they help people too. "Listen up kiddies. When you grow up, and you want to help and be awesome just like I was, then you should join the Minutemen." Some of the kids keep that in mind.

Strong: Needles to say, Strong is confused when a bunch of tiny humans crowd around him. They're all taking at once, so he can't understand a single one. Strong roars as loud as he can, effectively scaring them off. All of them except the girl with the teddy that is. She just stands there and says "awesome" in a barely audible voice. Surprisingly, Strong takes a liking to this fearless child and the two become friends. The little girl rides around on Strong's shoulders all day while he tells her stories about the killing he's done with his bothers. The strange creatures he's eaten, and the milk of human kindness are mentioned as well. When Sole comes back and sees them, they don't even question it.

X6-88: He's already waking away before the kids even reach him. He ignores them before they get in the way of his path. He sighs and tells them to speak. They do, and he almost regrets it. Their questions come rushing forth, some of them, he can't even answer. He stumbles over his words, and is just all around confused until Sole comes back and dismisses the kids. They look at X6 with a smirk on their face, amused that children can get him so easily frazzled. He's so close to hugging them in thanks, but decides against it. He opts for a simple "Thank you sir/ma'am." Sole chuckles and goes about their business.

@ishtar0110

[x688plsloveme]

Hancock, sweating: Sunshine, there's something I want to ask y-

Sole: Yes I'll marry you

Hancock: WHAT!? How'd you know???

Sole: Hancock, love of my life, you dropped the ring 5 times during dinner

Hancock:

Sole: I even picked it up once

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Mayor McDonough *holding a shotgun*: Are you or are you not an enemy of the people?

Piper: Well that's such an open-ended question if you think about it

Hancock *at the same time*: Really depends on the people

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Magnolia Headcanons

Used to be a courser for the Institute, and was one of the first synths (not androids) to defect from them, taking a list of names that the Institute had replaced with synths with her

She refused to have her memory wiped, whether it was by the railroad or institute, so she changed her face and hair to look different

The one obvious thing she refused to change was her voice - she always enjoyed singing along to the radio when she was above ground

Wanting to pursue her passion was the final push she needed in leaving

She arrived in Goodneighbor since it seemed like a place where someone would ask the least questions about her past

She tells Hancock the truth about herself, and offers the document of names in exchange for him not immediately killing her. He reads the documents, recognizes a few names and tells her she can stay as long as doctor Amari can take some scans to make sure she isn’t carrying anything that could be relaying info to the Institute

And with that, she is able to live her own life

She takes the odd job for Whitechapel Charlie - waitressing for the most part, but if Hancock needs someone removed as quietly as possible, she’s the one to do it

Eventually, Whitechapel Charlie hears her sing as she’s cleaning up the bar and insists that she finish the song as best she can

He immediately hires her as a full time singer and sure enough, the bar’s profits sail through the roof

The Third Rail becomes the only jazz bar for miles around, and after her songs in Diamond City Radio’s playlist, people from all over come to hear her sing

She writes her songs and learns to compose them from an old woman who came from out of town

Magnolia’s songs truly become all hers then

She is very partial to flowers - she respects anything able to grow so beautiful in such an inhospitable place

Like all synths, she likes snack cakes

She hates any other thing sugary though, not used to such sweetness after living in the institute for so long

Her preferred method of fighting is hand to hand since it can be utilized well in a small bar like hers and hiding weapons in a dress is too much effort

that being said, she does convince Charlie to let her hide several guns throughout the bar in case there’s ever a time they’d be caught unawares

Part of the reason Hancock greets people who are new to Goodneighbor is so he can relay the information to Magnolia so she can sing “I’m The One You’re Looking For” when they get to the bar

They always get a little extra money that way

She also loathes heels, preferring comfortable boots, but Charlie’s complaining grates on her nerves enough that she complies

She gets her dresses specially made in Diamond City, even having some seasonal ones

She’s much happier singing than she ever was hunting down innocent synths for the Institute

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Thank you ep7. THANK YOU！

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It's such a pity that EP8 doesn't have the ending screen of joint operations. (Charlie’s battle suit is so cute~)

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Lucifer's expression.

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Happy Halloween🎃🧛

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🎃PART 2

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Things that are Now Fallout Canon

(according to the Special LIVE Report from Galaxy News that preceded the Fallout TV series' teaser trailer release on December 2, 2023)

Vault 33, the focus vault of the Fallout television series, is located beneath Santa Monica, California. It's also implied to be very, very expensive to get into.

Bottle and Cappy, the mascots for Nuka-Cola and its theme park, Nuka-World, were about to embark on a seventeen-movie-long series of animated films before the bombs fell.

The sinking of the RMS Titanic happened in Fallout's alternate universe. The news announcer jokes about the world going down like the infamous ship, including the deadly lack of lifeboats.

Camels exist in this universe, too! The news announcer actually fucks this one up, because he says dromedary camels have two humps - dromedary camels have one hump, while Bactrian camels have two. Or maybe we'll get a sound bite from Todd Howard in a few months where he claims the camel breed names are swapped in Fallout, who knows.

Pets were not allowed in the commercially-advertised vaults. The news announcer regrettably informs listeners that they can't bring their cats, dogs, or even fish with them due to logistical concerns and safety hazards, but they are more than welcome to purchase Vault-Tec-branded gravestones and hold pet funerals before they move underground. Hypothetically-speaking, it wouldn't surprise me if people tried to smuggle their animals in, anyway.

Someone stole the Fallout universe's original moon landing flag from the Museum of Technology in Washington, D.C. - another headline report, with no further details. It was in the same exhibit as the Virgo II lunar lander, which stayed put for at least 200 years.

