xemboy

[xemboy]

Ppl getting mad abt kink is so insane to me. We are literally just playing a game together. You remember playing pretend? Yeah it’s that.

[xemboy]

Sometimes people consider their physical sex and identified sex as different things, so I put it in parentheses to allow for both interpretations by potential users of the terms. Sex identity (to me) is essentially the same thing as sex, but explicitly the sex one actually is/identifies as, as opposed to one's circumstances of birth or physical characteristics which are also referred to as one's sex.

Bottomsex: when your sex (identity) is “bottom”.

Versex: when your sex (identity) is “vers”.

Topsex: when your sex (identity) is “top”.

These fall under the varsex umbrella but not the altersex umbrella (although it’s ok to experience it that way). Versex is so me but I coined the others as well. Flags coming… sometime…

[xemboy]

Robot girl into free use* kink zips up her schematics and a disk image of her mind and uploads it to the internet archive and the pirate bay.

* technically for robots, this kink is called "open source"

[xemboy]

Orgasm denial but in the same way people talk about the moon landing being faked

[xemboy]

Impact play is a common kink that’s practiced in D/s dynamics and S&M. It can be a form of punishment, teasing, and funishment. Spanking is the most well-known form of impact play either with hands and brushes. However, other objects can be used depending on the amount of pain or bruising that wants to be inflicted.

Short range vs Long Range:

Short range objects include hand, brush, ruler, belt, paddle, or anything that requires you to stand fairly close to the spankee.

Long range objects include canes, crops, whips, cat o nine tails, and floggers.

Safety:

Practice before engaging in impact play if you’re using long range or hard equipment.

Always have your partner’s consent and a safe word. If you don’t have a safe word, use these colors: red = stop yellow = slow down or pause green = resume the scene

If the spankee is gagged or cannot speak, use a hand signal as safe words.

If you’re using a whip, practice with it before using it on someone. Aiming isn’t as easy as it looks and you could accidentally injure your sub/bottom. Also keep in mind that whips can break skin!

Never hit the following areas: Mid back - Your kidneys are located here Tailbone Spine Hips Stomach Joints

These areas can be hit but with caution: Face (only with your hand) Crotch/genitalia Inner thighs Breasts/chest

If you spank someone with a cane or whip and the spankee bleeds, clean your equipment before using it on someone else.

A good thing to remember is that fatty areas work well with harder spankings and objects, while boney areas should not be hit with hard objects (like brushes and paddles) and should be hit moderately and lightly.

Don’t be afraid to attend dungeons and observe how others use their toys and ask questions.

Aftercare:

Aftercare is extremely important. Not only could you have bruises and welts to soothe but you have to treat subdrop also. If you’re not familiar with subdrop or subspace, refer to this post or read on Google.

Having an aftercare kit is a good start. It should include an icepack, wet cloths, bandaids, a blanket, water and Gatorade, pain relievers, and energy food.

Do not leave your sub or bottom alone after a scene. Hold them, hug them, kiss them, cuddle them or anything that lets you know that you love them and soothes them.

If you’re shaking, feeling lightheaded, panicking, or hyperventilating you should lie down and relax. I recommend taking deep breaths where you breathe in from your nose, hold it in, and then exhale until the next breath comes naturally. This is something that I was taught to do for panic attacks. This should help the tremors (shaking) stop, help you calm down, and bring your heart beat and breathing back to normal.

[xemboy]

Hefty Hunk, 16x20x1.5 inches oil on stretched canvas by Kenney Mencher $625

[xemboy]

[xemboy]

So I’m reading something online and stumble onto a post where somebody mentions the Harkness Test. I’d never heard of it (or at least not recently enough to remember it), but from context, it was clear that it was something along the lines of it being moral for two characters of different species to have sex as long as they are both able to communicate and understand consent.

But of course, being a Doctor Who fan, I recognized that this is probably named after Jack Harkness, who is famously very horny for every sentient species in the universe, so I wanted to google it to see if that was in fact the origin.

This is what happens when Google uses Tumblr as a source of truth.

