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xoxokadyn-blog · 7 years ago

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The Ultimate Guide to Debbie Harry's Style

We've been breaking down our list of 16 classic fashion icons everyone should know. Last week, we covered Jackie O, the classiest fashionista in American history and a historical figure all her own! This week, we're completely mixing it up and covering a rock star rebel, Ms. Debbie Harry.

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Also known as the lead singer of Blondie, Debbie is a fantastic musician who has made waves in the music industry for decades. Her edgy, cool look has been the envy of many a rock star at heart.

To find out more about her early life, career as a musician, influence on modern fashion trends, and how you can copy her look, keep reading.

All About Debbie

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Debbie was born Angela Trimble in Miami, Florida in 1945. She was adopted as a baby and her parents renamed her Deborah Harry.

Her biological mother was a concert pianist, and as a kid, she sang in the church choir.

She has an Associate of Arts degree and worked as everything from a secretary for the BBC to a Playboy Bunny in her early years as a young woman.

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Before she started the famous rock band, Blondie, she broke into the music industry as a backup singer.

Blondie released two albums with moderate success before hitting it big with Parallel Lines. The record featured the track “Heart of Glass”, which is still one of their most popular tunes.

Debbie was a media sensation in the '70s and '80s. She was known for her wild, rock 'n' roll ways and made headlines for things like trashing dressing rooms and being spotted at the craziest parties. Of course, she pulled it all off since her band was such a success.

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Other massive Blondie hits include “Call Me” and “The Tide is High,” both off of the album American Gigolo.

Blondie broke up for a period of time, but Debbie continued her career as both a solo artist and an actress.

She's released five solo albums and starred in dozens of movies.

Debbie still makes music today, but is also an active philanthropist. She cites Elton John and his work fighting the HIV/AIDS crisis as her inspiration for getting more involved in charity work.

Fashion Inspired by Debbie Harry

Debbie is the ultimate it-girl of alternative style. With the new wave rock music Blondie put out, Debbie helped changed the face of women in music. Her aesthetic is something she still sports today and that today's rockers still copy all of the time. The "Blondie" look is nothing short of iconic!

She's the go-to if you're interested in late '70s or '80s fashion (that's not all about neon colors and leggings). From the leather jackets to the miniskirts to all of the thigh-high boots, Debbie's look twisted the boundaries of women's fashion. Her messy and slept-in stylings--think tousled hair and smoky eyes--created the original I-woke-up-like-this aesthetic. She's an inspiration to rebellious teens everywhere and the gold standard of tough-girl chic.

Thigh Highs

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Thigh-high boots are a Debbie must-have. They're sexy and dramatic, and when paired with something super-casual, like a shirtdress, they perfectly capture Debbie's messy, IDGAF attitude. They could also be paired with a cut-out dress or crop top and skirt for another going out or concert look. Debbie is rarely photographed in super-girly pieces. Her looks are bold, edgy, and flirty.

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Products: Boots - Charlotte Russe, Necklace - Target, Jacket - Forever 21, Dress - Missguided

Debbie usually went light on accessories. Her jewelry was pretty simple, and she let her bleached hair and bold makeup looks take over. It may be tempting to throw on your old spiky bracelet or finally get to wear that old checkerboard belt you've been waiting to bring back, but try to hold off! Instead, experiment with edgy makeup looks. Bold colors of eyeshadow or a classic smoky eye will work far better! When in doubt, just get a killer pair of sunglasses. The Blondie front-woman knew how to pull off the shades.

Bare Minimum

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Products: Shirt - Target, Sunglasses - American Eagle, Skirt - Forever 21, Shoes - Old Navy, Bag - American Eagle

There are so many amazing pictures of Debbie stunning in the simplest outfits. As an actual rock star, no one could work the classic rock look of a t-shirt and jeans like her. Her outfits were low-key, but something about being the lead singer of Blondie made her look like a superstar no matter what she wore! Still, Debbie knew how to spice things up.

She played with color, bright prints, and shapes, too. She'd sometimes trade in the usual jeans for a miniskirt and accentuate her legs with some hosiery. For added edge, try a pair of fishnets or seamed tights. Don't be afraid to throw in a pop of bright color, too.

