xjustgettingbyx

[xjustgettingbyx]

Its almost been four years.

You have havent gotten over it.

And i have came to the realization that sadly i never will get over his death.

I can only continue to adapt to his physical absence and contiune to appreciate our memories.

He is gone but absolutely will he never be forgotten. I still agree with what i said then, its just way too big if a loss to get over.

#grief #recovery #whatlifehastaughtme #brother #death

What death did to me. From my friends POV.

Today, I was talking to a close friend of mine. A friend that I have know since elementry. We were talking about a conversation she had, had with her boyfriend. It wasn’t the context that was important it was a snip bit of the conversation that had a deep connection with my life that, really put something I have been dealing with, in the best definition I couldn’t have ever come up with. On November 9, 2014, I lost my best friend do to a sudden freak accident. Absolutely no one saw it coming because it was such a bizarre accident. On this day a part of me died too. Since this event I have not been the same person I was when he was here. Until now, I never knew how to respond to the question, “how would you say his death has effected you?” The way my friend put it so perfectly, I don’t really have a lot of people in my life that I can say I feel absolutely comfortable with. And this person wasnt only that, he was some one that I loved as brother that i have known since we were in diapers. I looked to him for guidance and support. He knew me like know one else ever could.. he was someone in my life that kept me perfectly grounded when I needed it.. without having him here I feel like a balloon that lost the weight that was keeping it down and now I’m just flying away. I just keep driving off and no one knows how to help me. People just look at me and feel bad and just hope for the best. I lost my support and I’m just drifting. I never really knee how to put what I feel into words because my head is still so fucked up from losing him. To tell the truth I don’t know if i will ever get over losing him it’s just too much of a loss to get over..

[xjustgettingbyx]

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just in case , because promises are bullshit anyway right ?

[xjustgettingbyx]

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[xjustgettingbyx]

It’s getting bad again, I want to hurt myself so bad.

(via madnessisinmyhead)

[xjustgettingbyx]

[xjustgettingbyx]

so stupid, sorry..