ya-gurl-emily

[ya-gurl-emily]

it is absolutely essential to have friends you can have extremely insane pervert conversations with. this is kind of what makes life worth living

[ya-gurl-emily]

[ya-gurl-emily]

[ya-gurl-emily]

Tumblr is good for creative types because the tag system lets you be truly deranged about how much you like it without feeling as Exposed as a Comment Section

[ya-gurl-emily]

[ya-gurl-emily]

I tap the mic. “Most people don’t want to crawl down your chimney and steal your dog.”

the crowd murmurs uncertainly.

“If someone wants to steal your dog,” I continue, “there are easier ways to do that. They don’t have to crawl into a chimney.”

Murmuring intensifies. People stand in their seats and begin to boo.

“People disguising themselves as chimney sweepers and stealing dogs is not a rational fear,” I shout. “Literally anyone could steal your dog. Why make sweeping chimneys illegal?”

“I have a list of chimney sweeps who stole dogs from parks!” Someone yells, throwing a shoe.

“You seriously think no chimney sweepers could possibly ever steal from a home?” Another cries.

“Only a dog thief would even want to crawl into a chimney to begin with!” Says a third.

A single tear rolls down my cheek. They are all so fucking stupid

This is a metaphor

[ya-gurl-emily]

[ya-gurl-emily]

Underrated form of intimacy:

The quiet discussion and good-luck affirmations between you and the person helping you don your armor. The comfort of knowing that the straps and buckles are perfectly secure, because the person who did them up loves you more than words can say.

[ya-gurl-emily]

🪨

🪲🌱🪱🐛🐌🌱🌱🪳🦗🪱🪱🌱🪲🐜🐜🐜🪱

[ya-gurl-emily]

theyre inventing the opposite of ozempic that actually makes you happy. and theyre calling it yummy foods and treats

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just saw a furry go "ugh pup masks are the worst thing to happen to the furry community" and it's like what are you talking about those are your cousins, at the end of the day you're both pretending to be gay dog men, i think it's just an aesthetic choice at that point

[ya-gurl-emily]

Being the only bi cis guy amongst almost exclusively trans friends and peers is wild because in theory its like im living in a horny manga where all of a dudes friends turn into hot babes, but in reality they are hunting me like the last bison on the prairie. 5 years ago I mentioned bionicle and one of them asked when I was starting estrogen.

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It will get cold again eventually. The summer will not last forever. I’m not doomed to live in this unbearable heat for all eternity. <- said while gripping the countertop so hard that the tile is starting to crack

[ya-gurl-emily]

my deltarune theory

[ya-gurl-emily]

Happy pride month to my dad. When I came out as bi to him, this man googled what it ment, look at me and said "ohh. Yeah. You get that from me. You'd have far more siblings of I only shaged women." And went right back to his work emails.

[ya-gurl-emily]

*first time using gay slang* you look like you're wearing a wig!! and you look like a cunt!!!

[ya-gurl-emily]

when mutual tell me two fictional men i dont know had gay sex