Glam Rock

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Products: Dress - Forever 21, Tights - Macy's, Shoes - DSW, Necklace - New York & Company

But just because Debbie was a female rocker who often donned band shirts and jeans doesn't mean she never put together a show-stopping, glam look. Cut-out dresses and nontraditional shapes, like single-sleeves, were popular in the '80s because they were so new and modern. Debbie helped popularize the styles, and fortunately for us, they're still around today.

When channeling Debbie for a going out look, go wild. Debbie always did! There are not many events where fishnets and combat boots are super-appropriate during the day, so concerts and nights out are the perfect excuse to go a little crazy with '70s and '80s-inspired pieces.

Will you be channeling Debbie Harry?

Debbie is one of the coolest women around. A rock star, philanthropist, and female icon, there's so much about her to love!

Is it time to buy a new leather or denim jacket? Maybe we'll catch you bleaching your hair to match Blondie's? Or at least adding some Blondie to your playlists? Let us know in the comments!

An for more information on Debbie Harry, check out these great sources:

Biography.com Debbie Harry

Buzzfeed “14 Things You May Not Know About Blondie”

Hello! Magazine Deborah Harry - Biography

NME.com “25 Things You Never Knew About Blondie”

Wikipedia Debbie Harry

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xoxokadyn-blog · 7 years ago

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Some More Thoughts on Human APIs

An Idea Revisited

Last week, I wrote an article exploring the idea of using human APIs to optimize value production in knowledge work organizations. It generated fascinating discussion both in my email inbox and the post comment thread.

To help prod this discussion forward, I thought it might be useful if I try (not necessarily successfully) to respond to a few of the more common concerns I heard about the hAPI concept…

Concern #1: Human APIs would induce stultifying bureaucracy.

The idea of implementing strict routines for professional interaction conjures hellish images of TPS reports and forms filled out in triplicate.

This is a reasonable fear. To create a bureaucracy, however, requires more than just a commitment to systems, but also an obsession with these systems that becomes divorced from the actual objectives of the organization. This requires special circumstances, such as an organization becoming large and slow enough, with sparse enough competition, that it can support ranks of career bureaucrats without promptly going out of business.

It's perfectly consistent to imagine a firm that embraces the structure of hAPIs, but also maintains an obsessive focus on producing value, dynamically adjusting these protocols as needed whenever they notice undue friction or discover a more effective alternative.

Keep in mind, for example, that the original Ford assembly line was incredibly systematic and rigid as compared to their older method for building cars, but this structure yielded, at least at first, a much more profitable and dynamic company.

Concern #2: Human APIs would kill creativity.

It's commonly believed that creativity requires free-form discussion and thinking. Accordingly, too much structure around work processes would suppress this spark.

I think this concern is based on an overly-limited vision of hAPIs. One could imagine, for example, an hAPI that includes regular, unstructured, in-person discussions, or provides a clear mechanism for instigating a brainstorming session when inspiration strikes.

Nothing about the hAPI concept requires that communication be restricted to succinct, asynchronous, electronic missives. If anything, the exercise of understanding clearly what type of communication and coordination is most useful, and thinking about how to optimize this behavior, could help creative teams reach a new level of effectiveness.

Concern #3: Human APIs would limit human interaction (making everyone miserable).

Some fear that structuring communication would impede the casual conversation and serendipitous encounters that play a key role in modern organizational life.

To me, however, there's a clear difference between formalizing standard communication and eliminating casual interaction. An organization that deploys hAPIs could still encourage chatter over coffee and in the lunchroom, or shooting the breeze in a friend's office to recharge after a hard work session.

Making regular communication more effective doesn't require that you squash the irregular variety.

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xoxokadyn-blog · 7 years ago

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Chris Womersley's Playlist for His Novel "City of Crows"

In the Book Notes series, authors create and discuss a music playlist that relates in some way to their recently published book. Previous contributors include Jesmyn Ward, Lauren Groff, Bret Easton Ellis, Celeste Ng, T.C. Boyle, Dana Spiotta, Amy...

