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My POV

I began to tell him my Story

" Lonely….Honestly I feel lonely. I lived in a house with  someone but I felt secluded. I always felt as if I didn’t fit in not at home but in life... im trying to figure out if some of this is truly my own fault. Sometimes I purposely seclude myself from others. It’s some weird thing about me I really don’t know what it is… It seems as if when im around people I feel crowded and then when in alone I feel like im the only living thing on the earth. I never really felt this unconditional love from someone else, that why I never express it towards people. It hard for me to show my feelings and show who I truly am. Honestly I am really sensitive but I try to hide it. Im Afraid. You might think of what. Im just afraid….I honestly don’t know of what…I guess you could say I am afraid of the thought of people taking advantage of me. I always was the girl who stuck up for herself and spoke her mind. But at the same time I wasn’t. I was scared at the thought of me constantly living the life that I lived then. I didn’t want to continue living a life were I feel like im constantly being taken advantage of. I felt like I gave way more than I geo… If I got any at that…I hated the fact that I'd go to school 24/7 and smile like I didn’t cry my eyes out the night before….I hated the fact that no one truly knew me but constantly judged me…I hate the fact that im so insecure… I wish I felt confident and beautiful and didn’t care what people say about me…But I just can’t…It didn’t help in elementary school when this one boy change my life forever and called me one word…FAT… It hurts even more to know that I know him to this day and he doesn’t remember…But I do…I will never forget…That was a happy day I just graduated from elementary and was about to go on to middle school…I was happy until he opened his mouth….People tried comforting me and I smiled at the gesture…but deep down inside I was hurt…It was the first scar I had ever received… I remember trying to change each year as I progressed throughout school…I didn’t try to change for me I tried to change so people would like and accept me…I was wrong…It seemed like not matter what I did no one cared…I gues you can sayI wanted certain "people" to look at me....I wanted a intimate relationship with a guy…No Not in the sexual way…But in a way were I could connect with “him” on a different level than anyone else…Of course that didn’t happen though…im 17 now and a Senior in high school…Never been kissed….Never had a Boyfriend…And Never have truly known if anyone has had feelings for me…I was that lonely girl…That had nobody but herself…I’ve thought about suicide….I questioned myself and thought was this life even worth living…Why was I brought in this world to live a life like this…What could I possibly have done to be so ugly and worthless to society…I thought down on myself…and this was only 7th grade…I didn’t attempt anything and I shoved the thought out of my head and moved on with life…But that little thought in the back of my head still remains there to this day…In 9th grade I wanted to see what cutting felt like…I remember taking a paper clip and holding it to my wrist thinking am I really going to do this…I remember the feel when the paper clip collided with my skin…The sharp pointed edge slowly scraping away at my skin….I didn’t do it for long…Only a few seconds.. The pain was unbearable and I just couldn’t do it….To this day there remains a little scar on my wrist were I did it…not big just a little scrap…That was my Second Scar…I didn’t know how I was going to get through high school walking into it… I was scared honestly I still tried to change my ways and look different… I started wearing makeup and changed up my clothes to see if I could get just the least bit of attention. Did I? No…It didn’t work…I tried befriending people I usually wouldn’t befriend to see if that would help…But it didn’t…I honestly felt as if I was at the end of the road…So I Quit…I started to not care anymore I stuck with my friends I had …But it felt as if I was starting to slowly separate from them…I started staying at home more and didn’t hang out as much….Eventualy we did i no longer had friends...I just wasn’t in the mood for them…Its now senior year and I wanted to change this time but really change for me…So I did…But there’s always that voice in the back of my head telling me I can’t do it…. I guess you can say that that’s My Story…That’s who I am and what I’ve been through "

He stared at me in aww and hugged me tight not letting go...and for some reason i didnt want him to....For once in my life there was someone here when i needed them the most...And it was Jacob

[xominniexo-blog]

MB Story: Shine [Chapter 7]

it was the one the only AFRO PUFF!!! i looked over at a smirking puffball and walked away into the house...I set my bag down on the counter and walked into the kitchen and grabbed an apple...I ran upstairs and sat down on my couch leaning against my window...I sat down and stared outside for a second just as i was about to turn around i noticed this Puffy headed negros room was across from mine....I looked at him and he smirked at me i shook my head and closed the curtain...I went into my closet and grabbed some PINK black sweats and a black tank with my white and black slipper boots....I layed back on my bed and watched a little TV...I felt my phone vibrating and noticed it was a call from my Afro Puff...

