xye1907

[xye1907]

Me time is a must 🌻

[xye1907]

Hahahahaa tawa ko ah. Gin padako na kmo na tadlong ka parents nyu? Seryuso nana??? Ahahahaha okay.

[xye1907]

[xye1907]

I miss US 🥺 Happy monthsary 😭

[xye1907]

Kapoy nako 🥺

[xye1907]

Hello, my friend.

So 2 weeks ago nagpa plot ko VL kay off nya is fri sat.. talagsa na lg kame abi ga dungan sa lamesa kaun kg ka very short sang mga inoras na maupod ko sya. Isa kame ka balay pero daw taga other country kame sng schedule namon. Ayun! Na approved na ni scheduler and timing man mga sweldo so ma gwa kame ni page..

Sadly :( na changed off sya ki balik na sya QA.. pro wala nako choice kwaun kona lg VL ko kay plotted kg sat sun sya so my isa pa ka day na makasabay ko sya :)

Gin surprised ko sya gina sng aga. Gn sugat ko sya sa work kg gn agad mamahaw kg coffee..

It was all magic and happiness until 😭😭😭

Gin pukaw ko sya sang ugto kag g. Hagad makaun kme ka bata dungan kay mapa 888 kame bakal bayu ky bata ki waay na mayu gamitun..

I noticed nga ka distant sia and gauna sya lakat.. wala ya kame gna hulat n page..pro gn hold ko gd dyapun emotion ko..

Ng abot kame sa balay halin tinda, ga luto ko sud an samtang gapa mutang nilabhan sa cabinet.. kapila ko sya ee plssss nga himuson ag dpat.. ga plss nako nga tingbon lg phuway sa gb.e ky aga pman pgka aga work ko but instead of bulig phone and lalisay..

And adlaw na gstu ko tane saja kg nami na guba.. gstu ko lg bulig kg time pero gina pag kaila pa skon..ngaa amo ni haw??

Kis a gina question kona s Lord if deserv ko gd man ni bala or ano ag dako2 ko nha sala ngaa gaka tabu ni sa akon.. amu gd kona kalain klase tawo in my past? Ano man??? 😭😭😭

Gapangayu ko effort kg oras pero wala ko my gaka ksa or batun at all.. i mean ga effort mn ko.. patas man ko mg care kg palangga.. subra2 pa gane pero ngaa wala may gaka bilin skon haw?? Ngaa wala sng para skon?? 😭😭😭

Amo na lg gd na gane gina ask ko oras, effort, pagpalangga, kg pag atipan na lg gd wala pa.. nd pa ma hatag2 or ma kwa2.. 😭😭😭

Kapoy!!! Kapoooooooy na gd ko ya toud2 lang gd 😭😭😭😭

Tama nani bi plssss nga pasakit kg pabudlay plssss lang 😭😭😭

[xye1907]

[xye1907]

[xye1907]

itsssss me again katie!!!

soooo 3 days na akong sabug, cranky at wasted

hindi ako nag dudruga huh at hindi rin ako naka inum.. ahahahahha utak ko yung sabug..

[xye1907]

I hate eating alone until I realized na being alone is a reminder na wala gid man iban na maka bulig kg ulikid sakon kundi self ko.

I decided to skip dinner since ako lang man isa makaun kg galain na nman paminsaron ko.

After I went sa cr ng change akon mind and mkaun na lg ko..

Then natulala kosa table asta na noticed ko na empty kg wala ko upod kg ako lg gakaun tudu like gutom2 ko.

Ka sad kay u are expectng na my ara person na mka sabay smo sa amo n oras kg tinion pro ag person na gle is self mo lg

Daw ka adlaw nako ga OT pra may extra sa sweldo.. pro tata sweldo wala japun bilin :(

Kapoy2.. ara balang kakaunon ka pro ga skip ka meal mo or luch kay ga tipid ka pra magamit nyu po bakal nyu sud an pgka gbe or next day..

Ara balang gstu mo makita bata mo lg mksabay kaun pro nd ki need mo mag extend sa ofis kg baka ubra. Halin 8AM asta 10-11PM pg abot mo masleep nsa.. sa off mo OT dyapon..

My partner ko?? Nd ko sure toud2.. ara man guro ah.. kapoy na gleng :(

Daw masuka nako. Gutom2 ka pro matubi kna lg pra tipid.