Vault Boy was named "World's Sexiest Man" in 2077 (when the report is being aired) - no word about which publication or organization bestowed this title upon an animated mascot.

Vault-Tec trademarked the thumbs-up emoji in the Fallout universe - which is very much in character for the company, but something about there being emojis in the world at all hit me wrong.

Vault-Tec instituted a "breeder search program" alongside vault placement purchases, and encouraged polyamory to get people to procreate (and buy more vault spots). I'll admit that this one seems plausible but shaky, because by this point in the report the news announcer is losing his mind while stalling for the vault door to open, and he might just be making shit up.

Nuka-Cola ran its own version of the Pizza Hut "BOOK IT!" reading program, called "ZAP IT!" Kids were required to read over 10,000 books to win rewards. If we use picture books for the math, and allow for five minutes to read each book, that's about 833 hours (34 straight days) of reading to get some soda.

Moby-Dick by Herman Melville and the ancient Greek myth of Daedalus and Icarus both exist in the Fallout universe.

Resulting Thoughts

"The ghoul" in the show is possibly named Howard - unsure if that's a first or last name. In the teaser trailer, Walton Goggins (who plays the ghoul) is shown dressed like a Hollywood cowboy on the day of the Great War, riding a horse to try to escape the nuclear bombs that hit Los Angeles with an unidentified child. Meanwhile, the Galaxy News headlines report that a box office hit called "The Man From Deadhorse" is getting a sequel, which is currently filming at California Crest Studios, and the news announcer says the film is "Howard-led." Whether the ghoul is the lead actor, we don't know, but it seems like a solid enough hint at his origins.

I'm glad that the show is going to delve more into the idea of the haves and have-nots, what with vault entrance being both selective and expensive. The most recent games in the series don't talk about this enough, in my opinion.

This isn't specific to the show adaptation, but it's becoming more noticeable to me that the Fallout series is crawling forward in terms of relating to modernity. I'm not sure how to feel about this - for example, I don't really mind if the soundtrack of Fallout 76 features the Beach Boys and other 1960s songs when it used to be strictly limited to 1930s and 40s music. On the other hand, I thought that using a news announcer that sounds more like a modern podcast host than a Transatlantic-accented journalist was an odd choice, and as I said above, I really did not like the idea that pre-war America knows what an emoji is. I'll get over it, but I'm anticipating that there will be some more artistic choices in the adaptation (and future games) that rub me and others the wrong way because they don't fit our definition of what Fallout "is." I'm not saying anything new, people have been arguing about that forever.

Overall, I'm excited. We're probably not getting a new Fallout game until 2030, so I might as well try to enjoy this. I will be keeping my bingo cards handy, though.

Anyway, I transcribed the damn report because I'm very normal. Feel free to use!

Fallout - A Special LIVE Report from Galaxy News

with occasional commentary from yours truly

[An upbeat, strings-led orchestral jingle plays, and black-and-white picture focuses on a spinning, silver globe. The globe is being circled by a vintage toy rocket. The words "GALAXY NEWS" fly in, and are quickly wiped and replaced by script declaring "Vault-Tec Presents..." The picture is circle-wiped and transitions to a high view of a vault entrance, with no visible script or markings to indicate which vault it is. The large, circular vault door is closed, and the access bridge to the door is not connected. A timer counting down from 60 minutes is overlaid in the bottom left corner, just above the Galaxy News globe logo and a signal tower graphic next to the word "LIVE." News headlines scroll along the bottom of the screen, the first of which reads "GALAXY NEWS SIGNS 10-YEAR PARTNERSHIP DEAL WITH VAULT-TEC." The headlines are separated by small lightning bolt graphics. The music continues throughout, and a male news announcer's voice cuts in.]

Good morning! Or, afternoon! Or evening, depending on where in the world you are. If you're just tuning in with us now, you're in for a treat. Welcome to the unveiling of Vault 33, one of the flagship vaults of Vault-Tec's arsenal of vaults.

[The second scrolling headline reads "VAULT-TEC VOTED AMERICAN COMPANY WITH BRIGHTEST FUTURE."]

Galaxy News is here live with an exclusive look at the next generation of apocalypse-proof, purpose-built luxury housing, sponsored by our friends at Vault-Tec. Vault-Tec: Revolutionizing safety for an uncertain future.

[The third scrolling headline reads "ROBCO INTERPLANETARY PROBE PROBES DEEPER INTO SPACE THAN ANY PROBE HAS PROBED BEFORE."]

If you're a regular viewer of our programming, we consider you an astute, engaged citizen, doing your part to stay informed on the latest news impacting this beautiful country of ours, and so it will be no surprise to you that we are on the precipice of a nuclear armageddon. But, fear not, Vault-Tec is building the ultimate shelter-in-place solution for the more doomsday-savvy customer: A veritable ark meticulously designed to weather the geopolitical storm surely headed our way any day now. And for the first time on live broadcast, the fine folks at Vault-Tec will be giving you a tour of their newest product unveiling, from the comfort of your home.

[The announcer takes a break, and the music swells. The vault remains closed, and no activity whatsoever is visible around it. It might as well be a static image. The fourth scrolling headline reads "NUKA-WORLD BREAKS ATTENDANCE RECORD FOR FOURTH STRAIGHT YEAR. GALACTIC ZONE GIVEN CREDIT FOR INCREASED NUMBERS." The initial song ends, and a new strings song with a more staccato rhythm begins. The news announcer returns.]

Welcome, once again, to Vault 33, nestled in the coastal west side of sunny Los Angeles County, and minutes from the yet-to-be-destroyed, bustling downtown promenade. Should nuclear annihilation one day come for this quiet beach-side town, you can take comfort in knowing you are safely buried deep, deep below what numerous trade publications once called "one of the best places to live." Right now, ladies and gentlemen, what you're looking at is peace of mind. Billions and billions of dollars and decades of R&D funneled into the high-grade protection engineering that only Vault-Tec can bring you.

