xestavida-blog

[xestavida-blog]

06/03/18

so I hate my fucking life. right when everything and everyone was so happy I go and just fuck everything up like I always do. last night I lied to my parents about where I was gonna be and they found out, I didn’t even come home, keep in mind I have mexican parents. I’m surprised that I didn’t get my ass beat as soon as I stepped foot in my house. my parents were fine because I had told them I had been crying about a senstive subject and were fine. later when I was taking a nap my mom woke me up enraged that my friend had posted a picture at a hotel and now they’re driving around to my friends house and questioning them. so my life is over. just when I thought my life couldn’t get shittier I’m proved wrong once again. sometimes I just feel like ending it all to be completely honest with you and other times I think life is precious and get scared about death, like whats wrong with me

[xestavida-blog]

03/13/18

okay so my laptop is literally at 7% so let me bust this shit out real quick. I went to school or whatever ya know same old same old. I went to math, and then english. let me tell you this. this english class for some reason always felt so nostalgic to me, like I sound corny as fuck and like anyone else in that class would think I’m like fucking crazy. but idk if it’s like since it’s my first quarter as a college student, but like this class was so nice all the time? LMAOO how fucking sad is it that I loved this class cause everyone was nice and understanding, that’s how you know everyone in HS are pieces of shits ahaha. but like since we did so many partner and group works I felt so connected with everyone? like if you made a comment about your opinion or thoughts or whatever, no one ever said anything negative about. not to mention my grade, omfg is soooo good. in this class, so far at least, *fingers crossed that I don’t jinx myself* I have received an A on every single damn essay I have submitted. in HS I would like B’s and C’s and like totally be happy about it but like now, I’ll stay up until like 4 am to make sure that my writing is a1. but back to what I was saying, this was basically the last time we were going to meet as a class, and so for the last activity we got into a small group and discussed what we think about social media and video games. and remember that asian that I mentioned like during the beginning of the quarter? yeah, he was in my fucking group, WE NEVER, got to fucking work together, and ofc the one time we did, it was the last fucking time!!! I was honestly lowkey sad ahaha idk I kinda felt a a small connection, idk if he felt the same way or what but like I would catch him starring back you know? not to mention, I’m also going to miss his smartass friend ahaha, he was always making everyone laugh in class. but at this moment I’m debating if I should request to follow him, I mean his friend already added me on FB so idk maybe one of these days when I get drunk I’ll add him. but yeah this day was kinda bittersweet because I truly think I’ll never have a class like this. like this classroom was so diverse and everyone felt confident in voicing their thoughts, and shits and giggles would always be happening. not to mention, the professor, omg, I have never had a teacher who has helped me more than she has. like tbh I don’t even mind writing or reading anymore, like I find myself wanting to strive in my writing rather than bullshitting and submitting some piece of shit. but yeah hopefully I have similar experiences in my next classes!

1;10 am (03/19/)

[xestavida-blog]

03/12/18

soooo on this day I literally did not feel like going to school like at all. I had a mid term due and my stupid ass actually felt confident in it ahaha (big mistake). everytime, for who knows what fucking reason, everytime I have a take home assignment I always find a way to receive a shitty score, and I still fucking double check my answers through online resources :/. it was also my week of driving, which I was dreading because lately I have just been tired of it tbh, sometimes it’s like therapeutic or whatever with music in the background but since my friend and I carpool I can’t play my kpop music ahahah. I kinda get the feeling that she’s like how ‘tf can you support kpop when you can’t understand it’ ,ya know? but like I literally pay attention to the sub titles and everything and still feel heavily impacted when I listen to these songs, it’s a crazy concept I know lol. but whatever, I will still forver love kpop and just everything K-. I have’t even talked about my day lmaoo. but, I actually had my interview at the school!! it went ABSOLUTELY FUCKING AMAZING. the manager is so nice, which I fucking appreciate it because my last manager literally was a piece of shit. like it’s so crazy to me that the universe knows when to place an opportunity for you. I was literally feeling like straight shit and then out of no where BAM I get hired NOT TO MENTION I’LL BE EARNING $14/ hour. at my last job I was literally earning $11/ hour, being yelled at, overworking myself, and I wasn’t even given tips lmaooo. but I am sooo so very excited for my future and what is to come. the crazy thing is that I’ve literally never thought that about my future, I have always been frightened about whats to come but lately I’ve been excited :))