Me: Chello

Jacob: Hola mami

Me: Afro Puff

Jacob: lol what are you doing

Me: Watching TV

Jacob: oh cool

it was silent for a second and the i spoke

Me: Why didnt you just txt me if you gonnna be all queit

Jacob: Because i need to here your voice

Me: Whyyy

Jacob: Becauseee

Me: Becauseee whattt

Jacob: I just wanted to okk!

Me: haha ok

Jacob: so i was wondering could i come over

Me: What for?

Jacob: To chill ya know get to know you

Me: Hmmm...

Jacob: Pweaseeeeee!!

he said it in the cutest baby accent i could resist

Me: Fine

Jacob: Yess!! come open the door

Me: Oh so you just knew i was going to say yes

Jacob: umm Kinda

Me: hah i should leave you down there

Jacob: Nononono i meant i was hoping you would say yes

Me: haha uh huh sure

Jacob: lol hang up boo

And with that we hung up

I swung the door open and there stood a tall yellow boy

Me: How may i help you

Jacob: hah oh shush

he pushed pass me and entered my house

Me: well i dont appreaciate you barging in my house young man

Jacob: aww i sowwy baby

he said coming to wrap his hands around my waist before he did i backed away and walked up the stairs say

Me: Swerve!!

Jacob: oh come on!

I could here his heavy foot steps following me up the stairs into my room we both sat down on the bed and began to talk...

We talked for a hour about random crap...We didnt even "get to know" eachother like he said...

Me: What happened to getting to know me

i said lying against my giant blue pillow

Jacob: your right....Soo tell me your story

Me: What do you mean?

Jacob: Tell me about yourself...about your life

i sat up uncomfortably and looked at him

Me: My whole life

Jacob: Yep

he said smiling at me

Me: are you sure

Jacob: Yup the whole thing

i sighed and then spoke

Me: ok

[xominniexo-blog]

MB Princeton Story:Shine 6

Did i want to be His?

Was the real question i mean in all reality we just met today...Like TODAY!! Who the hell falls for a boy in a day...wellll..i do know some people who have...i mean when i first laid eyes on chris brown and tyga lawdd!! but that's a whole different story...I guess i could rephrase it...I guess a better way would be who gets in a relationship after knowing eachother for one day...Not Me!! I mean it makes you look bad...like the first thing you think of when you see a realtionship happen to fast is probably not the best thing floating around in your head...I mean i know im making this whole change and everything but there's still a little piece of the old jonessa that's insecure...I think the best thing to do its get to know him a little bit better...for some reason i feel like he's going to try to rush "US"...he just seems like that type of guy...I guess a fiesty type...Someone who had there eyes set on one thing and one thing only...ME

I felt a shake and realized it was Jazz telling me it was time to go....We walked to class but everything after that was a blur...I waved goodbye and walked over to my car...I saw Jacob from a far hoping in a car with someone...He looked over at me flashed a smile then dissapeared... I chuckled shaking my head and pulled off... I had a whole hour in a half to do something before i really had to settle down and do school work...I mean for goodness sake it was only 2:00 pm... I drove around town a little listening to tyga...I decided to head back home to change into something a little more comfortable...I turned around and into my neighborhood....I noticed a car behind me but paid no mind to it...i was still driving and yet the same car kept following me...I started to get scared....I lossened up a little when i pulled into my drive way and noticed the car passing me...I hoped out only to see the car pulling into the houses driveway next to mine...I closed the door and glanced at the person who was getting out of the car...It was...It was

