xmoondropx - Tumblr blog

[xmoondropx]

a small crack can still be mended by being reminded about everything that happened from the start.

[xmoondropx]

does my heart really feels heavy, or maybe it’s the lack of sleep due to anxiety

[xmoondropx]

Last year I cried so hard because I badly wanted to die before 2020 ended. I imagined 2020 as a person, or maybe a grim reaper.

I begged last year to take me with him before he left. I wanted him to take the blame once I left my friends. The fact that I am to live for another year hurts my heart so much. I was so scared, scared of what the New Year will give me. Scared that I'll only waste another year of my worthless life. 

And now here I am at the end of 2021. Another unproductive year I regret. Well despite that, you, 2021, gave me a gift. A very special gift that will make me want to live for the next years. Guess you read my letter to 2020 huh? Thank you. Thank you for him. 

It felt like you 2021 went too fast, but the days seemed longer. Makes me wonder how it is possible to feel like time was both fast and slow at once. 

Last year I was begging, and now, I am grateful despite the yearly ache I feel in my heart every time a new year comes. Still full of fears, still broken, but at least I now have a partner. I may have broken some promises, but I do hope I'll have more self control next year. 

I want to change. I want to be a better person. I want to grow. Not only for myself, but for my partner as well. I hope 2022 will be kinder. 

Bye 2021, tell your friend 2020 that I'm not yet joining the both of you. I found someone to celebrate the future new years with. Tell 2020, that I am now thankful he didn't take me with him, and I'm sorry for being mean. 

here I am greeting the new year, with something to look forward to

my heart still aches, but I now have a strong desire to change.

[xmoondropx]

it's painful to be someone's strength when you're breaking down yourself

[xmoondropx]

How is it possible that I fell in love despite not knowing how to love myself?

[xmoondropx]

Ever since I can remember, I've always been asking for permission

And now that I fell in love, I feel like I still have to ask if it's okay to be in love.

[xmoondropx]

I got used to the cycle and learned to be fine about not being okay.

[xmoondropx]

It's not that I don't know how to depend or need someone

I'm just afraid to get to a point where I can't do it anymore,

and i’ll be left alone..broken than before

[xmoondropx]

Ever get days when u don't want to feel loved?

[xmoondropx]

Do you know how much it hurts, to celebrate something you hated most, every fucking year?

happy birthday self

[xmoondropx]

Sometimes I wonder if I am truly capable of loving someone romantically

[xmoondropx]

Scared to love for i might be too broken inside, and i have no love left in my heart.

[xmoondropx]

‘I love you’

What's so special about these three overused words? 

Even though I write them down to my friends, I don't think I have personally uttered those words to them, for I have my own ways of showing how much I love them.

I don't like cliché things or stuff that most people use or do. I always find myself creating or thinking of something else, something that only myself or at least only a few people will choose. I always want something unique, because that's what makes things more genuine for me. 

[xmoondropx]

Acceptance is a key, to what door exactly? 

Acceptance doesn’t always make us feel complete. It can be a solution, but sometimes it takes something away. There’s always something to be sacrificed even with a simple wish, like peace of mind. 

[xmoondropx]

The art of forging emotions

[xmoondropx]

I am suffering right in front of them

But they see nothing

[xmoondropx]

When you're on the verge of giving up..

But there's someone you don't want to leave behind