12;59 am (03/19)

[xestavida-blog]

03/11/18

holy fuck I’m like really trying to remember wtf I did on this day lmao. I remember I literally did not do shit lmao. I drove to this house that my dad is working on atm (painting it) because he just got a new phone and so it didn’t have any of his music apps. So i literally drive their in the morning to download those apps for him ahaha but the house was so FUCKING nice, like that’s fucking goals right there no lie. but yeah afterwards I came home to eat breakfast, my mom had made crepes, they were good!! we then later cleaned the house or whatever and my sister and I really wanted to eat soya(some vegan shit lol) for some reason? so we went to safeway and a mexican store to make duros with soya. we came home, I ate some hot cheetos and watched got7 while my mom was making us the food, and once it was done it was bomb af!!! My friends were going to the baile earlier that night so I was pretty bored and couldn’t really invite anyone to go out with me anywhere since I was bored as shit ahaha. but yeah that was pretty much my day, I’m sure I did some homework and shit you know. Oh yeah! I did have mid term that was due and that was fun!1!!

12;50am (03/19/18)

[xestavida-blog]

03/10/18

okay so saturday I was invited to this party and tbh I don’t really know the guys, we had partied with them during new years but like I’m not that close to them you know. I had gone to the car wash, after picking up my mom from work, because my dad was gonna wash the cars. we then went to cross roads and had some breakfast, I had enchiladas ahaha. my parents were going to a baby shower and I just lied and said that to my friends, that I needed to go incase my dad got drunk. in reality, I really wasn’t in the mood to go with them, I felt bad saying no since they always invite me, but I also don’t wanna come home like at 5 in the morning if one of my parents works the next day you know? but my sister and I stayed home and got some taco bell for dinner. the drive thru guy was lowkey funny lmao. that motherfucker shook me, I had ordered 2 number 8′s and he was like “okay 8 number 8′s anything else?” I was like shit it was 2 and he was like yeah ik I’m joking lmaooo, we need more people like that! 

1;48 am (03/14)

[xestavida-blog]

03/09/18

okayy so ngl I was kinda stressin this day from the morning to the afternoon. the manager from the school wanted to interview me today(friday)  but I already had my interview at ipic at 4, so I had to email her, I was lowkey scared, and ask if we can reschedule and she was okay with it, tgod! then after school I took a shower and everything and went to my interview at ipic, but the main manager wasn’t there so I was only “slightly” interviewed by the supervisor, he asked me if I can come again for another, interview on tuesday, keep in mind I have the school interview on monday! afterwards, D had asked if I wanted to go to the gym and I said yes because your girl needs it! we went and did legs, we did so much except for squats, it was being used the entire time. but we did work out quite a lot, as I was already feeling it in my inner thighs lol. but after that we went to the pressed juicery and omg it was alright, I expected more flavor, I got a chocolate one but like what do you expect its supposed to be healthy lol. but then we had mcdonalds! it was my second mcdonalds meal of the day like who the fuck am I. and on friday I wasn’t even supposed to eat meat :/. but overall it was a good day considering the fact I hadn’t seen her in a while :)

1:42am (03/14)

[xestavida-blog]

03/08/18

okay so this one will be super brief. I went to school, and then right after I dropped off my stuff and went straight to my community service! the ladies there are so kind to me omg, they kept on telling my about my hard work I was like fuck y’all are gonna make me cry. but I saw a lady come in with her daughter and I couldn’t help but feel bad since she had came on the bus, and she came to pick out some clothes, she had so much stuff on the stroller already plus another big bag, and to walk to the bus stop in the rain. like omg I felt soooo bad you have no clue. but as I was helping with showing jewerly, I saw the most gorgeous butterfly necklace I had to buy that shit asap, I was hoping that people wouldnt see it ahaha. but yeah I got it and came home and finished my homework!!!

