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[yahwehstheway]

Prayer.

There’s so much going on, I don’t know how to keep up

Drugs fill the streets while war has begun to erupt

Harsh videos are posted, of the world we live in today

It’s hard to watch, when did we decide these actions were okay?

I’m trying to trust in my Savior, believe he has a plan

Looking for a way out, looking for His hand

Good has become evil - as He said it would

The worst part of all, Evil has truly become the new “good”

i wish just for a day, the world could stop 

Turn off our phones for a little, and let the millionaires sales drop

Where has our obsession of showing the world how great our life is?

When did we start caring about celebrities words, instead of His?

My heart breaks for those who understand

Pushing the ones they love closer, to reach for His hand

I’m just so tired of fighting - tired of trying to prove my stance

So I will pray to Him, because with prayer... I always believe there’s a chance.

[yahwehstheway]

Motions

Sometimes I forget the reason I am here. I fall into the motions and the days turn to months. Procrastination has become a lasting hobby and one that wasn’t hard to master. I often look back on my college years, if only then I were to have the mindset I do now, life could be so different. There are so many things I wish I would have just paid attention to. I was so fixated on my shitty relationship and what I was drinking that coming weekend. Why didn’t I care about basketball? I mean, that was the whole reason my schooling was even paid for. Why didn’t I care about knowledge? My mom wasn’t kidding when said that was one of the most powerful things you can have. I only cared about partying... and the only reason I wanted to party and drink and have “fun” - a toxic relationship I refused to come to terms with. Looking back, nearly 5 years later, what the heck was I thinking? 

I really asked for the bare minimum. I lost my morality and core values and tricked myself to believe I didn’t need respect from a man to be in love with him. I didn’t need social media posts, or the “i love you” - He was a challenge from the moment I knew him, and maybe I was naive. I was so naive to believe I could change someone like that, but in that thought - he changed me. 

After years of adultery, emotional abuse, manipulation, I still didn’t leave. I didn’t leave until I absolutely had no choice. Who knew living hours upon hours - countries - apart, could be the best thing to happen to me just by the luck of the draw. Months went by and I started realizing the people I needed most, were right along my side the whole time. I felt so lost, but at the same time, found. I fell in love with being a kid again, at 22 years old! My mom became my very best friend and no longer someone I couldn’t talk to, but the first person I wanted to tell anything - good, bad, exciting. Everything. My dad became more involved in my life. He talked to me more about things I never imagined talking to him about - love, happiness, depression. The relationship with my parents has only grown since. My brother, wow. My appreciation for him skyrocketed once I stopped being the immature, spoiled little girl I tried to be growing up. He became a friend like no other, and honestly, we have a great sibling relationship - I couldn’t ask for a better role model, I truly do look up to him but I’m not sure that he knows that. 

Anyway - I guess the plan all along wasn’t meant to be easy. A straight stretch to a final destination. Heartbreak and toxicity can change people. But we all have a choice on how we can choose to let it effect us. I may feel stuck in the motions, but after realizing this is just another season, I am happy for the future and content in the present. Life can be one punch after the other, but the flowers remind us why the rain was so necessary. 

xx

[yahwehstheway]

Hi, I’m Cassi.

I can still remember my fifth birthday. I was wearing a light blue shirt with a sparkly pink design on it. We had Power Puff girl themed hats and tablecloths. My grandma and grandpa were present, my best friends got me the coolest gifts, I was surrounded by giggles, love, and innocence. 

I am now less than two months away from 26 and I feel like I’ve hit a brick wall. Adulting isn’t everything it’s cracked out to be. The days at home, I took advantage of when I was younger. Going to friends homes, whom I no longer speak to, instead of enjoying the time with my parents... Being on my phone WAY too much when I am supposed to be listening or spending time with them... How could I have been so blinded? I should have known the time would fly. Now, 2.5 hour’s away...and the transition was hard. Knowing your mom is at home with an empty nest can really put things into perspective for you. The way I used to make her feel so crappy about not wanting to go out with other moms is actually embarrassing. Why did i want her to be like other moms? How could I not see she’s like no other mom I’ve ever come across in my entire life. She’s everything I want to be and more and I wish I would have seen that at a younger age. 

Instead of regretting all of the time I spent worrying about the materialistic things of life or trying to change people into something they’re not... I gave my heart to someone I should have given my heart to long ago. Jesus. 

Growing up, I went to church with my grandparents down the road. “Sunday School” is really the only thing I knew it by. At that age, I truly only looked forward to the snacks. I remember the man who usually spoke to all of the kids, his name was Jeff. Literally, the happiest and most genuine man I have ever met. I didn’t know that until much, later in life though. 

My grandparents moved into a senior living condo complex after my grandpa had a fall on ice, breaking his shoulder and fracturing his hip. After that incident, we sort of stopped attending church. It was just to hard to get my grandpa around; he never really was the same after that.

Once my faith took a left turn, I never took the time to learn about God. I never picked up a bible but I called myself a Christian. I never repented for my sins and I probably only prayed to Him before a big exam or when I had a big game, or maybe when I felt ill. I’m not saying my heart instantly turned cold and I stopped believing God was real or believing in morals; that’s just not the case. 

I call it my own journey. With highways, and hills, and mountains... the most scenic route you can think of and it’s nowhere near finished, (at least I hope not). But I’ve reached a mountaintop. And the view is beautiful. 

This page will be my journey, my journey with Christ. 

[yahwehstheway]

[yahwehstheway]

perhaps we will never fully understand the many reasons why God allows us to walk through hard seasons. seasons that feel so dry and empty. seasons that bring a storm of tears. seasons that bring us to our knees in full surrender, reminding us we are not strong enough to walk through this alone. but perhaps we don't need to fully understand God's reasons, because even if we did, the hurt would still be the same. the questions would simply multiply. and our hearts would break a little bit more. we may not always understand God's reasoning, but we can stand on the firm foundation of His goodness.

[yahwehstheway]

[yahwehstheway]

[yahwehstheway]

I can relate to this

[yahwehstheway]

And like the sun, we will rise again.