[The fifth scrolling headline reads "WE ASKED OUR VIEWERS TO ANSWER A SIMPLE QUESTION: WHAT IS THE GREATEST NATION ON EARTH AND WHY IS IT AMERICA? HEAR THE RESULTS TONIGHT AT 10PM EST." At this point, the news announcer starts to sound less formal and more excited.]

Aren't we a bunch of lucky ducks! Vault-Tec has tapped us into their closed loop security feed to bring you a sneak peek behind a vault entrance airlock. That large, fortified steel blast door you see there is the only thing standing between you and the rads.

[The sixth scrolling headline reads "UNITED STATES AGAIN ACCUSED OF ATMOSPHERIC COUNTER-ESPIONAGE BY THE REDS."]

Very soon - very soon, I'm told - Arnold? Are we - yeah - and we're very soon, and we're very soon. Very, very soon, I'm told, that gear door will open, and Galaxy News will be on the ground to give you all a walking tour of the facilities! Including the accommodations one might expect in a state-of-the-art, modern residence thanks to a partnership with RobCo Industries and some of your shelf-stable forever favorites like BlamCo and Sugar Bombs! There's nowhere to hide from explosive good taste! Boom!

[The news announcer disappears again, and the strings conclude and are replaced with a meandering clarinet-led number. Several scrolling headlines go by: "U.S. RENEWS DEFENSE CONTRACT WITH WEST TEK, HERALDS VALUE OF POWER ARMOR IN ALL THEATERS OF WAR." "ESPIONAGE THREAT SUBDUED IN DOMESTIC URANIUM MINES." "PRESIDENT DECLARES NUCLEAR STOCKPILE 'SAFE ENOUGH.'" "BULLETIN OF THE ATOMIC SCIENCES SETS DOOMSDAY CLOCK TO HALF A NANOSECOND TO MIDNIGHT." "ATLAS OBSERVATORY CHRISTENS NEW TELESCOPE, RE-COMMITTING TO A NON-VIOLENT PURSUIT OF KNOWLEDGE." The song ends, a new one begins, and the news announcer returns. The vault still hasn't opened, and he's dropped what was left of his professional tone.]

And we are... stalled out. We're still... having technical difficulties. You know, sometimes things go bad and there's just no way you can plan. It's kind of like what's happening with the world right now, there's no way you could've been born into the world and know how you were going to end - know how the world would end. How will the world end, in fire or in ice? Well, it turns out -

[laughter]

It turns out it's gonna be fire...

[The twelfth scrolling headline reads "CHRISTMAS TOY TRENDS: RETAILERS REPORT SHORTAGE OF POWER ARMOR FIGURINES."]

Arnold! What's that? Okay. Yes.

[sound of paper pages being flipped through]

Okay. Arnold just handed me a fun fact. We're gonna do fun facts, fun facts.

[The thirteenth scrolling headline reads "NUKA-COLA QUANTUM GETS FDA APPROVAL, FOUND TO CONTAIN 'HEALTHY AMOUNT OF RADIATION."]

Fun fact about the construction of these massive vaults: They use concrete. Hm. That hardly counts as a fun fact, Arnold. Now is there an update on when the door... the door's gonna be open? Arnold? I'm sorry, is there an update on the door? Is there an update on the crane? Is it a crane problem, or a door problem? Is it a pr- is it a crane problem, or a door problem? Arnold? Arnold! Arnie!

[sigh]

Okay...

[The news announcer gives up, and a song with a lot of muted trumpet comes in to serenade more scrolling headlines. "NO ONE'S BEATING THIS DEADHORSE. 'THE MAN FROM DEADHORSE' TOPS BOX OFFICE. A SEQUEL IS ALREADY IN THE WORKS AT CALIFORNIA CREST STUDIOS." "ATLAS WEATHER EXPERIMENT BELIEVED TO BE THE CAUSE OF UNEXPECTED SNOW FLURRY IN LOS ANGELES." "DEVELOPING: REDS CONTINUES TO DENY EXISTENCE OF STEALTH SUBMARINES, US INTELLIGENCE SUGGESTS OTHERWISE." Woodwinds replace the trumpet, and the news announcer returns, pivoting to an unrehearsed sales pitch for his sponsor.]

If you have the money, please - please, guys - get a Vault-Tec vault. Get in there! Think of it as a life raft, a bit. Our country is the Titanic, and these vaults are the life rafts - right? - attached to the side of it.

[The seventeenth scrolling headline reads "NUKA-COLA MASCOTS 'BOTTLE AND CAPPY' TO APPEAR IN ANIMATED FILM FROM CALIFORNIA CREST STUDIOS. WILL BE THE FIRST IN A SEVENTEEN PICTURE DEAL BETWEEN THE COMPANIES."]

Now, were there enough life rafts on the Titanic? If you remember - no, no there weren't enough, and so many, many people died, and so, it's a nice allegory actually, because they're not going to die in the freezing ocean, which would be - actually, it's a little faster to die by fire than it is by drowning in the cold, so it is kind of an advantage to be dying now, th- rather than on the Titanic, the RMS Titanic.

[The eighteenth scrolling headline reads "SUPPLY LINES FOR RED FORCES BREAKING DOWN." Sort of like this announcer. He pivots again.]

Now - can you call a survivor of a nuclear holocaust a person, anymore? I don't know. Their brain is going to be cottage cheese, and they will be crawling... crawling on the ground, stuffing sand in their mouth, their blind eyes melted out, like the white of an egg, just dripping and dribbling out of their eye sockets.