[xestavida-blog]

03/07/18

okayyyy. so class was pretty chill today, we had our last peer reviews! tgod ngl!! and then I came home and whatever ya know I had been feeling pretty gloomy since I wasn’t working and felt like a bum you know? my parents would deposit money into my account and they’ve done so much for me that I hate to ask for more. but omg. YOUR BITCH WAS CALLED BY ALL 3 JOBS THAT I HAD APPLIED FOR. the mediterranean place called me to talk about my schedule but tbh I wasn’t feeling the vibe there. and then the school called me to schedule a phone interview that same day, and while I was waiting for my phone interview, OUT OF NOWHERE ipic fucking calls me to schedule an interview. like wtf the universe is so fucking crazy I tell you. no go from not hearing back from any, to hearing from all three the same day?? y’all got me depressed and shit like fuckkk. but hey, it’s all god’s plan, and thats why should always trust it. but I felt so damn happy this day you have no idea.

1;32 am (03/14/18)

[xestavida-blog]

03/06/18

yayyyy no school!!! this morning I woke up and went to mcdonalds with my mom for breakfast!! we then had to take my dads truck to get the tires rotated or some shit like that. but then we went around the new shopping center in kirkland, there wasn’t many nice things, but I was hoping to find the nike cortez’s that I so badly fucking want like FUCK. we also stopped by the kirkland police dept. for some information, and then fredmeyer for some quick groceries. but I got home and I think I went to the gym? I honestly can’t remember ahah. but I stayed up pretty fucking late considering I left an essay last minute! is that surprising, of course not! 

1:28am (03/14)

[xestavida-blog]

03/05/18

so what was new? I went to school ahaha did absolutely nothing afterwards since I did not have school the next day! I was basically a lazy piece of shit, but, I did end up going to the gym!! but then afterwards my fatass went to mcdonalds and had a big mac like wtf? and I was only able to last like 34 levels on the stairmaster?!?1 I am usually able to do like 63 to be exact. but we went to mcdonalds because I knew esta was feeling depressed because of her recent break up, it’s sad seeing your friends like that over a stupid ass piece of shit ya know? but we just parked in the visitors parking lot for like an hour and talked about life y todo. and then she gave me my present, awwww, I feel bad because I havent fully gotten my friends their presents yet :(. but I will soon, fingers crossed. 

1;24 am (03/14/18)

[xestavida-blog]

03/04/18

I put the wrong date*

[xestavida-blog]

03/14/18

if I’m being honest I literally didn’t even do a lot this day. we were supposed to go to to church but no one woke up, sorry virgensita ://. but I can recall going to santa fe! oh and before we had gone to go get gas at costco, and I’m pretty sure I came home and did nothing but homework afterwards

1;17 am(03/14) opsss

[xestavida-blog]

03/03/18

so shit okay I woke up lol thank god <3. my hand was sore as a motherfucker for ironing all fucking day... but basically, my family and I went to the swami and just saw all the cute little mexican shops ya know, I got un esquite that shit was so bomb, then afterwards we went to el rinconsito where I ordered tres tacos de adobada, they were good as fuck. then I got home and like layed on my phone, I expected to fall asleep because I was tired as shit for some reason? but nah, my mom and I went to my aunts to figure some shit out but I ended up figuring it out lmaoo. it was nice to see and joke around with my aunts, I kinda sadly barely see them I guess... but yeah afterwards I got home and C had snapped me and invited to drinks at her house!!1!!!! the last time I had drank was like a while ago so you know I was down aff to go ahahaa. but yeah I showered for like the third time? did a simple glam and got tipsy with my friendz, it was so much fucking fun, ems was lit af, which is always hillarious, and l,k,and c were all pretty lit as well. then la putita showed up after her shift and shit only got happier. I swear we’re all happy as shit at c’s with drinks ahahah. but yeah super fun night got to see all my friends which is a little hard know since we all either work, or go to school, so we never see really see each other. I drank quite a lot but still managed to drink the rest of the buchanan’s bottle lmaoo, idk why but like alcohol usually doesn’t fuck me over?! except for prom, that was a whole other story... but yeah hopefully we have more nights like these in the future!!!