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xoxokadyn-blog · 7 years ago

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Chvrches' Lauren Mayberry Does A Dramatic Reading Of Omarosa's Book Prologue

Former Apprentice contestant and fired senior White House adviser Omarosa Manigault Newman has been making headlines this week with her new tell-all book Unhinged: An Insider's Account Of The Trump White House and the release of secret recordings she took of conversations with other White House staffers. And in the latest episode of Jon Lovett's … More »

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xoxokadyn-blog · 7 years ago

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The Ultimate Guide to Marilyn Monroe's Style

Some like it hot!

We've been breaking down our list of 16 classic fashion icons everyone should know. Last week, we covered Diana Ross, the reigning queen of Motown and 1960s trendsetter.

This week, it's all about cinema's brightest star, Marilyn Monroe.

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Tomorrow, August 5, marks 56 years since we've lost the famous “blonde bombshell.” But with every passing year, her image grows more and more beloved.

Marilyn's blonde hair, red lips, and beauty mark have made lasting style impressions on us all, but in the 1950s, she was known for being the biggest sex symbol of the era.

Her life has been written about and re-imagined countless times, like in the Oscar nominated My Week with Marilyn, or the ill-fated but still adored (especially by yours truly) TV series Smash. But there are a lot of sides to Marilyn you probably don't know about. Keep reading to find out more about her early life, film career, tragic death, and lasting legacy.

All About Marilyn

Fade In On a Girl...

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Marilyn Monroe was born Norma Jeane Mortenson in Los Angeles, California in 1926. Her father was absent, and her mother suffered from paranoid schizophrenia, spending much of her life in institutions.

Marilyn spent her childhood in and out of various foster homes and orphanages. (TW) During this time she was sexually abused.

When her last foster family wanted to move out of California, laws prohibited them from taking then Norma Jeane with them. Their solution was to have the 16 year old marry Jim Dougherty, the neighbors' son, so she wouldn't go to an orphanage.

Gentlemen Prefer Marilyn

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Dougherty was a marine and had to leave Norma Jeane behind for a while. Around this time, she was working at a factory and was discovered by a photographer to shoot pin-up style photos for the troops. (Fun fact: Marilyn always supported the armed forces and would go on to interrupt her honeymoon to perform in Korea, where the troops adored her.)

By the late 1940s, Norma Jeane had dyed her brown hair lighter and began a modeling and film career. She landed a contract with 20-Century Fox and chose the stage name Marilyn Monroe.

I never wanted to be Marilyn--it just happened. Marilyn's like a veil I wear over Norma Jeane. - Marilyn Monroe

It only took a few years for Marilyn to become a world-wide sensation. But she was typecast and sexualized in films as a the “girl next door” or the “dumb blonde." She often felt limited. She was devoted to the craft and trained in acting, hoping to play different roles.

There's No Business Like Show Business

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Marilyn had a bad reputation on movie sets. She suffered anxiety, stage fright, and low self-esteem (among rumored other issues relating to her childhood traumas).

To cope with this, she took dangerous combinations of drugs and alcohol. As a result, she often showed up late, forgot her lines, and could take hours to film a simple one-line scene.

But in the 1950s, people weren't understanding of her mental health issues, and the executives and men on set were cruel to Marilyn. She became co-dependent on her acting coach and friend Paula Strasberg, much to the dismay of her directors.

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Many biographers question Strasberg's influence, as she wanted Monroe to be a method actor; and though she encouraged Marilyn to go to psychoanalysis, she wanted her to use her traumas for acting.

I've spent most of my life running away from myself. - Marilyn Monroe

As she rose to fame with films like Niagara and How To Marry A Millionaire, Marilyn's personal life became a hot topic in the press. She married Joe DiMaggio in a passionate but doomed relationship which lasted just nine months. (After Marilyn passed, Joe continued to send flowers to her grave every week for twenty years.)

"We are all of us stars, and we deserve to twinkle."

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Tired of being underestimated, in 1955 Marilyn founded her own production company (the first woman to do so!) and partnered with Fox under a new contract that would let her pick her own movies, directors, and cinematographers.