[The nineteenth scrolling headline reads "VAULT-TEC ANNOUNCES COMPLETION OF VAULT 33 UNDER SANTA MONICA, CA."]

They raise their face towards their... god... and scream, "Nooooo! Whyyyyyy! What did it all mean?" It turns out it didn't mean much if you didn't get a spot in a Vault-Tec vault."

[The twentieth scrolling headline reads "MILITARY UNITS SENT TO QUELL UNREST IN SEVERAL STATES."]

"Now, let's talk about the luxury interiors of Vault-Tec vaults. We have camel leather. You've heard of cow leather. Probably. Camel leather is a great deal softer, isn't it? It comes from the camel, who keep their water on their backs in a hump. Sometimes two, if they're a dromedary. Now, let's talk about camel leather and why it is more supple, and why it is cooler to the touch, and we can talk about it forever but what you want is luxury, what you need is safety: Where you go is Vault-Tec. That's it.

[I feel like I need to point out that dromedary camels only have one hump, and no camels store water in their humps: It's actually just fat up there that they can live off of while traversing deserts. Regardless, the announcer is gone again. The scrolling headlines remain. "NUKA CORP SPINS OFF ATOMIC RESEARCH ARM INTO SEPARATE CORPORATE ENTITY AFTER SEC APPROV." "SUPER DUPER MART ANNOUNCES RECALL OF BLAMCO MAC & CHEESE FOR TRACE AMOUNTS OF DAIRY." "VAULT-TEC STOCKS SOAR AS US ECONOMY BECOMES FEAR-BASED." "BUREAU OF ALCOHOL, TOBACCO, FIREARMS AND LASERS TAKE DOWN NATIONWIDE WEAPONS SMUGGLING RING." Another woodwind-heavy song starts up, and so does our announcer.]

Um... Arnold?

[throat clearing]

Arnie! Can we- do- do we have a- can we start a clock? Can we - is there, like, anything we can do? I feel like people need something to hold onto, there's a lot of empty air. There's a lot of dead air, here. People need something to hold onto, people are freaking out, and I'm freaking out because I like to have - I like to bring people comfort - uh, in, in this crazy time. There's, there's only a few things you can predict -

[laughter]

In - in the world, and uh, I thought that opening the vault on time would be one of those things.

[The twenty-fifth scrolling headline reads "MILITARY SETS THREAT LEVEL OF POSSIBLE BIOLOGICAL WEAPON ATTACK FROM REDS TO HIGH."]

I was kind of counting on it as a - a thing that would bring some amount of normalcy, some amount of comfort. Something happening the way it's supposed to in a world that feels like it has been turned upside down by evil. But, unfortunately that is not the case. Here we are. Another thing we don't know. Another thing we have to grapple with.

[The twenty-sixth scrolling headline reads "TEDDY FEAR MANUFACTURER SETTLES CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT, DENIES TOY BEAR CAUSES SLEEP PARALYSIS NIGHTMARES IN CHILDREN."]

This particular vault and these technical difficulties that we're having right now have absolutely nothing to do with the product that you will buy when you buy a Vault-Tec vault. Now, Vault-Tec vault living is living the dream, and it's the only way to safety unless you're... the President of the United States, or something like that, and you have a mountain in Colorado to go under and direct the events of the world. Not many of us are that, there's only one of those... uh, and his various and sundry advisors, I'm sure they'll be fine, but you won't! You won't be fine!

[The twenty-seventh scrolling headline reads "WERE TEDDY FEAR BEARS MISUNDERSTOOD? ONE PSYCHOLOGIST THINKS SO."]

If a vault is out of your price range, there are lower-cost alternatives to purchasing a spot with Vault-Tec. They don't sound... good, if you ask me. Anti-radiation pills? Good luck with that. Not sure how anti-radiation pills will hold up against temperatures rivaling the surface of the sun, for example. But maybe that's just me!

[He's gone again. We're 15 minutes into the countdown, and the woodwinds have really started to outdo their own whimsy, at this point. Headlines continue. "TEDDY FEARS SKYROCKET IN POPULARITY AND PRICE DUE TO SCARCITY CAUSED BY RECALL." "VAULT-TEC ANNOUNCES NEWLY AVAILABLE SINGLE VAULT SPACES FOR SALE." "THIS YEAR'S FALLOUT SUIT DESIGN FEATURES ENHANCED PROTECTION, 20% MORE ZIPPERS." The whimsical woodwinds finish up and a bouncy, brassy horn piece takes over. This summons the announcer.]

When you see that vault, it's all gonna be worth it, fellas. It's all gonna be worth it when you see that vault. Now kids, you're probably wondering: Can I bring my pet doggy, or my pet kitty, into the vault? You can't. Unfortunately... it's a hazard in so many different ways. Uh... tch, uh, their hair can get caught in the ventilation system, you'll have endless problems, where do you put their waste? Where do you put... their food? So many, so many problems, so... we have specially-made Vault-Tec gravestones.

[The thirty-first scrolling headline reads "VIRGO II LUNAR LANDER NOW ON DISPLAY AT MUSEUM OF TECHNOLOGY IN WASHINGTON, D.C."]

We have specially-made Vault-Tec pet gravestones for your children to have many funerals for their pets before you go into your Vault-Tec vault. Memorialize your pets now with Vault-Tec mini pet gravestones! Dig a hole in the sand, put the pet in there, and put that gravestone - and it's got a space where you can write the pet's name - right before you go in the vault, no pets in the vault. Not even fish. No, not even fish.

[The thirty-second scrolling headline reads "FLAG FROM VIRGO II LUNAR LANDING STOLEN FROM MUSEUM OF TECHNOLOGY." The news announcer is really getting aggravated.]

