xokona - Tumblr blog

[xokona]

last night we were walking Kona after dinner. it was pitch black (because the sun now sets at, like, 4pm) and there are no street lights in our neighborhood. we take her on very short walks and when we were nearly home, we noticed our neighbor standing on the path to his front door with his dog. Kona is reactive to other dogs so while i was moving around her so i'd block her view of the dog, our neighbor yelled out "there was a bear following you back there!"

.....................................................

i'm sorry. WHAT.

i wish we had asked a follow-up question (back where? how close to us was it? how big was it? where did it come from????) but we were too freaked out to say anything other than thanks after he told us to be careful.

i know that bear attacks are v rare but Kona (as mentioned above) is reactive to most creatures so it is my literal nightmare to imagine her seeing a bear. and our yard is very tree-y with no fence.

we have decided to not walk her in the dark and when we take her out to go to the bathroom at night, just to make a ton of noise and check around the yard before we bring her out.

so please excuse me while i never leave my house again.

[xokona]

currently...

the lease for our rental in arlington ends on halloween. we haven't had any luck finding a new rental but it turns out it doesn't matter because B was offered a job at a vvv large tech company in Redmond. the pay is WAY better but it's for an 18 month contract unfortunately. he's decided to take it because 18 months is a long enough time that he can start looking for another job at the one year mark. and, like i mentioned, the pay is WAAAAY better. plus this company will look v good on his resume.

meanwhile we are still waiting for his renewed EAD card (his current EAD w/receipt extension expires in December) and we have to wait until late October to bug our lawyer about bugging the WA state senator (because that is apparently what it takes to get shit done???) so... let's hope that works out??????

i am absolutely fucking STOKED at the idea of living close to Seattle/my sister/friends/family/EVERYTHING. northern WA has been fine but we've basically been priced out of this area and were looking at rentals in Bellingham (so. far. north.) before this job offer.

in the meantime, we'll try and find a place closer to B's new job but will likely have to move back in with my parents for a hot second.

when it rains, it pours eh?

[xokona]

on my mind:

this pandemic continues to be the worst. we're approaching two years since we moved to the states and have no idea when we will ever be able to visit Australia. between Australia's mandatory hotel quarantine combined with B's small amount of time off - it just doesn't make sense right now. i know he's hanging in there, but i really feel for him and his parents. and also i fucking miss Melbourne and want to visit, like, yesterday.

our lease is up at the end of October. keeping my fingers & toes crossed that we can find a new place with a lease that begins early to mid-October... that accepts "dangerous breeds." six month leases are the fucking worst... although i'm not super upset about having to move out of this townhouse - there are a lot of annoying quirks that i won't miss.

B's immigration status. it's been *ONE YEAR* since B's visa application moved to the "ready to schedule interview" stage. our immigration lawyer is confident that his interview will be scheduled soon... which i fucking hope is true because B's work authorization card expires at the end of December. we've been waiting since February to receive his updated work auth card. this shit is literally the worst and covid has made it unbearable. not me panicking about if we sign a year long lease in October/November and then B has to quit his job because of this fucking immigration bullshit...

i'm proud of myself because i've been consistently running three times a week for over a month now. we bought a treadmill which i love. i'm contemplating signing up for my hometown's Turkey Trot 5K ... who knows if that will actually happen but i used to love running that annually.

it's been over a month since i started my new job. so far, so good? it's been an adjustment and i still hardly feel like i know what i'm doing (remote work + hard to reach boss). but overall, choosing a job that i can work from home (and only work Monday to Thursday) was a great decision.

i got to get out of the house a couple of times this month - my best friend is getting married next year and i got to see her try on wedding dresses. we also got ice cream from Salt & Straw - i tried the blackberry birthday cake flavor and it was DIVINE.

i got sick after the above outing. tested negative for covid, and luckily only felt shitty for a few days. i haven't been sick since Jan 2020 (when my entire family was sick and we now suspect that we possibly had covid) so it was not a fun experience.

my sister moved up to Bothell and we got to spend the night at her new place. it's ginormous with the tallest ceilings. PLUS they have a hot tub. and an amazing sushi place less than 10 minutes away.

B and i are starting to seriously think about buying a house??? maybe??? i know nothing about the house buying process except that it's a sellers market and house prices up here are astronomically high but it's something that we have been on-and-off talking about for a bit (because we *hate* renting) so once we figure out our next rental, we'll probably start doing some serious research.

