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[xoxogosssipgirls]

[xoxogosssipgirls]

““How could you do something like that to a girl? How do you introduce her to your family and kiss her like you’ll never let her go? How do you go on dates and tell her good morning/night everyday? How do you tell her she’s beautiful and look at her like she’s the only thing in the world? How do you hold her hand and spin her around? How do you invite her over to watch movies and give her your sweater when she’s cold? How do you do all of that and then just leave? How do you do all that and not have it mean anything?””

—

[xoxogosssipgirls]

“He plays with you, but you’re in love. He will let you down and let you go home alone in the pouring rain in the middle of the night feeling miserable, and when you find yourself sitting on your bedroom floor at 3am you’ll wipe the mascara from your cheeks and drunkenly swear to yourself that you don’t want anything to do with him anymore; but then he will call you 2 days later saying he wants you around and it will be such a relief for you to finally hear from him. So you’ll drop your pride once again, you’ll wash your hair, shave your armpits and legs, wax your eyebrows, apply eyeshadow and red lipstick, do your nails, wear pretty clothes and perfume, then you’ll run to him with your eyes closed. Because you’ll get to spend some time with him, and for a few hours, it will nearly feel as though it meant something to him as well.”

— At least you can pretend

[xoxogosssipgirls]

“i’m asking her if they’re getting back together and she’s telling me it’s complicated and i’m cringing because i know what that feels like, it’s texting every second but only making subtle jabs at the things that matter and you’re ignoring every one of them but it’s not my place to be too forward, it’s you’re pretending you don’t hear me when i tell you i’m driving too fast again and you’re pretending you’re not killing me because it makes you feel better to know that this can be just casual and you’re pretending you’re not in love with me, it’s i know you fucking feel this too, there’s no way i’m the only one who can’t get over you, we’re both in love with each other but if there was such thing as the hardest lesson i’ve ever had to learn it’s that love just isn’t enough, it’s if this was a different place or a different time or a different life then yes, we would be together but it’s this life so no, we’re not, but i mean, we could be in the future, if i was a little better at regulating my emotions and you were a little better at revealing them, this could end up being nothing short of amazing, it’s sleeping over your house feeling so worth it until i leave with a half-assed hug and realizing i may mean a lot but i might as well mean nothing and they say our brains are wired to connect sex to love, so after it’s all over, i am ignoring you for weeks because i don’t want to fall back into this but i still remember how our bodies touched when it was all over and we both had to pull away from just grabbing each other in each others’ arms and it’s i love you but i can’t have you and i know i can’t have you but it feels better to pretend i can than to just give up because giving up means moving on and i’m not ready to do that yet, it’s you’re texting people when you’re with me and i can’t ask you who they are because you’d just lie, it’s i want you but i don’t trust you, it’s i want you but i deserve better, it’s i want you but i’ll settle for the parts of you that make me feel good because god knows when i expect too much out of you, you always let me down, it’s if we’re not together, you can never let me down, it’s i seriously deserve better but i’m not asking for too much and it’s possible for you to be everything i need but you’re just giving up”

— “it’s complicated”

[xoxogosssipgirls]

Blurb night ❤️

A/N: this one is completely unedited or proofread because it’s 00.35am here and I’m shattered haha! So excuse any typos! 😘

You whine as Niall slams into you again, his pace almost frantic.

It’s been nearly two months since you seen each other last, so the second he touched down back in London after his promo radio tour had ended, you knew you’d get a call. Your little “arrangement” had been serving you well, an ‘I’ll scratch your itch if you scratch mine’ kind of arrangement while both you were still single.

It was something that happened after a drunken night out ended up with a few more, probably (definitely) unnecessary drinks back at his. You ended up discussing your recent dry spell and when Niall cheekily suggested he helped you out…well, when an incredibly attractive Irishman extends such an offer, who are you to refuse? And it just never really stopped…

So that’s how you find yourself face down, arse up as he pounds into you from behind only hours after he had arrived home.

“Fuck I missed this” he pants as he buries himself into you again, one hand roaming round to circle at your clit making you cry out. You push yourself up into your hands, grasping onto the headboard for leverage as you push your hips back, meeting his thrusts. He lets out a loud groan as his thrusts still, letting you take over control. You move quickly, fucking back onto his hard cock at a dizzying pace. His hands keep a hold of your hips, biting at his bottom lip as his eyes stare intently at where he disappears into you.

