xavierwlyde

[xavierwlyde]

Before you do the dance twili let me my lover have another gentle kiss. Before you slip into unconsciousness I’d like to have another cigarette before this camel burns down the filter like my heart skipping beats at just the mention of your name. I can’t turn it off and on like you can I just want a sense of steady sanity before the winter wind comes again blowing back Ice cold winds that whether the soul. Sleep my children as we all become jealous lovers of the night sky. Can you tell me your secret. As your fingers rush to touch yourself in my wicked dreams. I’m sleep walking again the wendigo made of ice and snow. Crossing more seas then sailors setting sail there sails to the north for we are due in Valhalla Tonight. I like the Viking have become numb to emotions and feelings I only know rage like rain washing over the killer of killers the master of puppets pulling your too otight strings to the point of breaking im broken ripped asunder and lit up like a match thrown in a can of gasoline. Never mind getting bent im fucking broken heart ripped wide open and I can feel my lungs stop working oh what would Oscar Willde do in a story like this. It’s a kiss before dying it’s me swearing to tell the truth knowing that I’m lying.

[xavierwlyde]

This black heart inertia turns my heart to stone and I am left stiff and frozen. No longer the man I thought I was and to old to be the child I never was. Today is a turning point I can either go left and face this fear or I can run right leaving behind all responsibilities and the labors of life. But I’m no runner. I AM STONE! Hard and jagged, rough and ready. Always steady. These are but mountains to step over and as my feet touch the sky i become even harder but i will not fail or fall. I am stone concrete with no smooth edges just the course remains of a man not meant to be…….

[xavierwlyde]

I can look through the windows of my mind and sea my heavy heart . I see a greener shade of grass in the field of life. I’ve planted a garden for us where love can grow and be nurtured in the sweet passion of our human existence. I become totally numb in your arms and oh you know that you do something to me that I dare not try to explain. The mystery of you is taking over every inch of me and our hearts start to beat as one with a passion burning brighter then the mid day sun. In your arms I feel like a small child cuddled safely in my mothers embrace. Who can really know the affairs of a beating heart. Who can know the ways of mankind. All I know is that I love you and that’s all I need to know……

[xavierwlyde]

When a man loves a woman he changes for her…..

[xavierwlyde]

I love myself even when I don’t like myself….

[xavierwlyde]

Today I find myself in deep reflection on that horrible topic of betrayal. I find myself in the river thrown out of the boat of security and am now drowning in a sea of despair. You see I loved a woman who did me wrong. A woman who had my heart and threw it away for drugs and a loose life style of nothingness where promises are never kept and lying is the currency. She had my soul for the asking yet she tore me asunder. I loved her deeply and in return my heart was ripped from my chest, thrown upon the floor and spat on. Seventeen years of life thrown away one year at a time all for nothing. Who can map the human heart? Who can predict the darkness that haunts us when hearts go astray…..