yasminsrant-vent

[yasminsrant-vent]

“Blaring” Music

If there is one person who makes my life an actual fucking hell... it’s my bitch of an aunt and sometimes the spoiled rotten cousins that I am living with. For those who don’t know, I can’t stand to sleep in the silence, especially at night. So I play my music to put me to sleep AND I HAVE IT ON REPEAT BECAUSE I LIKE TO SEE WHAT I’LL END UP LISTENING TO WHEN I WAKE UP. I use my iPad as my source of music and USUALLY I HAVE IT AT A FUCKING LOW VOLUME BUT SINCE IT WAS AT THE END OF THE BED TO CHARGE, YES THE VOLUME WAS UP BUT NOT “BLARING”. My youngest cousin loves to claim that I play “scary” music when in all fucking reality, it’s a playlist that Spotify made called “Under the Stars” but since I have it at such a fucking low volume. Hell, I even have my iPad being COVERED by something to reduce the sound so I can only hear it. I fucking hate earbuds and I don’t want to sleep with my headphones on, that’s fucking uncomfortable. LIKE JUST NOW I DECIDED TO LISTEN TO FROZEN’S SOUNDTRACK (no fucking hate or I swear) SINCE THAT WASN’T ALL THAT SCARY BUT WHEN I “WOKE” UP (I was in that stage where your eyes are closed yet you can hear everything) SOMEONE FUCKING PAUSED MY MUSIC INSTEAD OF JUST TURNING IT DOWN. I’M GETTING SO FUCKING SICK OF HEARING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I’M NINETEEN FOR FUCK’S SAKE NOW YET STILL BEING TOLD BY MY AUNT TO NOT HAVE ATTITUDE. SHE TRIED TO TELL ME THAT I NEED EARBUDS AND I’M LIKE “WHAT??” YEAH OF COURSE I’M GOING TO HAVE A FUCKING ATTITUDE BITCH. YOU’RE TELLING ME THE SAME SHIT THAT I ALREADY KNOW. I EVEN TRY TO LOOK FOR SOMETHING THAT IS ACTUALLY PRETTY AND SOOTHING. GUESS NEXT TIME I’LL ACTUALLY BLARE MY FUCKING MUSIC AND PLAY SOMETHING LEGIT SCARY. I’M FUCKING ANNOYED WITH AUNT SOUNDING ALMOST LIKE A BROKEN RECORD. SHE DOESN’T WANT SKYLER TO GET USED TO MUSIC BEING PLAYED AT NIGHT. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN????? If I ever go back downstairs I’m to do that without an attitude. Fuck her. HOW CAN THEY NOT LISTEN TO MUSIC WHEN GOING TO SLEEP???? THAT FUCKING BAFFLES ME. IF I’M OVER A FRIEND’S HOUSE, YEAH I’M FINE WITHOUT LISTENING TO MY MUSIC since I guess you could say I feel more safe???? BUT SINCE I AM FUCKING HOME, I WANT MY MUSIC BECAUSE SURPRISE, SURPRISE!! I AM TERRIFIED OF THE DARK, SPECIFICALLY THE SOUNDS AND WHAT MY ASSHOLE OF A BRAIN LIKES TO CONJURE TO SCARE ME. I WANT TO FUCKING LEAVE THIS PLACE SO BADLY BUT IDK WHERE THE FUCK I WOULD GO. I WANT TO BE BACK HOME WITH MY MOM. SHE UNDERSTANDS. No wonder why I’m fucking miserable... because I’m surrounded by spoiled-rotten brats. 

[yasminsrant-vent]

