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AMANDLA STENBERG as JONNY in MY ANIMAL

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Alice swallowed hard. There wasn't really an answer in their mind, exactly, for where they would rather be. 'Not here' would have sufficed in most cases, save for now. Alice supposed that was the trouble with speaking to people who asked a lot of questions (much like they did). "I-I don't know. I haven't really thought about it," they admitted. "Just not here. Home, I suppose, but..." No, that wasn't the right answer. That didn't feel right. "Just... somewhere. The somewhere in my head maybe."

The somewhere in their head wasn't real, of course. But... it seemed to have been once real. It felt very much like a memory, so vivid and clear that Alice could name the very fragrance in the air if prompted. But it wasn't real. It couldn't have been. That was all the other Alice's thoughts, and the other Alice... well she wasn't real, was she?

Alice had spaced out. They were following a winding path through Tulgey Wood in their mind.

The nicotine in Chelsea's cigarette, very real and tangible in smell and taste, was what brought them back. Just on time to hear her question.

"I hardly trust myself these days."

.

"Hm? Where would you rather be? If you don't mind me asking," she said, plenty aware that most people, out of sheer courtesy, would try to give her an answer, however vague it could be.

Clearly, it wasn't by Lorelai's place. In all honesty, she never really understood the kid's apprehensive behavior around her godmother. It was completely understandable to be a bit afraid of her and her short temper, but she doubted that Lorelai would really get angry at her own family, especially at someone so (apparently) well behaved as Alice. There was a story there, no doubt... But, as much as she would like to investigate what Lorelai was up to in her private life, she didn't feel it was right to get into Alice's own business. At least, not too much. They and their disappearance were a potential key at unlocking what happened with the thefts and the poisonings, after all. But after a long while of trying to get something out of them, she had come out empty handed.

Someday, though. Someday she would crack this case wide open. Chelsea just hoped it would be sooner than later, soon enough to prevent any more unfortunate incidents.

The journalist simply scoffed. "Bah, the regulars know me already, and I know them. Besides, they never expect me. And I can trust them not to rat me out by now." Chelsea sticked a cigarette between her lips and cocked her head. "What about you, Little? Can I truly trust you?"

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Alice held their breath.

Time stood painfully still for a moment.

Not a single puzzle piece seemed to line up in this conversation. In fact, it felt as if they had both been handed two very different scripts to follow, which now meant that Alice simply did not know what to say.

Their confession was blurted out, and could not be taken back.

There was new information that Alice suddenly had to add to a list of other new things they had learned about themself recently. It didn't seem true, and no evidence lined up, but... Rita didn't seem the type to lie about such a thing.

"What?" Alice asked, quietly, to Rita's confession. And also, in not processing a thing, to their second question.

"I already have a sister," Alice then said, now ignoring Rita's follow up question entirely. Their hands trembled. Colour drained from their cheeks.

Tears were very close to spilling, only at having no other way to change either subject, or explain their exclamation.

"Sister."

They'd both spoken at the same time, Alice louder and certainly more frantic. Rita had built this moment up in her head for so long, the last thing she had expected was that. She felt frozen in time, staring at Alice as confusion slowly crept along her face. The 'wait, what!?' was right on the tip of her tongue as her brain tried to process what had just been shouted.

She'd planned on follow up questions. She'd rehearsed how to answer them. Summarised her own story into bite sized chunks: left at the fire station, brought up by the chief, found her birth-mom, she told Rita about the guy-from-the-Lucas-Hayes-gig, she would have kept it to herself but then Alice disappeared, here we are. Rita never thought she'd be circling back because Alice would drop their own truth bomb.

That couldn't have been true.

"Wait, what?" Rita looked around them, scanning for nosy neighbours, before lowering her voice-

"What do you mean 'poisoned'?"

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Alice gave Olivia a genuine smile. A thankful smile. A smile that suggested they felt understood, and supported, in spite of it all. "Thank you," they said.

Once they were both standing, Alice stuffed their hands in their pockets, and started walking in a familiar direction. While things had gone south, while things were uncertain, they still found that old habits could die hard and walking a path they knew well helped with the unease of not knowing what was around the corner.

"What did she recommend?" Alice asked, truly glad to be having a seemingly normal conversation for once in a very long time. "I wonder, should Ms. Christie start paying you to be their marketting manager? They amount of books she must have sold because of your recommendations surely should have earned you at least some commission."

The question turned back to Alice, who had to think long and hard about their answer. They had, in fact, been reading. Reading was an escape like no other. But they had barely retained a single thing put to paper, that it seemed almost silly to claim to having read something they couldn't answer a single question about.

"I read The Princess Bride," they replied, finally, though it wasn't the last book they had read. Rather, it was the last one they could remember. "You know, the one that has the movie?"

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"I get that. I mean, I don't get it like you do, but... I sort of get that." She had been so worried when her friend had gone missing. There were the mysterious poisonings, too, and the thefts, but none were as shocking as Alice's disappearance quite a while back. Time had passed and Olivia was less concerned about them vanishing once more... But just because she was less concerned didn't mean she wasn't concerned at all. "I just want you to know that... Well, that I'm here for you."