[xye1907]

Kalain sa feeling noh? Ara ka sila kong kinanglan ka nila kg kong galain mga matyag nila. Pero wala na sang para simo kung ikaw na galain mtyag. Wala na sila kong ikaw nman ga kinanglan sang pag atipan kag pag palangga nila. Unfair gd man ang kalibutan ah. It's okay self! Batu lang ya kg padayun ah.

[xye1907]

Hi again my dark self 😔🥺

It's almost 5 AM and I am wide awake.

Oh, yes!!! I am wide awake ahahhahaha.

So a couple of hours ago I had a fight with Ralph.

Normal, right? What so new pa beh??

I barrow his phone and blocked his first ex!!!

A week ago or a month I think, I saw he is still following her on Instagram and in FB.

I asked him why and he answered ma na "ano gid haw? Issue naman?"

Nag away man kame that time but I let it passed although I saw na gina heart-heart react nya ang PP ni ex and post.

A while ago as I said, I blocked her sa SMs nya.

He reacted aggressively and he total get mad at me.

Yes! He told lang naman nga...

"INSECURE KA?"

"PA PRANING KA NAMAN?"

"HASUL SIMO"

"DAMU SIMO ISSUE SA KABUHI MO"

"TOUD TUODUN KONALANG PANGBABAYE"

This triggered me and of all the people in the world.. Sya gid ya mismo nag remind sa akon sang amo ni nga mga tinaga..

The most painful line is...

"WALA KO GANE GA REKLAMO NGA WALA NA PARA SA AMON TU SA BALAY KI ARA NA TANAN SIMO KAG SA BATA MO"

I know he is a good father to page BUT this one hurts.. I never expected he will say that 😭

From now on I promised my self na ma bakabaka gid ko ubra kag indi mag ngayu sa iya inug gastu sang mga gusto ko para sa bata ko.

Tanang nga OT hap an ko gid para ka suput pra sa bata ko.. Kung amo man lg ni gale nga galain bout ya ki wala nsa para sa pamelya ya ko ara d tnan sa amon ka bata ko.. indi na lang..

Another thing is he reminded me of my insecurities and mental health issues.

I do not know if he is fully aware nga sakit ni sa akon..

As much as I would like to stop and control this.. I am losing it.

I know sa self ko na insecure ko and praning.

You don't need to remind me of my downside.

I am fat because of the pills I am taking just to provide him pleasure but I am getting this???

Not again. I learned my lesson now.

Fuck you kamo sakon!!!!

Instead of comfort amo ni gaka kwa ko.

I am always pleading for a bare minimum when in fact that is very basic.

Tssk! I will treat you how you treat me.

Now have a taste of your own medicine.

I will like and follow men, my ex, and the one wanting me..

I will heart and react to other mans post.

Pabatyag ko simo ano ang insecurity na gina tawag, ang selos, ang sakit, ang tnan nga gina pabatyag mo skon balik ko smo.

I'm so done Ralph.

Na lab ut kona ang point nha wala na gd my na bilin.

Sorry but you created this version of me.

Babalik ako sa dating ako.

I will be back. Stronger and wiser.

You will never see me cry again nga ag rasun ikaw.

Gamitun mko para sa convenient mo???

No. Wala kana asahan nga my batyagun pako aa sbong simo.

Gin ubos mko.

Sugud sbong nha adlaw, Dec 6, 2022

Self kona gina pili ko. Hulaton kona lg mag give up ka kag makipag break.

Nakapoy nako simo kg kong paano mko tratuhun.

Ibalik ko gd ya ang Kate Roan Gacho nga

Gwapa, niwang, wala insecurities, strong,

Palaban, wala na hadlok bayaan, kalmado,

Wala ga pills, gina una ang bata, alam,

Talented, wala my gina hadlokan, maldita.

Indi mo gid ma namian ang ipakita kg epa batyag ko smo.

Amo gid ni gina ambal ko nha kahadlokan mo kong ako na mag las ay kg wala paki alam.

Indi mo gid ko mabatyagan daaaw!

Halongan ko gid kg pabakuron self ko.

Para sa bata ko kg para mismo sa kaugalingun ko.

[xye1907]

Hi ;)

It's been a while since I wrote about my feelings.

I don't know why I stopped writing 🤦

I know that I have a time and chance but it is so tiring explaining your feelings and situation.

Most of the time I will just sleep, scrolling phone, or just sleep.

I learned that it will ruin my inner peace and it is a waste of energy if I deal with things and people that I have no control with.

I am here to share something important and deep.

I have no one to tell and we should keep this as a secret 😉🤣

Lately or should I say this last few months I've been falling out of love of the man of my dreams?