What is happening? What is - Arnie! What is - what is happening? Okay - okay! Alright!

[The music and the headlines fill the space again. "NUKA-WORLD TO RAISE TICKET PRICES FOR UPCOMING SEASON, EXPECTING AN 'EXPLOSIVE' YEAR." "GWINNETT ANNOUNCES NEW PALE ALE SO PALE IT'S TRANSPARENT." "HAPPY NATIONAL SOCK HOP DAY!" "VAULT BOY NAMED WORLD'S SEXIEST MAN." The news announcer tries again, attempting to play up the complete inactivity happening onscreen.]

So much is happening here, we've got... the crane, as you can see, it's - it's about to be lowered, and I'm told - and I'm told... the weather. The inclement weather is - keep - I think the weather... there's a pressure cha- it needs to be - yes, of course. The pressure needs to be right to open the vault, or else the differential pressure between underground and overground will cause... a, uh... uh, the furniture to, uh...

[The thirty-seventh scrolling headline reads "VAULT-TEC REGISTERS TRADEMARK ON THE THUMBS UP EMOJI." This one made me physically recoil.]

L- Look... get a Vault-Tec vault. If you can't afford a whole vault for your family, that's fine. Buy time in a timeshare, one of our timeshares. And it's not the kind of timeshare you're going to regret, this is one that's not a scam, because you can look down at your intact body in a Vault-Tec vault and say, "Look at me! I'm whole!"

[The thirty-eighth scrolling headline reads "NUKA-COLA PATRIOTICALLY SALUTES SUCCESS OF NEWEST FLAVOR LAUNCH - NUKA-COLA VICTORY. EXCLUSIVE REDESIGN COMING NEXT YEAR WITH 'A TASTE AS SWEET AS FREEDOM.'"]

Stay whole in a Vault-Tec vault! Keep it together, meaning your corporeal form! Keep it together in a Vault-Tec vault! You'll be skipping around in a workout area, and... check out those barbells! Why not work those biceps while you're down here? What if there's an emergency, and somebody breaches your Vault-Tec vault door? Well, you're gonna want to be in shape to fight off that rageful beast!

[At this point the scrolling headlines loop back to the beginning.]

Now, is it a human? If you kill it, will its soul go to heaven or hell? Don't worry about it! Just get it out, because even its presence in your Vault-Tec vault could kill you and your entire family! These people are irradiated. It's not healthy, right? It's like putting your hand on a radiator. Don't do it.

[Music break. That vault still isn't opening. The song ends, and the news announcer clears his throat.]

We don't... have the exact scoop yet, ladies and gentlemen, so Arnie, why don't we put some music on while we wait for the skinny?

[noticeable pause]

I- I- I- I- don't know what song, put on anything, I'm dying up here.

[The next song opens with energetic trumpets that sound like they're charging through movie theater snack stand. It's followed by a big band track that seems to re-energize the announcer.]

And, if you're just joining us, we're preparing to head inside the latest and greatest product offering from Vault-Tec. Vault 33, a pristine subterranean society purpose-built for America's best and brightest to wait out the nuclear fallout. There's no telling what will remain once this global conflict reaches its inevitable conclusion: That's why it's important for patriots like you to purchase a guaranteed spot in America's future. It's up to you to keep our golden society going, propagating forth until we have the ranks to repopulate the world outside.

"What if I don't have a partner or family right now?" you may be asking. "Don't give up on love so soon!" I say. Where better to meet eligible partners than in a cherry-picked community of like-minded individuals. If you find you need a bit more assistance, Vault-Tec has breeder search programs to help you find the one, or the two, or the three, four, five! Vault-Tec is a very open society, so go ahead and purchase that single vault space, and that single may become a double before you know it! And what better place to find someone to love, than safe underground?

Please stay tuned as we prepare to bring the crew, and the world at large, inside our Vault-Tec facility.

"But what if I don't have the money for a vault right now?" you may be thinking. You should never let not having the funds today stop you from reaching your dreams. You can always pay tomorrow, into perpetuity. Vault-Tec is reportedly constructing financial packages that allow for customers to continue payments on select economy vaults, in the event of total societal extinction. So don't worry, purchase away! Vault-Tec upholds traditional American values, and they believe no one should be excluded from the pursuit of life, liberty, and debt.

[Music break, wherein the song concludes and switches to something more pensive and staccato.]

A- Alright? Yes? Arnold is telling me - yes? We are moments away! Moments away - from having some kind of movement here. I'll believe that when I see it. Sorry Arnie, but your credibility with me could not be any lower at this point.

Let's talk about the amenities in these concrete miracles. Radiation King will be providing television sets, modern kitchen appliances.

[throat clearing]

The sofas will be... I'm sorry, do we know who makes the sofas? I'm sorry, do we - do we know who makes the sofas? Do we know who makes the sofas? Arnold, do we know who makes the sofas?

[Arnold does not reply. The announcer is miffed.]

What else is new. Yeah.

[Dejection turns to anger immediately.]

If you could please just give me something? If you could please just give me something to update? I'm sitting here with nothing! I'm sitting here... with nothing! This isn't my job! I'm a journalist! I report things, I don't... vamp! Is there even a - is, is there a clue? Is there, do the crane people - have the crane people chimed in? Have the door people chimed in? Is it all one person?

[Arnold presumably says some inaudible form of "I don't know." This does not please the news announcer.]

Well maybe con- maybe connect yourself to them. You should get yourself a radio. Get yourself a radio, Arnold. That's your job, to communicate with me the facts about what's going on, and it's my job to communicate to the people who are watching - we're trying to save their lives - you know, and this isn't advertising for me. This is a product I believe in!

Arnold, what do you do? What skills do you - are you somebody's son? Are you - are you somebody's kid, or something?

