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xcerizex · 1 month ago

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"snow kissed sin"

This is just another timeline, another failure, and Cael thinks he'll finally be able to understand the emotion that festers in his heart, as he drives his sword through her chest.

He does not. Instead, he understands that he is a sinner.

(godheim!cael, cael, cael x mc, 3rd pov, angst, mentions of character death, graphic depictions of violence, only a little, simple fic, 1.8k+ words)

"Silver Knight, all spies have been evacuated from the Tyrant's castle, and Suzie is escorting them here as we speak."

"Understood, station a few of the rebels at the entrance of the camp to await their return. I'll be waiting along with them."

"Yes, sir!"

At his orders, Liam scurries off to deploy a few rebels from the camp.

'Another blunder,' Cael thought.

The Tyrant has managed to sniff out the spies he'd placed in the castle, leading to a mass purge. In the past few days, Lars had been discreetly doing away the Silver Knight's forces by getting rid of them without his notice.

Under most circumstances, they shouldn't have been caught, he's made sure of that in each and every timeline. The way he weaves his plans is akin to a spider web; no matter where you turn, there will always be another trap waiting for you, all meticulously woven to entangle every possibility under his control.

'If that's the case...' Cael thinks bitterly, 'It must be her doing.'

The only uncontrollable variable of his plans.

'It seems that the Goddess has joined hands with the Tyrant.'

She's done something like this before, many times even. She offers her cooperation in exchange for theirs, and every time she does so, what she gains is not just shared strength, but love.

And like a moth to a flame, they all draw closer, unaware that they won't be her last.

'But this is a problem.'

If she keeps on forming relationships with the Paragons, she won't ever be able to reach the true ending of Godheim, no matter how hard she tries. And if she doesn't...

"Then she'll keep on suffering each time until she does."

Cael speaks those words aloud, as if he were trying to get rid of all the pent-up feelings he's piled up inside him with each rewind of time. He harbors them like a curse and like all curses, they haunt him endlessly to no end.

When he sees the fog his breath scatter before him, he idly wonders when will this all end.

"It's the Silver Knight!"

"My lord!"

As he arrives at the entrance of the rebel camp, he sees the rebels assigned by Liam lined up in formation. They stand at attention, posture immaculate as they come face-to-face with the savior and hero of Godheim. All of their eyes are filled with awe, their adoration and blind faith the butter to a fool's bread.

"All of you stay sharp." The Silver Knight addresses them with a calm, but authoritative tone. "There's a chance that the Tyrant has sent his forces to tail the refugees. If any of you spy anyone unfamiliar approaching us; act immediately. We must not let them use this as an opportunity to gain the upper hand on us."

"Yes, sir!"

Their response is so spirited, it's almost laughable. After all, their efforts and hopes will be all for naught, once she fails this timeline again.

But he continues to play the part of the Silver Knight, to be the villain to her hero.

As they wait at the entrance, they gradually see a group of people plowing through the snow-covered distance by horse. He raises his hand, motioning for them to remain patient and wait for his signal, but as they see the figures close in, the rebels recognize the one leading the party as Suzie, their fellow.

And as for Cael, he sees her, bound and unconscious on the same horse as Suzie.

'...No, she's not unconscious.'

"They've arrived!"

The welcoming party is filled with relief and joy, evident by the lightened mood. Their comrades finally arrive at the entrance of the camp, some injured and some not, but all of them safe otherwise.

"Silver Knight."

As she refers to him, Suzie slides off the horse to bow and greet him. Her voice is filled with the same tone of devotion and reverence she carried when she pledged loyalty to him for the first time.

"Thank you for putting your trust in me, my lord. I have retrieved the remaining spies from the castle, and wrestled away the Goddess from the Tyrant."

"..."

Suzie grabs on to the maiden on the horse, not at all gentle, and throws her to the ground.

"You once told me that she was the unexpected variable of your plans, so I had relayed your intentions that you wished to accept her into your ranks. However..."

A shadow passes over Suzie's face, as she lowers her head in shame.

"She took the Tyrant's side, and outed my identity as a rebel. This was the reason why we were caught in the first place."

Cael does not hear her, he can't, not when his heart is pounding in his ears and a sense of revulsion washes over him.

On the ground, she groans in pain. Her body was spasming painfully continuously, poison chipping away at her life and sanity as it eroded her from the inside.

"I knew I couldn't leave her alone, so I had planned on capturing her and bringing her here. However, when I used a paralytic, she fought against it and engaged in a battle with me."

Over Suzie's body, everyone sees the various wounds inflicted by the Goddess's rumored powers.

"So instead, I had opted to use an Asphodel."