[xominniexo-blog]

MB Princeton Story: Shine 5

We walked into the cafeteria to see a wide variety of people sitting around...Now i know they say that highschool doesnt have "clicks" or seperate "groups" from all movies crap but honestly we do...I mean if you really think about it you sit with your freinds and they sit with theres...You communicate with people you relate to so it all just falls in to place..We walked in and sat at a empty table which was soon filled.. as i looked around at all the diffrent faces that sat down infront and around me i began to tense up..I knew no one...I turn back to Jessica as she gave me a reassuring look... I took a deep breath and started to relax...

I was introduced to a few people some i've seen around school.. I met Kim,Jennifer,Terrence and Nate who were close freinds with Jess...The whole time i was sitting there Terrance kept making googly eyes at me... I have to admit he was cute....He kept doing it until Jess opened her big mouth and said " Well damn Terrance how about you take a picture it last longer " which caused me to blush and him to look away..To get away from this awkward situation i told them i was going to buy a drink...I walked out into the hallway only to feel eyes glancing at my butt...Tsk Tsk Tsk these nasty boys

I walked up to the machine and was about to put change in when a hand slipped pass mine and entered a dollar into the machine...I turned around only to see my afro puff grinning down at me....

" Well Well Well if it isnt Afro Puff " I said while bending down to grab my drink

" Damn " I heard him silenty whisper as i bent over

" You know i heard that " I said standing up placing a hand on my hip

He laughed at me and looked away

" You know you didnt have to do that"

" Do what ? " he said raising a eyebrow

" Paying for my drink " I said shaking it around in his face

" hah i wanted to I have to keep my lady hydrated "

" Your lady ? "

" yup My Lady " he said moving his eyebrows up and down

" I am not your lady Boo Boo "

" Well you could be "

" Your gonna have to work harder than that if you want me to be your lady"

He chuckled then said " Well how about you let me take you out for ice cream then "

" Umm no " I said shaking my head

he frowned

" How about i Give you my number"

he grinned again 

" i guess that's a start "

i laughed and we exchanged numbers 

" Well Looks like i'll be giving a special someone a call tonight "

I rolled my eyes and walked away

" Hey! You will be my girl Someday "

I faced him and said " Oh really "

" yup" he laughed "Bye Boo" he blew me a kiss then ran off into the cafeteria

I blushed and then got my self together and walked into the cafeteria..I looked like a freaking tomato...And when i sat down Jessica eyeballed me down and mouthed to me what's up...I mouthed back i'll tell you later then sat back and thought back to what he said

" Hey! You will be my girl Someday "

[xominniexo-blog]

MB Princeton Story: Shine 4

I power walked or how i call it pratically ran down the hallway reaching my Chemistry class...I softly knocked on the door and waited for a response...Not even two seconds later a tall skinny lady opened the door...She was very pretty...She spoke in a very soft tone when she asked

" How may i help you "

 " Umm is this Mrs. Brooks Chemistry class "

" yes this is "

" Oh well its says im supposed to be in this class "

" Ok, well welcome im Mrs. Brooks as you can see and this is Chemistry bell 2 "

I smiled at her and we both walked in the classroom... I turned and looked up as i saw eyes staring at me...I got a little self concious

" Umm Take the seat in the back by Jessica, Jessica raise your hand please"

I saw a Medium toned girl raise her hand and smile at me... I walked over to where she was and placed my books on my desk...I was paying attention to the teacher when the girl jessica began to talk...