[Arnold can finally be heard, somewhat garbled from distance or technology: "My uncle is, uh, is the general manager of Galaxy News, your employer." The news announcer considers this.]

Your uncle is the manager of Galaxy New - mmm. Well, that explains how you got this internship. I'm sorry for everything I said, but... you can understand my frustration, here.

[The music concludes, but the announcer keeps going.]

The, uh, vault foreman is out here, and he is, uh, uh, doing hand signals. Ooh, yes, it's going to be a while, let's play some music for the people, Arnie.

[A new song starts. We're nearly 30 minutes into the countdown before the song switches over and the news announcer starts up again.]

All right folks, we have an update! They've got eyes on the gatekeeper out walking the grounds. It appears he was attempting to retrace his steps after misplacing the key and his wallet - still no word on the key itself, please stand by for more on the wallet, as this story continues to unfold.

Still on standby as we wait for the situation in the vault to resolve, but folks, there is plenty to get the American public up to speed on in the meantime. World news stories! Breaking, breaking news from the international desk. Peace negotiations between America and her adversaries crumbled in Anchorage, Alaska, this past weekend, a city recently liberated from foreign occupation, leading experts to believe nuclear war is indeed on the horizon. One more reason, America, to tune into the presentation Vault-Tec has for us today. Preparation, resilience, and smart spending are the only way our precious republic makes it through that long, dark night.

[This revelation approximates the date of the broadcast, which is happening not long after the Battle of Anchorage. The clash in Alaska officially ended on January 10, 2077: This news bulletin proves that attempted peace negotiations followed, then failed.]

Going the way of the dinosaurs has never felt this fun! If only the dinosaurs had Vault-Tec technology. Now, the dinosaurs died because... a meteor came from space, right? They had nothing to do with it. We have everything to do with our own demise. It's almost like… people are a virus that is destroying the Earth, we're a planet-killing virus. And people do say, "Oh, well, you know, well, the cockroaches... will outlive us and the the aardvarks or whatever will outlive us." Well, they won't. They're going to die too, because this is the real deal, guys. This is the end. So if you're not underground, I don't know what you're doing.

I wonder how we'll evolve. Will we develop a different kind of skin, some kind of leathery, plastic skin to fight off the nuclear fire? Who knows, but the only way to find out is to purchase a Vault-Tec vault, or a space in one of our timeshares.

[Music break again. It's a rather lively waltz.]

For those gathered around their Radiation King TV sets today, thank you for your patience. Rome wasn't built in a day!

[laughter]

Very soon you will witness… one of the greatest modern advances since the Virgo II moon landing - you won't want to miss this, the future of you and your future children depends on it.

[Exasperation sets in.]

Honestly, who wrote this copy?

[Arnold presumably raises his hand.]

You did, Arnold? Well, that's not surprising. It leaves… yes, well, it leaves a lot to be desired. They couldn't hire a professional writer? You look like you're 15 years old.

[Arnold inaudibly corrects him.]

You're 23? Yeah, well, 23-year-olds look like they're 15 now, still too young. What could you know about the - what could you possibly know about the written word, Arnold? Goddamn it. What could you - what do you know about writing and oratory? Nothing, I'll answer y- for you, nothing. The lack of professionalism - myself not included - disgusts me. The lack of professionalism disgusts me, Arnold!

Speaking of nuclear fire, you should see the muffin tray they left out for me. People want a blueberry mu- you want a muffin, okay? A muffin. Not a little squirt of dough, with a little powdered su- give me a muffin, give me a real thing, okay? Give me some snacks! You're going to give me some coffee? Good. I need a snack, to balance it. I'm not the only person in the world who needs a little bit of fat in their stomach when they eat a... big haul of caffeine.

[throat clearing]

Stand by as we wait for the situation in the vault to resolve.

[The music does some flourishes, then finishes.]

Ladies and gentlemen, it's official: We're experiencing some technical difficulties. And before we can open the Vault - Vault 33, our flagship Vault, full of the, uh, finest luxury items available to mankind, a- as of now - maybe we could put something on to keep people company while we figure out the technical difficulties. Sorry, these difficulties of course have nothing to do with Vault-Tec's Vault tech. In- in- indeed…

Look, I need to have a whole cigarette right now. Just put on the song. Where are my smokes?

[The music starts up again while the announcer burns through a cigarette at the speed of a Corvega.]

Well, well, well! Here we are again! Ladies and gentlemen, we're dealing with a hiccup. Now, hiccups... might seem like a momentary stoppage, but this is a big hiccup. It's like God is hiccuping.

Vault-Tec is reporting that there's only one gatekeeper and one key on this vault model. The keys for these vaults are one of one, it fits like a glove, but it's - it's - these - these locks are very, very complicated.

God, it's so good to be on the other side of this. I don't think people know. People really don't know what's coming, and that's probably good. If you haven't watched… if you haven't watched the news up to this point, don't pick it up. Don't… just try and stay ignorant, uh, really don't find out what's going to happen because… it's bad, um, it's over.

[laughter]

The Earth is a slaughterhouse, and we are cattle!

[laughter]

We- we'll go back into, uh, a society resembling Bronze Age Mesopotamia. That's where we're going. It's not fun. Um... disease is… really prominent, um… we don't treat women well - let's just face it, it's - they - we don't treat them well now, but back then… oof. Rough. Rough treatment of women. You think we're racist now?

It's going to get bad. Where you want to be is underground. Vault-Tec vaults.

[A really tinny muted trumpet rises to its occasion as he disappears again for a bit.]