Is he really the man of my dreams?

I don't know and I don't think so but surely I prayed to have a man like him.

I cannot explain the reason but I can sense that I don't love him the way I do before.

I am not crazy in love with him anymore.

My feelings fade and so my care.

You know!! Like of you want me ok and you don't it's totally fine.

I got tired pleasing him and begging for a bare minimum 🤷💁

I am not afraid to lose him anymore.

I am so done and over him

Not done in relationship but done like,

If he wants to lie, do the wrong moves, or shut me down? I will not care anymore.

His words do not matched his actions.

He is so used to tell me things that do not go inside with his actions.

I do not deserve this at all.

I repeat, I do not deserve this type of love or situation/treatment.

I deserve more than this.

I am not breaking up with him.

I am giving him chance to realize his faults and his actions.

I will no longer correct him or chase him.

I am done with that.

I will do my part and if he still don't think that there is something wrong him?

Then I don't think that our relationship would still works.

Love and patience is not enough to make it work.

Me fighting and correcting what needs to be corrected is not enough if he will not check and fix his words and actions.

Sadly, I came to the point where in I am not sad or disappointed when he will do something wrong.

I am hurt and mad.

I am so done.

[xye1907]

Heeyooo 🙄🥺

I dont know if people is aware that it is very hard to explain shit in ur head!!!

Pressure all over!!!

Well yeah!!! Hell yeah!!!

I decided to resign from work

And I am really prepared to end this shit!

Am I really prepared?? :( Fucking no!!!

So there u goooo.

People started asking me if I am sure with my decision and if I got a new job since I decided very early..

I cant stay longer!!!! I just cant!!!

I am so fed up and the place, the people and the process!!! ESP the management!!!

I really wanna get a new job and liv that fucking place!!!!

I really wish everything's ok!!! But no!

Its not ok! I am not ok! I AM FUCKING NOT OK!!!

I am worried all of the sudden about being hired, getting a new job ASAP and get pay 🤦

If people around me is worried?

I am more worried and anxious.

U know! I wish I can just sit here and wait for my mom or the other fam member to pay the bills or wait for my partner to do it..

But that is not ok. I need to do my part as well..

I cant juts depend on my man, he is still supporting his family as well

I cant be "pabigat",

I cant ask him to pay the bills for the meantime or budget his earning while I am still looking for a job 🥺😭 its not that easy

And besides I grew up paying my bills, buying my wants and doing my part using my own money..

I am not like any other girls out there!

(I think I should be proud of my self for that)

I am a strong independent woman!

I will get a new job! I will be hired!

This week I will get a phone call that will change my career. AMEN!

[xye1907]

I received a message from someone who's courting ma a long time ago unexpectedly.

Its nice though someone still remember and appreciates me.

But he not what I want or I love.

He is not the one I am expecting to react.

I am expecting my man to react like that

I was expecting my man to response something sweet.

I was expecting my man to appreciate me.

I was expecting like:

Mine!, Thats my wifey!, I love you!, Gwapa!, Wow..so pretty/hot nman this girl!

But no hahahahaa.. I received nothing! Not even a smiley reaction ahahahahaa..

Expectation kills us and will damage our feelings esp our beliefs.

And yessss I will not delete that comment!

He supposed to be that man but he is not.

He used to tell me sexy,pretty,beautiful, i love you, but now?? Yes he still, maybe? Sometimes.

It makes more sad that other guy can appreciate me but not my man.

I wanted to share this pic. I cant sleep thinking why I dont have Ralph Jason Polvos anymore

Ang Ralph nga gapangaluyag skon..

Ang Ralph nga ga lagas kg ga palangga skon..

He used to post me everyday :) / myday??

Not anymore. He changed and so am I.

And maybe we are on our way losing this relationship.

I am losing hopes and feelings at the same time.

Or maybe again I am just EXPECTING something that will NEVER happen.

😭 I am badly hurting

Another thing is ... He used to spend his breaks or Lunch with us, i mean lay beside us.. make me sleep or page but not anymore.

I feel that he is slowly losing interest and feelings as well..

I dont know.. he is the one making me feel it.

I hopes he knows it.

God pls let me sleep. I want to sleep na gid 😭

I just want a hug to make me feel safe and loved maybe..

I no longer have a bff.. Ralph used to be my suer bff but wer best enemies now..

We argue too much every single day.

I am tired.

[xye1907]

We used to be; me and you against the world but now it is me vs you. Where did we go wrong?

I miss us 😔😭