" Hey Im Jessica" she said

I turned to look at her and smiled

" Im Jonessa"

" You new here? "

" No i've always gone here"

" Really, I've never seen you around"

" Well i've kinda been living in the shadows "

" What do you mean by that exactly "

" Well see i didnt look like this last year, I was more of a tomboy than girly girl, I never wore pretty clothes or wore my hair out, I hid underneath the clothes i wore so i wouldnt be seen, I was shy and a little insecure, i've always been. I just decided this year to really come out and show a diffrent side to me, i wanted to have some fun, So i changed"

" Wow " she said with a shocked look

" yea i know, Now everyone's starting to recognize me, im not sure if i like the attention or despise it"

" You probably dont like it because your new to it, you'll probably like it later" she said shrugging

" Ehh, idk i really didnt change to be popular i just wanted to create a name for myself and not just be "That" girl, I really dont care about being popular and well known i just wanted to let loose and have a little fun, i changed the way look more for me i feel like it wouldnt be a new start without changing everything"

" Just dont change for the worse, Always Remember who you are and what your about, Dont let anyone change you"

I smiled at what she said because honestly that the best advice i've recieved ever

" Trust me i wont"

" You know Nessa your diffrent from a lot of girs i've met, You not the stuck up tight and you dont thrive for attention, you attitude is kinda like and i dont care attitude, Its cool to finally meet somebody like that for once, I cant stand half of these barbies in this school anyway, You  know your cool People"

Wait! Was that a way of her saying we were.....friends?

" Hah thanks "

Me and her talked for the rest of the block because Mrs. Brooks really didnt teach anything anway...Me and Jess Exchanged numbers and found out we have few classes together...The Bell Rung we walked out the class and to lunch...seems like this day just keep getting better and better and better...

I've Finally Made a friend

[xominniexo-blog]

MB Princeton Story: Shine 3

I turned my focus back towards the teacher and he just kept talking and talking and talking....Geeze he talks to much, he needs to be a english teacher rather than a Pysch teacher...When the Bell rung i picked up my books and rushed to my locker... I just dont understand why they thought it was cool to put my locker no where near my classes. When i reached my locker i opened it up and stuffed my things in there, this time all i needed was my purse and a slim baby blue binder.. as i reached to close my locker someone started talking to me..

" Mr. Munz talks alot doesnt he "

i closed my locker door and turned to them. It was the boy i bumped into this morning

" Hey your the guy from this morning "

" Haha yea"

" I didnt even notice you were in my class, i dont see why though look at all that hair" I laughed

" Haha yes i know i know "

" So i see we are locker buddies "

" locker Buddies ? " he asked while raising his eyebrow

" Yea our lockers are next to eachother which makes us locker buddies "

" hah ok "

i laughed at the little face he game me while saying that

" By the way im Jonessa"

" Jacob " he said shaking my hand

" Well Afro Puff Im going to head off to class Now"

I said while walking away

" Afro Puff? " he asked while laughing

I turned around walking backwards " Yup Afro Puff its my special nickname for you "

" Well seems like i have to come up with one for you Locker buddy"

" hah ok go right ahead, but for now im leaving dont want to be late"

He looked around and noticed no one was in the hallway, he quickly grabbed his books and closed his locker

" Well Bye Afro Puff"

He looked at me and said " Bye Insert Nick Name Here"

I laughed to hard when he said that, he smiled then winked at me while turning around and walking away. I blushed a little then headed off to class. Maybe this change was for the better. I was happy as ever when the bell rung. GREAT! Now im late for class.. Dammit

[xominniexo-blog]

MB Princeton Story: Shine 2

I walked downstairs to be greeted by my mom who was drinking coffee. I swear my mom is a coffeeholic,everytime i see her that all she's drinking. Yet she complains to me about why she's so short. I walked over to her kissed the top of her head and walked out the door, i was walking distance from the school so there was really no rush. I just admired everything, from the birds singing to the gently breeze that caused the brushling of the trees. I was kind of a nature person, i love to just sit outside in my back yard and gaze out a the lake. Its so peaceful, and dealing with a life like mine sometimes we need a spot we can go to . While i was walking to school i started second guessing did i really want all the attention i silently begging for. Am i ready to be in the spotlight or was i just in the jist of the moment.

