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[xinginwords]

The Test

We go through trials and tests, hardships and insurmountable odds. If we were to only look at the surface, we might despair for there is no winning option.

Yet, each test, each hardship is an opportunity to become more like Christ. Interesting, when the win is not external but internal. When there is no results on the outside, but a fortitude on the inside.

I like that. Just another chance at becoming a better human being.

[xinginwords]

History

Pastor Paul did a sermon on leadership based on Exodus 18:13-16.

"How to lead a few", because even the Prime Minister only needs to lead his cabinet well.

One pitfall of Moses delegating responsibility is that his leaders performed a role, but did not help carry the burden. They performed a function but didn't take ownership.

I think about what I traded to be on this staff team for 6 years, and there is no doubt, I learnt more in the last 3 than the first 3. There is no doubt that the work I did contributed greatly in its season and time. To be honest, it is bittersweet because I'm not sure it could have been done any other way, yet I do feel slightly traumatised by how many times I burnt out.

Yet as I sat across my dental friends, some I hadn't seen in 10 years. I saw how I was the same person, but I had learnt much. I became what I couldn't explain, my eyes were opened. I saw all distance that I couldn't catch up to before in people I admired, and now had long passed it.

I learnt about responsibility.

I think we all do to different degrees and contexts. But I truly think I learnt it to the depths of my soul, because when Pastor Paul spoke that day.

I felt the years come up, the trials, the lessons, things I couldn't forget as if imbued with the very nature of it.

I had changed, and was reminded of that very good thing. And that it was worth it all.

[xinginwords]

Marathon #2

It was looking pretty good in the lead up.

I accomplished all the training better than last year, mentally it was far less fatiguing too. The recovery was better too, I knew how to push my body and how to rest.

Yet this marathon, 10km in I sprained my ankle, a stretched achilles that began a week ago on my 12km run. Somehow, I pushed through for another 17km on a limp, and began the long walk and intermittent jogging at 27km where Terry caught up.

It was a brutal, painful and uncomfortable experience. Had I had this experience the first marathon, I'm not sure I'd have the heart to do it again. I limped for 32km. I'm surprised I finished, because I thought about walking off the trail.

Yet I figured, I don't think I'll get long term crippled by walking the last third, I think I'll make it eventually. So I finished at 5 hours 20 mins. Thankfully, the 5:15 pacer really encouraged the last 1.5km.

June did the half marathon and did an amazing job! Especially considering how little time she had for training in the lead up. Hopefully we can do the half marathon in May and take it step by step. God willing, we will do a half or full marathon again next year.

I'm not so hung up on doing another marathon, but if I could, I think there's no harm in trying. Especially if my friends are doing it again.

[xinginwords]

What if I didn't go to the gym?

I love going to the gym. It gives a point of consistency in growth, in releasing mental stress and convenient.

The only problem is it is time consuming, that other physical activity becomes hard like running or playing sports. It's hard to get better at multiple different areas at the same time.

I started going to the gym in 2020 when Covid ended, and I made alot of progress. Unfortunately strength is fairly short lived as a whole, just like running endurance.

At the end of the day, we do the things we love for the results, the short term pleasure or the long term gain. After running 2 marathons now, and seeing the ups and downs of strength and endurance, I ask the contrary question?

What if you didn't have to go to the gym? Even though you love it?

Then would I run, would I play tennis or basketball or boxing? Would I just have time for playing guitar or reading the bible?

What if I wanted to become an athlete and not care about size or strength where skill is usually a bigger factor.

Life is long and the body ages. I don't need to go all in, and being fit or strong doesn't help anyone. Truly, it doesn't. I've gone beyond what is healthy, but enjoy the pressure of pushing mentally.

I think after all this, I want to do things that involve people. I think that matters more. We will never get the small amount of time to laugh together back, and it has meant a whole great deal to me.

----

June said, I know you really look forward to the park runs on Saturdays with Terry, Lachlan and Viana. Truly I do, not for the run, but for the coffee. Having the marathon was just a goal that helped bring us together. That's the point I guess.

[xinginwords]

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here? 1 Kings 19

Elijah, a prophet of God was running from Jezebel because she put a bounty on his head. God was asking how could he be afraid when he has God on his side. He's meant to be proclaiming the greatness of God through miracles, not hiding afraid of a mere human.

It clicked.