[xokona]

lots of change since i last posted. B and i moved into a townhouse an hour north of Seattle. we're settling in slowly - still lacking any sort of furniture besides our (new and !king sized! bed) and desks. we ordered a couch and dining table set from Wayfair which are still so far off from being delivered (couch: May 19 - May 26, table set: said it was going to be delivered yesterday... was not delivered yesterday, now ETA is May 10th????) so we've been eating off of an empty box that our vacuum came in and watching tv on the floor. our family dog Sherlock passed away suddenly a couple of weeks ago (i'm still so fucking sad that he's gone). i got my 1st dose (moderna baby). Kona's splenectomy left us with inconclusive results unless we wanted to pay an additional $500+ for more testing of her spleen (that may not even give us conclusive results)... after already paying $3K. so we opted out of doing that. from the results we did receive, it looks like the mass was NOT a super deadly cancer... but we don’t know for sure (without paying that additional fee). she is on daily pain medication but otherwise doing fine. the hair that was shaved on her belly/around the surgery site isn't growing back and the surgery site itself is still healing. she also lost a tooth randomly? but it was fine? i think B and i, for now, are just trying to keep her comfortable and happy as much as we can because she theoretically has at least one form of cancer (her axiliary lymph node was poked with a needle and came back showing caricinoma cells) while also having another mass in her rectum and not 100% knowing what the mass in her spleen even was. it's been A LOT but we are trying to enjoy our time with Kona while we have it and avoid any other surgical procedures because your girl has already been through so much. completely unrelated but one of my best friends asked if i would be her bridesmaid at her wedding next year (YES!). i'm currently waiting to apply for jobs until we have a 2nd car. i've gained about 5-7 pounds since quitting my job. trying to work on that/my fitness/my mental health. tried Taco Bell for the first time. started playing Outer Wilds and Valheim. started watching Watchmen. just finished Maybe You Should Talk To Someone. just started How Not to Die. in general, feeling very lonely (no car + nowhere close by to walk to) but also don't remember how to blog or anything so ?here we are?? hopefully i will start to post more regularly???

[xokona]

the Good:

today marks one week since Kona's splenectomy. she's healing really well. excited for her to reach 10 days so she can jump up on furniture again (something she's really been missing).

called the vet this morning to ask about the results from her surgery. the vet will call back sometime today to discuss (i've been putting this off for a couple days because #stress)

tracked everything i ate yesterday.

cooked a healthy breakfast.

caught up on my One Line A Day journal (was 2+ weeks behind).

deleted Instagram.

been enjoying Killing Eve. B and i watched Kong vs Godzilla on HBO which was also enjoyable in that sort of way.

read 3 books in the last two weeks.

B and my sister both got the first dose of the vaccine.

joined a weight loss challenge on reddit as a way to have some outer accountability.

the Bad:

in general, i've been eating soooo poorly the last 2+ weeks. i keep TRYING to do better but by ~5PM i've usually given up. probably gained 3-5 pounds since quitting my job.

up 4 pounds since last week's Weigh In Wednesday.

so lazy. so unmotivated. so stressed about Kona. wah.

all of the spaces i regularly occupy are a mess (a reflection of my brain).

the To Do:

workout. ✅

track what i eat for today (hopefully will be better than yesterday, but track no matter what). ✅

shower. ✅

wash bath mats. vacuum bathroom. clean toilet/mirror/sink. - nope, maybe tomorrow.

[xokona]

cinematic parallels: tumblr somehow becoming one of the most bearable social media platforms in 2020/2021, and that speed skater who made it to the olympics because everyone else fell over

[xokona]

today is day 1 of unemployment. my last day was on Friday. a half hour before clocking off, my replacement had a major temper tantrum and was so! rude! to me - i couldn't believe it. i had such a good day too so it was a shame that it had to end that way. *BUT* it's over. not my problem. and i'm done.

over the weekend, B and i signed a lease for a townhouse up in Arlington. the only bummer is that it's a 6 month lease (the owner plans on moving back into the townhouse around that time) but we are so happy to have found something. between owning an "aggressive/dangerous breed" dog, lacking American rental history, and short American career history - we were seriously stressing that we would ever be able to find a place. move-in date is April 15th so it'll be a little under a month more of hotel-living for B.

tomorrow i'll be taking Kona to a vet that specializes in oncology. they were able to fit us in pretty quickly which is nice. i'm expecting they will suggest a CT scan (which we'd like to do) but i'm nervous about what else they may find. only time will tell. luckily, Kona has been acting normal so the last week or so i've been feeling much less ~emotional~ about everything. i imagine tomorrow may change that.

anyway.

goals for this period of unemployment:

go through & organize all of my stuff currently stored at my parents' house

update my resume

start focusing on my health/ideally lose some weight via calorie counting and meal planning

run 3x week, try weight training 1x week?

maybe try writing for fun again?

a tentative list for now, but i'm hoping to be posting more often!

