xtorturer

[xtorturer]

sayid jarrah: a summary 

[xtorturer]

Everyone gets a new life on this island. I'd like to start now.

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There was a fire within Shannon - even if others didn't see it. Sometimes, Sayid wasn't entirely certain that she herself believed it was there. So often it was squandered or nearly extinguished by others telling her that she couldn't do something - or that she wasn't good enough. No matter what he did, what they did, what they went through together - Sayid never wanted to be the one to make her feel that way. He wanted her to know, to feel, the worth that she was. Not only to him, but to herself. And if teaching her to defend herself was a step towards that - Sayid would gladly take it, no matter how dark the thoughts were on why she needed to know such things.

"It would be my pleasure," He assured her, his fingers lingering against her jaw, and a smile touching his own lips - hers having a contagious power against him. With her hand touching his, Sayid couldn't help but feel a warmth that had nothing to do with skin contact.

It was her reminder of sleep that even made him remember that it had been the middle of the night when they awoke to all the commotion, and while he had been alert for it, his past aiding to keep him with high tension -- she needed rest, and it would do him well to lay down and try to relax into something of sleep as well.

"Absolutely." He shifted, laying down once more, and careful of the new tenderness of his arm to allow Shannon the space to lay next to him. "Tomorrow after breakfast, willing, we can start."

Defense she could do - or rather, imagined she could do. Hoped to do, in all honesty. She knew that she needed to know more, with most of the island unexplored, it left plenty of enemies and not just of the animal variety. Humans could be plenty dangerous, she had seen, caused, and experienced that the hard way. Nodding to show she was listening, she looked up at Sayid.

She was grateful it would be him teaching her. He understood her, would actually take the time to teach her instead of writing her off as hopeless. No, he would help her and she was grateful. While she hoped to never use it, the unknown far outweighed the known on the island - she couldn’t and wouldn’t be left at a disadvantage if she could do anything about it. Learning to defend wasn’t just important for the sake of being important - it was survival and realizing that caused a small frown to appear, the what-ifs treading through her brain before she could stop them.

His hand brushing her hair behind her ear calmed those thoughts and it was in that moment, seeing his belief not only in his actions and words that he wasn’t just entertaining her or stringing her along - believing that she could actually learn to fight - caused a small smile to appear, a small flame flickering to life. “Well, if you don’t mind taking on the job, I’d be happy to learn,” she stated, her voice soft as she reached up to take his hand in hers and hold it against her cheek. “But we can try to catch a few hours of sleep beforehand, yeah?”

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"Perhaps she would." There was a smile touching at the corners of Sayid's lips. While he didn't know the young mother all that well, he had a feeling that she would be agreeable to their plight and gladly hand over a sheet or two to their cause. However, it fell, even if ever-so-slightly at the mention of Jack. It wasn't that Sayid did not respect the man, or wish to stay amicable with him -- but it did seem like anything that anyone did, they felt like they had to run it by him first. When it came to something involving the group, or what effects it would have on the majority, Sayid could understand. But the want to build a shelter? No, he felt like they should have to answer to anyone but themselves in the matter.

"I am sure anyone would understand." He told her, confidently, as his hand raised to cup her cheek. Eyes searched hers for a long moment, holding all the hope and happiness that he had found within them.

When the agreement came, Shannon felt something blossom in her chest - happiness. She was happy, here and now. Even if nothing came of the idea, the thought never taking hold in the real world, the fact that he agreed and wanted this - that was more than enough. Of course, having their own place would be a nice, welcoming change, one she wouldn’t mind making, but she could survive if it didn’t happen. They had already come so far, the agreement - the want - was just another step forward in what they already had.

“Maybe if we ask nicely, Claire might let us have a sheet or two.” She squeezed his hand gently. “It doesn’t have to be done today, but having a plan - the plan - it would make it seem real. Not just a thought in our heads.” There would be no telling of the amount of work, not until that plan was on paper, but she was willing to work, to make this work. It would be theirs, theirs alone - the thought of sharing even the thought of a house with someone was both exhilarating and downright nerve-wracking but she wasn’t going to chance her mind anytime soon.

“I mean, we can’t get started on anything until we talk to Jack really, can we?”

[xtorturer]

a few of my favourite things ☆ (40/50) female characters: shannon rutherford

everyone gets a new life on this island. i’d like to start now.

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He was slow to stand. Not only from the stiffness of sitting in one particular position for the extended time that he had - but because Sayid wasn't altogether certain that leaving the room, even if only to get her a glass of water, was the right move to make. Matters of the heart had never been his strongest suit. Too often Sayid had buried his heart deep within the exterior of the soldier he was expected to be. Except now, that life was behind him. It still had it's tendencies to peek through the cracks -- but there was new life now. Someone whole and different. Someone who was learning to be softer. Someone who showed him what it was to have hope again. To love again.

