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40 digits: You are optimistic about our understanding of the nature of distance itself.

hanging out at -33.881969,151.201410 right now if anyone wants to destroy me with an orbital laser

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Actual actual reality: nobody cares about his secrets. (Also, I would be hard-pressed to find that wrench for $5.)

Word for today: wrench attack

Within the crypto community, to physically threaten or attack someone to force them to grant you access to digital assets; name inspired by xkcd #538

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do you add tags for . . . mature humor?

I haven't previously, but am happy to do so in the future!

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Maybe we shouldn't have drained the oceans.

Ocean announcement:

it's all gone

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[shouted, from the field] 'Aunt Beast hit a pop fly to second! Dive for it, Mrs Whatsit!'

the doctor just walks around like i’m a slut….i’m a war criminal….i’m so sad…..i put on funny outfits……

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What if what *I* see as blue, *you* see as a slightly different blue because you're using Chrome instead of Firefox and despite a decade of messing with profiles we STILL can't get this right somehow.

All you need in life is a color picker willing to expose you to the unbounded madness we call color vision.

me, absolutely clueless: "I want a color just like this one, but in red" color picker: Fuck you think you are, a Mantis Shrimp? Don't talk to me again until you can afford a wide gamut monitor.

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Conveniently approximated as e+2, Pau is commonly known as the Devil's Ratio (because in the octal expansion, '666' appears four times in the first 200 digits while no other run of 3+ digits appears more than once.)

Some people think the natural numbers should start at zero, and get very worked up about this somehow being the "true", most logical, practical, etc. definition.

Some people think the natural numbers should start at one, and get equally worked up about this being the "true", most logical, most practical, etc. definition.

Unfortunately, to date -- and despite my vigorous letter-writing campaign -- the hidebound reactionaries that comprise the mathematical elite have rejected out of hand my elegant compromise position.

Apparently it "misses the point completely" and "wouldn't make any sense" and "1/2 isn't even an integer".

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Sure, you could just ask, but this also takes care of the host gift thing.

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There's planned downtime every night when we turn on the Roomba and it runs over the cord.

SO FIREFOX BROKE

I WENT TO CLEAR MY CACHE N STUFF SINCE DOWNLOADS WERE BEING SLOW AND FIREFOX SAYS MY COOKIES TAKE UP

17,179,869,185 GB

THAT'S LIKE 17 TIMES THE ENTIRE FUCKING INTERNET WHAT DID I DO WHAT HAPPENED

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I understand large sample sizes are key to a low standard error of the mean, but the entire sophomore class?

My wife asked me whether I experimented with sex and drugs when I was in high school.

I said, “Yes, but I was part of the control group.”

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It's nice to see you back 💙

Thank you, it's nice to be back 🧡

I recently changed teams at work and the difference it's made in my life has been tremendous, and I'm very glad to be able to get back to the important things in life, like responding to random tumblr posts with xkcd comics!

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Hi! Someone call for me? I'm a superhero who specializes in the study of God's creation of Man in the Book of Genesi-- HOLY SHIT A GIANT BUG!

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I have never been as self-conscious about my handwriting as when I was inking in the caption for this comic.

This tattoo is very funny when you know that kerning is the fancy term for the space between letters. Very important in text design to get it right.

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Wikipedia path: Virus -> Immune system -> Innate immune system -> Parasites -> List of parasites of humans -> Naegleria fowleri -> Primary amoebic meningoencephalitis -> Deciding I DEFINITELY shouldn't connect an aquarium pump to my sinuses

i have a runny nose so im gonna stop by the pharmacy and pick up a curved greatsword to behead myself with

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Her daughter is named Help I'm trapped in a driver's license factory.

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FYI, it turns out "...because I haven't figured out whether he would be my brother-in-law or not" does NOT qualify as a "reason why these two should not be wed."

I am searching for a term that may not exist:

I have a husband

He has a brother, who is my brother-in-law

My brother-in-law has a wife. Now colloquially, she is my sister in law, but is there a distinction to indicate she is also my husband's sister-in-law and not his sister? Is she my sister-in-law-in-law? My sister twice removed?

This is not actually the term I'm after but it'll help.

My brother-in-law's wife has siblings. Who are they in relation to me? I see my sister-in-law-in-law's brother more than I see her, but is there a way to explain that he's family?

Now, the real term I'm after: my sister-in-law-in-law's brother has a daughter. Is she my niece? Second cousin some degree removed??

Like, kinship trees vary wildly by culture, but I feel like there might be terms for these by-marriage relatives from inheritance law or something?

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'The sad thing is that I just wanted to talk about your poor smoke-bomb techniques.'

I don't fuck w nerds, the moment I can smell lore correction coming I'm like "Oh Neptune" and I gotta call my mom and ask her to pick me up

If I'm like "I really liked the scene where Gandalf learns the truth about the Ring in the first movie" and someone's like "Oh you mean when he was in Minas Tirith, originally known as Minas Anor when it was first built in the Third Age?" I am pulling the nearest fire alarm