You pull your hips forward and let him slip from you before shifting and pulling him down to lie on the bed,

“Wanna ride you” you gasp, throwing a leg over his thighs to straddle him. He holds his cock steady and you sink back down onto him, both of you letting out loud moans. You start a slow bounce on top of him, his hands coming up to grope roughly at your exposed breasts, twiddling your nipples between his thumb and forefingers.

You stop your bouncing and grind yourself down on him, rotating your hips making your clit catch on his public bone, the rough patch of hair creating a delicious amount of friction.

The fire in your belly is spreading wildly as Niall plants the soles of his feet into the mattress so he can fuck up into you as you start bouncing again. His hands dig into your hips, sure to leave bruises that will be visible the next morning but neither of you care,

“Not gonna last much longer” he pants, grunts and moans spilling from his mouth the closer he gets to releasing.

“So close Niall” you whine as one hand moves so he can rub tight, fast circles on your swollen clit.

His face screws up in pleasure as you bounce harder, clenching round him as his fingers tip you over the edge. A loud yell of his name pushes him over too and he holds your hips still against him as you both fill the hot sticky air with almost pornographic moans and curses. You slump against him as you come down from your high, your heart thumping against his as his arms hold you close to him.

You slide off him once your heart rate returns to normal, his arm automatically pulling you in to snuggle into his side.

Although you both know this is nothing more than a friends with benefits arrangement, it’s not unusual for you to spend the remainder of the night cuddled up under the duvet watching weird Netflix documentaries. It was probably the best part of the arrangement; not only did you get kind blowing sex but having been best friends for years before any of this started meant you were comfortable around each other and could also save each other from lonely nights spend by yourselves; wrapped in each other’s arms, laughing and kissing till you drifted off into a comfortable sleep.

[xoxogosssipgirls]

[xoxogosssipgirls]

“To everyone wondering if they will ever move on. Yes, you will. It will take you some time. By ‘some time’ I mean a long time. It won’t be easy. In fact, it will probably be the hardest thing you’ll have to go through. Moving on is messy. It is either being too happy or too sad at 3am. It is laughing till your stomach aches, or crying till there are no more tears to be cried and you just feel dead inside. Moving on is the shaking of your hands and the breaking of your voice when you realise that there will never be a them and you again. Moving on is wondering what you did wrong and why you just weren’t good enough for them. Moving on also means eating less and drinking more alcohol than you should. It also means stopping everything that you’re doing and thinking about them. Actually, you will think about them a lot. You will see their favourite restaurant and you will think of them. You will hear their favourite song and you will think of them. You will look at your coffee and the shade of brown will resemble the colour of their eyes. At one point they will be all you think about. It starts the moment you wake up and never ends because even in your dreams they will be haunting you. But one day you will wake up and you will feel okay. The next day you will feel more than just okay, you will be fine. You will think of them still, yes. But it’s going to be a different kind of thinking. It will be a “wherever they are, I hope that they are fine and happy” kind of thinking. You will have moved on. You will have survived this hell. You will slowly but surely forget them more and more each day, and forgetting will never have felt that sweet. But you have to let yourself hurt before you can heal, remember. To everyone wondering if they will ever move on, you will.”

— e.s. // to everyone wondering if they will ever move on.

[xoxogosssipgirls]

[xoxogosssipgirls]