She was a women's and civil rights activist, too. She notably helped Ella Fitzgerald get a break by demanding she play a famous venue and attending every show front row.

I don't want to make money. I just want to be wonderful. - Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn remarried to a playwright named Arthur Miller in 1956 and her career kept growing, but her personal health declined. Arguably her most famous and acclaimed film, Some Like It Hot, is also recognized for her famous bad behavior on set.

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In 1961, Marilyn divorced again, and in 1962 began working on her final film Something's Got To Give. But by then, she was severely dependent on substances and struggling with depression and other physical health issues.

Fame will go by, and, so long, I've had you fame. If it goes by, I've always known it was fickle. So at least it's something I experienced, but that's not where I live. - Marilyn Monroe

Something's Got To Give had to pause production to allow Marilyn time to heal, but the movie was never finished. Marilyn Monroe died in 1962 of a drug overdose.

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Today, she is still a symbol of style, beauty, and sex. But fans, critics, and biographers' attitudes have shifted towards her infamous behaviors. She's no longer seen as a wild party girl, and instead her personal traumas, mental instabilities, and dedication to her work despite it all are respected and championed.

Marilyn was a feminist and an artist. She demanded rights over her own career in a time when movie contracts exploited actors, and was a talented actress, who managed to sparkle and brighten up every second of screen time even in her darkest personal hours.

Fashion Inspired by Marilyn Monroe

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Marilyn's fashion is constantly imitated, usually with hot pink gloves or flowy white dresses, but I'll let you know now that we'll be taking a different approach. Yes, Marilyn was always in full-glam at press events, rocking the most stunning and expensive designer dresses you could imagine. But she worked closely with photographers to capture a different, more human side of herself.

Keeping it Casual

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Marilyn loved being photographed reading, as it was a major hobby of hers. And when not in costume or red-carpet attire, she sported a smart-casual style that was very trendy in the '50s.

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Products: Top - Boohoo, Bag - The Gap, Shoes - DSW, Shorts - Urban Outfitters

A turtleneck with short sleeves is total casual Marilyn, as is pairing that with high-waisted shorts. For a little bit of fun, get patterned shorts like stripes or houndstooth, which Marilyn has been photographed in before. Her daytime looks blended cute and sophisticated pieces into an original aesthetic.

Cutting Edge Color

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Marilyn loved color and could pull off a floor-length bright red dress or matching turquoise suit like no one else ever had or has since! Her extravagant personal style was so eye-catching because of her choice of figure-flattering shapes and bold, playful colors. Fun fact: Marilyn loved costume jewelry pieces and didn't like owning expensive ones.

Products: Romper - Forever 21, Blazer - Forever 21, Shoes - Old Navy, Bag - New York & Company

A more accessible way to add Marilyn's fun colors into your wardrobe is to choose one bold stand-out piece (like a jacket or jumpsuit) and keep everything else simple. Both on-screen and off, Marilyn mixed business-y, formal elements like blazers or button down shirts with playful and flirty elements, like low-cut tops or leggy bottoms. Choose your accent color and accessorize around it using the Marilyn method!

Let Me Be Your Star

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Okay, I had to do something glamorous for our last look! Marilyn loved performing, and that included putting on a show for her fans when she was out in public and taking gorgeous photos for publications. Shiny, shimmery gowns were a go-to for her.

Products: Dress - Boohoo, Earrings - Belk, Shoes - DSW, Bag - Windsor, Lipstick - Ulta

A low-cut, body-con gown is a must for a Marilyn feel on a night out, as Ms. Monroe was always making headlines for her ultra-feminine looks. She enjoyed the attention and had fun playing with her sensuality in outfits, so strappy heels and red lipstick, two sensual staples, are also classic Marilyn elements.

Will you be channeling your inner Marilyn?

Marilyn was a fashionista, and even over 50 years after her passing, we still look to her for style guidance! Her beauty and fashion won't ever be forgotten, but we'll remember her perseverance, dedication, and talent forever, too.

