yarnofatale

[yarnofatale]

TF2 Incorrect quote

*On the topic of a mission*

Scout: Wait. There's only one bed in the room? Whoa. No way. I'm not sleeping with Sniper. I'm not like gay or something. Can't I just get my own room. Like, I'm not gay.

Sniper: Mate. Just because we're sharing a bed doesn’t mean you're gonna be waking up to a fresh cup of my dick up your ass.

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Spy: Demo? What are you doing here?

Demo, wearing a hawaiian shirt, sunglasses and holding a gatorade: My best.

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Demo: Where is Spy?

Soldier: I'll do you one better, who is Spy??

Engie: Here's a better question, why is Spy?

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Heavy : *lifting weights*

Medic: Wow… They’re so intense!

Sniper: I wonder what drives them.

Heavy, internally: Oh I am going to be SO good at giving hugs.

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Soldier: Many people are mildly dehydrated and don’t realize it. You should drink at least six glasses of water per day.

Heavy : No, eight glasses!

Sniper: I heard ten.

Spy: You need to drink at least five glasses of water per minute.

*later…*

Engie: Okay, I just read through every study I could find to try to figure out whether low-grade dehydration is even a real thing.

Soldier: What did you learn?

Engie: If you spend all day doing research and forget to eat or drink, you start to feel pretty bad.

Heavy : I’ll get some water.

Engie: But how many glas–whoa, feeling dizzy.

Medic: Maybe you should just drink straight from the tap.

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Scout: Engi! The Pyro has a knife!

Engi: I'm sure they're fine.

Scout: *Has a knife in his side* Oh wait, I have the knife.

Engi: You'll be fine.

Scout: Engineer.

Engie: What?

Scout:*Inhales*

Scout: The Pyro just stabbed MEeEeEeE

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Engie: *Kicks the door open, looking panicked*

Medic: What did you do?!

Engie: NOBODY DIED!

Medic: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

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Demo: Time for plan G.

Spy: Don’t you mean plan B?

Demo: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

Soldier: What about plan D?

Demo: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

Medic: What about plan E?

Demo: I’m hoping not to use it. Scout dies in plan E.

Engie: I like plan E.

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Soldier: There. How do I look?

Scout: Like a cheap French harlot.

Soldier: French?!

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Scout: I knew this day would come... I saw it on the calendar.

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Medic: Heh, Heavy sneezes like a girl.

Heavy : How about I pound you like boy?

Heavy : That didn’t come out right.

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*The Team is at Home Depot*

Sniper: *Fell in the cacti display while wandering around the garden section*

Medic: *Lounging on the display couches*

Scout: *Tokyo Drifting one of those flatbed carts down the aisles*

Soldier: *Stealing paint chips for aesthetic purposes*

Heavy : *Just wanted some goddamn lightbulbs and everyone ruined it*

Demo: *In the car sleeping*

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Heavy: What do you three have to say for yourselves?

Sniper:

Soldier:

Medic: Oops?

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Heavy: So what color are the walls of your room?

Scout: My walls are white I think.

Sniper: He's lying, I’ve been to his room, it’s pale yellow.

Scout: No, it’s white. It just looks yellow because of the ceiling light.

Sniper: Your wall looks like someone rubbed butter on them.

Demo: Your walls look like someone threw dandelions at them.

Soldier: Your walls look like someone put post-it notes on them for 3 hours.

Medic: Your walls look like you bought a can of yellow paint, and instead of opening it, you just sat there thinking about the possibilities.

Sniper: The color of your walls is the La Croix of yellow.

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Scout: Fight me!

Sniper, standing behind him and holding a knife: *mouths* Do not.

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Engie: Though I admit I don’t know much about you, I am feeling pretty confident in my assessment that you are probably some sort of sick deadly fuck.

Spy: Who told you my secret?

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Heavy, ordering coffee: I’d like a light roast.

Scout: You're kinda ugly.