You know what else is great about Vault-Tec vaults? The air purification system. Let's talk about air. You need air to breathe, I need air to breathe, we need air to breathe. Vault-Tec's got it in spades! We've got oxygen candles straight from our finest nuclear submarines that you can burn, that turn nitrogen and carbon dioxide into oxygen molecules. Perfectly breathable, perfectly safe for your children, and your children's children, and your children's children's children in case we're there for three sweaty generations of sweaty living underground! In a fresh vault!

In fact, we put a family in a vault for 10 years and let them out just to see how it would go… and here they are now! "We loved it, uh… We loved it! That was great!" Uh… that's - I'm making it up! I'm making that up. I am imagining what could happen if I had more information about the vaults, but I don't have that information, so I'm making it up! Ha! Vault-Tec vaults, yes. Say yes to the tech!

[The music saves us for a bit.]

Unfortunately, we are back, the vault hasn't opened, and we have had absolutely no movement towards the vault opening, so! Hope you enjoyed that music. I know I was tapping my feet. Let's get back into it, where are we?

The US government has been quietly testing T-60 power armor suits as part of their long-standing defense contract with West Tek, following up the T-45 and T-51 efforts in the ongoing war with the People's Liberation Army.

[hisses through teeth]

How about that? How about that. The Man from Deadhorse gallops to a fast start at the box office! The Howard-led western is said to be the next smash for California Crest Studios.

[So the ghoul's name is probably Howard Something, or Something Howard. Interesting, but the announcer doesn't care and decides to throw another tantrum.]

Am I crazy or is this taking forever? I don't think I'm crazy, but I feel crazy! In fact, I might be the only person involved in this whole production who hasn't lost his mind! I'm looking at you, Arnie, I'm looking at you!

[Looking at Arnie yields nothing, again.]

"You don't know what to do, you don't know what to do." You idiot! I can't even get the word- I can't even get the information from you. Worthless!

[grunt of rage]

It's just me and Arnie here, I'm in hell, he's sitting there smiling at me, I'm in absolute hell!

Do you have a spot, Arnie? Do you have a spot in a vault? Oh! You do! What vault is that?

[long pause]

Oh, that's the one I'm in. Oh. Dear God.

[deep breath]

I guess we should get to know each other.

Ladies and gentlemen, we don't even know what's wrong here… but I can assure you that what isn't wrong is Vault-Tec technology, this has nothing to do with Vault-Tec's patented lock technology and everything to do with stupid people and human error. If you're this inefficient at work, what is home li- do - how do you wipe yourself?

[Uncalled-for, news announcer man.]

Ladies and gentlemen, please enjoy this music while we figure out what's going on.

[Musical break number who knows. Just over 11 minutes remain on the countdown.]

In other sponsored news, Nuka-Cola is celebrating the success of one of their newest flavor launches, Nuka-Cola Victory, with an exclusive redesign release later next year. Students that read over 10,000 books can be part of the ZAP IT! Program, rewarding literacy with sugar!

[deep breath]

I don't like Nuka-Cola. Personally... I don't like Nuka-Cola. Too sweet. I don't drink it. But it's popular, I have stocks in it, I invest - I invest in it. I don't drink it. It's the way the world is. Just because it's popular, doesn't mean it's good, just because it's good, doesn't mean it's popular. A can of Nuka-Cola, what is that, it's energy slowed down, right? It's the energy of the universe slowed down, right? What are we, what am I? We are energy slowed down into the form of a human being. All that's about to stop.

[laughter]

All that's about to stop! All that's about to go away! Maybe there's life on other planets. Maybe there's not. Are they going to come save us, no! If I were on another planet, and I came here, I would have an endless belly laugh at our folly, I mean, the folly of man! It's funny, there's so much written about the "folly of man." I mean, read Moby-Dick. Read… uh… what di- what happened with the - the wax wings, the wax wing guy? Wax wing man, Mr. Wax Wings, Daedalus. What's his name?

[Arnold hazards a guess we can hear: "Shakespeare?"]

Arnold, Shakespeare? Arnold, Arnold, good god… Shakespeare? Where did you go - you went to one of these hippie schools...

[Arnold tries again: "I think it was Icarus?" The announcer is ecstatic.]

Icarus! Icarus. Wow! You are good for something. Wow, Arnie!

Now, Icarus, he was close to the sun. In a Vault-Tec vault, you'll be as far from it as possible. You will be up to 50 feet underground, in a Vault-Tec vault, safe and sound in the knowledge that the wax on your wings will not be anywhere close to anything that will make it melt, except our new Vault-Tec oven!

[The horns come in again.]

Where are you f- what's your family situation? Do you have kids or…

[Arnold probably shakes his head.]

No kids? Good for you.

[laughter]

Are you single?

[Arnold: "Yeah."]

Ahh, yeah. I wouldn't recommend going into a vault single. You might want to lock someone down and take you in there - if only to help you fight - and, uh, survive, it's good to have a partner. Yeah… oof!

Anyway, glad I'm safe and secure in my vault! Um… I'm in the tax bracket that kind of... automatically gets a vault, so, sorry everybody. Uh… I'll be, uh, doing this thing called surviving, while you are all burning.

[deep breath]

What's the point of any of this? What's the point of any of this? Nobody - nobody listening to this can afford one of these things. Everybody listening to this is about to turn into an idea!

[laughter]

Instead of a being! But, here we are! Let's whoop it up! Let's whoop it up! It's a big parade… for the end of mankind! It's a big parade! Here's the final celebration, Arnie! Here we are!

Let's stake our claim in a dying planet! Let's plant our flag in a dead rock, and see how we feel. Let's see how we feel after the flag is planted, Arnie.

[a deep sigh]

I don't know how much longer I can do this, man.

[another deep breath]

My voice hurts, I'm thirsty, we're out of water, the muffins they laid out at the top of the day are dry and old, I feel dry and I feel old.