Pressing a soft kiss to the back of her hand, Sayid's fingers slipped through hers as he turned to leave her bedside. Just as soon as he was out of the line of sight from her, his now-free hand ran roughly over his mouth, smoothing out the jawline. His mind was racing -- too much -- all at once. That was always the way of it, for him. Sayid was an analytical person as it was. But this had matters of the heart mixed with the mind and moral compass.

Coming to the island counter in the kitchen area, the man braced himself with both hands against the counter's edge. Taking in a breath, he focused, reclaimed the moment and set to work getting Shannon's water. No matter what happened, she was his priority. She and the baby. He focused on that mantra as his steps carried him back to her bedside.

"How easily do you feel you can sit up?" He asked her gently, no trace of the steel in his voice from moments before.

Unmade Plans|Shannon & Sayid

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The Island had a way of showing people things that they needed to see. Not in the sense that it would bring a kind of fault joy, or things that they thought they wanted out of life -- but a deep seeded need. Brought on from lingering chains of an old life, or a guilt that threatened to drown who should otherwise grow stronger in their time there. The same was true for Sayid Jarrah. While Shannon's death was an unfortunate accident, and her time cut short from any chances to blossom even more than she had -- the wake of her death had seeped in so much deeper to the former solider, than he allowed to let on to anyone else.

Grief did that. And the Island sought to fix it. Even if it's means were a bit backhanded.

From outside of his tent there were noises. Not from the other survivors, nor the mysterious Others -- but something from lifetimes ago for Sayid. Though the sounds themselves were something that he would never forget. This was an execution waiting to happen. Someone with their head covered, bound and standing. Someone whose pleas would rattle in the man's memories for the rest of his life.

"I know what I saw!" Her voice called out, muffled from the bag and choked back with tears - but clear from outside the man's tent.

Nightmares on Replay Sayid/Sayid

@xtorturer

“Why don’t you believe me? I need you to believe in me.”

Sayid turned restlessly in his sleep as Shannon’s words haunted his mind. Once again, the Iraqi was kneeling before the woman he loved in the middle of a torrential downpour. He felt sick with worry for Shannon; they were so far away from camp. However, there was something else— another feeling much greater than the worry for Shannon’s well-being.

Guilt. He felt guilt.

“I do believe in you,” he whispered, staring straight into his lover’s eyes.

“You DON’T.”

Sayid's head jerked violently in the safety of his tent as tiny beads of sweat appeared on his forehead. The dream was happening again. Something deep within his subconscious told him to wake up, but like a prisoner within his own mind, Sayid remained asleep.

The rain stopped. He was back on the beach, standing shirtless in front of Shannon with a water bottle in his hand. With fear and desperation in her eyes, Shannon told him that she had seen Walt. Do not say it. Do NOT say it.

“It was a dream, Shannon.”

A shot reverberated in his mind, jolting the man awake. With heavy breaths, Sayid looked around the dark tent before a tear fell down his cheek.

What have I done?

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“When are you going to be back?” “If we catch him, before nightfall. Why? Are you worried about me?” “So what if I am?”

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LOST MEME: 10/10 Characters » Sayid Jarrah (سعيد جراح)

[xtorturer]

...

            The words had slipped from him before he had processed them. Sayid had known that he was near Danielle's shelter - her home - and had only hoped to pass through the territory without tripping any of her traps. While he did not dismiss the idea of hosting conversation with her, there were other matters at hand that had initially drawn him into the jungle, and near where she stayed was likely the safest route, even with all the trips and wires that were only potentially waiting to be set off.

           "My apologies, Danielle." Sayid corrected himself, one hand lightly touching his own chest, the other making a small open handed gesture in front of him, towards her, "I did not mean to intrude - this was just the only path I knew that would least likely be met with an unforeseen enemy."

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"I believe defense is your best action." Sayid agreed, shifting a little so that he could sit closer to Shannon as he spoke. It was not an intimate topic in the least, but the thought of all that she could succumb to on the Island... the fact that they weren't alone on it... it made the former solider uneasy. "If you are uncomfortable with fighting, all you need is just a moment to give you a chance to get away."

It was too easy to picture in his mind's eye, the dangers that the jungle posed even without another involved. He himself had fallen victim to a trap set by Danielle, and he had been on the lookout for such trips and triggers. But he didn't want Shannon to be completely unprepared for what could happen. There was no way of knowing how long they were to be on the Island, or what would become of them, the others, the camp, or anything else in the time that they were apparently allotted. So he would teach her what he knew. What she was comfortable with in knowing. In that affirmation, Sayid could only hope that she would never have to put that knowledge to the test.

"I only want for you to be prepared." He told her softly, "There are many things we do not have the answers to here, but if there is any outcome that can be controlled, it is how we handle what is presented to us." His free hand came up to brush away a flyaway hair from her face, tucking it safely behind her ear as his eyes studied her face intently. There was a fierceness that burned within Shannon. Perhaps it was years of having it diminished, or dismissed, but it was there, and Sayid could see that she was so much more than others had taken her for. Something real and raw was beneath the surface of her composure. He wanted to keep that safe. He wanted her to be safe. For all that was good in a terrible situation, Shannon shined the brightest for Sayid.

