yenteleh

[yenteleh]

every day i try to remember that the rabbis of the talmud were like “don’t waste your energy trying to explain a thing to someone who has already refused to listen” more than a thousand years before tumblr existed

(source)

[yenteleh]

Laws of Sefirat Ha'omer & Shavu'ot by Rabbi Yonatan Nacson

Rabbi Nacson has been kind enough to share his work on Sefirat Ha'omer & Shavu'ot. (From the InstaRabbi app)

[yenteleh]

Pesach cleaning is overwhelming, yes, but this year I have a plan. And haven't left it to the last possible moment. Got a whole schedule starting from today until BDCH. My kitchen is small. It's gonna be fine.

The plan:

[yenteleh]

My beit din is in a few months so naturally I’ve been having some thoughts re: gender identity.

I’m in this weird place where I’m openly nonbinary to friends and even causal acquaintances, use masculine language for myself and am seemingly in a good place about how I view myself. At the same time, I haven’t outed myself in religious spaces and thus pushed away the imminent confrontation of how I want to approach certain mitzvot. I’ve talked a lot with a friend about bringing your entire self into yiddishkeit and that really resonated. To deprive this aspect of my identity of Judaism, and to deprive my Judaism of this aspect of myself feels wrong.

I’ve been thinking about my Hebrew name. I have a list on my phone, has had it for years now, adding and taking out ideas as I progressed. I think I might settle on a combination of feminine + masculine name. It’s not something I’ve brought up with my rabbi just yet, but it’s high time that I do, even if just to give him some context on why I want my name(s) the way I do.

[yenteleh]

i think about this post a lot

[yenteleh]

The two reactions to jewish law

[yenteleh]

Unstoppable force (my rabbi saying he’s happy with my progress, impressed with my knowledge and the depth of my halakhic questions) vs unmovable object (me stressing over not studying enough)

[yenteleh]

It’s time to tackle the ultimate challenge for me - Birkat Hamazon. I know I don’t have to know it *by heart*, but it’d certainly help - I doubt I’ll ever achieve the reading speed required to keep up with it. Any tips for learning it? What worked best for you? Reading it over and over again, audio recordings?

[yenteleh]

I was supposed to have a meeting with my rabbi yesterday but I mixed up the timezones (something I’ve specifically triple checked for and…well) and so we had to reschedule. The first available slot was next week, during my work hours (so were all the other slots for the rest of the month), so hopefully I won’t have any actual work meetings during that time.

It’s even more frustrating because I have things I want to discuss - somewhat paradoxically, my last venting post about how I’m losing direction has propelled me into slowly finding that spark and going back to small, day to day observances. Finally finished reading Klein’s Guide to Jewish Religious Practice (very informative, but painfully dry, I’ve been picking it back up every few weeks for a year) and going back to Cohen’s The Observant Life.

[yenteleh]

I got the rest of the tattoos I’ve wanted within the last two months because I still haven’t figured out how I feel about doing it post-mikvah.

[yenteleh]

I love you Leonard Cohen

[yenteleh]

Yesterday in shul during the part of the Torah service when you say the shema, I saw a very tiny child in front of me cover his eyes very quickly when we started saying it and then his mother giggled and started to remove his hand. If you know anything about the shema and the Torah service you’ll know that when you say shema you cover your eyes, but you don’t when it’s part of the Torah service. I just thought it was so cute to see this tiny child obviously recognize what we were saying and go “oh! I know what to do here!” And then you could see the learning in real time! Absolutely adorable. Seeing little kids participating in and understanding Jewish rituals is so so special to me.

[yenteleh]

I fell like I’ve taken a few steps back.

I thought the constant back and forth commute between where I currently live and City where my shul is would be manageable (2,5h train ride), but I’m so deeply exhausted from not having a weekend where I can just stay in and rest. I’m lucky enough to have good friends with whom I can stay over for Shabbat, but it’s not my home, you know? I’m always on the go.

The Masorti community I’m a member of is falling apart and for various reasons, there’s no saving it. The Reform one is riddled with conflicts that I have no interest in. The other Reform rabbi won’t let me attend his shul unless I convert with him and there’s little place for me in the Orrhodox one. There’s no shul here I feel comfortable in and I still have many months to go before the beit din and then what? Still got no place to go unless I make one or move away entirely.

I’ve been so exhausted it’s been hard to keep up any observance besides kashrut (which I’ve been keeping a long time so it’s not much of an effort). I work remotely so I wake up two minutes before clocking in and go back for a nap right after I finish the day. Wake up, watch YouTube and go to bed proper, rinse and repeat, every single day.

I want to get back to practicing so much, maybe start with something small like modeh ani or brachot and build up from that, or just get back to reading. Judaism used to be such a comfort for me. I need something to get me excited about yiddishkeit again. I’m meeting with my converting rabbi in less than two weeks and I have no idea what to tell him.

[yenteleh]

Lighting Candles on Sabbath and Rosh Hashanah, Sao Paolo, Brazil, 1986

[yenteleh]

Hey, weird question, but I've stumbled on your blog via jumblr and I think we've crossed paths irl during giyur. Can I hit you up off anon or is that too awkward? I'm facing a lot of similar issues (re: being disconnected from a larger community, queerness and observance, interfaith relationships, being a bit unmoored in everything etc) so would be good to chat about that. Can also share a way to make vegan challah taste good if you're still looking! No pressure though, feel free to ignore this

Hi anon, of course, I’d love to chat :) feel free to shoot me a message anytime

[yenteleh]

The Torah ends with the last command: to keep writing and studying Torah. And this is epitomised in the beautiful custom, on Simchat Torah, to move immediately from reading the end of the Torah to reading the beginning. The last word in the Torah is Yisrael; the last letter is a lamed. The first word of the Torah is Bereishit; the first letter is beit. Lamed followed by beit spells lev, “heart.” So long as the Jewish people never stop learning, the Jewish heart will never stop beating. Never has a people loved a book more. Never has a book sustained a people longer or lifted it higher.

Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks zt"l, Covenant & Conversation: Deuteronomy p.304

[yenteleh]

Just had a meeting with my rabbi and if all goes well, beit din in September 2025/Elul 5785 🥰