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I feel like I can’t say what I want anymore. Whether it be to preserve someone’s feelings or to keep peace among friends. And it wasn’t always like this. For someone reason, any argument I have, today, is taken so personally, like I’m calling them stupid. This may be my tone or eye contact or anything, but NO ONE SPEAKS UP. IF I’M BEING WEIRD TELL ME YO. WTF IS THE POINT OF STARING AT ME WITH THIS WEAK ASS SIDE EYE WHEN YOU CAN STOP ME FROM BEING WEIRD WITH YOUR WORDS MAN? And then when I don’t care and just decide to be quiet, then its I’m being an asshole and not talking or I’m being trippy and crazy. NIGGA I DON’T CARE. IF YOU WANT TO BE QUIET COOL. I’M DOWN. LET ME BE QUIET AND ON MY PHONE THEN. AND WHEN YOU WANNA TALK SAY SOMETHING TO A NIGGA. ARE WAITING FOR ME TO TALK? CAUSE I GOT NOTHING TO SAY JUST LIKE YOU. But alas, I turn around to see what’s up, and their either staring at me just itching for a response or pouting on their phones because I was too busy doing wtf I was doing to drop everything to hear them make a joke that’s either random and barely funny or gets a chuckle and then I continue what I was doing. AND WHEN I WANT TO TALK EVERYONE IS QUIET. I SAY SOMETHING AND EVERYONE STAYS ON THEIR PHONE AND DOESN’T PAY ANY ATTENTION AND DISMISS WHAT I’M SAYING IN THE MIDDLE OF A CONVERSATION. SO SUCK MY FUCKING DICK. I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL. It’s hard for me to be mean because I’ve ALWAYS been so nice to everyone and put people before me. No more yo. Not with people who don’t care about me, talk shit about me behind my back, don’t listen to me but get mad when I don’t listen, or people that don’t understand we don’t have to agree on everything. I just hate the people I surrounded myself with. I wish I knew how to not care like before and make excuses for everyone but I’m over that. Too much work.
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BUT IDK WHY THAT'S HAPPENING. I'M TRYING YO. I'M TRYING TO FIX IT. I'M TRYING TO FIX EVERYTHING. I JUST WANNA HELP AND BE HELPED.
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And I wish they'd just embrace the new me but maybe it has to do with the eyes too.
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I feel right when I go out in the world and act like myself, but for some reason my friends see a new me.
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What happened to everyone and everything. I miss everyone so much. Including old me.
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I need 380 dollars by a week from today and I have no clue how to do it my nigga.
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I can't remember how to act. I feel like I'm acting normal but people don't talk to me the same. And I don't either. I can't look anyone in the eyes anymore without forcing myself to.
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I just want to go back to how it was. Idk how any of this happened. One day I was old me and the next, I can't remember.
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I love everyone❤❤❤ I just get upset sometimes about the bad things in life but as soon as I think of the good things life becomes so perfect because of it's ups and it's downs. I'm high and lost my train of thought haha. I could go on without the anxiety but I'm working on it lol. Love y'all
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Rereading these and wondering the difference between rambling and just being insane lol
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