yeeron

[yeeron]

1.4.2023

Thank you Tumblr for giving me a space to vent myself out

I have been so sad these few years… I couldn’t help to feel how pathetic I am

I have never feel myself so pathetic

What I have done

I sacrificed my happiness my freedom for a person who I don’t love

and eventually made both of us this tragedy

It’s even sadder than I being single

But thanks for this relationship I know how it could be when I am loved… before I have very low self esteem… I never think I deserve to be loved

But now I think I have repositioned myself, value myself.

Moving forwards, I will only do the things I love, I will love myself even harder!! Love u Chan Mei Ching ur such a wonderful human being 😘

[yeeron]

so sorry… I know ur extremely disappointed.. during ur hard time, there is no one at ur side to support you… but just a shell to on and off asking u… like her job…..

I’m so sorry.. indeed… watching you become like this…….. I did things without thinking and on and off making the whole thing worse than ever…

Now my only wish is you can get well soon… other things will be figure out-able

I needa learn to be cold and stand strong too…

I’m such a pk… I’m glad you can wake up

不打擾是我的溫柔

[yeeron]

So-called last day

6.3.2023

after all these years, being in such kind of unsuitable, twisted, uncomfortable relationships, I dropped my tear… yes becoz of sadness, also becoz of the weirdness of all these, being so pathetic…

I being so pathetic, wasted so much time…. Just becoz I met this weird guy… I feel upset angry annoyed and uncomfortable… I feel sad for myself not being to get out of this efficiently… damn me

[yeeron]

6.3.2023 Sunday cool ⛅️

Thanks god for letting me know all these. The truth will reveal itself, what I always believe 🪷

if he really does so, sorry no more… no more chance… no matter what excuse..

no more talk, everything to be ended

I will then embark on a new journey ⚓️🎒🌂

[yeeron]

2023.2.26

Omg times flies

again I can’t help to disregard him… I feel uninterested, I know how bad it feels if being ignored by a person u want to be with…

But I just can’t help… I even felt nth when I saw he keeps messaging with his ex lol.. how ironic… I truly feel nth but kind of like expected (instead I feel it should be in this way 😅) that’s the Anson I know lol… coward, little, selfish, self centered, negative, insecure, weak, fragile, dark.

Thanks for reaffirming me on this.. it made me trust my intuition better than ever.

upcoming, I needa trust my guts. be the best version of me. Be kind.

on the other hand I feel anxiety.. I don’t know how my future would become

[yeeron]

19.2.2023

能夠脫離的感覺很好

今天一早就自己一個去按摩，然後吃brunch

去交收，然後回家

很寧靜

甚至想起他跟別人聯繫我更多的是祝福，很慶幸他可以放得開….

我心中的負擔頓時減輕不少

睡了個覺吃過了愛心粥之後

回到啟岸，又是那個可憐人

omg… 對不起..

但跟他聊起了天，我立刻覺得很辛苦，立刻頸項就塞住了 sigh

Can u leave me alone

[yeeron]

2023.2.17

回家真好，可以做個小女孩真好😴

放鬆下來後才真的感覺到我很累了😫嗚嗚嗚

我對著他連真實的情緒也不能流露 真可笑真可悲

你說你的病是我造成的，那為什麼你不離開我，不放我一條生路，我現在的境況就像那句話「簡直就是地獄，明知道是個錯誤還是繼續往前開」

我哭的權利都沒有。你知道我有多痛苦嗎？

但你不明白，你說你知道 那你有放過我嗎？我覺得真的很很很痛苦

然後有趣的是 他暗中認識其他女仔。其實沒問題 那你好好放過我，重新認識其他人啦。這樣我只是感到很嘔心…. 🤢

怎麼你這麼的low, 佷鄙視你，gross

但除了以上我沒有感覺的，很想你跟其中一個好好發展 我可以全身而退 dorsot dorsot….

希望我儘早可以全身而退 獲得喘息空間😿🤧😵‍💫😵

其他年齡焦慮什麼的 我都顧不上了, 我要先free 我的soul 再説其他

after all, 我衷心希望他得到幸福，如果他找到一個可以相愛的人 我會真的很開心

[yeeron]

25.1.2023 /26.1.2023 (1am)

It’s been so insane…. So insane that I couldn’t realised this is insane

I was fascinated while being sooo painful and overwhelmed

I truly wish u never appeared in my life

It brought me pain and fear only

I was a mess in the past 2 years… since I nod my head on 22.3.2020

I was dragged in the loop of pain and sanity

omg…. I’m so proud I survived after all these

I have under estimated him being such a crazily attached person…

Finally I realised he’s trying to emotionally manipulate me… or as a kind human being how would you not let me go if u saw all the pain I suffered from?

I needa be my own saviour or no one else

CMC wake up, heads up and live ur life happily no matter what and who around u!!! Love you CMC

P.s. remove him from your eyesight in order not to arouse ur negative emotions..

[yeeron]

2022.12.30

I am so sorry… I feel really sorry… I should not nod my head back to 21.3.2020…. That’s a mistake.. I am so freaking sorry………

it’s not about how hard we should work on it… it’s my willingness… I don’t like the feeling being around u… I would rather be with myself if I feel good….

sorry to drag u in… sorry for sacrificing ur relationship and happiness… I wish I pray for ur fortune and happiness coz you should not go thru all these..