Asphodel, a codename for a poison invented and used by the Silver Knight's forces in order to immobilize powerful foes. It cuts the victim's five senses away from their brain slowly and in their place, gives a persisting pain meant not to kill, but to hurt. There is no cure to it, they have never needed such a thing in the first place, in case the cure was discovered by the enemy.

He was the one who made it.

As she rolls over on the ground, he sees her, her eyes glazed and mouth open in a silent scream, but she does not see him, does not see the edges of his eyes tinged with red. The poison traps her mind within an abyss of darkness and pain, and she has no choice but to endure it endlessly.

She endures it, because she refuses to give in to despair even as the poison eats away at her.

"With this," bowing once again, Suzie lowers her head, and the rest of the retrieved spies follow suit. "We have taken away the Tyrant's beloved bride away from him, and under the poison's control, the unexpected variable of your plans will be moved out of the way."

This should be a good thing. Having formed a relationship with a Paragon means this world won't be forced to kill her under his care. And so long as the poison continues to render the most volatile aspect of his plans immobile, he would be able to follow through with his plans and collect the necessary energy needed from Godheim. Once he was done with his mission, he simply needed to take her back with him, that's all.

It would've been a good thing, if not for what she's done to him.

"You have misinterpreted my orders."

Suzie looks up to meet the Silver Knight's gaze, and freezes. What she sees in his eyes is not anger or disappointment, but an unamenable emotion flashing dangerously as he rests a hand on the hilt of his sword.

"I said to keep watch over her, not take her away."

As the Silver Knight draws his sword, Suzie quivers, but not from the fear of death. To a fanatic, what scares them is not suffering death at the hands of their god, but their disapproval and denouncement.

He draws his sword, and realizes he's shaking, uncontrollably so. The tremors that quiver across his arms causes his hold on his sword to weaken, until he tells himself;

'This is...the most logical course of action.'

Was it? Why couldn't he just let her be happy in this lifetime too?

But so long as she continues to take the wrong path, again and again, the both of them will never be free.

He tightens his grip, and raises his sword. At that, Suzie lowers her head in deference, ready to give up her life for slighting her god's orders, and nobody stops him. They don't dare, nor do they believe they should.

But when he swings down his sword, the light he snuffs out is hers instead.

The sound of blade piercing through flesh is palpable, almost deafening. It first tears through her outer skin, past the bones of her ribcage, and all the way down to her defenseless heart, cutting her pain short.

They are all surprised, clearly, their eyes wide and mouth agape, as the Silver Knight takes the life of the Goddess for himself.

"My lord...?"

He does not respond to them while he pulls his sword out from her chest and throws it far, far away from the both of them. Cael crouches down, ignoring everyone else around him and keeping only her in his eyes, as he reaches a hand out to her as if to embrace her cold body and...

He does not, and retracts his hand at the very last moment.

'You would not want my hands to touch you, not after what I've done.'

As the poison is released from her in the form of spilled blood, the pain in her body subsides and her eyes gain clarity, only by a little bit. They find him, but she's too weak to form a proper thought, to think logically, so as if by habit, she mouths, Cael.

He feels dizzy, so, so very dizzy, and none of it gets better when he's hit with such repulsion he shakes, and ultimately does not understand if it was from anger at himself, or hatred. After all, there is a difference between anger and hatred.

'This was the best course of action, to end things quicker for the next timeline but...'

The world around them falls away to static, and Cael finally understands that he is a true sinner, one that hurts and hurts, and can only ever hurt.

With each timeline, he learns more about himself.

But what does it matter? In the end, he still can't understand the reason why the pain in his bones exists in the first place.

"Silver Knight!"

Time rewinds to the same day every time, and Liam calls out to him in panic, as Cael crumples to the floor as if he's lost control of his own body. Liam is close to rushing off to find the medics, before the Silver Knight stops him.

"Stop," he says, as he rises unsteadily to his feet. The rewind has never affected him, but the feelings of disgust and some other emotion swirl within him still, calling him their prisoner. "I'm fine."

There's no way he was, and just as Liam tries to protest, the Silver Knight gives him a command with a bitter look on his face.

"Destroy them. Destroy all the Asphodels."

If there was a way to stop her suffering, even if only by a little bit, he would do it, even if it meant he had to destroy the fields of death itself.

But then, shouldn't this mean he had to destroy himself too?

#lovebrush chronicles #for all time #cael anselm #for all time~☆#ye xuan #lbc #时空中的绘旅人 #welcome to my ted talk where we hurt Cael again #silver knight #this came to me in an eureka moment right in the middle of maths class of all things

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