[xemboy]

boy, blowjobs sure are a mouthful

[xemboy]

That was what altersex was originally intended to be for btw. It was supposed to replace referring to characters with multiple genitals/stuff not possible irl as "intersex" or any number of intersexist and/or transphobic slurs. (This isn't talked about a whole lot because people don't want their identity associated with porn, but it (and other subterms like salmacian) is accurate and describing the sex of a character being presented in a sexual way is kind of a given). I remember seeing it proposed for this purpose and thinking "wait, my sex identity is exactly like that! My ideal body isn't possible irl, it's more like the bodies I often see in furry art but it's an important part of who I am and it's how I draw my kinself/sona because that's the real me! I should bring this concept to the non-furry queer community and expand it to include other transsexuals to describe the experience of having a nonconforming sex identity and expression"

Instead of turning an existing identity into a porn tag I uplifted a porn tag into a whole community

Writing or drawing a character with both genitalia specifically for porn is actually fine, just don't put it in intersex tags and don't refer to the character as intersex! Use words like salmacian & bigenital. It's a very common stereotype/misconception that we 'have both'. Even those of us with ambiguous genitalia don't have two fully separate & fully functional sets. We have one set of genitalia that is between male & female.

[xemboy]

Damn really underestimating the rizz of 20something kinky genderqueer tumblr weirdos. Or am I just the exception

reddit sexuality: 30 something year old guy who has referred to a real woman as a "smol tiddy e-girl" this year. would have sex with link from legend of zelda but otherwise straight

body count: 1 (wife who hates him)

tumblr sexuality: 20 something gender non-conforming person that is vocal about puppy play, violence as an allegory for intimacy, superficial christian symbolism, and "old man yaoi"

body count: 0

grindr sexuality: Daddy want to smell yor ass while i fuck your mouth baby

body count: 187

[xemboy]

"why are people suddenly saying kink isn't always sexual" hello! you seem to have picked up on something that is actually de facto considered true in IRL kink scenes and often trotted out as one of the basic foundational truths of kink in educational contexts (i.e. beginners' workshops, it'll be in guides for first-timers at dungeons, etc). come take my hand and let me introduce you to the vast and wonderful world of IRL kink.

"kink," contrary to what a lot of internet-only kinksters seem to think, is not referencing your relationship to a concept--it's referencing the concept itself. for example, "bondage" in this context is not referring to "being turned on by tying someone up/being tied up," it's referring to the concept of being tied up/tying someone up itself. this is one of the most common kinks you'll see people playing with in entirely nonsexual contexts--most rope groups have at least a handful of players who are asexual or entirely sex-repulsed, for example. at a lot of rope play sessions, sexual activity will be banned entirely & you'll generally be expected to not show signs of sexual arousal while in that space. because it's not the space for that--sexual play parties are their own thing.

so what makes something a kink vs. a "normal" interest, if it's not a sexual aspect? mostly social stigma. the group of interests considered "kinks" have developed a shared umbrella due to a shared societal pathologization of those interests in similar ways, and one of the ways that pathology manifests is by considering those interests fundamentally sexual. there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a sexual dimension to your kink, to be clear--but society sees sex as inherently disgusting, and sexualization is frequently weaponized to pathologize all kinds of people.

portraying interest in domination/submission as inherently sexual, for example, means those explicitly navigating consensual d/s play are relegated to the realm of "the bedroom" and signifiers of their relationship (i.e. a collar) are considered "obscene" and not fit to exist in public--even when equivalent signifiers of vanilla lifestyles are allowed and not considered obscene, i.e. a wedding ring. if you portray an interest in roleplaying as a dog as inherently sexual, it means anyone roleplaying as a dog in public is subjecting the public to nasty, perverted sex, it can be classified as obscene, you can arrest people for barking and wearing leashes even if they are deriving zero sexual pleasure from it whatsoever and are not exposing themselves or harassing anyone.

why are most kinks expressed sexually to some degree, or have a sexual dimension to them? because sexually active adults tend to enjoy sex. i don't know how else to explain this, genuinely. if you are a person who experiences sexual arousal and sexual attraction, then you will often be aroused by your interests in a sexual context.

