xxtxicwastexx - Tumblr blog

[xxtxicwastexx]

Hey, so this isn't my normal content but I've been struggling with some stuff lately and I had this thought that helped me out and I wanted to share it. So this might be a bit self indulgent but just bear with me (or don't. Just scroll if you want to).

So I've always been called a "gifted kid" and when I started hearing it in kindergarten and 1st grade I felt so proud of myself. I thought that it meant I was smart and I went throughout elementary and middle school still being proud of it because it meant I grasped topics easier than most kids and I had no use for studying. But when I hit high school, I started struggling with my work more, classic "gifted kid burnout". Advanced classes, topics that were very hard to comprehend, and moving at fast speeds meant that I was drowning in missed deadlines and sub-par grades. I'm still going through that now.

And when I thought about it, I couldn't figure out why I am doing so bad compared to my middle school self. It wasn't that I didn't understand the subjects, but I just couldn't meet all of the assignment deadlines that everyone else did. And I couldn't understand how they did it. Until a thought popped into my head.

So this is gonna sound really pretentious because I'm using a metaphor, but it was really the only way that I could make sense of why "gifted kid burnout" is a thing. And this is what I came up with:

So being gifted as a kid is basically like being really tall in the shallow end of a swimming pool. You are so tall that you don't even need to make the effort to swim like the kids who can't touch the bottom. You actually move faster than them because while they are just learning how to swim, you can wade through the water like its nothing. So you just keep on wading though this water as it starts to get deeper and deeper. But it's okay because people keep telling you, "Oh you're so tall for your age" so you think you won't ever need to swim like those shorter kids do. And those shorter kids keep catching up with you because they are getting all of this practice with swimming. Suddenly you find yourself in water that's up to your chin. You never thought it would get so deep you couldn't touch, but now its getting close to covering your head and the kids who know how to swim already are passing you. You have to keep going but you can't swim so now you're drowning in water too deep because you never learned how to make that effort to swim. You are still taller than those other kids, but you never learned how to keep your head afloat.

And yeah this might now help anyone, but I needed to get it out there because it really helped me take a step back and learn how to put the effort in before trying to go in deeper water when I'm already drowning in the water I'm in. I am trying to learn how to study and work hard to achieve those grades that used to come naturally for me. So I wanted to share in case anyone needs to know that they are still smart, they just need to learn how to swim.

[xxtxicwastexx]

So I don't lose these

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[xxtxicwastexx]

Being ambiamorous and in a monogamous relationship is knowing and respecting that your partner isn't comfortable with a polyamorous relationship but still occasionally wanting one. Like I'm happy in a monogamous relationship but sometimes I fantasize about being in a polyam relationship. I just read polyam fanfics instead though

[xxtxicwastexx]

I love you people with neurological disorders, I love you people with neurological diseases, I love you people with neurological issues, I love you people who have issues with motor functions, I love you people with memory issues, I love you people with speech problems, I love you people who have spinal/brain/neurological damage, I love you people with dementia, I love you people who have violent mood swings, I love you people with Alzheimer’s disease, I love you people with Parkinson’s disease, I love you people who are prone to/have epilepsy and seizures, I love you people who have had strokes and anuerysms and I miss you people who didn’t make it because of them, I love you people who get migraines, I love you people with muscular dystrophy, I love you people with meningitis, I love you people with multiple sclerosis, etc.

[xxtxicwastexx]

depending your entire mood on another person is absolutely pathetic and i hate that i’m like this

[xxtxicwastexx]

Being sexually assaulted is not your fault and it never was.

[xxtxicwastexx]

{!} [tw: sa]

i don’t think allistics realize how easy it is for autistic people to get sexually assaulted/harassed without even knowing it

the amount of times i have been told that i was being harassed/about to be assaulted without picking up any of those apparent signals is ridiculous

i’m still trying to figure out what interactions count for platonic, familial, and romantic ones

so whenever someone i consider a friend does something to me/with me, i just consider it a friendly interaction and eliminate any negative factors (friendships are supposed to be positive, right?)

but when my mom pulled me aside to talk to me about one of my friends getting increasingly touchy with me, i genuinely didn’t understand what was wrong with it

my confusion was mainly due to thinking “but he’s just cuddling with me because he’s my friend, any action we do should be considered a friendly action?”

this puts me in the line of fire so much because i build a sense of what these cues are by what other people treat me and others

sadly this means being taken advantage of is so prevalent in the autistic community

we’re learning as we go, therefore we’re constantly subjected to harassment and assault while just thinking it’s one of those social things we don’t understand and we just need to accept it and move on

[xxtxicwastexx]

Neurodivergent culture is fearing independence but also wanting it so bad.

[xxtxicwastexx]

autism: I do NOT like having no idea what I'm doing

ADHD: wait, what was I doing?

[xxtxicwastexx]

nd culture is quadruple-checking the date and an event that happens on said day because you are worried you're reading something wrong, and figuring others will either correct you or agree with you

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[xxtxicwastexx]

I think if I get top surgery I won’t tell my parents, and will just be like “yeah I dunno they fell off??” the next time I see them

[xxtxicwastexx]

aro-spec ambimorous culture is wanting multiple partners, one partner, and no partner all at once.

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[xxtxicwastexx]

Ambi amorous culture is dating a monogamous person who gets your identity but can still be insecure about being chosen over so you make sure to let them know how much you love them and just direct the rest of your romantic attention to fictional characters and nonexistent partner roleplay audios as an outlet

@ambiamorous-culture-is

[xxtxicwastexx]

Ambiam culture is loving the idea of The One™️ but also wanting multiple partners 🥺

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[xxtxicwastexx]

ambiamorous culture is not knowing how to pronounce ambiamorous even though you identify with it 😭

Yeah, that’s fair! It is an odd one

[xxtxicwastexx]

I hope all the aroace polyamorous people know they’re valid and valued as fuck and cherished to the moon and back. I see you. you don’t need to live up to the standards people try to push onto you. you’re allowed to be comfortable with whatever works for you and I love you. we love you

[xxtxicwastexx]