10:28 pm(03/04/18) oppppps pt.2

[xestavida-blog]

03/02/18

okayyyy so friday was an ordinary day but with a dash of uniqueness i guess? so same old, same old. school, home, and then... I had to volunteer from 12:30-6:00 FOR FREE. but that’s my dumbass fault for driving w/o a license :/ but omg keep in mind I literally only had like 2 1/2 hrs of sleep because I don’t know why the fuck I have trouble sleeping. scratch that, I do. i’m so fucking obsessed w/ kpop that I just stay up all day and night watching their dumbasses and I get so excited just thinking/ hearing/ seeing them that I just can’t fucking fall asleep. okok but not to sound dramatic or anything BUT IM SO FUCKING THANFUL TO HAVE COME INTO CONTACT W/ KPOP BECAUSE LIKE IM OBSESSED. like fr I appreciate everything korean, kpop, kbeauty, kculture, KEVERYTHING BITCH. and omfg how can I forget, my hope my angel, jhope. HIS FUCKING HIXTAPE CAME OUT BITCH the mv for daydream is absolutely everything. it is so calming, soothing, inspiring like the visual and message and just every single thing about if is the best fucking thing ever. okay but yeah that is how my friday was plus I slept so fucking early like at 10 bitch. but can u blame me??? I was like fucking ironing clothes for like 3 hours straight or some shit, putting clothes away, and helping people with jewelry so shitttt. but yeah lol 

10:20 pm (03/04/18) oppsss

[xestavida-blog]

03/01/18

fuckkkkk. I haven’t written in like what? a century or some shit? but let me get straight to the point. nothing has changed lmao. it’s still school, homework, and whatever else I have time for. i still don’t have a job, i’m supposed to be getting interviewed for a school so lets see what’s up with that lol. i pray that I do get hired because I need this job so bad. i hate coming home and not doing anything but homework. but FUCK i had straight fucking A’s until my math grade went down like fucking 4 % or some shit and now I’m at a like 86. good thing is I have three weeks or so to get that shit up. i really enjoy writing on here because it’s very therapeutic so I will hopefully keep coming back to write on this blog. in other news... look at me fucking being an english intellectual lmao... i’m starting my volunteering hours tomorrow! lowkey highkey i’m nervous as shit ahaha but hopefully tomorrow will be a good day because this week was kinda shitty. on monday my english class was cancelled so I was like fuck that I’m not going to my 8;30am math class either ahaha. then I went to go get my nails done and shit, keep in mind I had gotten my period. then on tuesday, i was so very excited for free pancakes until my dumbass car’s battery died. jk, love u ariel (my red car). and on wednesday night my fucking ugly ass face decided to break out with hives!! like fuck what else can happen lmao. but yeah cheers to a new month I guess! PS I’m still up bts and got7′s ass lol. I love kpop so much I’m literally scared and how much I love it. like when I’m out of my house all I ever think about is being home and watching bts or got7. and BITCH J FUCKING HOPE RELEASED FUCKING “DAYDREAM” THAT SHIT IS GOOD AS FUCK. okay but yeah I’ll hopefully, fingers crossed*, see u tomorrow :*

12;39 am

[xestavida-blog]