  Despite her want for her to know how to defend herself, she was a bit wary of the idea. She knew that despite the strength ballet gave her, she would never be able to hold her own in a fight. Cat fights were very different from those in a life-or-death situation and she waited patiently - though her patience held a bit of anxiety to it - for Sayid to think on the best course of action.

  She nodded her head in agreement. The motions were a good start and while she hoped that there wouldn’t be a time to actually use them, she had to be realistic. They were on an island, in the middle of nowhere, with plenty of the land left unexplored. There was no telling what or who laid out there and Shannon could tell - could feel - that there was much they didn’t know. Their small camp protected them, but as soon as they left the beach, all bets were off. No, it was better to have a small understanding of defending herself than to be left defenseless.

  “What moves were you thinking about?” she questioned curiously as she looked up at him. In spite of their small moment being taken over by the possibility of not-so-good future events, she still felt at peace. For now, she had Sayid and with Vincent at her side, that was all she needed. There was simply talking and with any luck, they could have a plan in mind for the next day and catch a small amount of sleep in the process.

  “I may have some upper body strength, but most of my strength lies in my legs. The defense portions I can handle, but, you know, outright aggression? I don’t think that’ll work for me.”

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He had to admit, Shannon's idea held a great deal of merit. Not that he thought they needed to earn any right or time to be away -- but it would prove both useful as a shelter, and time to spend with Shannon. Many nights when they had first come to the Island, Sayid had kept a large fire going in hopes that someone - anyone - would find them and get them all back to something more of civilization. Perhaps, in hindsight, Jack was right in his assessment of buckling down for whatever time they were meant to be there. So far, there had been no luck with the efforts to get away, so making the best of where they were was the better option.

Granted, supplies were limited and they would have to improvise a lot of the planning for anything of structural integrity... but that was completely beyond the point. She believed they could do it, and he believed in her. Looking at their joined hands for a moment, the corners of his lips hitched at the thought of somewhere truly theirs. It wouldn't be something rich or the best quality - but it would be theirs, truly, fully, and irrefutably.

"We'll need to find some paper." He conceded, looking back up to the blonde. "Lay out a plan for it, so we may have a better idea of supplies needed. With any luck, we should be able to find most of what we need on the outskirts of the trees."

  “A vacation home?” she repeated, her eyes lighting up at the possibility. There was no way they would ever get rid of the other survivors and some part of Shannon was loathe to leave the familiar surroundings of the beach and perhaps that was in part due to the people left there. She couldn’t deny though that extra time with Sayid was a big pull and as she looked at him, a smile gracing her features as he placed a soft kiss to her forehead, a plan began to form.

   Taking his hand in hers, she tilted her head. The idea of improving their reputation could not only work out in favor for them but the survivors as well. “What about this? We could do like you said, work on our reputation? We could start building but do whatever is needed around camp. By the time it’s finished, Jack’ll more than likely won’t mind letting us have some time to ourselves because of our hard work.” It was selfish, a bit, to only help for their benefit, but Shannon knew the other survivors would get something out of it as well. With all Sayid had done for the camp so far, he deserved a break and she - well, she knew she would work her way up to that point.

 “It’s a really hopeful thought, but it’s worth a shot. And even if it doesn’t work out with Jack and the rest of the camp, we would still have a place to ourselves regardless. So, we kinda win?”

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“…trust me.” “I do trust you.”

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For a moment, Sayid's eyes traced back to where Sawyer was laid up in a bed just beyond them. While the former solider didn't know how the other man had gotten in the shape that he had, he could stand to reason some guesses. Namely, the woman who had so thoughtlessly shot Shannon without due cause. Or the man that had tackled him, when anger and grief had all but claimed Sayid's rational thoughts. Whatever had happened to Sawyer, he was certain that they were the cause of it. Scanning the room for Michael or Jin, he saw neither of them, and could only assume that they were with everyone else. Perhaps that meant that the group had come too. Whoever they were, whatever they wanted, Sayid's nerves prickled at the thought of them.

"I don't know." He confessed to Shannon softly, before his expression steeled over for a moment, "But if they have, she will come no where near you." There were things in his life that he had done that he would forever regret -- but keeping Shannon and their baby safe by any means or cost would never be one. "I will make sure of it."

If only for a moment, he could have sworn that there was something in Shannon's voice, the way that she questioned. At first, he thought it was a reservation about the situation in general - and no one could blame her if that was the case. However, as soon as his words had faded in the air, he wasn't entirely certain. Something more, something deeper. But his statement stood, and he would much rather have dark stains upon his already unclean hands, than soil hers. Swallowing down his thoughts, Sayid looked down for a beat. Closed his eyes and breathed in.  Giving her hand a small squeeze, he stood, his voice much softer than it had been moments before.

"Let me get you some water."

Unmade Plans|Shannon & Sayid