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Are you dyeing your hair platinum blonde? Will you be drawing on a beauty mark with some red lipstick? Let us know how you'll be dressing as Marilyn in the comments below! And for more information on Marilyn Monroe, check out these great sources:

Biography.com Marilyn Monroe: Fascinating Facts About the Real Woman Behind the Legend

Harper's Bazaar 20 Real Marilyn Monroe Quotes That Will Change What You Think of the Icon

How Stuff Works Entertainment Marilyn Monroe's Early Life

Mental Floss 14 Fascinating Facts About Marilyn Monroe

Vanity Fair Marilyn and Her Monsters

Wikipedia Marilyn Monroe

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xoxokadyn-blog · 7 years ago

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Roy Scranton's Playlist for His Essay Collection "We're Doomed. Now What?"

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xoxokadyn-blog · 7 years ago

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Beyond BumbleBFF: How to Make Friends IRL

Let's ditch the term "socially awkward" and put ourselves out there!

It's that time of year. School starts soon, and we're all either looking forward to the change or terribly dreading it. I know that while I always looked forward to new books and classes, I always dreaded having to start over on relationships.

If you go to a large school like I did, new classes means new classmates, which means starting over on awkward first interactions, learning new names, and dreaded group projects. Not to mention new clubs, new roommates, and even new jobs and coworkers.

If any of these things makes you feel panicky, then this article is for you.

Like it or not, these kinds of social interactions are a necessary part of life, both in college and out of it, and learning how to cope is a valuable life skill to start developing now.

We've all become familiar with the arguments about how social media is ruining our abilities to interact with people face-to-face (the cool kids call it "IRL," or, "in real life"). While some of these claims may be slightly over-exaggerated, there is something to be said for how social media has changed the way we talk to people and make friends.

An example? Apps like BumbleBFF.

In case you haven't heard of it, BumbleBFF is the cousin of the popular dating app, Bumble. Instead of helping you find THE ONE, BumbleBFF helps you find your new BFF 5ever. Using a similar algorithm, it's basically just a dating app. But platonic.

And like dating apps, there is certainly nothing wrong with getting a little help from the internet to find people with similar interests to you, who might have good friend potential.

But it's not the only way to find and make friends, and as you will eventually leave college and have to adult the hard way, learning IRL people skills is a must.

This might be hard if you're one of the many people I know and love (myself included) who have historically labeled themselves as "socially awkward."

And I have worn this label for a long time, until it suddenly occurred to me, as I expertly handled small talk as good as any refined lady of elegance:

I am not socially awkward.

I am socially uncomfortable.

It's not that I can't handle social situations, or that I make them more awkward just by existing in them, I just think those things are true. I tend to feel very uncomfortable in social situations, even when they're going really well, because I'm stuck imagining that everyone else thinks I'm awkward.

Sound familiar? Then you too, can be freed from the label "socially awkward!" (You can keep the mug/t-shirt/Pinterest pins if you'd like, though)

Ahead, I'll share some tips I've learned about starting friendships and navigating social discomfort.

Friendships IRL: The Decision

Like the old adage says, the first step to making new friends is admitting that you need friends.

The first step is always the hardest, because admitting a lack of something (like meaningful relationships) feels like weakness. But nothing is ever going to change in your life if you don't change something about your life.

So once you know you want to meet new potential friends, you need to commit.

Sign up for clubs, take on odd jobs at your local/campus newspaper, talk to the people you sit next to in class, or ask a coworker to lunch or coffee. If one-on-one makes you nervous, put together a Happy Hour outing or a game night, and invite a bunch of people.

Find your tribe! Just put yourself out there.

It sounds easier than it is - believe me, I know - but the first step is always the hardest part. It gets easier from here.

Friendships IRL: The "Profile"

Okay, so you don't carry around lists of basic info about yourself and a photo of yourself in the best possible light and angle (though that would save so much time!). But there are still ways to make yourself stand out, and communicate who you are without the aid of a “profile.”

This outfit screams personality - yours can too!

One huge way you tell people who you are is through your clothing. College Fashion has plenty of posts on awesome outfits you can wear every day, on nights out, to the office, or even to subtly tell people your favorite flavor of La Croix if you're looking for inspiration.