Facebook/Friends

Okay we all know Facebook sucks because people on there suck. BUT LIKE IT’S ONE OF THE WAYS I CAN COMMUNICATE WITH MY FRIENDS... or at least, what I consider to be friends.  One of my “friends” shares something, I comment: absolutely nothing. Not even a like or a reply back. Someone else comments: gets a like.  I KNOW I’M NOT THE GREATEST PERSON IN THE FUCKING WORLD BUT SERIOUSLY?? THAT JUST MAKES ME UPSET.  Plus I see SOO MANY PEOPLE ONLINE AND NOT ONE DO I TALK TO. So sometimes I’m just considering to delete literally everyone or just even stop going on Facebook.  “Why not delete your account instead?”  I don’t want to. There’s too many memories on there that are good that I don’t want to lose.  Not to mention, my birthday is coming up soon (eleven days as this rant/vent was made) and... I don’t know who the fuck to invite this year. Since my junior year in high school to the time I finally graduated, I barely talked to my friends. I don’t hang out with anyone anymore. I DON’T EVEN HAVE A REAL LIFE BEST FRIEND ANYMORE. I DON’T KNOW WHO MY REAL LIFE FRIENDS ARE ANYMORE. DID I ANNOY THEM WITH MY DRACULA NONSENSE??? DO I JUST ANNOY THEM IN GENERAL??  ...I just miss being with an actual person but even when I do get the chance to talk to someone... I get overwhelmed and don’t know what to say.  Have we really grown that distant from each other?  Is the only thing I’m ever going to be known for is Dracula/vampires?  What am I lacking that isn’t making me a good friend?  Someone please tell me...  I’m begging of you. 

[yasminsrant-vent]

Upset

First of all, before I get to the whole thing: I want to thank my friend that did suggest that I have a rant/vent tumblr. It’s nice to get whatever off of my chest to a place where I don’t have that many people who actually know me. So I thank you.  OH HOLY SHIT BEFORE I FORGET. Remember the last post? The Hotel Transylavnia one? Well, turns out that motherfucker had joked and we even PM’ed each other and it didn’t get pretty. (Btw I’m at the hospital due to appendicitis, as of now I’m feeling much better!) So that’s settled, but I plan to get even. Play fire with fire.  Now onto what this is REALLY about.  Soo... I shared another video, only this time regarding Donald Trump and it was about vaccines causing autism. Naturally, I put my own little opinion in there and what happens? SOMEONE COMES ALONG AND COMMENTS THEIR OPINION. Now, I don’t mind others’ opinions but I hate rude we seem to make each other sound. So, of course, a comment-war begins and finally one point she was like, “You don’t think you’re sounding like a bitch??” and just as I was about to make a comment, I quickly deleted what I typed because I didn’t want to look like a fool. SHE THEN REPLIES THIS HUGE COMMENT. IT WAS TERRIBLE. I felt like shit and I’m going through a dilemma actually while still at the hospital and to see all of that made me cry again.  I’m fucking 18 yet there I was, a fucking cry baby.  After that, I just decided to unfriend and block her. I even met her in person through a group called PMP (Playwright Mentoring Project) and she was actually really nice but personally I also felt she was seeking attention. I’m very sensitive and if what I did is considered “childish” to you, then you can just unfollow me right now because there is nothing else I can fucking do on the internet and it’s not like I’m going to call the police. That’s taking it to a HUGE extreme and I’m not THAT kind of person. Anyways, screw life.  

[yasminsrant-vent]

Confused

Damn... recently I shared a video on Facebook, which was for Hotel Transylvania 2 (no regrets) and suddenly a friend that I have there said, these are their exact words, “saw the first one and i hated it”.  Naturally, I did reply saying the following:  “Well then keep that opinion of yours to yourself. Don't hate on the things that I like. If you got nothing nice to say, then zip it and move the fuck along. If you're just saying that to then say that you're joking, yet again, to be quite honest it isn't funny. You are either joking or not. Here on the internet, you need to make that clear. Anything can be misread on the internet.” That said friend replied back today saying this: “good god its just an opinion you can like the movie if you want we all have are opinions you like i didnt the end :/” I looked back at a stamp that I have on deviantART that says stuff about opinions and how I won’t hate someone if they hate my favorite whatever. I’m not saying that I hate this person, but I am saying that I am a little hurt and what I really hate is how something can be so easily misread on the internet. So now I’m just plainly confused. I’ve been confused for awhile. What does one do?    

[yasminsrant-vent]

Wow

That awkward moment when you make a rant/vent blog and there’s barely been any... wow.  Someday though... there will be a rant. 

[yasminsrant-vent]

it’s them

[yasminsrant-vent]

This song basically tells you my life story. 

[yasminsrant-vent]

When family/friends "tease" me about my interests

What they think they're doing: good harmless fun :)

What they're actually doing: making me more paranoid, making me ashamed of what I like, more distrustful. More likely to hide all my interests and not want to open up to anybody.