yaelz-xrazy

[yaelz-xrazy]

I love staying up until 4

[yaelz-xrazy]

why is my sleep sched so shit

[yaelz-xrazy]

Wow, I didn't eat breakfast and lunch

So cool

[yaelz-xrazy]

Why is my dad so desperate to make my brother an entrepreneur

[yaelz-xrazy]

Man, thank u so much for that comment

[yaelz-xrazy]

The older I get, the more I start having bad grammar

[yaelz-xrazy]

Just wait until I get good at poetry

[yaelz-xrazy]

I actually wanna kill myself if I fail in my exams. Because then, I disappointed my dad, my teachers, and the whole family

Today, I decided not to join the Chess try-outs for varsity or for the intramurals because of how scared I am of opponents, and of losing. Im a literal sore loser in games, it's annoying. Even if I tried, I'd lose interest in playing and in trying. I can't bring myself to play in tournaments or simple games. During my break, I tried to compete against my seatmate, and I actually realized how stupid and clueless I am in making moves. What was I supposed to do if he killed my pawns? I only followed my dad's opening, he only taught me how to checkmate someone easily. It's a struggle, really. I've lost motivation to even try playing chess again. I've never won a round, and I've never made a great move.

My only talents that I'm 'good' at, are drawing and singing. But so far, I've noticed that my drawing is worse than the rest, so much better and so neat. Hell, my worst fear is poster making. Why? Because my creativity sucks. I HAVE to get references from Pinterest and even COPY some. I want to be recognized not only from my voice. Singing is the only hobby I'm good at..

My brother, he's the best at everything.. singing, mathematics, all the subjects basically. Also good at playing chess.

It's like I'm the sibling who doesn't have good qualities or talents. All the intelligence and confidence went to my brother. I always thought that I'd be better than him, since I am the youngest and seemingly the most talented back then.

This fucking problem in my life is anxiety or being shy. It's so fucking annoying I wish it just disappeared. I can't stop thinking about what others think when IM on stage, when IM speaking publicly, or when I'm playing a game. It's like I was meant to be alone. Thw thing is I don't think I have a voice, I don't think that I have the confidence to actually step in and defend myself or maybe speak for myself. I'm such a pussy at reporting and in anything I do. I'm the goddamn problem, I'm fucking dependent. I need someone to help me develop in life.

I thought, I THOUGHT, I'd be better in highschool. but it's like hard for me. It's hard to focus and maintain such high grades from when I was an elementary student.

I just want to make emy family proud. Everyone thats determined to see me rise and take that spotlight. I'm just going farther away from it. So don't depend on me, please. I'm not a golden child..

[yaelz-xrazy]

Why am I sick

[yaelz-xrazy]

This stuoid car led me to die in forsaken

[yaelz-xrazy]

3 brochures. Both due on Friday and one due next week

I will rip my hair out, I am not joking

[yaelz-xrazy]

ID pics are horrible

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Aw hell nah

[yaelz-xrazy]

Hell.💔

[yaelz-xrazy]

Who uses AI when you can use google

[yaelz-xrazy]

i HATE poems!

[yaelz-xrazy]

My stomaaaaa