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I just don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel or process everything. I don’t want to break up. I mean, I do- but I don’t. This wasn’t how this 7 year relationship was supposed to go. I’ve tried everything. Am I making a mistake? Will I never find someone better? I wish he could be better. We just don’t fit anymore. I wish we could but I just don’t know if we ever will. This isn’t fair. And I’m not where I’m supposed to be. How am I even supposed to stand on my own? I can’t do this alone. I have no one. But myself. Is that enough? I’m scared. Really scared.
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This right fucking here!
we all broke our rules for someone and at the end they broke us
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I have 24 days to attempt to get somewhat of my dream body. I haven’t even weighted myself yet, I’m pretty scared to. I usually weight between 119-128.
My goal would be 114. 110 I would LOVE. But, idk of that’s possible. Assuming im 123, then I’d have to lose 9 pounds. Wow! That’s not tht bad!
I’m going on a family vacation and all i keep thinking is I do not want to ruin my time worrying about how fat or gross I look. How I can’t sit certain ways, move certain ways.
I just want to be free and have a great time. So I’m literally going to try and eat as little as possible. I didn’t really have anything yesterday other than a red Bull and coffee. And I’m trying for the same thing today.
I hope I have the strength to make it through. It’s like all I need is some self control for the next like 3 weeks and then I can legit just have fun while I’m there. Ugh I hope it all works out.
Actually scratch that, it totally will work out because there is no room for failure here. I know what I need to do, I know my time limit. And right now is not the time to come up with excuses or give myself slack. Just half a month really. I can do this. I will do this. I deserve to enjoy the remainder of summer. I deserve to be confident and feel good in my skin.
I will vow to try and take care of my body as much as I can, so that during this trip I’m glowing and full of life. I will spoil my skin and treat myself like a queen. Queens don’t binge eat and treat their bodies like garbage. They’re dainty, and sweet and move gracefully. They eat healthy, and look their best always. 👑
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This year is going to be different.
It’s 2021. I need to be better. In fact, I am better. I am the best I’ve ever been. Everything I want I already have. Anything I don’t have, is on its way to me. I am powerful and beautiful and fit. Healthy and glowing. I am a goddess. Strong and confident. I don’t need anyone but myself. I am enough. My body deserves this. It deserves to be nurtured and cared for the proper way. I live my life unapologetically and I do it in a way that benefits me and sets my soul on fire. I am capable of great things. I do great things. I am a great thing. I love me. I love my choices because whatever they are the outcome is always to my benefit. Growth is my benefit. Evolving is my benefit. Being myself is my benefit. I am all that I am, and that is exactly all I need to be. I am in the right mind, space, time, to be my best self. I am my best self. I am me.
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