I give up! I give up.

[chuckles]

What's the point of this? I mean, what's the point of anything? I'm... I'm broken.

[Emotion creeps in.]

I'm broken. I'm changed. I am broken and I have changed. I…

[one more deep breath]

Thanks to you, Arnie. Thanks to you, man. Thanks, you're the best, yeah, thanks to you, pal. Thanks to you, buddy boy. You are just awful. You disgust me. Yeah, I'm just - I'm sorry. I'm - I'm just… I'm fried, man. I'm - I'm fried, pal. I'm fried. Dead. Gravestone, dead. Oh yeah, that's, okay.

Oh, god. Where are we in the process of the door opening?

[Arnold: "Yeah, it's over."]

What?

[A record scratch stops the music. Two minutes remain on the countdown.]

What's that? Oh!

[The announcer clears his throat, and the music changes to a triumphant fanfare.]

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm getting word. Ladies and gentlemen... I've gotten word that we are star- we are starting, ladies and gentlemen. It's happening! Here we are! Here we are, we got it, we got it, and now…

N- and now, this afternoon is unlike any other afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. It was the morning, now it's the afternoon - here we go! The crane is loweri- Here we go!

[relieved laughter]

Okay! Really close to the time where I can go, and get out of here! The crane is lowering, it is happening, the tumblers are tumbling! The crane is lowering, the tumblers are tumbling, we are… go! We're going! It's opening! It's opening!

[The static image of the vault has not changed in the slightest bit.]

You try doing this! You try doing this, Arnie! You try filling the time! Next time we'll switch places, Arnie, and you can try it! Oh boy, oh boy, here we go, thank god we're doing it and it's happening. I see motion, I see- I see Vault-Tec… I am convinced! Guys, this is great, it's been great, Arnie? It's been great. Arnie, it's been great. You know, I hope we are in the same vault. I'd like to spend the rest of my life with you, Arnie.

[slightly unhinged laughter]

As long as this happens right now, I am fine with spending the rest of my life with you! As long as the vault opens right now. The fact that nuclear fire could fall from the sky at any moment has made this broadcast that much more important. Thank you, thank you so much for joining us!

[x688plsloveme]

NCR critical Courier absolutely TEARING Boone a new one after learning about Bitter Springs then hitting him with the "It's almost poetic...how'd it feel gunning down your family the way you gunned down theirs-"

[x688plsloveme]

I made some Modern Nuka-Cola can redesigns! :D

Diving into the world of Fallout, I've reimagined the iconic Nuka Cola bottles as sleek, modern 16oz cans. Each design is a mix of nostalgia and contemporary aesthetics, blending the essence of the wasteland with a touch of futuristic flair

Which one should I do next? I'm thinking Sunset Sarsaparilla would be cool!

[x688plsloveme]

“But we just can’t ignore the question. If a synth can dream, why can’t it have a soul? And if a synth has a soul, then it is a living person by every standard we can measure.“ -  Alan Binet

[x688plsloveme]

The Beginning And The End

Meeting Carla was the beginning of Boone's life. Killing her was the end of it.

A small drabble about the tragic duo themselves. I was listening to this song and it just fit them so well I had to.

The day he met Carla, he fell flat on his face.

"Oh! Are you all right?" She stretched out her hand to help him up.

Boone was stunned into stillness. She was the most beautiful woman he's ever laid eyes on - she must've been an angel. She had a yellow and brown flowing dress and a large sunhat that cast a shadow over her striking features. Large, expressive brown eyes and a pink lip. Her makeup was flawless and her outfit was void of tears or stains. He thought for a moment that she had to have come from money.

He stayed on the floor for a few awkward seconds before realizing he was staring and quickly took her hand. It was soft. He wobbled a little when he was on her feet, still drunk. She helped steady him with a worried look on her face.

When he was steady, he just kept awkwardly looking at her. She had her hands on her hips and was giving him a pointed look. He titled his head in question.

She noticed his confusion and laughed, letting her jokingly stern demeaner leave and it was replaced with the best sound Boone's ever heard.

"Aren't you going to say thank you?"

His eyes widened. He usually wouldn't care about useless formalities, but something in him wanted her to like him, wanted her to stay.

"Thank you!"

She kept the smile on her face and allowed her eyes to take him in, just slightly taller, built, and had a kind of dorky charm she seemed drawn to.

"My name's Carla, what's yours?"

He shook her hand and replied with, "Boone. Ah, Craig Boone that is."

That was the start of his life.

__________________________________________________________

This was the end of it.

There she was, covered in grime and bruises with her hair sticking up every which way, but he saw something. In her eyes. A shine of defiance and independence that she refused to let be snuffed out, even with the choking reminder around her neck.

She was still as beautiful as ever.

Boone held back tears as he counted all the Legionaries that surrounded her. A small party would be enough for him alone but there were far too many - hundreds. It would be impossible for him to get her out without all of them ending up dead. He knew what he had to do.

He lined up his scope, watching his wife constrained in a way that he had never seen before. She was never the type to let anything tie her down - he tried so hard to give her a life where she could be free as the birds.

He couldn't let them break her wings.

He hesitated, allowing himself a few minutes to gather up the courage to do what needed to be done and take in his wife one last time. He was going to miss her so much.

For a moment, it seemed as if she caught a glimpse of him, almost as if she was staring right at his scope. There were silent tears running down his face. How could he live without those eyes in his life?

He whispered, "I love you."

And he took the shot.

[x688plsloveme]

For those who were wondering about my sparseness these past 6 months or so, I've been getting ready for my wedding! I'm married now!!!!! And my husband is very supportive of me being able to engage in my hobbies, so I'm slowly going to start posting again :)))