Aries:Are you happy with everything you’ve got now? Have you finally come to peace with your past and your demons? Even if we can’t be in each others lives anymore, I am still rooting for you from the sidelines. I will always care. Just know someone out there is so very proud of you. Taurus: Stop going to everyone who will only destroy and hurt you more. I know it hurts, but pain exists for a reason. I won’t say you could know joy without knowing pain, but the magical moments wouldn’t be so magical without all the backstory. Learn how to accept it and not fight the emotional storm inside of you. It is your biggest strength. Gemini:Stop trying to kill yourself in the most slow painful ways possible. If you stopped hiding behind excuses you could see what everyone else sees, and the amazement in their eyes when you talk. We all just want you to be okay, even if your okay is hurting. Even if your okay is different than ours. I’m not attacking you, I just want something more for you. Cancer:If these people can’t handle you, it is not your fault. It doesn't make them a bad person either. It just means they are not your people. Just means you are meant for better and greater things then what they are doing. You will have people who still see majesty in your flaws, just wait. Don’t let these shallows make you drown. There’s a whole ocean out there. You just have to hold out for tide to come in. Leo: I know there is darkness in this world so massive it feels like it is going to swallow you entirely. That nothing good could ever exist in this horror. But you are a light to so many others and we can see that. Good things can still exist. We can see your smile, even when you don’t have the strength to wear it. The days where we smile again are coming, you just have to hold on with me. Virgo: Learn to trust your friends. Because they will see your signs of destruction before you will. They will have your back. You just have to listen to them. Even if it hurts. Even if the advice feels like it’ll break you. They are just trying to keep you safe. I know it’s hard to face the truth, but they are your greatest reality check. Libra: Sometimes running away isn’t a bad thing. Escape isn’t the worst solution. Find a better environment. Find a new home. It may not solve all of your problems, but it should stop the night terrors that keep consuming you. Sometimes something new is the only way to heal. Sometimes distance is the only way to break someones grasp on your soul. Scorpio: Stop sitting on the sidelines waiting for life to happen. It’s not suppose to be this passive activity. This is not a concert, you are not in the crowd watching it all play out. Jump in head first. Do that thing that terrifies you. Do something. Because you have hands and a soul and heartbeat. You can still change this story, but you have to take the pen. Sagittarius: Don’t sacrifice your dreams for the sake of practicality. Don’t let yourself have regrets when 5 years down the road you are in way too deep to uproot yourself again. Go for whatever fuels your passion, even if it isn’t the most ‘ideal’ choice. The only thing that really matters is you. Capricorn: Recovery is a bitch. Unsteady steps will happen all the time. Some days you will fuck up. This is all part of it. Learn to forgive yourself. Learn to at least love something of yourself. If you have to love everything you hate, because at least you know what you hate. At least there is still something there. There’s still a chance. Aquarius: They did not break you. you are not broken or fragile. You are a fucking tornado. Start acting like it. You are an entire force of nature that they couldn’t even handle. Do not let them control you. Do not let these ghosts sit in your veins. You deserve more. Pisces: Do not burn those photos. You’ll miss them someday, because some day these moments won’t hurt you anymore. You’ll be able to look back and see them. You will see the smiles and know it was worth it. You’ll look back and not regret it. I promise

This Weeks Horoscope (via late-nights-and-daydreams)

omg please tell me this is a sign <3 if it is, we miss you and we love you.

[xestavida-blog]

02/02/18- 02/07/18

OKAYYYY I’ve gotten very bad at writing on this everyday as you can tell... but I swear I’ll get better! it’s because my days are literally not interesting. like it’s the same old, same old. school, home, homework. I need to find a job asap!! like my life is so boring rn! but... at the same time it isn’t since bts and got7 literally took over my life. but omg it’s wednesday night and your girl has no school tomorrow ;’) but yeah omfg I had straight a’s right and now I fucking have 2 a’s and a fucking b+ like wtf is that bullshit, it was all because of a stupid fucking TAKE HOME QUIZ. but yeah so lets see where I end up applying to work since I kinda wanna apply at ipic since they give tips or somewhere else. also, I need to complete my community service hours as well!! but yeah I just thought I’d write because I really need to be consistent with this thing. aight I’ll just back to watching kpop shit like always!!!

1;21 am