Life is meant for living, not dying. I've been preserving myself, rather than using my gifts. It's because I always find it hard to say no. Find my boundaries always pushed. But today, I want to account for a life that has done things, rather than protected my comfort.

There Bible reading hours to schedule, there are people to catch up with, there are things to study, and there is a mission to serve.

I've not yet given up the worst of me, for the best of whats to come.

Doing ministry is difficult because it's necessary, moreso now than ever.

Xing, you're meant to be finding every opportunity to live the christian life, not every opportunity to rest from it.

[xinginwords]

Run

I'm about 5 weeks out from my second marathon, and to be honest I'm finding it alot easier than last year. I must admit, I have a better plan and more self control to hold back my pace and distance in training.

I've learned that a marathon requires margins.

Margins for recovery, for unexpected sickness, for holidays, for days you don't have time to run.

Church has been asking for a little more recently. To take photos, to preach, to service host, to camera operate and I've said 'no' to all. I'm already rostered almost every Sunday and leading a life group at a subpar level.

If anything, the things in my hands need to be done better.

There's a saying in leadership. You don't have to know everything, but the things you're meant to do, you must do very well.

Distinguishing between what you're truly meant to do is wisdom. The fear of the Lord, what is truly important. And if you don't know, then build from bottom up. The foundations.

To be honest, I've been a little sick, quite literally. I wrote in my journal today 'How are you doing Xing?' I didn't know. I never asked.

Great leaders must not only manage their time but also their energies. I'm still learning to defend some semblance of it.

The truth is, the marathon is meaningless within itself, but I want to do it because something about it feels important to my character development. Not the ego, not the pride, not even the discipline, but believing in myself. That I've learnt something, that I can do something, that not all the pieces have to be sacrificed to live meaningfully.

I want to believe, that even something so useless, has that kind of hope.

[xinginwords]

Do you fold your pizza?

Sometimes yes, mostly no. When storing pizza I sandwich two slices together so it doesn’t stick to the container! #lifehacks

[xinginwords]

How would you change your life today if the average life expectancy was 400 years?

400 years is a long time, but I feel like I’d live it pretty similarly! The truth is we plan for the future but enjoy today for what it is.

And there is something beautiful about ordinary things too.

(Reminiscent of The Office finale x Matthew 6:34)

[xinginwords]

Hi, do you like Naruto?

Absolutely! Definitely an essential part of my childhood. I must say that I don’t remember much of the story after the timeskip because it dragged a little long. Unfortunately character development didn’t progress as nicely from that point, still 8.5/10 would recommend!

[xinginwords]

Day Off

I couldn’t sleep last night because I was excited for my day off. 

Ironic, because the thing I need most is sleep, especially after being sick last week and running non stop. So I listened to christian piano music and I’d have to say it always works for me. 

There are so many days where we won’t be able to sleep. A big race, a new job, a flight out of town, a relationship. 

It’s nice to work out how to sleep better, but it’s amazing that we still get this excited about life. Even for a day off. 

[xinginwords]

The Millionaire Next Door

The premise of this book was that millionaires by and large are unseen. They live ordinary lives in regular neighbourhoods, with regular desires. It is because their lives are so uninteresting to the outside world, that media only portrays the celebrities, the ones who splurge on excessive lifestyles and glamorous things. 

But, these are often anomalies, because the lifestyle to get to a million dollars of net worth is the opposite. It’s being financially responsible.

I have been looking at orthodontic courses, I have been talking to colleagues and seen some wildly successful people. The stories of interest even in the coffee room are the ones with luxury cars and ridiculous offshore tax avoidance plans. Yet I also started a job recently with a dentist who retired at 45. She started her own practice after 3 years and ran it for 17. Her practice was only 2 chairs, but was so well run, that they didn’t take in any new patients for years. 

She stopped practicing clinically and started business managing until she finally decided she’d like to spend more time with family. 

She said it was hard as a mother, to raise kids and a business. And she encouraged me, I could do it too if I wanted. 

Now she teaches at the dental hospital and studies counselling full time. 

How rich do you really need to be? What is life really about? 

In defining the goals of my next 5 years, I’ve been thinking too much about these things. All things considered, this cannot be the defining characteristic of my life. To give appropriate thought is enough. There are other things worth thinking about. 

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

[xinginwords]

It’s a miracle I stayed.

After my colleague left my workplace, she was the only good dentist to truly come here.