Because the truth was, she could truly recognize the gut-wrenching fear of being followed. The feeling of uncertainty, the constant suspicion and dread. It made life so much harder. It made trusting others so much more difficult. She didn't wish it to anyone.

"Thanks," Olivia smiled, taking their hand. "Oh, okay! There's a bunch of stuff, so let's start with the first thing, on Saturday. I met this girl Tiana at the library, and she gave me some cool poetry recommendations, and I got to spread the good word of Agatha Christie's writings," she said proudly. "What about you? Have you been reading anything interesting lately?"

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The more they conversed, the more confused poor Alice became. They glanced around, down at their feet, back to Chelsea, as if checking that they were, indeed, both standing there in the present moment. "I-I suppose I'm here, now, but what I mean is that... is that... well, that I much rather would be anywhere else."

Had they said too much? Perhaps. But it was true. Alice's stomach twisted and turned at the thought of Lorelai looking out their window and seeing them there.

Alice nodded at Chelsea's reponse. It shouldn't have seemed out of the ordinary, but suspicions and nerves being what they were, Alice had to wonder why Chelsea had taken this route toward the Arcade and not another brighter, simpler route, unless the last destination necessitated other destinations first.

"I won't tell anyone," Alice assured, wondering why they shouldn't. "But what of the others at the arcade? They might still tell."

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"Funny that, I could almost swear I saw you inside this car here," Chelsea chuckled with a small frown. "Huh. You sure you're not here? I mean, I'm not sure I'm fully here either, at any given time, but I'd like to think this chance encounter has a chance of taking place right now..."

The journalist raised her eyebrows, rather surprised by the question. She was expecting something more along the lines of 'why the hell are you here?', or even a 'what on Earth do you think you're doing?', not a question of where she was headed. "Uh... Nowhere in particular," Chelsea shrugged. "Just taking a walk. Helps shake the ol' neurons a bit, y'know?" she said, tapping her temple. She could take an educated guess as to why Alice was there: there was nothing strange about a godchild visiting their godmother, after all. There might be something slightly curious about a half-friend, half-pest like Chelsea visiting Lorelai, though, she had to admit. "Unless you mean where I'm guessing I'll end up later, in which case I can tell you I'm looking forward to a nachos-eating and Mountain Dew-chugging late night stopover at Litwak's Arcade. Just don't tell anyone, alright, kid?"

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AMANDLA STENBERG on The Tonight Show

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Starter for @doryunderthesea

Alice had bumped into Dory (quite literally) a few times in the past, and had always found her utterly fascinating. Yes, it was a shame that Dory wasn’t very good at remembering things, but Alice thought that must make things rather exciting sometimes. Imagine getting to discover the same thing twice, and being blown away by it both times!

Today, it so happened that Alice bumped into Dory again (quite figuratively this time). It had been some time, yes, but the moment Alice saw them their mind began to tick in a very odd direction. “Dory, good morning!” Alice greeted, giving a little curtsey at the greeting (a habit never lost from childhood). "Are you lost?”

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AMANDLA STENBERG as ALANA BECK in DEAR EVAN HANSEN

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A mushroom rest-stop in Nysa, 2013

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🎲 - Terence

006, a swing set in an empty playground at night.

Alice was having a very hard time with deciding what was safe, and reasonable, and logical, and what was not. Leaving the house was hard, frankly, except when Alice suddenly couldn't stand to be there at all. Maybe it was because their brain wasn't working. Maybe it was the 'Other Alice'. Alice couldn't really say, frankly, and thinking about it gave them a headache.

They had a headache right now. Alice decided the best course of action was a walk, though the time of night wasn't exactly recomended given how easy it had been for someone to snatch Alice up in the first place... Now, though, they sat on a swing set in the playground, waiting for it to get just dark enough to justify going home again.

"Hey!" Alice called out, as they recognised Terence walking by the park. (Alice liked his tiger loaf.) "Do you want to sit with me?"

@happiestterencegold

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by Mary Blair

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via fromthecarpetbag

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Alice took the little triangle sandwiches on their little round plate, glanced at them, but didn't take a bite. Not yet, at least. They looked sharp enough, indeed, but Alice's stomach was rolling all sorts of waves, and a tiny sail shaped piece of bread would simply get caught up in the waves of nausea. Alice nodded a few seconds too late to be considered a regular response time.

"I wouldn't even know where to start..." Alice admitted, still staring intently at the sandwich. "Heck, I didn't even know I'd ever felt groovy until now when I'm not feeling groovy..." Alice thought nothing of the description. No, that was a lie, Alice was thinking too much about the description but not in the way that Lilo was concerned. It wasn't weird. But it was weird to suddenly realise how ungroovy you were feeling.

“I can neither confirm nor deny which one I’m in,” Lilo replied with a smile but concern was clear on her face for Alice, who clearly wasn’t in this conversation. Lilo had never been the best, most comforting, person. She shied away from seriousness, she buried her own feelings of ache under her pillow or in her diary. She felt like she never said the right thing. But she also didn’t want to dismiss whatever was going on with Alice. It had to be serious– they’d almost forgotten they were having delicious, life-giving, sandwiches after all.