Some people will say things like “Dress every day like today is the day you'll run away with the Doctor,” or less-nerdy people will say “Dress like you're going to see your ex today,” or “Dress like you're going to run into your nemesis today” (don't pretend you don't have a nemesis).

When I know I'm going to a social gathering with a lot of strangers, I dress with two questions in mind:

Is what I'm wearing reflective of who I am as a person?

If I saw me, dressed this way, would I want to get to know me?

I like to ask myself both questions, because while sweatpants and a ratty tank top would give a resounding yes to the first question, it probably wouldn't give a yes to the second question. A blazer, some jeans, and a Star Wars t-shirt, though, gives a yes to both questions: a perfect outfit!

While we don't get the chance to summarize basic life experiences before we meet people (though wouldn't that be great), we do get a chance to have that first profile pic moment with what we wear and how we present ourselves. And so does everyone else.

Next time you're at a social gathering, pay close attention to what people are wearing, what they're doing, and the kinds of things they say. They're trying to attract specific kinds of people, just like you are!

Which kinds of people are you interested in getting to know? You can copy elements of their look and presentation when you're getting ready next time.

Friendships IRL: The "Match"

This is the moment where you start talking to someone. If someone initiates a conversation with you, it means they liked your "profile" - in other words, you've made an impression on them.

Don't sell yourself short by convincing yourself that someone is just talking to you out of pity or just to be nice.

If you're one of the newly-dubbed socially uncomfortable, try to stop thinking about what other people are thinking about you, and just be present. Focus on the conversation, not your anxieties, and you should do just fine.

For the genuinely social awkward, or for people who are less experienced in social interactions, I have a few tips:

1. Eye contact.

Not constant eye contact, to be sure, but do it often enough to convey that you're a real person, who's confident, and not a secret spy from a country so secret it's not even on the map.

2. Smile

Definitely do this when you first meet the person, and when they tell you things about themselves. Half of being good in social interactions is making other people feel comfortable, so even if you're feeling anxious, smiling will make you seem loads more competent, because the other person will feel so much more comfortable.

3. Say their name

Like eye contact, there's a fine balance to be struck here - it is possible to have too much of a good thing. A good time to say someone's name is right after they introduce themselves, and you shake hands or wave - you can say, “It's nice to meet you, [Enter name here]”. Repeating their name makes them feel seen and important, and will help you remember it.

(Bonus points: Smile *as* you say their name. It'll make them feel extra warm and fuzzy inside.)

4. Ask a question

Some people are like Small Talk Judo Artists, who somehow manage to turn everything back to you, and how your life is just so interesting, even when you ask them direct questions about their lives.

Don't stress about these judo artists, they either are so good at the small talk that they can't even tell they're doing it, or they genuinely don't want to talk about themselves.

Most people don't practice small talk judo, and would love a reciprocal or contextual question. Easy ones are “How about you?”, “How do you know the host of this event?”, “What are you majoring in?” or “If you could be a fruit, which one would you be?”

A question I got recently that I loved was, “What's something you love to talk about?” This is a great question to ask someone you've been chatting to for a little bit, and you've already covered basic family history, education, and work.

This lets them tell you how to talk to them, which is basically a socially-uncomfortable-person's dream. If they say they love to talk about movies, get them talking about movies. If they love to talk about their cat, then prepare yourself for pictures. You'll either stumble upon a great conversation well beyond the realm of small talk, or you'll at least have made them feel like you really cared about their interests.

If there's one thing to remember in first meeting anyone, it's that the number one skill in handling social interactions like a refined lady of class is to make the other person feel comfortable, and feel that they're important to you.

Remember: you can't be awkward if no one thinks you're awkward.

Friendships IRL: The First "Date"

Asking a potential friend on a friend-date can sometimes be just as nerve-wracking as asking a romantic interest on an actual date. But it doesn't need to be.

I have a rule for myself. If I like someone, and I would like to go get coffee with them and be their friend, then I tell them so. I learned this trick from one of my bestest friends, Mandy, who informed me one day when we were hanging out with mutual friends that she had a "friend crush" on me and wanted to be my friend. Turns out I also wanted to be her friend.

And the rest is history.