like, i am really into fandom. i love a lot of different things about fandom. one of the things i love about fandom is that it's horny; i'm a big enthusiast of smut, horny cosplay, et cetera and so on. but that doesn't mean that i don't like fandom in completely non-horny contexts, or that my interest in fandom is always sexual and can never be separated from sex. just because i cosplay erotically doesn't mean that i don't also cosplay in other contexts entirely. cosplay turns me on, and i also love cosplaying at conventions and for entirely non-horny reasons.

kink is the same. sometimes the exact same person is both turned on by petplay and interested in it nonsexually. this is actually like... really common, it's not even just "sometimes," i would say it applies to the vast majority of IRL kinksters active in my local scene, and i would hazard a guess that this isn't a major outlier, it's fairly common in scenes across the world. but if you can understand "i like cosplaying, and sometimes i'll cosplay at a convention, and sometimes i'll cosplay for sex, and sometimes i'll cosplay for fun alone in my room, and sometimes i'll cosplay to jack off, and sometimes i'll cosplay for money, and none of these are The Only Reason I Like Cosplay, and sometimes when i cosplay i will do it in a way that only includes some of these reasons and not the others at all," it shouldn't be too hard to apply the same reasoning to kink.

anyway, trying to relegate "kink" to only and solely refer to "this set of stigmatized interests and relationship dynamics, but only in reference to sex specifically" is closing the barn door after the horses are gone. sorry y'all but the kink community developed in response to medical pathologization and severe social stigma. there's no post-hoc way to turn it into an ontological classification of some form--kink is messy and abstract as a category because it isn't a category based in, like, scientific observation or ontological meanings of words. it's a category based in "we think these people are freaks and we need a diagnosis for their freakishness" lol. the forcible sexualization of every aspect of kink is part of the initial classification of this loose social realm as "fetish" and/or "paraphilia." sex is not evil or scary or bad but equally the structures doing the pathologization do consider sex to be evil and that's not something you can just ignore when discussing how sex is utilized rhetorically in these discussions.

[xemboy]

If its ok to ask; how do you feel about fat kinks? I havent seen any fat acceptance blogs talk abt it. /genq

I know it's a sore spot for a lot of fat liberationists (and yes, I'm quite familiar with why so please do not take to my inbox), I think people are scared to talk about it. personally, I think it is crucial that people with fat kinks are able to access fat liberation spaces so long as they leave the kink at the door. I say this not only because the majority of them are fat people, but because that community is steeped in a deep shame and feeling of brokenness for taking delight in fatness and/or weight gain, which perpetuates rampant fatphobia. and fat liberation is what will heal those wounds. I don't understand it when fat activists tell kinksters/fetishists/feedists, whatever you want to call them to stay out of the fat liberation movement. because what is the alternative? do you want them against the movement? that doesn't make sense at all. I think people are so uncomfortable, disgusted, or afraid of this community they don't understand, that they just wish they wouldn't exist. they aren't going away. kink is akin to sexuality, to identity, to queerness. I think what people really mean when they say feedists should stay out of fat lib is, "kink should stay within spaces designated for kink." we aren't talking about kink when it comes to who can belong in a movement, we are talking about people. it is wrong to equate every person who has a kink or a fetish to a predator. it causes very real harm to those people, because they internalize that message that their kink makes them a bad person who is inherently worthless, who has to hide. if feedists aren't welcome in fat liberation, they aren't welcome anywhere.

I think that people who love fat people, love feeding people, love their own fat bodies, who see their fattest selves as their most satisfying selves, would be natural allies to this movement once they find their way to it and feel safe and accepted here. I want to make it absolutely clear that ANYONE is welcome on this blog as long as they aren't harassing or harming anyone. so many of my followers and biggest supporters are kink blogs. some of my closest friends and fat liberationist allies are feedists. I know feedists who are way more educated and passionate about fat lib and body politics than most people I've met. I don’t wish for anyone to feel alienated on my blog - especially fellow fat folks and fellow fat allies. we are 100% FAT POSITIVE AND SEX POSITIVE on this blog, babey‼️