She pressed her lips together, cutting them both into triangles and setting the plate in front of Alice. “Let me know if they’re not sharp enough.”

Taking the seat across from them, Lilo let out a breath. “Me neither,” she said, before quickly adding- “I mean, obviously not in the exact same way. I mean, I’m not saying I understand what it’s like— What— I mean, your exactungroovy feelings but um, yeah.” Lilo had never felt clumsier. “Sorry, I’m not very good at this. I guess, I’m just trying to say that if you wanted to talk about not feeling… groovy-” man, did she regret making this the adjective of choice- “You can. To me, I mean. If you want.”

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"Cats always know what they want," Alice replied, nodding in agreement. "And they often times do what they want, too, even if you try to tell them not to." As far as Alice was concerned, this was a perfectly normal conversation to be having while waiting for coffee, and Alice... well, it wasn't often that Alice wished for normal anything, but normal had been so far out of their grasp lately that they felt they must throw a rope around normal and hold on for as long as they could.

Of course, it was a matter of seconds before Alice's mind was wandering, thinking about cats and commands and rules, and putting people rules onto cats, and how, maybe, cats had their own rules and how funny it would be if cats made rules for people instead. Would we like it? Would we listen? Or would we act just like the cats when people told them what to--

Alice blinked at Tiana. They had to pace their way back to where the conversation had been mere moments ago.

"Jealous?" Alice repeated. "Why, I could never be-- I suppose-- Well, I don't know! I think it would have to depend if Dinah decided that she didn't like me at all anymore, wouldn't it? It's one thing to take a liking to someone else, another entirely to take a disliking to someone!"

Tiana could picture Dinah the cat in her head, with the vivid way Alice was describing her. At Alice’s remark on naming a pet Doris, Tiana wanted to chuckle but held it in. Tiana had always had a penchant for pets with very human names.

She did laugh out loud, however, when Alice called their sister boring and bossy. “You’re right—cats always like the owners who don’t make them do stuff.” Alice was refreshingly candid, and also seemed mysterious in a way Tiana wished she could emulate. Candor and mystery were two gifts that had not been given to Tiana.

Alice’s words about Dinah, though, brought back a memory of Tiana’s old rabbit, Dennis. She and Dennis had been playing one morning, and the instant that Tiana’s mama had reached for him, he’d gone tense, flattening his ears behind his head. Why did animals like and dislike who they did? Tiana wondered if it had something to do with a person’s confidence. Or maybe Alice was right, and being bossy served as a repellent.

“Alice, can I ask you a question?” said Tiana after sipping her coffee again. “If your cat Dinah suddenly decided to start hanging out with your sister, despite not liking her before, would you be jealous?” Maybe this was a little too allegorical, but that old crush from culinary school had been on her mind… Suffice it to say, Tiana had been jealous. To be fair, she’d have been jealous if it’d been a pet, too.

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"At least one of us is always prepared," Alice remarked. They couldn't recall how many times they had been caught in bouts of bad weather, underdressed or wearing the wrong kinds of shoes for trudging through mucky puddles. It was too numerous to count, and they had ruined so many nice clothes because of ill planning.

Alice blinked at the pavement. How have you been? If anyone else had been asking, Alice would have assumed this was nothing more than small talk. How many people really meant 'how have you been?' when they asked 'how have you been?' Olivia, at least, was a trusted friend and the chances that she really meant 'how have you been?' were slightly higher than the average stranger. Still, it didn't make answering the question any easier. They could give the small talk answer, that they had been practising since they were six years old, but leave Olivia in the dark and thus put a wall between them that Alice had been putting between everyone else too.

Alice could give the real answer, which sounded wholly worse.

"It's hard not to worry," they admitted, in lieu of an answer to the original question. Alice glanced over their shoulder, an ever present feeling that they were being watched. By who? By what? Who could really say? Alice wasn't prepared to talk about it on their front doorstep. Somewhere else. On their walk, maybe, where it was safer. If safe was even a thing any more. "Let's talk about your stuff on the way, and then... well, maybe later I can talk about mine." With that, Alice stood, holding out a hand to help Olivia to her feet.

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"Sure!" Olivia said with a smile, and gestured at her messenger bag. "In any case, I got my umbrella with me." She was okay with going for a walk, but she also liked just sitting there on the porch with her friend. It seemed like ages since the last time they had seen each other. So simply being around Alice, knowing they were doing well after so much had happened to them, was more than enough.

But there was something else happening, something that was bothering Alice. Something that, if Olivia had to guess, had been going on for a while now, considering how her friend had been avoiding seeing others lately.

"Hey, um... How have you been?" she asked Alice as she leaned forward and rested her arms on her knees. "You seem a bit worried lately..." Olivia knew that Alice didn't exactly love people asking them that question over and over; but she was concerned about them, and there was definitely something in their mind. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, of course. I got stuff to talk about, if you'd rather we talked about something else," she said quickly. She certainly didn't want to come across as overbearing.

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