Getting someone's phone number to "hang out some time," is a great start - just make sure to actually text or call them. If you tend to forget these things, leave yourself calendar reminders to text them later, or better yet, make plans right away.

I tend to get nervous about the actual hanging out, because lunches and coffees demand a little more than small talk. So if you're afraid of having nothing to talk about, or running out of ideas, a little preparation can go a long way.

Come up with ideas for things to ask them. It could be about their significant other, their job, their favorite color, what they think of friend dating apps...literally anything.

Feel free to write your ideas down, but you don't need to. Having just thought through your strategy for the almost-awkward silences will help you feel much calmer going into the hangout, and you won't be doing the work of thinking of ideas in the middle of the conversation.

When the conversation is over, and you'd like to hang out again, make sure you say so, and then follow through!

If you're not into it, though, no harm done. You can politely shrug off any attempts they make to reschedule ("I'm really busy, so I'll have to get back to you"), and try again with someone new.

The goal with making friends is to find someone you'll really connect with, or someone you're willing to commit to. If you're not feeling it, don't stay friends with them just for the sake of having someone.

Other Tips & Ideas

If going to clubs, parties, or work outings just isn't your thing but you want to develop your people skills, there are still options.

A good place to start is by becoming a "regular" somewhere.

Starbucks is a great place to become a regular

Whether that's a coffee shop, a local diner, or a pizza place, going to the same places over and over again will give you lots of practice talking to strangers, and developing relationships over time.

These relationships might stay surface-level forever, or they might become lifelong friendships - I've personally experienced both outcomes.

If you already have plenty of friends and aren't looking for new ones, but want to improve your social skills, force yourself to talk to people everywhere you go. When you go to the grocery store, go to a line with a real cashier instead of self-checkout, and start conversations with baristas and waiters.

Every single interaction you have with anyone is important, whether it's a just a smile or it's a deep and meaningful conversation. Relationships are what make us human, and developing those skills, without the help of online algorithms, is what will change your life, and maybe others' lives in the process.

It might not be easier, but it's certainly more satisfying.

What About You?

Have you tried BumbleBFF? Do you consider yourself socially awkward or uncomfortable? How have you met some of your best friends? What do you love to talk about?

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xoxokadyn-blog · 7 years ago

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Mauricio Segura's Playlist for His Novel "Oscar"

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xoxokadyn-blog · 7 years ago

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Glassnote Sues Donald Glover Over Streaming Royalties

Donald Glover's former label is suing him over streaming royalties. TMZ reports that Glassnote Records, the independent label that signed Glover in 2011 and released all of his Childish Gambino material up until this year's "This Is America," has filed a lawsuit claiming that Glover has received over $700,000 in streaming royalties … More »

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xoxokadyn-blog · 7 years ago

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Debra Jo Immergut's Playlist for Her Novel "The Captives"

In the Book Notes series, authors create and discuss a music playlist that relates in some way to their recently published book. Previous contributors include Jesmyn Ward, Bret Easton Ellis, Celeste Ng, Lauren Groff, T.C. Boyle, Dana Spiotta, Amy...

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xoxokadyn-blog · 7 years ago

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Liz Crain's Playlist for Her Book "Grow Your Own"

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xoxokadyn-blog · 7 years ago

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The Disturbing High Modernism of Silicon Valley

A Revealing Memo

A couple weeks ago, BuzzFeed leaked a memo written by Facebook VP Andrew “Boz” Bosworth in the summer of 2016. It contained the following controversial passage:

“[Connecting people] can be bad if they make it negative. Maybe it costs a life by exposing someone to bullies. Maybe someone dies in a terrorist attack coordinated on our tools.

And still we connect people.

The ugly truth is that we believe in connecting people so deeply that anything that allows us to connect more people more often is *de facto* good.”

The reaction to this memo has been muted by the larger data privacy issues afflicting Facebook at the moment, but those who did object, did so mainly on the grounds that Boz was being callous about the potential for this platform to cause harm.

In my opinion, however, this memo contains hints of an even more insidious mindset…

The Disasters of High Modernism

In his new book, Enlightenment Now, Steven Pinker lays out a 550-page argument supporting the core Enlightenment values of reason, science, humanism and progress. Even Pinker, however, is quick to point out the danger of pushing these ideas too far.