In fact I feel really glad when I see fat kink/feedism blogs engaging with my content bc it means that person is putting the work in to understand systemic fatphobia, how to be an ally to fat people (if they aren't fat themselves), but also healing their community through education and acceptance. and HOT TAKE, BUT: when it does happen?? when feedists aren't shrouded in internalized fatphobia, shame, and isolation, and instead start embracing this innate, powerful appreciation for fatness, it's literally so fucking beautiful? and so very queer?

choosing to gain weight on purpose as an act of self creation. because it feels Right for you. gaining weight to affirm the relationship you have with your body. getting fatter because you feel so much of your identity (even gender presentation!) is attached to your fat body. feeling sexiest when you're fat. someone else worshipping that about you. giving unlimited permission to nourish yourself and/or others - and taking carnal delight in it. releasing food rules and food guilt through centering pleasure. food and fatness as an erotic and sensory experience. finding feedist partners who also have this ingrained love of fatness that can't be replicated, partners who are willing and eager to support and adore your fat body, NOT merely tolerate it. reclaiming tropes used against you through kink, and turning a loving gaze inward. saying "fuck you" to the system and choosing to take up more space in a world that consistently tries to shrink you. never denying yourself pleasure even though everyone is telling you you don't deserve it. feedism is such an interesting facet of the endless spectrum of human sexuality and I think that once people in that community find liberation and heal their relationship to the kink, it can be one of the most radical forms of self acceptance and exercising complete bodily autonomy.

I already know that a love letter to feedism coming from a fat lib blog is gonna piss people off. I'm going to lose a lot of followers, I'm going to get a lot of hate. but. kink in general is SO demonized and SO misunderstood and as liberationists we should also be open to sexual liberation. so much of this discomfort around feedism comes from a lack of education and understanding about kink in general. feedism doesn't = fatphobia in the same way that bdsm doesn't = misogyny or abuse. quite the contrary, if practiced ethically, with informed consent. every community has assholes. especially when those communities are small, ostracized, and so young that there are next to zero resources for self acceptance, safety, education, and accountability. in fact, the assholes are the ones that you're going to SEE because every respectful person is staying away and out of your business. if you've been harassed by someone with a fat kink, that is so shitty and I'm sorry that happened to you. I know it happens a lot. try to remember that what you experienced was abuse, not kink.

what consenting individuals choose to do with their bodies is entirely their business and there is nothing wrong with kink. (and I will not stand for sex-negative, puritan bullshit in my inbox, thank you very much.)

reminder: fat pleasure is fat liberation.

[xemboy]

An overview of my position on the feedism community

First post: “How do you feel about fat kinks?”

Reclaimation of fat stereotypes through kink

Coming out: my perspective as a feeder and fat liberationist

Abuse is abuse, not kink.

‘No feedists in fat liberation’ echoes ‘no kink at pride’.

We are here fighting for fat liberation, whether you know it or not.

Feedism forces so-called fat liberationists to confront their own existing fatphobia.

Fat liberation must include sexual liberation. Fat liberation must include body autonomy.

Fat pleasure IS fat liberation.

Check my tag #feedism for dozens more posts on this discussion.

[xemboy]

"we need more freaky queers!!!" "I'm a freak" crowd when they can barely handle furries and pupmasks

[xemboy]

You reblogged a post from an artist who makes content of NSFW stuffed animals, just letting you know in case you didn't realize

anon i assure you that i knew i was looking at the having sex with stuffed animals art blog

[xemboy]

pellic

A term for someone who prefers non-sexual kink acts to sex. This can include asexual(-spectrum) people who are interested in kink but not sex, but it is also inclusive of allosexuals who prefer non-sexual kink to sex for any reason. The term is derived from Latin "pellis", which translates both to "skin" (which is touched during many physical acts of kink) and "leather" (an item featured in many kinks and sometimes considered emblematic of kink as a whole). This can be combined with another orientation (e.g. pellic lesbian, bipellic, etc.), or it can be used as a label on its own if one views one's interest in non-sexual kink as an orientation in and of itself.

[This post has no DNI other than not to use it if you're a minor and not to involve it in discourse, mockery, or other harassment]