xelidonia

[xelidonia]

[xelidonia]

Boston, MA

July 2025

[xelidonia]

το ένα κοριτσάκι φιλάει το άλλο / και τα δυο χτυπούν φασίστες

[xelidonia]

[xelidonia]

Remembering one of gooseworx's tumblr answers saying it would be "funny considering what happens later in the story" if Jax was considered a tumblr sexyman

Neither dying nor committing any wrongdoing could remove tumblr sexyman status

You know what could?

*being a girl*

[xelidonia]

Babe wake up it's midnight time to go feral over this again

[xelidonia]

siffrin

[xelidonia]

i go to the ytp bar and order the usual. the bartender sets a Snoopingas in front of me. i pick it up, raise it to my lips, and set it back down, repeating all of this while gradually accelerating until i have finished the drink. my favorite way to spend a frirfday evenineve

[xelidonia]

i go to the ytp bar and order the usual. the bartender sets a Snoopingas in front of me. i pick it up, raise it to my lips, and set it back down, repeating all of this while gradually accelerating until i have finished the drink. my favorite way to spend a frirfday evenineve

[xelidonia]

[xelidonia]

While Jax is trying to act like he doesn't care about death, Pomni asks "Have you ever thought that this might be what causes people to abstract in the first place?" Jax flips out and starts ranting, "Are you seriously going to blame ME..." obviously taking it as Pomni blaming him for making his friends abstract. but I think Pomni probably meant it as "If you keep repressing your human emotions, you will be in danger of abstracting." Pomni didn't even know Kaufmo (or Ribbit), so she probably wasn't accusing Jax of causing them to abstract. it says a lot about Jax's guilt that this is where his mind immediately goes.

[xelidonia]

it's not fucking psychological torture to just scroll past a post without clicking a poll button. sometimes things are not for you and that's okay

[xelidonia]

every time I come across a transgender dog woman my soul is torn between my innate desire to harm dogs and my warriors code to never ever ever hurt a transgender woman

[xelidonia]

learning that 1. there's a thing called the 'gen z stare' 2. it pisses people off and 3. it's just underpaid service workers staring at someone until they follow a simple instruction, has been interesting.

for example, the card reader says 'remove card' the customer goes 'it says remove card, what do i do?' then some underpaid 20 year old just stares at whatever twat just asked that question. apparently that's devastating for baby boomers and gen x'ers, and they're complaining about it. retail workers should be allowed to jump the counter and kill customers

[xelidonia]

jax saying "oh just what EVERYONE wants, a STRAIGHT couple..." is a really interesting line because not only is he fourth wall breaking, he's assuming the audience of the Circus is like. queer fandom? someone who thinks that being straight is cringe? He's constantly making jokes about Zooble being gay that position them as different from him. but when it comes to him, Jax shies away from the idea of being straight. which could mean anything (this bunny wants to be a lesbian sooooo bad)

[xelidonia]

Are you real?

Interesting question. I try to be. Obviously there's a limit to how much of my real self I can comfortably share with strangers online, but I try to be as real as I can be here.

To be honest it's not for the benefit of any audience, as much as it's a kind of self-preservation. Fame of any level is poison to the soul and you have to fight against its effects even when you're only niche-internet famous. People who think you're famous treat you as both more important and less of a person: they treat you like you're incredibly special, but also like you're public property, acting towards you in ways they'd never do to someone they consider "real".

I try not to moan about it too much, as we all do it - it's just part of how our culture conceptualises fame. I do it about people I think of as famous, treating them like they're unreal. But the danger is that if you're not careful you can internalise it and start thinking of yourself as a famous person. And when you start to see yourself as unreal in that way, it kind of drives you mad, and can turn you into a real asshole.

There's no minimum fame level for it to happen, either. I've seen previously lovely people get a hundred fans, decide they're a big deal, and turn into huge dickheads.

The only antidote to the poison I've found is to do your best to stay real, and it's one of the reasons I try to be offline more than I used to, and spend most of my leisure time watching things I don't post about or hanging out with friends whose names none of you will ever know.

So yeah, I think I'm pretty real. I guess I see 'keeping it real' as a sort of spiritual survival strategy, and try to do so as much as possible.

[xelidonia]

Fav line is when jaax goes "you dont know what people are like before they abstract! theyre horrible to be around...fuck" realizing hes gone too far without noticing