Heartbreak never truly goes away. Eventually, you stop crying yourself to sleep and the self-blame will dim. The questions as to why you weren’t good enough along with all that lost time spent in the shower retracing your last conversation will also stop too. However, it will not be easy. You are still going to wake up with them in your mind for weeks to come and similarly, they will be all you can think about before you sleep. Heartbreak is a bit like love in that respect, you think about them constantly except the thoughts are painful this time around. Indeed, there are moments where you find shelter from these thoughts, a hot chocolate with a friend or an essay that requires your full attention. Your favourite song will come on but then that shuffled sad song will follow and trigger the thoughts all over again. This is inevitable so when it catches you off guard, let it all out. Do all you must to wash away the sadness. Call a friend, bake some cookies, go and lie on the floor with your dog and tell him you’re glad he wouldn’t ever hurt you like this. Your heart will miss them so much it will use any excuse to search for them. The same model car they have will drive by while you are laughing away with your friends and suddenly you cannot breathe. You might see someone with the same curly hair or the way the person sitting in front of you on the bus drums their fingers to a song will remind you of them. This too, is inevitable. Try to appreciate these small quirks because regardless of where you have ended up, these were once pieces of a puzzle that led to you falling in love and that is a beautiful thing. Most importantly of all, you are going to want to run to them. You are going to want to share your day- whether it be good or bad- purely out of habit. You will miss the way they told you terrible jokes or sent you pictures of your favourite breed dog just to bring a smile to your face for the first time that day. You will miss how excited they got when you were excited- how happy they got when you were happy. Allow yourself to grieve this absence but remind yourself that they aren’t the only person who would be willing to devote so much effort to cheering you up. Let your loved ones know you’re sad and soak in the warmth of their kind words.  And then, suddenly, a few weeks have passed and you think of them for the first time in three days and you realise that you are healing. You start to fill your time with people and things that make you happy. You suddenly crave adventure and new experiences and anything that makes you feel alive again. You stop beating yourself up and start to defend your corner like you are your own best friend. You put your hands up and admit your contribution to the downfall of it all but the difference is, you refuse to defend them any longer. You validate your pain and tell yourself that it is okay to hurt and that you just need time- the art of healing requires the same patience as a few broken bones. The bond with your friends will strengthen if you let them in- please let them in. Spend time with them and regularly express how much you appreciate them. Feel good about telling loved ones that you love them. Do not shy away from this term because your heart is broken. Please remind yourself that this is not the end for you. Do not console yourself with the whole there are other fish in the sea rubbish because I know that despite how much pain they have caused, you still want them and you will continue to want them for a very long time. Instead, console yourself with the thought that your heart may be in two right now but bones do that sometimes and with a little support, healing is inevitable. My darling, to break may not be beautiful while you’re going through it but it is, don’t you see? Even a glow stick has to crack to shine; think of how proud you will be when one day you can smile at yourself in the mirror and mean it again.

Heartbreak 101. (via velcroheartstrings)

[xoxogosssipgirls]

let the ink drip...

I still have a tendency to start writing about you and the pain you brought me, but it occurred to me today that I am tired of writing about you, thinking about you, entertaining you in my mind. I can’t wait to have someone else fill that place in my life, to take my hand as we walk down the street, to hold me at night and kiss my neck while saying goodnight. I will admit, I’m scared to get used to another person’s touch, their rhythm, and the whole process of getting familiar with them, but there is a silver lining to starting anew. I do not have to do this with you.

[xoxogosssipgirls]

[xoxogosssipgirls]

[xoxogosssipgirls]

[xoxogosssipgirls]

No Strings Attached (2011)

[xoxogosssipgirls]

We made it!

Hello omg i havent posted in sooo long im crying i just saw everything we put on here😭 we're so old now.. tell me why most of the posts were about love n mostly boys like we were only 13 back then😂😂😂 and now we're about to turn 18 in a couple of months. So weird.. but anyways, we're seniors now and its been a helllll of a year so far, winterball was just two days ago and mariah gmfu!!!!!! Hes so confusing idk what he wants tbh like am i just a game😩 Who knows, whatever happens, will happen for a reason lolz im just chillin. Hes so cute though but he said he wants to eat me tf outta here😭 boys r so lame & idk im just tryina live!!! (( 4 years later into hs and kaykilla is literally still the same person )) But enough about boyz, hs is halfway over and its a really bittersweet feeling. The three of us have done some crazy shit but im sure that we wont regret any of it. Im super thankful i still talk 2 my bffz & i know we're still gna be as close when we're super old with our husbands and kids laughing at the old memories that happened n all the fckboys who thought they were the shit. Senior year is almost over, but this is just the beginning of a lifetime💗😇 Xoxo, Kaykilla 💟 Ps nathan scott where the fck r u

[xoxogosssipgirls]

SENIOR YEAR BEGINS

IDK IF YALL GO ON THIS BUT HEY YALL :( SENIOR YEAR IS GONNA START IN ABOUT 3 WEEKS!! LIFE IS JUST SO DAMN CRAZY BC WE STARTED THIS 8TH GRADE AND NOW ITS THE LAST YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL😞 ILY GUYS

[xoxogosssipgirls]