Where we've gotten in trouble, he notes, is when we “[deny] the existence of human nature, with its messy needs for beauty, nature, tradition and social intimacy” - leading us to believe that we can radically reshape humans through technology and reason alone into a better, more efficient existence.

Political scientist James Scott (the source of Pinker's comments) calls this movement “High Modernism.” He's not a fan.

Scott blames the technocratic hubris of High Modernism for some of the great social engineering disasters of the 20th century, from Stalin's famine-inducing farm collectivization, to our own country's failed mid-century urban renewal projects, which, to quote Pinker, too often “replaced vibrant neighborhoods with freeways, high-rises, windswept plazas, and brutalist architecture.”

Technology has undoubtedly created massive benefits for humanity. But it can cause problems - shifting into High Modernism territory - when it ignores, or even tries to replace our complex humanity instead of working with it.

All of which brings me back to the Facebook memo…

From Utopia to Dystopia

What scares me about the leaked Facebook memo is not the passage where Boz acknowledges the harm this platform can create, but instead what he says next: “we believe in connecting people so deeply that anything that allows us to connect more people more often is *de facto* good.”

Why is this goal a “de facto good”? Boz elaborates:

“The natural state of the world is not connected. It is not unified. It is fragmented by borders, languages, and increasingly by different products.”

Facebook can fix this. As Boz explains, growing their reach is more important than their stock price and more important than creating great products. “[C]onnecting people. That's our imperative.”

I read these lines as arguing that the natural state of human interaction is hopelessly irrational and ineffective. Facebook hopes to replace this “fragmented” state of human sociality with something better; something that spans borders and languages; something that offers many more connections; something that can leverage big data and smart AI to direct our relationships in an optimal manner.

This vision is classic High Modernism - merely shifted from city cores and farm fields to the digital realm. It should, therefore, scare the hell out of us.

If you went back in time 15 years, and showed James Scott a draft of Boz's vision, Scott would almost certainly warn you that an attempt to reshape something as fundamental and messy as human sociality with a “better” technological solution would backfire in unexpected, dark, and painful ways.

This is, of course, exactly what happened. The shift from real to virtual connection paradoxically made people more lonely, depressed, and anxious, while simultaneously sparking unexpected increases in tribalism, authoritarianism, extremism, disinformation, and hyperbolic outrage.

Social media executives seem genuinely surprised by these outcomes, but at the same time, they're not overly concerned. As Mark Zuckerberg demonstrated in yesterday's congressional testimony, they see these issues as bugs in their master plan that can be patched with even smarter technology (Zuckerberg's new hope is that clever AI will save the day).

The study of High Modernism, however, undermines this optimism. The problem with social media's attempt to improve human sociality is not the details of its implementation, it's instead the very fact that they're pursuing such a utopian objective in the first place.

A Tale of Two Motives

This discussion of Silicon Valley's High Modernist aspirations injects extra complexity into our current cultural conversation surrounding social media.

In writing on this topic, I tend to describe social media companies as cynically addicting users to maximize the data they can then extract, package, and sell. From this perspective, the user is merely a pawn in the game of revenue projections and market expectations. Much of the recent coverage of Facebook's data privacy issues adopts this perspective.

The Boz memo, however, literally laughs at this notion: “[This] isn't something we are doing for…our stock price (ha!),” he writes. High modernism is more about perfecting human society than making money.

I think the most accurate thing to say is that both factors are at play and that they combine in complex ways. For a true believer like Boz, who has been at Facebook for a long time, perhaps this vision of upgrading human interaction is his primary driver. Zuckerberg, on the other hand, probably tempers this bold vision with the more pragmatic necessity to please his board from quarter to quarter.

I've come to realize that when thinking about social media, it's important to keep both motives in mind, as they spark different reactions.

When confronting the cynical side of the social media business model (as we've all being doing in recent weeks), the relevant follow-up question is pragmatic: How do we prevent these companies from abusing our private data?

When confronting the utopian side, by contrast, the relevant question becomes sharper: Should these companies even exist at all?

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