[xokona]

wake up, cry, eat breakfast & drink coffee, cry, run errands, wash dog, cry, look at real estate, workout to try and cope (& cry in the middle of it), lay on the floor to cool down, cry.

[xokona]

gave my 2 weeks notice today. didn’t die (despite what my brain thought was going to happen ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ).

so excited for the next step!

[xokona]

today is day 2 of a Small Change within a Big Life Change. after over 4 months of searching and a year of unemployment, B got a job that’s 2.5 hours away from my parents’ house (where we’ve been living the past year+) and his first day was yesterday. he’s staying up in that area in a hotel for the week and then will drive back down for the weekend. we’re hoping to find a place to rent soon but realistically it probably won’t be until april. i’m feeling v overwhelmed about the whole rental process here and if we’re going to have much luck, given that we own a large dog... and have no knowledge of the cities/towns north of Seattle. 

tomorrow marks 6 months at my current job. i will hopefully give my 2 weeks notice sometime this month. i’m still trying to decide when would be the right time for that.

overall i’m doing okay??? before B left yesterday morning, i was a bit of a mess but i’m adjusting now that he’s gone. i’m trying to set some new habits in place (mostly eating healthier) along with some good existing habits (been C25King for a couple months now). i’m mostly lonely and honestly ready to move on from this stage in my life. it’s nice to have two incomes for the time being but i’d really like to stay with B in a hotel/airbnb during one of the upcoming weeks so i could try and explore the surrounding areas.

[xokona]

Jan 05/06

First day only going on a 10 minute walk. Could be worse, at least I still got out there. Anxiety is still up but not as high as earlier in the week. It helps that today is Thursday which means tomorrow is Friday which means weekend is so soon. 🙏

[xokona]

Jan 03/04

I’m experiencing some pretty bad anxiety, all related to work and (shit that I can’t control) life stuff and I’m having a hard time managing that. It might be time to seek out help from a therapist. At least I’m keeping on top of these new habits, even if just barely.

Good things: new movies, Stardew, breaks from the rain, cuddles in bed, & being tired enough from the day to sleep soundly through the night.

[xokona]

Jan 01/02

Read for 21 minutes, walked for 20 minutes, counted calories (even if what I ate was FAR from ideal). Also watched a movie, dropped off DVDs at the library, grocery shopped, played Stardew with friends (#ThingsThatBringMeJoy), drank a lot of coffee, and washed &folded laundry, 

[xokona]

21 For 2021

1. Run a 5K straight 2. Read 30 books 3. Learn how to use eyeliner 4. Complete a Sims 4 Legacy Challenge 5. Celebrate all of our anniversaries 6. Watch 50 new movies 7. Cook 10 new recipes from Smitten Kitchen cookbook 8. Go to the dentist 9. Establish care with a PCP 10. Get a new credit card 11. Go on another staycation 12. Get the covid vaccine 13. Watch the Kraken play 14. Read 21 minutes a day 15. Walk 20 minutes a day 16. Listen to 12 new albums 17. Track spending using Google spreadsheet 18. Film one second every day 19. Update  resume 20. Start learning to play the piano 21. Move out

[xokona]

WIW Week 15

SW: 209 Wk 14: 202.8 CW: 204.2 GW: <200

Not a great weigh-in but also trying to only take it with a grain of salt. My sister was visiting over the weekend so I was a bit more lenient with food + my period is about to start. I’ve been back on track so far this week and hoping to continue through the weekend.

[xokona]

WIW Week 14

SW: 209 Wk 13: 203.4 CW: 202.8 GW: <200

Not at all unhappy with my baby loss this week. We’re over halfway through October and I’m loving the downward progress I’ve been having! Slow and steady, baby. I’m coming for you, onederland.

[xokona]

WIW Week 13

SW: 209 Wk 12: 204.2 CW: 203.4    GW: <200

A little loss this week, probably attributed to my period ending. 

In other news, I slept so poorly last night and have no idea how I am going to get through this workday. ‘-_-