There were other dentists, but none I would consider better in both skills and ethics. But she truly cared for each patient and did a great job.

I mulled over the situation. I should have left this place 5 years ago. I didn’t know my worth, I put up with more than I had to.

And yet, and yet.

Was it not only a couple months ago I met Sujanna who taught me how valuable dentistry is and not money? Was it not only 6 months ago I understood Mary’s character, a great dentist? Was it not 12 months ago, that I trained Rani from a slow difficult learner to a dependable responsible team member who showed up after attending a wedding just so I could work.

Was it not last year that I got to train Anju and Reha in their dental exams and redeem their honor in their families. Was it not 2 years ago I walked together with Homaira through her divorce and gave her comfort in finding a new job.

Was it not a couple years ago that I got income during a difficult covid season and then a huge pay rise enough to fund this grannyflat.

Was it not a blessing to meet Rahena many years ago to lead to my new job prospect and see her journey through her husbands cancer.

Maybe I wouldn’t have seen it

Maybe I would have missed it.

It’s a miracle I stayed through all this. And the time I spent grew me to love the patients that continue to bring family member after family member.

I was that constancy in a world of change.

Even for a moment, that has been a miracle.

[xinginwords]

Today I ran a marathon.

Perfect conditions, body felt good.

But it wouldn’t be a marathon without facing problems. As my friend warned me, you’d be naive to think you’ll get good sleep before a marathon.

We woke at 4:10am, got to the train by 4:40pm but I missed it because I had to trek back for safety pins for my bib.

Caught up with Lachlan Dylan and Viana at Milson’s Point. Went to the toilet and sunscreened up. They probably made a huge difference!

Ran 21km with the 4 hour pacer with Lachlan just ahead. It was faster than it should have been but maybe they account for cramping later.

I lost sight of them at 25km feeling the pain but still going ok. I knew I broke 2 toenails at this point and was hoping for adrenaline to cover me.

At 30km I got absolutely crushed by calves cramping that I had to walk every 100m. With 12km to go I didn’t want to walk the rest of the way but I kept cramping.

Finally I figured how to run with cramps, incredibly slowly and chugging gels every 2km. I had to get as much electrolytes as I was using.

It was a long 12km but I would run 2-300m at a time then walk 25m. And took every Gatorade I could. It was only at 35km that the 4:15 pacer passed me. And so I hobbled to the end!

Without any major injuries we all made it.

Viana did a 2 hour half marathon. Lachlan was just over 4hours and Dylan around 4:15 as he cramped pretty hard too.

I consider it a true marathon experience. This is exactly how marathons go with problems in training from injury to sickness to ministry events and holidays. And of course pain and cramping when hitting the wall at 30km.

Out of all this, it wasn’t the discipline that was most valuable, it was sharing the experience and growing as friends.

Even if I ran super fast, no one would know what that means. But to share the burdens and triumphs, really makes it 100x more valuable.

I’ll have to rethink the next big thing. This has been great!

[xinginwords]

You may wonder what I do with all my time? Well sometimes, on days like today I get a little lucky and find things that make me grin from ear to ear. 

[xinginwords]

Every Sunday

There’s a show called My Mister, where a middle age man hangs out with his friends and brothers every night at a local pub. In hospital playlist, a group of 5 friends form a band and play songs together.  And every Sunday, the 6 of us have been having home style korean BBQ. 

I remember distinctly envying the type of friendship and relationship that’s sometimes shown in older friends. Because it’s easy to have close knit friends when you’re young and full of time but it’s another thing to have them when competing priorities and responsibilities of adulthood come. 

I’m lucky to say, we have that. And I’m very lucky to say, we share many fundamentals too. From christianity to investments to holidays to family and relationships. We get to do a lot together and have so many circles of connections and people we know. 

You can’t make old friends. And I think we’ve crossed that threshold now after meeting each other 9 years ago. 

Sometimes I forget, that my life is just as good as any drama, any show, any book worth reading. Because life, is a beautiful story when you write the pages intentionally. 

[xinginwords]

About Time

One of my favourites. 

Great pacing, interesting characters, beautiful meaning. 

Yet I probably missed it again and again. The third mothership.

  “And in the end I think I've learned the final lesson from my travels in time; and I've even gone one step further than my father did. The truth is I now don't travel back at all, not even for the day. I just try to live every day as if I've deliberately come back to this one day, to enjoy it, as if it was the full final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life.”