U r such a sweet and lovely human being.. just not my cup of tea… I wish one day (soon) you will realise I’m not the right one for u. Anson, I love you but I cannot be with you.

[yeeron]

3月？ 至從發生那件事後已經差不多一個半月了，非常不實在和可怕的個半月。

嗯，複雜的心情.... 可能也是我的記性不好使然😅 我很難清晰地說出這段時間自己的心情。

我想我一開始花了很多時間去把情況預想得最壞最可怕最黑暗，把他想像成壞蛋一號。

可怕得我渾身顫抖

我不停地loop 跟他相處時的回憶，試圖找出破綻，去印證他是欺騙我 是一個壞人。

但另一方面 很多跡象顯示他應該真的很喜歡我，雖然喜歡得有點病態，和他彆扭的性格是不容置疑的。是一個超級麻煩友。

但我又說不出地覺得跟他一起心情很不安穩。尤其不跟他在一起時我會瘋狂地把他想得很壞

但每次跟他

[yeeron]

2020.12.13

昨天去了他新家打掃🧹

1。臨尾時試床，他擁著我溫柔地跟我說：你都好想有自己屋企係咪？見你好想擁有自己嘅屋企，同你住一定很幸福，被你照顧得很好。

2。🐰好勤快，睇得出你由細到大都做開家務

他溫柔的語氣和說話，我那刻很感動，不禁淚滿盈眶，不知他看到不😿

[yeeron]

流淚不止

2020.12.6 凌晨4點

2點多才睡，4點半自己醒了，一睜開眼眼淚就流個不停。

唉，天父，謝謝你，讓我隔著電話也知道這種事。

再次被欺騙的體驗，我不知道我流淚不止是什麼原因。

是再哀悼逝去的真摯關係還是哀悼自己之前愚蠢地不相信自己的直覺，還是感到❤️被狠狠的甩了一個耳光。

其實很久以前我就覺得跟他沒有連結，我曾經不太相信愛情，覺得找個人應付這個社會對我的枷鎖壓力就好了。遇到他以後才知道跟一個不在同一頻道的人溝通有多辛苦。

我們一直在糾纏，我不斷浮現很不舒服的感受，一方面卻害怕已經到適婚年齡，找不到歸宿。於是一直在直覺都尖叫著讓我停的時候咬著牙忍下來了。

這絕對不是我想要追求的感情，我並不喜歡他，讓我說一個我衷心欣賞的優點我說不出來。不是說他沒有優點，是他暫時沒有令我心動我願意決定跟他一輩子。

不過我還是以自己的直覺為傲，我一邊忍受的時候，我特別不開心我沒有很喜歡自己，我需要把自己的優點壓下來，以顧慮他的自尊心。

他也沒有在欣賞我真正的優點，只一味說著都是我的問題。我這麼多問題那你為什麼喜歡我，忍下來，你也是奇葩吧！把自己塑造成深情小王子般，把所有的過錯都怪罪於我身上。

他的彆扭的性格，小氣，摳門兒的氣魄... 我一直跟自己說每個人性格不一樣，我聽了他的話，覺得每個人要互相包容，沒有人是完人。

哈（冷笑）還有一個問題，我的敏感度真的很低... 其實最近他好像對我的話已經顯出不耐煩，其實不就是一個警號麼。

陳美清，勇敢點，你要繼續走下去💪🏻 天父會關顧著你的，昂首闊步走下去🥲

[yeeron]

idk about you guys but I think this is the best video to ever exist

posted by: @gekiomi

[yeeron]

It takes so freaking long for me to figure out...

no blaming... it’s all my problem... I sld have figured/ sensed it out earlier...

A person with a kind heart ❤️ sld be able to connect with me... u can see the beauty in their every aspects...it’s the spirit of greatness... no counting, no dirty mind, no evil heart, no selfishness....

So it’s time to say goodbye :) i can find a better person... no matter what age

[yeeron]

Hmmmm... my sis said sth which like so inspiring to me... 我好似俾自己玩死咁.....

我好明顯好唔開心，我不斷用自己講會更好的，不斷twist 自己嘅mindset... 不斷同自己講：俾d時間，試下先，感情可以培養，性格可以磨合。即使內心深處知道事情未必好起來...

煩人如我，好想就這樣對這段關係一了百了。

對唔住........ 我實在唔想傷害你，但這樣為了一起而一起實在太痛苦了。

[yeeron]

Wow.... 果然相信自己的直覺最沒錯...... I was real shocked when I saw it.... it’s like the cold from the bottom of my heart...

Think more objectively.... it’s actually a normal act.... but well.. given my standard of ethics is quite high, I don’t think I could accept a person who is so good at lying.... but of coz, I will hear the explanation from him....

很鬱悶 很心寒.... 原來感情被騙是這樣的感覺........ 原來對一個人失望是這樣的感覺。若果我用情更深，一定十分十分痛苦.... now my world is upside down aldy....

OMG.. how to proceed next... god pls guide me 🙏🏻

[yeeron]

唉

為什麼是這麼苦這麼折磨人的，苦得我快要哭了。

唉

我究竟在做什麼！？

已經四個月了，好像我們的感覺還沒align起來，落差還是很大......

點解佢咁鍾意我啊😫 我真的不知如何是好了

究竟是我自己的問題嗎？但我實在隱若地知道完跟他應該是有緣無份的😢是十分悲慘的故事

但與其二留在一段痛苦關係中 不如乾脆俐落地斬斷吧！