I quietly debated with myself about he situation, when i accidently bumped into someone. I quickly turned around towards the figure

" Im so Sorry " i said

" oh its fine " he said smiling back at me

i did have to admit he was really cute,he walked away and hopped in a car with what i would think are some friends. I just shrugged and kept walking. I hadn't even realized that i was already at school. I sighed and walked up to the door,When i walked in Everybody looked at me as if i were new. I guess people aren't used to seeing me this way. As i walked through the hallways, i kept hearing people's whisper's.. I mean people were pratically piercing my soul with stares. Once i got to my locker i let out a sigh of relief. I opened it and placed all my things in there except my books i needed for class. I closed it shut and walked to 1st bell physchology with Mr. Munz. Ugh, i heard he was a drag, doesnt say or do anything fun, he was simply boring. I walked in to class and lucky there wern't but two people in there. I took my usual set all the way in the corner and watched as the class filled in.

Aniexty came over me once i realized that my class was full of jocks.. Great! that was the last thing i needed. Even though im trying to make this transformation im still focused on my school work. Jocks play to much during class and dont take hardly anything seriously, its hard to concentrate when someone's constantly attempting to make free throws in the trash can. I sat back in my chair and crossed my legs and listened as the teacher began to speak.

" Hello class i am Mrs. Munz , not like Buns, like Moonz"

" MOOOOOOOOOOOOOONZZ!!" some Guy yelled out

Of course everyone started laughing, but being the way Mr. Munz is he didnt find it very funny

" Keep on playing around Ray Ray and im going kick your butt to the Moon" He said

I smirked at his comment as Everyone else  started Ohhing, He just sat there and said whatever

" Now like i was saying class we are going to be exploring the human mind. The emotions it feels the...."

I blocked out him as he keep going on and on about all the diffrent parts things we are going to be doing this year...As i sat back i felt eyes staring at me... but when i turned around no one was looking...Hmmm I wonder what that was about

[xominniexo-blog]

MB Princeton Story: Shine 1

Have you ever just wanted to go out and explore the world and Just try something new? You ever feel like your life is being wasted ? Like your meantally and physical trapped in your own body/mind? like no matter what you do nothing could ever change for the better it always gets worse? Like you just want to run away and break free from life and just take a break? If you do....I know exactly how you feel

I've lived my whole life feeling trapped in a box..and for someone reason i was the one trapping myself inside..I spent countless hours up crashing for tests that wern't yet to come or just hiding from reality..You see i spent my Freshman,Sophmore and Junior year as the Quiet girl...That Girl who never talked . That Girl who always got good grades . That Girl who had No friends. Yep that was me... But that was the problem..to society i was just "That" Girl nothing more or less.

 No one knew who i was.. sometimes i liked that though, all the crap that goes around the school that i hear about other girls makes me happy no one knows about me, They put girls out there like its nothing. I just dont understand the whole pleasure in exposing buisness that's not yours, I guess people get a high out of it. I wanted to feel diffrent my Senior year though. I didnt want to be know as just "That" girl. I wanted to be Known as "That" Girl Jonessa Jones. A Loving, Fun and outgoing person. But there was a problem, I had No Friends, and no social status. So Technically i was starting from the bottom. It would take time to make friends so i just decided i would change my appearance. I traded in my glasses for contacts, My sweater for a black leather jacket, My old converse for black doc Martens, and My distressed jeans and beatles shirt for a form fitting floral dress. I left out my naturally curly hair and put on a little lip gloss.

I was determined to have fun and just let loose this year. i feel as if i've been taking life to seriously like i just need to loosen up a little. I was ready to change and make friends, i wanted to have someone there with me preparing for prom besides my mom. I wanted Go to Girls, i simply just wanted friends. I stared in the mirror and was in aww. I never really realized i had curves. i usually just wore jeans and baggy t-shirts. That was one of my techniques to blend or as i call it hide in the crowd. But his year i wanted to stand out. As i looked in the mirror i smiled at the thought and whispered to myself " This is my year to shine"